Comedian Quotes

[KenzS]

"Could you put that in a memo and entitle it "Shit I Already Know'? - Sarge

 

[messy]

I once stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died...
Steven Wright XD

"I intend to live forever - so far, so good"
"Change is inevitable....except from vending machine"
"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize"

and my personal favourite from Mr.Wright "I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.
You couldn't park anywhere near the place"

 

[-Orgasmatron-]

I haven't slept for 10 days, cus that would be to long
-Mitch Hedberg

 

[Trilby]

"You do know you've got molluscs on your pipes, right?"
"What of it?"
"Well, it's just that traditionally they live in the sea."

~Bill Bailey and Dylan Moran, Black Books.

 

[LooK iTz Jinjo]

Bill Hicks is a legend. If you have never heard of him go download some of his albums now.

"Children are smarter than adults. Know how I know? 'Cos I've never met a kid with a full time job, and children."
"The People who hate people come together" "No"
"You do a commercial you're off the artistic role call every word you say is suspect, you're a corporate whore and ah end of story."

Just a couple of my favorites. Go Bill!

 

[shwnbob]

The Amazing Jonathan after he rips someones dollar
"It's alright it's an illusion unless I can't fix it then it's a reality"