Three Blind Mice walk into a pub, but they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from their exploits would be exploititive.
Two men walk into a pub. Well, I say two men, it can actually be any number of men you like. Four men. Eight men. The population of a small Yorkshire village. Rotterdam. Sod it, England. England, Wales, Scotland and the entirety of Ireland. Hmm, how about continents? Antarctica? Bad example, that's just three blokes in a weather station. Europe? Hell, what about Eurasia? Eurasia and Africa? And the Americas? Sod it. The whole population of Earth walks into a pub. First person to the bar says "I'll get the first round!" What an idiot!
Two men walk into a pub. Well, I say two men, it's actually a three man joke so they sit down, order a beer and have a Ploughman's waiting for the third man to turn up. After a while, they're approached by a woman who sits in an empty seat.
"Hello, I see you're waiting for a third man? Maybe I can help?" She asks helpfully.
"That's nice of you, and I hate to be sexist, but it really is a three man joke." Replies one of the men.
"Oh, that's no problem! I'm actually a man, I'm just waiting for a transvestite innuendo routine that hasn't shown up." After a while, they all agree and they go back outside to start the joke.
Three men walk into a pub. Well, I say three men, one's dressed like a woman but it's actually a man so, on paper, we're alright. They walk into the bar and the first person they meet is the man who was meant to be doing the routine in the first place. He looks at them, shocked and depressed.
"You started without me!?"
"Yeah! You were too late, and this person here kindly agreed to help us."
"But it's a woman!"
"Actually, it's a transvestite so technically, we're alright."
"What!?"
"Sorry Bill, you're out of the joke. Sit down and shut up."
"What!? I've been training my whole life for this joke and now, at the last second, I'm being replaced!? No speech!? No watch!?"
"No. Nothing. Sit down and shut up." So he sat down and started sulking. The three men went outside again.
Three men walked into a pub. Well, I say three men, one's dressed as a woman but we've been over this earlier. They walk in and the man that was dropped started heckling.
"Heard it!"
"Look, will you SHUT UP!?" At this, the man pulled a gun.
"Right, that's it! I'm hijacking this whole routine!"
"You idiot Bill! By pulling a gun you've turned this into a delusional rant! You're hijacking the joke to where it already is!"
And with that, the scene dissapeared, floating away like a delicate, hanging cadence.
- Bill Bailey's "Three men walk into a pub" collection.
