kannibus said:
I smell shitty franchise reboot being retargeted for "younger, hipper crowd" (we can still use those words, right?). There is a couple of questions though:
1) How big will Jill Valentine's boobs have to be for this remake?
2) Chris Redfield is already a refrigerator with arms and legs, what home appliance will he emulate next? HDTV?
3) When will Umbrella get the message and give up on biological weapons and concentrate on the much easier to control legions of killer robots?
4) How big will Rebecca Chambers' boobs have to be for this remake?
5) Will they get the lucrative Pepsi sponsorship?
6) When will they be acquired by Disney?
7) Which character will be go for the mandatory recast as African American?
8) How big will Claire Redfield's boobs have to be for this remake?
Answer these questions please CAPCOM.
While I don't represent Capcom in any way, I think I can answer these:
1, 4, 8: Big enough to have a mathematically significant gravitational field. Remember Ivy from Soulcaliber? too small, too static.
2: Pitcher blender, obviously. Unless they're aiming to appeal more to women, then a ceiling fan.
3: They already have, but were disappointed by the robots' lack of zombification of its victims. They're currently in a heated legal battle with Aperture Science over patent rights. (Keep your eyes open for everyone's favorite Ace Attorney to get involved, with his latest DLC crossover campaign!)
5: Sadly, they're already locked into a parasitic Pepsi contract. They're attempting to trade it for the lucrative one, but, as demonstrated in their RE:6 sales estimates, they are bad at setting quotas. (Yet another wacky adventure for everyone's favorite Ace Attorney? *wink*) (*...actually, no. This is evolving into the next Ghouls and Goblins franchise revival, where the player must rescue Lady Capcorn by defeating the demonic plague-cloud, Pepsire... with a rocket launcher.)
6: Highly unlikely. However, most of the teams responsible for previous Disney-licensed games have already been incorporated into Disney Interactive... may whatever god they believe in have mercy on their souls.
7: Ada Wong, obviously. You didn't think they'd "blackface" any of the white characters, did you? Haha! casual racism...
Actually, given the current situation, Ashley Graham might be a contender... so long as they hit the release window in 2014.
PS: Capcom has proved their ability to reboot a franchise with DMC. Despite its being marginally offensive to fans of the series (albeit slightly less offensive than Devil May Cry 2), DMC was both critically acclaimed and well-received by the community-at-large, or as assholes like to call them, "filthy casuals".