Bullying: Stop the complaining.

[Ragsnstitches]

The OP is right. lol at the strawman arguments in response to OP, 'no one deserves to be bullied'. Nice try.

Care to elaborate on how the OP is right? Is it the victim blaming? Or the inferred cowardice of putting pressure on the victim rather then confronting the bully? I mentioned this earlier already, but if your strong enough to stand up for yourself, what's stopping you from standing up for others?

lmao. the first thing I do in my initial post is criticize the strawmen arguments in response to OP. and then the person that challenges me uses a strawman argument. 'hur dur, he thinks it must be the victim's fault because he thinks standing up to bullies can sometimes be the right thing to do'

Apart from having no backbone of course.

what's stopping me from standing up from others is that sometimes they're in... oh i don't know... a different location to myself.

The irony of the OPs position is that his "logic" equates to bullying anyway. He assumes that the act of bullying stems from a fault in the victim and is merely exploited by the bully. That the victim has an inherent flaw and it's their responsibility to sort out. He forgets that bullying can in fact induce this flaw. A bully can whittle down a persons will until they become incapable of standing up for themselves, which in turn, emboldens the bullies actions.

The irony of your position is that you criticize OP for bullying and challenge him, making you the bully.


^I seriously think calling you a bully is ridiculous, but is equally ridiculous as your assertion that he is a bully. Anyway...

What's more he forgets that bullies are RARELY individual threats, but instead a group of peers who derive pleasure from tormenting an individual. These are bullies that initiate and incessantly pursue aggressive/oppressive actions towards the victim. But we also have another sort, the ones who sit on the sides and let it happen, feeling some smug satisfaction or sense of superiority over the victim.

You, and the OP, are the latter.

Boy, you don't know a thing about me. So don't pretend you do. I've probably done things that you wouldn't have the courage to.

This logic makes him (quite blatantly) unsympathetic to victims of bullying and ultimately belittles the struggles of said victims. Given the right situation, I wouldn't be surprised if he would harass someone or physically intimidate them himself, whether that person is deserving of it or not. You see, he has already convinced himself that the bully is not the problem, but the person with no courage to rebel against the bully is. So he would think all he's doing is giving the poor sod a taste of real life, rather then being completely objective about it and seeing that he's just being a fucking dick.

don't call the OP a fucking dick, please. I don't appreciate this bullying behavior.

What you said is basically a strawman argument anyway so I'll quickly say that you're a manipulative over assuming individual who believes what he wants to believe.

As I said earlier. If you actively promote opposing bullies, then why the fuck don't you act as you preach? Are bullies only a bully if they are bullying you? No. Then why not stand up to bullies on principle?

Oh yeah, the aforementioned absence of a backbone might be why.

who says I don't? You might as well go stand in a field and scare off crows because this man of straw is overwhelming.

You agree with the OPs sentiments that people should stand up for themselves... but at the same time the OP is promoting a draconian, and highly flawed, approach to bullies. Bullies aren't just school yard ruffians who like to punch stuff. There is an entire spectrum of bullying and only a fraction of it is physical abuse. Social platforms like Facebook have also drastically altered the way bullying works. People aren't just being punched up or jeered, they are being tormented.

It can be inferred from the OPs language and his logic that he thinks we are all cut from the same cloth, and because he could handle one type bullying on his own (I doubt it btw, I bet he had support in some way or form), he figures everyone else is just being wimpy and the media/politicians are being overly PC or sensationalist (a grain of truth to that, but the OP is actively devaluing the strife of victims, based off of less then virtuous mediums).

He also assumes that the only avenue of counter bullying is confrontation. It might work on a school yard, but as the OP establishes outside of school and in the real world, the playing field is entirely different. "Bullies" in those environments aren't the lugheaded bruisers we see on TV and the means in which they degrade people are far more vicious and clinical. Even if someone does physically attack you in the real world, chances are they won't be using their fists.

I'm not challenging the OP. The questions I threw out were clearly rhetorical. ALso, I mucked up some phrasing. I didn't mean to say you and the OP ARE bullies, but that you are another sort of person who adds to the problem. I did say, that given the right situation, your (OPs specifically, but you have already agreed wholeheartedly) macho superiority complex could result in you targeting and tormenting someone who may or may not deserve it... since you already agree that people should stand up for themselves, and that confrontation is the only solution, it's not your problem if someone can't handle teasing or physical intimidation.

I'm pretty sure the OP can handle a few harsh words and a angered opinion. He is after all a completely awesome and self made man. Though I must commend you for standing up for him. That's all I'm trying to preach here. So, from this point on I will cease the verbal jabs.

Just to clarify, I was intentionally trying to goad the OP, and you, into properly explaining your logic, or at least open you to an alternative opinion. The OP seems to hold himself to a standard that others should follow and I wanted to break that narrow logic. You merely nodded and agreed. I'm honestly not sure which I think is worse. Logical fallacies have a use in some cases.

You still haven't explained your view on this, instead fell on discrediting me and my argument without submitting your own. All I have to go on is my own belief as neither you or the OP have offered anything substantial to work off of. There are others on here who have agreed with the OPs sentiments, but elaborated on it. Those opinions I agree with to an extent. The OP, and by extension you, have not elaborated on anything and assume your logic is obvious and/or universal.

I'm not going to have a dick measuring contest with you. You probably could have done things more courageous then me, but that doesn't make your perspective more valid, especially if you hold it as a standard to judge others.

I hate refocusing a subject onto my own problems, because it feels like I'm fishing for sympathy. Forewarning: I don't want your sympathy (not that I expect it) nor do I want to "move" you with my own troubles:

Spoiler: wall of text

I have been bullied (no shit right), but it wasn't the conventional bullying you and the OP assume is the only type of bullying. This was something I couldn't confront. Heck I wasn't even aware of it... it was just routine for me, a daily dose of "reality" as the OP would probably put it. I was degraded, belittled, tormented and manipulated daily for 20~ years. The bully had complete control over me and even had my respect and love.

The bully was my Mom. The realisation never hit me. I had massive self-esteem issues for most of my life. Despite having good friends, being good in school, having no one in particular who actively hated me and being a talented artist, I had no confidence in myself. I was into sports, but gradually faded out, gained weight and became reclusive during my teens. All this stemmed from daily verbal abuse I grew up with. In my mums eyes, I was a fat, lazy, selfish, ungrateful, and ultimately just a "typical" man. Yes, my mum was a man hater. She projected her insecurities onto me, and vented her own strife at me, because I didn't know any better.

The reality of my situation only came to light when I flunked a course I had a lot of interest and investment in twice and sought counselling. During this time realisations were springing up from everyone in the family. My Dad left her shortly afterwards leaving mom to wallow in her spite. She took that and fuelled her anger. I was suddenly a homewrecker and bully. Yup. I was suddenly a bully. At this point I was aware of my situation and I reacted, be blasting her with all my anger and frustration. Now my mum doesn't make a peep in my direction unless I initiate a conversation.

The sad thing is, I don't hate her, and I don't believe she hates me. I feel guilt now for confronting her as I feel like I may have been the hair that broke the camels back. Dad had left her, but I was stuck in the house trying to keep some semblance of peace. My mom became volatile and belligerent, sometimes charging into my room and shouting at me because she thinks I was talking behind her back with dad. She tried to drive a wedge between my sis and I and our dad by claiming he cheated on her (dad left after she cornered me and started calling me a bully, at which point I had a breakdown). As a result of counselling and support from friends and family I managed to build up some courage and finally stood up to her. I just wish I didn't have to confront her at all.

I couldn't have stood up to her on my own, since it didn't even register that she was a problem. I just assumed that I was the useless sack of flesh she saw in me.

If your curious as to why my Dad didn't stand up to her. Well, he didn't see the issue either. In fact, he was also bullied and tormented, and like myself just assumed mum was right about him. He would call her out when she used harsh language on me or tell her to back off when I started having frequent freakouts.

Despite all this, despite having grown significantly in the last few years in terms of confidence and esteem, I sitll struggle with bouts of depression and crippling social anxiety. What really screws things up is that I refuse to just ignore mom and have been actively trying to patch things up with her.

But what would have happened if my life was a little different? What if my Dad was also abusive, if I didn't have friends and I didn't see a counsellor. What would I think of myself if I didn't find my passion for drawing and art? I sank very far even with the care and consideration of others. If they were absent how low could I have gone?

The point is, my case of bullying wasn't overt and obvious like a schoolyard knucklehead. If I confronted her (Which I did at certain points in my life) she would blast me as being a bully and feel vindicated in degrading me even more. No one would tell her off, since she was just being a strict mother (on the surface). It was long and protracted expeirence, sinking deep into my psyche and subverting my thoughts so that they would work against me at every aspect of my life. To the outside world our family was fine, I was just a wimpy kid with no spine, while in reality I was pushed to the floor and being kept there by an oppressor.

I only broke free as a result of the support others gave me. Left to my own devices I feel like I would have either sunk into a deep depression or perhaps even snap.

People should not be left to stand on their own. Yes it should be a trait we strive for, but we exist as a social creature for a reason. The strong should cover the weak. People who can take a hit should take the hits of people who can't. People with power to intervene should do so for people with no power of their own. That's all I'm trying to say.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

lol at you for trying to deny that there are bullies in the world, and/or that standing up to them can be the right thing to do sometimes.


At least in a workplace perspective, telling on them is the best thing to do, sure. But on a non professional level, you can't tell on somebody for being mean to you, (unless they harass you to the point where you can get an actual restraining order).

See the bit I emphasized? I actually don't disagree.

I'm not gonna say that you should NEVER stand up for yourself or that it never works. Because sometimes it does. If there's only one bully or a small number, and they're just doing it for fun (or they're grade school bullies), then it'll work. There was one jerk in grade school that stopped picking on me after I dodged a punch that made him split his knuckles on the fence, and I told him to get lost since his aim was pathetic. SO yeah, I'm not saying it never works

But when you have a bully (and his friends) who only gets MORE nasty when you try to stand up for yourself, or when the ENTIRE SCHOOL thinks you're "a little pussyfag who jerks off in class and deserves to get mocked all day every day" due to stupid false rumors being spread all over the place, how the hell do you "Stand up for yourself" short of showing up with a sledgehammer and breaking someone's arm with it or doing some other giant display of "FUCK WITH ME AND DIE"? Which some of us are incapable of doing unless we snap and go psycho, and go against everything that makes us who we are?

I'm not saying that we can (or should) restrict kids from teasing or doing some light roughhousing and stuff. THAT you can't kill off, it's too prevalent and basically natural. And it's not that bad anyway. THAT, kids can grow from and get over. But full on social warfare and isolation, or getting beat up constantly? That shit doesn't fly in the adult world, why allow kids to do it? It messes up a kid's psyche and can scar them for the rest of their lives.

 

[DugMachine]

With kids being expelled nowadays for even defending themselves I don't think that's even an option anymore. I mean yeah if they're beating on you fight back but don't go picking fights with bullies just to "stand up for yourself".

Telling teachers, parents or just flat out ignoring it are the best options kids have nowadays. Back in my day I did stand up for myself and gave some beatings just for verbal abuse and in return I got the crap kicked out of me by the bully and his friends. Now as an adult I realize how stupid that was. If they're not touching you there is no reason to get all physical and even then try to ignore it or tell someone else.

 

[voltair27]

With kids being expelled nowadays for even defending themselves I don't think that's even an option anymore. I mean yeah if they're beating on you fight back but don't go picking fights with bullies just to "stand up for yourself".

THIS. THIS IS THE PROBLEM.

I was suspended for defending myself from some asshole who wanted to fight. I had not instigated anything, I had simply been minding my own business when this guy tries to punch me. I block it and several other punches he threw, and go on my merry way. Next thing you know, we're both in trouble for fighting.

The zero tolerance policy is idiotic and needs to be repealed. Delf-defense is a completely valid defense in court, so it should be usable in school situations as well.

 

[Vegosiux]

Well I suppose next time I get mugged in the night I should "deal with it", as opposed to what I did last time (call the cops, the wussy stoolpigeon that can't stand up for himself that I am! Shame on me, telling the cops...)

No, it's not different, it's the same principle. If harm comes to you through actions of someone else, you're not expected to keep quiet and "suck it up, grow a spine". In school, on the street, at work, anywhere.

 

[Madgamer13]

...snip...

Greets!

This thread is massive, so I am responding to your original posting directly, andrewfox. Bullying is recieved in many different ways by many different people. From the way you have described your experiences of bullying and how you stood up to it, you have a more 'old school' outlook on bullying, which is to beat the bully, for lack of better terms.

It can be considered that times are very much different between a new generation versus an older generation of school pupils, since in one brief era bullying was seen as another feature of a school of which students had to learn to overcome to fit into a possibly cruel world. Nowdays there is serious discussion on who's responsability it is to handle bullying, as in a previous generation it would be argued that a student had to overcome, now schools and parents in particular say that the institution should be responsible for the behaviour of children.

This is an after effect of a change in schooling culture, which is reflected in the idea of responsability as a whole and relates to many more things than just bullying. The american media may also focus on examples of bullying for their own agendas, or that it may make good news when they happen to have nothing to fill their portfolio. As such, bullying portrayal in media is merely like vultures picking at a corpse, occassionally uncovering an unpleasant event or individual in the process.

Ultimately, this new way of seeing bullying as a problem to be stamped out, instead of a hurdle to be overcome, is actually a concequence of the children of yesteryear expected to stand for themselves and not wishing the same troubles upon their own children, which everyone else of this particular schooling era feeds from, like how a bully beats your face for not giving them your lunch money.

As for my examples of bullying, I did get into a few situations where I was bullied, but it didn't last long once I began to 'deal with it'. Usually involving my shoes and high drops from the school building. Thankfully, after I moved schools, I didn't have to deal with anyone trying to test my patience.

What do I think of bullying? It is merely another behavioral type that can be observed, of which there can be interesting reactions. One particular concept applicable to bullying is that one way of handling bullying is never intuitive for everyone. Indeed, 'standing up to' a bully may actually be counter-intuitive to a child, since they may actually wish to not take responsability for their problem and will run to their mommies to protect them.

I dont think there is anything wrong with this, as long as there is some resolution to the percieved issue.

 

[MakerofMysteries]

Since I have neither the time nor the patience to read every post in a thread that's currently 8 pages long, I may just be reiterating the arguments of those who came before. If so, apologies.

Glancing at some points, it's clear that there's been a fundamental misunderstanding. When OP said kids needed to know how to deal with bullying, he/she didn't mean to just put up with, but rather how to SOLVE it. Not the issue as a whole - like the issues of murdering and raping and thieving, it can never truly be "solved" - but rather how to handle it, combat it, if you will.

Key rule that I've learnt from bullying; bullies bully because they think it is fun. It gives them a sense of power. If you just lay down and take it, they'll only continue, because then you're an "easy target". Vis a vis, as OP said, you need to stand up for yourself.

Sure, you can use your fists. Most schools (in Europe and in the States) would probably look down on it and punish you, the victim, in equal measure to the bully. For teenagers, I understand; they can really hurt one another. But for kids? Nah, if the only way for them to settle an issue is to have a fight, then let it be so. Not everyone's intelligent and reasonable, especially not at that age. Some six-year olds punching at each other might "communicate" more efficiently that way. We're only monkeys dressed up in costumes, after all.

However, it is generally not a good way. As a rule, violence solves nothing. Accidents can so easily occur and a lot of people, kids or teens or adults, are too weak to fight. So what're we all taught to do instead?

"Tell the teacher."

Now, this can swing both ways. On one hand, the teacher can be real helpful and shrewd and handle the situation well. On the other, they can be completely incompetent.

Don't get me wrong; they can be the nicest of people and really good at their chosen subjects, but I can from personal experience say that not all teachers are good at social interaction. Some can't even control a classroom, standing like meek little sheep in front of the whiteboard, practically scared of their students. We've all had such teachers. And now they're supposed to take on bullying? Good gods, what a trainwreck.

Mind you, sometimes all the victim needs is some attention, someone who cares. A lot of people have awful parents, or just normal ones, working hard and unable to see what's really going on. In such cases, some support can be very valuable. But it won't stop the bullying. Very few teachers - or people in general - are capable of such a feat. So how to "deal with it"? How can you help yourself?

That, is a valuable lesson; helping oneself. You SHOULD never have to end up in such a situation, where the only one who can or will help you is you alone, but it is almost certain that you will. Life isn't fair; people certainly aren't fair. You can try to make the world a better place and hope that everyone will be nice to one another; you can build magnificent castles out of air, but sometimes it's good to have a solid piece of ground to stand on.

So; what can YOU do? Not much really, except one thing; bullies bully because they think it's fun. It gives them a sense of power. Why?

Because they can see that you are suffering from their torments, that they're getting to you. Schadenfreude, skadeglädje; happiness derived from others' misery. Your pain gives them joy and a sense of power. So what to do?

Try not show that it affects you. Make it boring to bully you; "That is no fun, it doesn't get to them, let's pick on this kid who goes into a rage, or the one who cries, or the one who curls in a corner, numb from apathy. simply does not give a fuck." They can only hurt you if you care about what they say. Unless they hit you, of course, but then you can always file legal charges.

Well, that was one big wall of text. Hope I didn't offend anyone, if I missed anything, let me know, etc.

 

[DugMachine]

THIS. THIS IS THE PROBLEM.

I was suspended for defending myself from some asshole who wanted to fight. I had not instigated anything, I had simply been minding my own business when this guy tries to punch me. I block it and several other punches he threw, and go on my merry way. Next thing you know, we're both in trouble for fighting.

The zero tolerance policy is idiotic and needs to be repealed. Delf-defense is a completely valid defense in court, so it should be usable in school situations as well.

Yup I agree. I used to think school boards just lacked common sense but now I know they're just trying to protect their skins and uphold the policy. They're not stupid, they know that the little shits who bully deserve it but when the bullie's parents are usually the ones who make the most noise and try to get the news involved they pretty much have to follow the policy.

It sucks but I don't think it will change any time soon. :/ I'm glad this policy wasn't around when I was in school. I would have been expelled and probably put in jail if I was a bit older for what I did to this kid.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

Here's the thing, I don't really believe bullying exists. Ask someone if they're a bully and they'll say no, sometimes even if you call them out on their bullyish behavior. Why? Because in everybodies own mind they're the hero of their own story.

which proves...absolutly fuck all, thats a given fact. Hitler didn't see himself as a monster, you want to tell me he wasn;t a monster?

[quote/]Furthermore, what exactly equates bullying anyway? If someone doesn't want to be my friend because they find me annoying, am I being bullied than? When the higher ups at my job conspire against me- professionally- to keep me from being promoted, is that bullying?

oh for-
there is a sliding scale, certain group behaviours..such as leaving the weird kid out or "joining in" on the general consensus of "omg that kids such a loser!" or whatever is passive bullying at worst...and I admit we are all guilty of it in some form or another, theres always that one annoying kid whom you only hang out with out of obligation, from my expereince it comes from insecurity and wanting to "fit in"

bullying is generally ATTACKING another person consistantly and unfairly, bullys (the worst kind) arent normal happy well-adjusted kids, they are assholes, also the group mentality thing when taken to a ore extreme level (like lets beat up this kid because of his pokemon backpack)
[/quote][/quote]

No I'm just saying, anti-bullying campaigns won't work on bullies because people generally aren't self-aware enough. Everyone believes that everything they do is justified. Everyone believes theyre good people. These campaigns aren't going to stop and make someone examine their behavior to see if they're being a dick or not.

Maybe it's just the part of the country I'm in, I've never seen someone get assaulted consistently on a regular basis during my high school tenure. There were fights, sure, but that's different. Two different parties actually in conflict agreeing to mutual combat, and there was always circumstances surrounding it beyond "I'm Sid from Toy Story 1! I'm Going to go beat Andy with a lead pipe and take his toys! *Air Guitar*"

 

[verdant monkai]

Yea, it sucks, I get that. But in life, bullies will always be around. In fact, you can still find them in the grown up world. .

I have no idea how you thought this would go down well on a site so chock full of militant liberals.

I agree with you though. I was bullied in primary school for having glasses and an eye patch to correct my squint, I was also pretty immature and a bit annoying. I cried almost everyday I came home from primary school for about 3 years, and begged my parents to let me stay at home. People who commit suicide because of this sort of thing annoy me, little shits should do what I did, GROW A FUCKING SPINE. I was mocked for being bad at football which I hated, but I still played it everyday and eventually got a little better at it and earned some semblance of respect. The harsh treatment taught me what was socially acceptable, and what made me look like a weirdo. If I hadn't been bullied, and had been home schooled I would probably not have had half of the friends I now have at the end of highschool. Because I would still be odd and have no idea what people thought was socially acceptable.

All these anti bullying campaigns are a waste of time, kids should be told to stand up for themselves more like I had to. The reality is in the real world there are no bleeding heart teachers to yell at people who flat tire you in the corridor. In the real world no one gives a shit and you have to take care of yourself, bullying will always be there and prepares you for the stark reality of life.
It's all very well to join hands and glower at the miserable types, and say the world would be a better place without that sort of thinking. But the reality is life isn't a f*cking fairy tale, and many people will not accept you for who you are. Some people just enjoy being cruel, and no amount of anti bullying policies can correct them.

Well done for saying what you think. Not everyone is mature enough to accept your opinion whilst disagreeing with it, it seems.

 

[Montezuma's Lawyer]

Bullying has been HUGE in the states of recent years. "HUGE" in the sense that it's been in the media more, not that it hasn't been around.

Growing up, I experienced my fair share of bullying. Ranged from insults, to actual fights. But, I was taught to always stand up to bullies and stick up for others who were being bullied. Disagreements or bullies that took things to far usually ended up in the park, where we settled things with fists. One of us usually got the point after that.

The issue is this. WHY is bullying being presented in such a way today that it seems to make people want to jump off tall building?

Yea, it sucks, I get that. But in life, bullies will always be around. In fact, you can still find them in the grown up world. They just usually come from the back with a knife instead of a punch in the face.

Wouldn't a more apt solution to the bullying problem be to teach kids to stand up for themselves and others? The most common solutions that are being presented today are some of the most asinine things.

1. Telling a teacher
2. Ignoring it
3. ETC.

Most responses to bullies seem to be running away from the problem or shirking off the responsibility of the problem to a third party, RATHER then dealing with the issue yourself.

Maybe I'm old school, but in life, you can't wait for someone else to rescue you from your problems.

TOPIC:

Is the issue of bullying in the states a serious matter as presented in the media? Should kids learn to stand up for themselves? What are your personal experiences of bullying and how you handled them? What do you think of bulling overall?


(bullies, bully's, having a hard time with the English language.)

Thank you.

I can only assume you're a straight white male with no visible deformities or physical problems.

 

[Vegosiux]

I have no idea how you thought this would go down well on a site so chock full of militant liberals.

"Militant"?

All these anti bullying campaigns are a waste of time, kids should be told to stand up for themselves more like I had to.

Define "standing up for oneself" please. Because "reporting a perpetrator of a malicious act to the proper authorities" is well within the definition of "standing up for oneself" to me.

Some people just enjoy being cruel, and no amount of anti bullying policies can correct them.

Well we do tend to lock those people up, and not tell the society "suck it up", you know...but hey, don't let me tell you you should go to the cops if someone assaults you or rapes your girlfriend, if you want to deal with it yourself, just make sure you stay within the bounds of the law.

And I wouldn't be so testy if the tone of your post wasn't such condescending holier-than-thou nonsense.

 

[Montezuma's Lawyer]

You're right. No one DESERVES to be bullied, but it's going to happen. Give me an example of where you can't just "deal with it." Also, give me some solutions to said bullying that works. Telling a teacher and ignoring it are two options (that in my life) have NEVER worked.

How about when you're being ganged up on by 4-5 boys in your class, and everyone else is pretty much okay with it or tells you to ignore them?

I told loads of different teachers, and the adults who represented the whole school year. They pretty much did nothing, and being the socially awkward person I am, I couldn't really deal with it on my own >.>.

Plus I was like the weakest girl in school, so I couldn't really fight them either.. :I

That's not bullying. That assault. ಠ_ಠ

The point is that bullying will happen, so people have to learn how to deal with it.

NO NO NO FUCKING NO

You're making the statement that all the good people of the world have to bend to the will of those who would do them harm, No thank you sir.

We do not stand for this behavior anymore.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

...a site so chock full of militant liberals.

People who commit suicide because of this sort of thing annoy me, little shits should do what I did, GROW A FUCKING SPINE.

...bleeding heart teachers...

Here comes the kicker...

Not everyone is mature enough to accept your opinion whilst disagreeing with it, it seems.

It certainly seems like being respectful towards people you disagree with is a priority for you.

I think the "all life's problems can be solved by kicking them in the face" approach to the problem has been thoroughly discussed enough that I don't really need to dive into it. I wish you luck with that, though.

 

[samahain]

I worked with teenagers in a few jobs. Rule of thumb: "Is it okay for an adult to act like this?"

If you go up to a co-worker/commuter and shove them, what is it called?
If you talk trash to someone every day as a kid, it's called bullying, but what's it called when you grow up?

There.

Thing is, with kids, neglect can come from all directions. Not just from the parents.
And it's touchy because many parents refuse to act and won't allow anyone to do so.
At the end of any bullying situation there is going to be someone learning life lessons.
Those lessons are never positive if the victim feels isolated.

It's just a norm that bullies grow up to be terrible humman beings unless they hit a wall at some point.

 

[Roofstone]

Give me an example of where you can't just "deal with it."

I am of Korean descent and mute, so I did recieve my fair share of bullying. Seeing as I required a translator in some classes, and a notepad to write on in other classes where that wasn't something I could be provided. (Doesn't apply first year, had to learn to write first. >.<)

The problem with being tiny and korean is that it isn't easy to just beat up the bullies. Telling teachers did nothing but egg them on. As they just had a small discussion where they forced them to apologize for bullying me, and forced me to apologize for trying to hit back.

And as such, I couldn't "Just deal with it". So it continued and continued for near 12 years. And after about six years of being told I was a freak, useless and not worth the ground I walked on. After six years of being beat up til you vomit blood and break your ribs.
After six years of that. Half my life! After half my life, which was pain nearly every day.
After that, I believed them, and as such I started welcoming the abuse. Because I agreed, I believed I was shit. That I was a freak and useless, and that I should be beat up.

I'll not go further into detail on that, but the point I am trying to make is that after enough abuse, just dealing with it, is not an option anymore. Once you are given so much pain that pain becomes the norm just dealing with it will not work.

My case is one of the more extreme, but the same thing stands for most who are bullied;
just dealing with it is not always so simple. Even if it was for you.

PS: If you do wonder, I am perfectly healthy today, though it did take four years of psychotherapy for me to reach this stages, and there are still nights I have bad dreams. And days I can't even get enough energy to eat, just out of depression. But overall, I am a happy person.

 

[Substitute Troll]

Bullying, most of the time, has a reason. The validity of the reason may be questionable, but there's almost always a reason. If little Timmy gets bullied because of his clown costume, it's because that particular group of people doesn't resonate well with clown costumes. Bullying, atleast I think, has a function. It teaches us about social interaction.

Now, bullying is a very brute-force way of getting your point across. It's not acceptable and should be punished. It will never go away though. We should keep in mind that there are different kinds of bullying. There is the disgusting kind, that which intrudes a person's human rights. An example would be if little Timmy is gay, and his peers bully him for it. That's just not acceptable, and should be met with a bullet to the knees of the bullies. The other kind of bullying is the "social unacceptability". This is when the bullies brute-force their views on someone's unacceptable social behavior. The example is if little Timmy doesn't shower at all, he's gonna get bullied for it. In this case the better option is to tell the kid to take a shower. The bullies are being overly dramatic about it, yes, but atleast they have a somewhat valid reason for giving him, albeit brute, critique.

The point I'm trying to get across is that the "victim" isn't always a victim just because "they're all assholes". There's usually an underlying reason that goes back to the victim himself being socially akward. Bullying is a bad way, but still a way, to get someone to conform. "But I'm a pretty, unique little butterfly!" No, you're just a boring as everyone else, get over it.