Best insult comebacks

[Professor M]

"So's your face"

"So's your mum"

It's gotten to the point where, whenever anyone comes back from that with "my mum's dead", it's not even classified as an official comeback

 

[aaronmcc]

What is the best comeback from an insult you have ever come up with or heard. Mine would have to be one that my friend did after a kid pulled a yo mama joke, he said "dude... My mom's dead" (He was lying). After the kid spent about ten minutes apologizing My friend said "I was just kidding" and walked away.

Actually you may be out done with that particular comeback e.g.

1: I fucked your mum
2: My mum's dead
1: Not my fault my dick's so big

I thank you!

EDIT: The most horrible deal breaking comeback I've ever heard was from my friend Gary who calmly told someone mouthing off at him that " Your mum owes my dog fuck money"

 

[Silent Eagle]

After you get into an insulting argument,finish with "Yeah tell your mom i want my change"
More comedic than insulting but i like it.

 

[ProfessorLayton]

What Jimmy Carr did to this heckler.

<spoiler=Might be a little NSFW><youtube=1ioBZ5fNJO8>

Oh. Man. I might just have to buy that DVD now because that was actually really funny.

 

[Silent Eagle]

While I still believe Winston Churchill has the best comeback ever with drunk/ugly, I'll put this one up as a snappy comeback.

Spoiler: Skip to 1:40

I dont get it but you made me watch 3 minutes of scrubs...
I find that funny

 

[aaronmcc]

i just remembered a genius one that Daniel Kitson came out with at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival which trumps Jimmy Carr

Heckler shouts something average i.e. you're shit!
Kitson: I got into show business for the pussy but all I've ended up with is cunts like you.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

"Fucked your mum"
"My mum's dead you idiot"
"Well I guess that's why she didn't move around a lot"

If you get that, you have awesome film taste.

 

[Supernatural Girl]

Friend: "Urgh, mayonaise is just disgusting and gross!"

Me: "So you have something in common then."

He was quite taken aback with my quick retort. Usually, I am slow as.

 

[Artina89]

The late George Carlin: "Did you hear the news? Phil Davis died"
"Phil Davis? I just talked to him yesterday."
"Yeah? Didn't help. He died anyway. Apparently the simple act of you seeing him didn't slow his cancer down. In fact, it might have made it more aggressive. Y'know you could be responsible for Phils death. How do you live with yourself?"

Another one: "I lost my father recently."
"Ah, he'll turn up. Have you checked the dumpster round back? He liked to go in there"

A great man, and absolutely hilarious.

 

[Ironic Pirate]

Person: You're such a failure! (after I tripped over a lunch tray)
Me: You're such a failed abortion!

 

[HaloHappy]

This happened just yesterday. My friend and I were playing the Reach beta, and some kid was playing. He kept saying that he was older than us, when clearly he wasn't. So at the end of the match, he shouted at everyone about some random shit, then my friend went, "Yea, come back to me when your balls drop." Everyone else started laughing their asses off, it was so hilarious. He left the game with a minute to go.

Also, swearing at people in a foreign language works also. Someone kept calling me a noob, so I called them a "shithead" in Japanese, all he could say was "WHAT?!"

 

[HaloHappy]

Hopefully this hasnt been said already (too lazy to read through other posts x.x)

"If I wanted a comeback I would have just scraped it off the back of your mom's throat."

Holy shit, now THAT is an awesome insult. Thank you, now I have a weapon when playing Live.

 

[supermunnky]

Quite a good one to confuse the idiots, but most people will get it.
Scum bag:[generic insult]
Me:*Pick up phone* Hello? Yeah, we found him. No he hasn't taken his pills. Yes he's still delusional. What do I mean? He thinks he matters.

Shuts them up every time.

 

[Jharry5]

In a top set Maths class ages ago, a group of people and I were discussing our last science lesson.
Guy: I think [the teacher] pretends to be cool, but he's really not. *turns to me* Just like you.
Me: And I think you pretend to be smart by being in this class, but you really aren't.
He didn't carry on that discussion.

 

[Brandon237]

Ass: [generic insult]
me: Shame, you have to bring me down to your level just for a conversation, I'm flattered, but you really shouldn't strain your brain too hard, there's not much left of it as is.

 

[Palademon]

It's a little lengthy (giggity), but it's the perfect response to "the gay insult".

Gay isn't bad thing unless it's threatening my sexuality. So you're either homophobic or you know I'm straight. Which one is it?

 

[MCDeltaT]

A conversation between me and a friend

Friend:
Me: That's really funny has anyone ever told you to do stand-up
Friend: Yeah, all the time
Me: Well has anyone ever meant it

 

[AndyFromMonday]

Asshole - You smell like a pig;
Me - At least I didn't shit myself whilst playing sports;
Asshole - *leaves room*.

 

[TheProfessor134]

Hopefully this hasnt been said already (too lazy to read through other posts x.x)

"If I wanted a comeback I would have just scraped it off the back of your mom's throat."

Holy shit, now THAT is an awesome insult. Thank you, now I have a weapon when playing Live.

Haha no problem. xD.

 

[Voodoomancer]

What Jimmy Carr did to this heckler.

<spoiler=Might be a little NSFW><youtube=1ioBZ5fNJO8>

Haha, thanks that made me laugh.

Your welcome. I thought it was quite fitting for this thread.

Indeed it is.