Best insult comebacks

[Byere]

I think my best one was that I was talking to an old lady at work about football/Soccer (it was about the time of the last World Cup). When I said I wasn't interested in it, she asked what I liked to do in free time. I said I liked to play video games. She, very snottily, said "When any old person can press buttons" to which I just turned to her, handed her her change and said "Well any 3-year old can kick a ball round a field". She gave me the nastiest look and just stormed away.

wow i would love to be your customer!!

I'm not always that witty, but it was good at the time

 

[AAA1]

Person1 "Your gay!"

Me "What do you have against gays?"

Not much of a comeback, but then they try to explain why they have nothing against gays...

 

[sam13lfc]

Not very witty but my favourite one is the comeback to "you're gay":

"You wish."

 

[Flamezdudes]

Friend: "Hey, if the Bible beginning is true then we're all incest."

Me: "I guess that explains why you're so fucked up then."

Not really a comeback, I MADE the insult!

 

[101flyboy]

I'm not much of a one liner type. When I go at someone, I think of the meanest things to say that I know will hurt them. And bring up things about them or I know of them and use it against them. I'm an asshole in that way.

 

[YouCallMeNighthawk]

If someone shouts something or heckles at you just say.

"yeah well if you want my comeback your mother has just swallowed it"

or

"If you've come as a c*nt, you've won!!!"

 

[Nouw]

Just say it right back at them. But with more confidence and feeling. Arnold does it best.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

I stopped with the fun loving insults a while ago. I can't seem to grasp the invisible line between burning and destroying.

"Get your four eyed, white boy ass outta here."

"Maybe after your dumb ass gets held back again you'll finally be able to defend yourself with more than with just cheap words."

-shrug-

Apparently that was bad enough where he wanted to kill me after school.

 

[Rawne1980]

Stolen straight from Chubby Brown.

If I wanted to listen to an arsehole i'd fart.
I thought I told you to stay in the car and bark at strangers.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

?I fucked your mum last night.?
?Joke?s on you, man, my mum?s ugly as shit.?

?Haha, fail!?
?Just like your dad?s condom?? / ?Just like your mum?s abortion!?

Frankie Boyle said this on Mock the Week, when he was talking about same-sex parents.

I would have loved to have a gay dad. Do you remember at school, there were always kids saying "My dad's bigger than your dad, my dad will batter your dad!" "So what? My dad will shag your dad. And your dad will enjoy it."

 

[Tanner Christlieb]

|^^^^^^^^^^\||________
|the stfu truck||__|__\____
|__________|||__|__|__|__|_|)
|(0)0)*****|(00)***"**"**(0)
Delivery for_________
best one yet

 

[Lionsfan]

Wow....this thread has been necro'd, not once, not twice....but three times!!!!