Closets and the coming out thereof
- Thread starter kurokotetsu
- Start date
As a person whose favourite kink involves fusing about 5 different ones and someone who is, in principle, mostly confused about his sexuality in general and on top of that has far far more issues than I always let on, the question in my case would more likely be which closet we are talking about. I mean already explaining the particular kink I have could take an evening if people don't know the necessary terms that it involves and if we include the rest...well that may be a year. So I haven't really bothered yet, especially since all of it is physically impossible anyway and only affects myself in the real world. For good and for bad.
Anyway, as for one kink-related I did come out, twice, in fact, both times with acceptance but under circumstances which were not of my particular liking. Once being drunk and whiny and the other time leading to, well, silence, which kind of made me even sadder. So both times weren't particularly pleasant. Still, if somebody I know asked me I'd be honest I guess - but, again, since it neither matters nor should have any kind of bearing on anything plus 99,9999% of people don't know it, it's neither wise nor useful to push the matter.
Anyway, as for one kink-related I did come out, twice, in fact, both times with acceptance but under circumstances which were not of my particular liking. Once being drunk and whiny and the other time leading to, well, silence, which kind of made me even sadder. So both times weren't particularly pleasant. Still, if somebody I know asked me I'd be honest I guess - but, again, since it neither matters nor should have any kind of bearing on anything plus 99,9999% of people don't know it, it's neither wise nor useful to push the matter.
That's one of the many reasons why I tend to avoid relationships. I am always worried that it'd just be vanilla 'oh. yay, fucking.' Nothing fun like collars n' forced orgasms.Candidus said:
But on topic? Uhm, not really. My father instantly gets annoyed with me if I show any signs of transsexualism and dismisses it as 'weird' and 'freaky' when ever I ask why. My kinks are pretty far down there that i'd probably be avoided if I told anyone, annnd the rest I'm pretty open about. Sowwie I couldn't add to the conversation.
eeerrrrrm.....I'm not sure I'd compare the "gamer" closet to the gay closet, I mean come on....
well actually all that said I guess I did have a "cloest" moment after a left school, because at that age this kindo of thing was a BIG deal I was obsessed with being a nerd...or more to the point NOT being a nerd, (watching AVGN was a dirty dirty secret) it was about as difficult and angsty as a gay thing I guess XD..before I realsed no one cares, in fact I actually cringe when my parents/other people call me a "gamer" or whatever...its like "ok guys, lets not go that far"
funny thing though in the past year I've been having an....interesting time figuring other things out, or trying too (if my posts are any indication)I even admitted it to a friend once while I was really drunk...its actually annoying though because its something I really want to be open about but I know that I might not even be sure and its not the kind of thing I want to backtrack on... I could write several encyclopedia articles on my issues there but I think I'll spare everyone the joy
yeah the "Bi" thing carries with it its own issues and prejudices
as I said above when I was in highschool (all girls boarding school) something like AVGN...some weird guy yelling at old videogames on the interent would have been so weird...so forgen to most of my aquaintences that I would have gotten some weird looks
of coarse I find people in the real world (like my workplace) to not give a shit, it seems odd to be a "thing" thease days given that gamestores are everywhere and games are fairly mainstream
well actually all that said I guess I did have a "cloest" moment after a left school, because at that age this kindo of thing was a BIG deal I was obsessed with being a nerd...or more to the point NOT being a nerd, (watching AVGN was a dirty dirty secret) it was about as difficult and angsty as a gay thing I guess XD..before I realsed no one cares, in fact I actually cringe when my parents/other people call me a "gamer" or whatever...its like "ok guys, lets not go that far"
funny thing though in the past year I've been having an....interesting time figuring other things out, or trying too (if my posts are any indication)I even admitted it to a friend once while I was really drunk...its actually annoying though because its something I really want to be open about but I know that I might not even be sure and its not the kind of thing I want to backtrack on... I could write several encyclopedia articles on my issues there but I think I'll spare everyone the joy
heh....was that a Freudian slip or a typo?geK0 said:
yeah the "Bi" thing carries with it its own issues and prejudices
it might depend on the company you keepThe Almighty Aardvark said:
as I said above when I was in highschool (all girls boarding school) something like AVGN...some weird guy yelling at old videogames on the interent would have been so weird...so forgen to most of my aquaintences that I would have gotten some weird looks
of coarse I find people in the real world (like my workplace) to not give a shit, it seems odd to be a "thing" thease days given that gamestores are everywhere and games are fairly mainstream
Oh, let me add to my previous that I've recently, for the first time since I started collecting, thrown open a literal closet full of waifu anime figures in front of another living human being.
The witness to my unprovoked, spur of the moment reveal was one of my two friends, and bearing in mind the sort of personality I've shown him over the years? He was in pieces. Laughing. Pointing. Trying to ask "when?" (I think) and just squeek-wheezing the E and the N. Crying. Kneeling down. Going deep red.
I'm not the sort of person who takes pictures or videos, of myself or anyone else. I don't facebook or anything, so what's the point? ... Well, if I were the sort of person who took pictures or videos, I'd have liked to have caught that.
Anyway... that's a big stretch of the topic. I wasn't apprehensive about it after all, and it's kind of still `in the closet` because I no longer have a social group sufficiently large to technically "come out" about anything. But there you go.
The witness to my unprovoked, spur of the moment reveal was one of my two friends, and bearing in mind the sort of personality I've shown him over the years? He was in pieces. Laughing. Pointing. Trying to ask "when?" (I think) and just squeek-wheezing the E and the N. Crying. Kneeling down. Going deep red.
I'm not the sort of person who takes pictures or videos, of myself or anyone else. I don't facebook or anything, so what's the point? ... Well, if I were the sort of person who took pictures or videos, I'd have liked to have caught that.
Anyway... that's a big stretch of the topic. I wasn't apprehensive about it after all, and it's kind of still `in the closet` because I no longer have a social group sufficiently large to technically "come out" about anything. But there you go.
I've been having that same interest in wearing female clothing in general for years, basically... Only, after a few instances where my mom has caught me in her closet trying on her clothes[footnote]I could joke that I was literally coming out of a closet during those moments... but I won't...Skatologist said:
[/footnote], it's not something I could do in my predicament right now... Granted, I have worn female clothing in public before, but in those situations, they were [mainly] because I volunteered to play the female role in a [particular] play that day and was spending a good chunk of said day "getting into character"... (I'm still surprised that I could fit into my grandmother's heels, though...)OT: Huh... I usually don't see it as coming out of the closet for me the more I think about it... I mean, despite being a pretty open kind of guy in terms of [almost] everything, especially when it comes to what I like on e621 for example, there are some things that I just don't bring up because of how irreverent they tend to be to the people I communicate with on a daily basis... like the whole female clothing thing, which is basically the last major thing I could bring up to my friends, let alone my family outside of my mom and, to a certain extend, my grandmother...
I don't know... I guess once I do actually get my own place and make enough money to actually live in said place, then I probably would tell them in more detail... as well as have my own section for the female clothing I would finally buy for myself this time...
Well I came out to my boyfriend about my kink some time ago. I think he was a bit confused, but mostly just curious (told him over chat so I couldn't read his reaction). Was harder than I thought it was to say it and I suspect I got accepted easily because it's something that will never happen (I can dream though, oh I can dream...).
I'm also in the situation where I am trying to figure out if I'm in a closet at the moment or not. I recently I realised I might be transexual. In fact, this is the first I've mentioned it to anyone appart from my therapist so I guess I'm... peeking out of the closet? Right now (as I'm writing this) I'm feeling worried and a bit scared, and that's just from suggesting to a bunch of internet people that I'm thinking about my own identity.
I'm a bit reminded of when my childhood friend came out. We've known eachother since we where 10, we know eachother so well we can pretty much predict what the other will say or think. He cried when we accepted him. That scared me a bit honestly, if he cried from relief or happiness because we, the people who'd never even think of rejecting him, responded positivly... I can't imagine how scary it must be to come out to people who you know might not be as happy about it...
I'm also in the situation where I am trying to figure out if I'm in a closet at the moment or not. I recently I realised I might be transexual. In fact, this is the first I've mentioned it to anyone appart from my therapist so I guess I'm... peeking out of the closet? Right now (as I'm writing this) I'm feeling worried and a bit scared, and that's just from suggesting to a bunch of internet people that I'm thinking about my own identity.
I'm a bit reminded of when my childhood friend came out. We've known eachother since we where 10, we know eachother so well we can pretty much predict what the other will say or think. He cried when we accepted him. That scared me a bit honestly, if he cried from relief or happiness because we, the people who'd never even think of rejecting him, responded positivly... I can't imagine how scary it must be to come out to people who you know might not be as happy about it...
Gamer closet? lol. Most people where I'm from just assume that if you're a male or nerdy looking chick between the ages of 13 and 25 that you're probably a gamer. But I do understand that it's sometimes difficult to reveal your geeky side to some individuals.
I've recently started coming out of the bi-closet myself after years of confusion, anxiety and south loathing. It was very difficult for me to come to terms with it because of all the negative stigma surrounding bi-males; we're slutty, we have commitment issues, we cheat on our mates, we're perverted, we're incapable of loving somebody, we can't make up our minds, etc etc..... I believed all those things and refused to admit to myself I was bi, but there were so many stages in my life where I would accept to myself that I was gay only to fall for a woman (or vice versa), and it just confused the hell out of me.
I'm much more confident and happy now that I've just come to terms with it and have started being more open about it. I don't have this big secret that I'm hiding from everyone that has caused me a HUGE amount of anxiety, leading to social awkwardness, leading to loneliness, leading to absolute isolation and misery, It just wasn't worth hiding.
I was always this shy, reserved, extremely unemotive person because, along with the whole bi thing, I was always afraid that people would find me weird, creepy, childish, wimpy and unmasculine because of the way I act (when I'm not overcome by anxiety). lately though, I've been finding that I'm a more likable person for just saying "fuck it" and letting go of all those anxieties; being so shy honestly just made me uncomfortable to be around.
Coming out to my family is the next big hurdle, but my experience with coming out to my friends has been a positive experience.
I also need to come out as an enthusiast of oregano to my friends who really don't like people that use oregano. Although I feel my love for oregano does not affect our relationship, I'm afraid those individuals would feel uncomfortable to know that about me.
I've recently started coming out of the bi-closet myself after years of confusion, anxiety and south loathing. It was very difficult for me to come to terms with it because of all the negative stigma surrounding bi-males; we're slutty, we have commitment issues, we cheat on our mates, we're perverted, we're incapable of loving somebody, we can't make up our minds, etc etc..... I believed all those things and refused to admit to myself I was bi, but there were so many stages in my life where I would accept to myself that I was gay only to fall for a woman (or vice versa), and it just confused the hell out of me.
I'm much more confident and happy now that I've just come to terms with it and have started being more open about it. I don't have this big secret that I'm hiding from everyone that has caused me a HUGE amount of anxiety, leading to social awkwardness, leading to loneliness, leading to absolute isolation and misery, It just wasn't worth hiding.
I was always this shy, reserved, extremely unemotive person because, along with the whole bi thing, I was always afraid that people would find me weird, creepy, childish, wimpy and unmasculine because of the way I act (when I'm not overcome by anxiety). lately though, I've been finding that I'm a more likable person for just saying "fuck it" and letting go of all those anxieties; being so shy honestly just made me uncomfortable to be around.
Coming out to my family is the next big hurdle, but my experience with coming out to my friends has been a positive experience.
I also need to come out as an enthusiast of oregano to my friends who really don't like people that use oregano. Although I feel my love for oregano does not affect our relationship, I'm afraid those individuals would feel uncomfortable to know that about me.
Hollywood has done loads to screw over real-life schizophrenics with its portrayals of them being snap-finger-suddenly violent or complete sociopaths. I wish there was more of an effort to correct this.tricky-crazy said:
As for me... yeah, there's a few things I keep in closets, and I keep those closets tightly shut.
The best thing about the internet is the anonymity it gives me, especially when I talk about personal things because I don't know a single soul on the internet, so admitting that I am an enema fetishist isn't a big deal to anybody, but of all the women I seem to tell that I hope to be in a relationship always seem to give me a wide berth. It probably hurts more that I am more upfront about it then I think most wish I would be.
I also admit that I am a gamer online, but in general conversation, I really don't like to admit to it except to other gamers, otherwise, I assume people judge me. I feel the same way about movies. I genuinely love movies, but I don't really get a chance to talk about them to people because most people have something more interesting to think or do than talk about movies, which is why when a movie forum comes up, all I can do is talk incessantly about them.
But I keep that stuff on the Escapist or AV Club or something, where no one will really judge me, and if they do, they certainly don't know me and vice versa.
I also admit that I am a gamer online, but in general conversation, I really don't like to admit to it except to other gamers, otherwise, I assume people judge me. I feel the same way about movies. I genuinely love movies, but I don't really get a chance to talk about them to people because most people have something more interesting to think or do than talk about movies, which is why when a movie forum comes up, all I can do is talk incessantly about them.
But I keep that stuff on the Escapist or AV Club or something, where no one will really judge me, and if they do, they certainly don't know me and vice versa.
Ah! I was wondering - the OP was pretty vague (you might want to edit it to include that).kurokotetsu said:
Anyway, welcome to the community! As an amateur dominatrix myself, I have to say - good taste in kink. ^^
If you ever want to discuss BDSM in general (or BDSM comics specifically) PM me - I love to chat.
OT: Closets - I've always been a bit of a situational closet user myself. For example, among my friends, I'm pretty much in no closets at all. With my family, I'm in various closets depending on who I'm talking to. And professionally, I generally stick to a policy of benign neglect where I don't hide anything but I don't mention anything either.
Hm, I think the trickiest part about the whole closet-business is being constantly stuffed back there.
I'm open about being attracted to women, but it's not something that immediately comes up in a discussion, so everytime you meet new people they start with the assumption you are straight.
So I've ended up knowing some people for a while before they find out and they have been offended or changed how they act around me.
Being around humans is difficult for me to begin with, if they are just going to reject me because of something like that I'd rather it happen before I even get close to them.
Also people care about my sexuality, I'd rather wish they didn't, but considering how the reaction of many people have been an offended 'why haven't you told me'...
And then of course if you do mention it early on, you're 'pushing it to people's faces'...
I'm open about being attracted to women, but it's not something that immediately comes up in a discussion, so everytime you meet new people they start with the assumption you are straight.
So I've ended up knowing some people for a while before they find out and they have been offended or changed how they act around me.
Being around humans is difficult for me to begin with, if they are just going to reject me because of something like that I'd rather it happen before I even get close to them.
Also people care about my sexuality, I'd rather wish they didn't, but considering how the reaction of many people have been an offended 'why haven't you told me'...
And then of course if you do mention it early on, you're 'pushing it to people's faces'...
I actually just came out as gay a few weeks ago[footnote]And "coming out as a gamer" does not even come close to comparing.[/footnote], and so far my mom has been the only person who isn't cool with it. I know how lucky I am compared to other LGBT people, and I don't regret coming out in the slightest.
Of course for me, "coming out" doesn't mean telling everyone I know outright or "shove it in people's' faces" (although some people take it that way) , it just means that I'm not going to hide it and not going to be ashamed of it.
But yeah, that's about it for me. I had told some close friends prior to coming out, but I still think that I didn't actually come out until a few weeks ago.
Of course for me, "coming out" doesn't mean telling everyone I know outright or "shove it in people's' faces" (although some people take it that way) , it just means that I'm not going to hide it and not going to be ashamed of it.
But yeah, that's about it for me. I had told some close friends prior to coming out, but I still think that I didn't actually come out until a few weeks ago.