Best insult comebacks

[kimba_lion]

On Gaylo 2 (before 360) I was playing Team Slayer and some guy on the enemy team had an irritating buzz. After my team won I asked the guy "What's that buzzing in the background?"

Guy: It's your vibrator.

He then left, I sent him a message asking why my vibrator was doing at his house.

What's Gaylo? Some kind of cream?

maybe it means halo 2??

 

[kimba_lion]

I think my best one was that I was talking to an old lady at work about football/Soccer (it was about the time of the last World Cup). When I said I wasn't interested in it, she asked what I liked to do in free time. I said I liked to play video games. She, very snottily, said "When any old person can press buttons" to which I just turned to her, handed her her change and said "Well any 3-year old can kick a ball round a field". She gave me the nastiest look and just stormed away.

wow i would love to be your customer!!

 

[MrLS]

''You're a chicken!''

Comeback: ''I'm not chicken, You're a turkey!''

Truly the best comeback of all times.
Cookie who gets the reference.

 

[Johnmw]

the late and great Bill Hicks upon being heckled by a woman in the audience; Turns to the man next to her "Sir would you kindly stick you dick in her mouth so she can shut the fuck up?".

 

[Vhite]

''You're a chicken!''

Comeback: ''I'm not chicken, You're a turkey!''

Truly the best comeback of all times.
Cookie who gets the reference.

Its from antidrug TV ad or something like that,now where is my cookie?

 

[MrLS]

''You're a chicken!''

Comeback: ''I'm not chicken, You're a turkey!''

Truly the best comeback of all times.
Cookie who gets the reference.

Its from antidrug TV ad or something like that,now where is my cookie?

Here you are, sir!

 

[Valkyira]

Someone asked Phil Jupitus "why are you so fat?"

To which he replied, "because every time I fuck your mum, she gives me a biscuit."

Comedy Genius.

 

[JokerCrowe]

Aww crap! I suck at comebacks. [sub]and so does your mom (see? I suck)[/sub] But it was very amusing reading this thread ^^
I just wish I was a bit more shapwitted. But I guess that's a talent and not something you can train. (like your mom)
[sub]I so sorry, I've been poluted by my friends stupid "yo mama" jokes...[/sub]

 

[Deadlock Radium]

Walking in the middle of an insult = win.

Also, yelling something random, like PENGUIN! And then walking away. Most people will stand there wondering what the fuck just happened.

 

[mr-fix_it]

Idiot: you are a [random insult]

Me: stop talking about yourself in second person. (note morons will not understand this because of shitty grammar).

 

[Doinstuffman38]

I was playing Halo 3 online, and some guy in the pre-game lobby was running his mouth, startd an arguement with me over... I can't remember what. I can't even remember what insult he threw at me, it began with "why don't you...", but without missing a beat, I just said to him:

"Why don't you make like a tree... and die in a forest fire?"

 

[Karathos]

Best comeback you say?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-flQmtL_IQ

And eh, what's the syntax for a video link so it plays on-site? <.<

 

[Super Toast]

Got a joke for ya.

This man took his young son to the circus. There were clowns and animals and acrobats. In one of the acts the lights dimmed and a clown started wandering around the audience. It stopped by the man.
"Are you an Elephant?"
"No." replied the man.
"Are you a Lion?"
"No." he replied again.
"Then you must be a horses arse!"
The crowd started laughing. The poor man was terribly humiliated in front of his son.
He lay awake thinking about his humiliation for a week afterwards until one day he decided that enough was enough. He enrolled at a University to do a paper on snappy comebacks. He got a degree in three years but wasn't satisfied. He opted to do a doctorate, after five years publishing a paper entitled "How to deliver a snappy comeback to a Clown". After earning his doctorate his paper was a huge success and he built a farly good career out of talking to classes of students on how to deliver snappy comebacks.
a few years later the same circus came to his home town. The man took his son, now in his late teens to see the show for old time's sake. Low in behold after seeing some clowns and animals and acrobats the lights dimmed and the same clown started wandering through the audience. It stopped by the man.
"Are you an Elephant?"
"No." replied the man.
'Are you a Lion?"
"No." he replied again.
"Then you must be a horses arse!"
The crowd erupted in laughter agin. The man turned to his son and winked.
"Watch this."

"Hey! Fuck you Clown!"

That made me laugh. You win an internet. Use it wisely.

 

[Cobbs]

1: You aren't a very nice person
2: And you aren't very attractive.

1: How can you listen to that crap? It's not even music. (metal)
2: RA RA RA AH AH AH, ROMA RO MA MA, GAGA OOH LA LA

*golf clap*
and my usual comeback is "that's not what your wife/girlfriend/sister/mother/parrot said last night"

 

[Amethyst Wind]

While I still believe Winston Churchill has the best comeback ever with drunk/ugly, I'll put this one up as a snappy comeback.

Spoiler: Skip to 1:40

 

[dragonslayer32]

so's your face!

 

[TheProfessor134]

Hopefully this hasnt been said already (too lazy to read through other posts x.x)

"If I wanted a comeback I would have just scraped it off the back of your mom's throat."

 

[Kazzak]

This one works for any insult:

Person 1: *Random Insult*
You: Sorry I left my cum back in your mum

 

[Billion Backs]

The "my mum's dead" come back is absolutely weak-ass and can be very easily turned into a greater insult, whether the selected target is actually dead or not.

And no, dead people don't deserve respect.

My usual response to "You're gay" is "Yep, I do feel high spirited this jolly good day." I love how the words which people today use as insults have a semi-forgotten ACTUAL meaning.

Yes, because only the archaic meaning of words is the actual meaning.

Except, you know, no. What most people associate with the word is it's meaning. Why would it be any other way?

 

[Instant K4rma]

"Fuck you."

"No, fuck you. It's cheaper."