Best out of context quotes.

[DSK-]

I have a entire IRC archive of such things.

use rubbing alcohol <DSK`fml> Wait...there's alcohol for masturbatory purposes and someone didn't tell me?! <Emix`MMSFTW> its too abrasive ive used rubbing alcohol for years

i've gone through many anal lubes in my lifetime but listerine is the best

Apparently I have first refusal on her.

oh ive got something you can bang, shackle. * Cerbbie drops pants autobbots roll out

i didn't enjoy anal any of the times i tried it

I'd ride my team's buttocks like amber waves of grain.

in finland they celebrate christmas much like they celebrate every day; with vodka

wanna sex? <+noobioX> can't, have dinner soon and I need to head to the supermarket to buy some cottage cheese

oh god, my mouth, IT HURTS

I'll sleep with anything so long as it's a multi-cellular organism

[Edit]

Actually, I think 90% of them wouldn't be allowed on here lol

 

[Kiyeri]

Yeah, he'll look progressively more sad until he gets weird and sticky

I was just waiting for someone to post that. Thank you *salute*

OT: This little gem was from my philosophy class. "Ugh, I was so wet and he came late too!"
In context, it had been raining outside and our professor was like 10 minutes late to class, but that doesn't sound as funny.

 

[Loki J]

"He's just sitting on top of the carrier with a Swordfish." - while playing a game with space ships...

And seen in a signature...

Nyxy wrote:What do can make when the and could in for most is not how I after what?

Yeah that's right, I quoted myself. Deal with it.

 

[Lionsfan]

"And so then she said, I feel like I'm going to rape a baby tonight."

Me attempting to explain to a friend how I nearly slept with an older lady

 

[Arcane Azmadi]

"We may need you to play twing-twang."

Bonus points if you guess why I used that particular quote.

 

[Silver Patriot]

"Jakobs. We know if you've got wood in your hand, you're happy."

 

[Arfonious]

"But then you would have too take your clothes of every time you get in an elevator."

One of my favorites

 

[Evilpigeon]

"Guys, guys I just fisted a black man!" - a friend of mine... No wait, acually that was in context just really easy to misconstrue.

 

[repeating integers]

-snip-

I'm glad someone else knows the joys of IRC.

One thing I can't help but wonder is why every single IRC OOC quote is filthy. Way moreso than even the lewdest normal conversation.

Offtopic, but I just got the best captcha of all time.

please pick: "which does a vegetarian eat"

(scrolldown menu)
puppy
steamed rice
turkey sandwich
notebook
colored pencils
kitten

 

[lacktheknack]

"This is sooooo good! It's so BIG! I can hardly get it in my mouth! And this bulbous shape... perfection. Not to mention the perfect shade of red. Best I've ever had."

-A very innocent girl in high school eating a particularly delicious apple

 

[akfg666]

"I think I let you pull out"

At a recent open evening my teacher came over to me and a group of friends and said that to one of them...in all fairness he was talking about letting them go first at a crossroad

 

[Irridium]

"And then I found myself thinking, how much worms would I be able to fit in my ass?"

-A friend, after his first Podtoid.

Also, all Podtoid titles would work for this.

Narrative animal dildos, Spider Sex Chamber, Meanest Cum in the West... all of 'em work.

 

[Macgyvercas]

"We may need you to play twing twang."

Yes, I actually did use that ZP line out of context. And it was awesome.

 

[BeeGeenie]

"...and whistled for a baboon!" - Benjamin "Yahzee" Croshaw

 

[ClockworkPenguin]

"We may need you to play twing-twang."

Bonus points if you guess why I used that particular quote.

You're good friends with Boris Johnson?

 

[Robot Number V]

"What?! You hear gunfire and you decide now's a great time to take out the-Oh, that's groceries. I'm sorry, I thought it was garbage."

"Hey, I know you're upset, but if you ever mention my mother's loins or their frothiness to me again, I don't know what I'll do ... but it will be bad. Now let's go bury this dead hooker."

"I'm afraid I just blue myself."

"It's pronounced, 'anALrapist.'"

 

[James Heyes]

"We may need you to play twing-twang."

Bonus points if you guess why I used that particular quote.

Heavenly sword I believe and she's (Nariko) referring this as a game her sister plays with a crossbow I think

"Knife goes in guts come out" surprised this hasn't been mentioned yet

 

[Twilight_guy]

"I was frozen today!"

"I am the wafflemaker!"