Conquering the Earth!

[Shamgarr]

This is a two part question that places you in the position of a highly advanced alien race that has come across our planet and wants to conquer it, with the assumption that the aliens are basically just humans from the future that use guns and other "human-esque" weapons and devices. Side note: I searced this, and didn't find anything.

1) How would you go about conquering Earth, assuming you want to have minimal casualties of both your race and the human race, and don't want to blow up the planet (cause someone will say it)?
2) How do you think Earth would respond to your invasion, especially the militaries, with the assumption that Earth will automatically fight back without any attempts at negotiation?

For me, I would probably use a device like that of an "E"-Bomb, which destroys all electronic devices within an area (in this case, the whole planet), and send in a large amount of soldiers, taking out resistance as necassary, but sparing those who surrender.

 

[Shamgarr]

3) Do you think Earth would even fight back against such an advanced world of aliens?

Of course, for my answer I just point out the Native American people, who were clearly out of their league technology-wise, but still fought back against European settlers with courage and ferocity. I think that's what Earthlings would do as well. But what do you think?

 

[thiosk]

First, you would knock out communication and transportation networks concurrant with striking hard at airforce and any and all naval units you can find. The more dedicated communication networks severed the better.

Large scale shows of force are next. Obliterate landmarks and major buildings in population centers around the world-- reign of terror. Continue knocking down every plane that flies and every boat that leaves port. Start systematically cutting the smaller segments of the transportation networks-- no bridge is too small.

After about a week or two of this, the looting will have started, and the supermarkets are likely bare of goods. If your invading armies hand out food and shoot looters, well, hell-- maybe they'll even welcome you with roses.

Once you have control of swaths of territory, you dismantle the family unit, sending the parents and the children-- separating everyone of course-- to different work camps where they will spend the rest of their lives laboring for the good of the empire.

 

[Slotteh]

I'd nuclear bomb US and pretend it was from China or some other country.

Then I'll just leave Earth alone for another 10 days, come back, clean up. Earth is mine.

 

[Stalk3rchief]

Learn Hebrew and all other basic religious languages [Should take mere seconds with my space technology] and then decent from the heavens VIA tractor beam. The 'light' will have the appearance of being holy. All I have to do is say 'Oh hey, uhm... I'm your god."
Bam, world conquered.

 

[Nevar18]

3 part answer
------------------
1)careful spy placement inside world governments until i rule the world with earth none the wiser, then announce their defeat.

2)at least 30% of the world's population should then belong to me, no-one could tell the differences just by looking between human and alien. they wouldn't be able to trust each other enough to band together in a group large enough to threaten me(assuming i have more than just 30% of earths population worth of soldiers), send a few 'cheap units' to join them and spy/sabotage their plans just incase.

3)if /1) goes according to plan, then No.

 

[Shamgarr]

I'd nuclear bomb US and pretend it was from China or some other country.

Then I'll just leave Earth alone for another 10 days, come back, clean up. Earth is mine.

Creative, but like I said, we want to have as fre casulties as possible, a nuke sent to the [arguably] strongest country on the planet isn't exactly subtle. Plus, this isn't a discussion on hw you want to discuss business after you've conquered Earth (but by all my means, by my guest to include it), but simply how you'd go about conquering it in the first place.

Personally, I'd infiltrate their governments, then have all of "their" leaders get all of their underlings to come in a room and I'd come on a screen and say "I know this is the most retarded way to announce our takeover, but, All Your Base Are Belong To Us! Now that that's out of the way, activate the gas chambers (a gas that "their" leaders are immune to)!" Then I would tell the entire world that I am from the future and that we will abolish game ratings, movie ratings, TV ratings, and any censorship laws. Also, I'd make it legal for hot chicks to be nude in public (but not mandatory). I'd also nuke any small, weak, pointless countries (like Iraq and most of Africa (No offence)). Also, I'd capture people like Jack Thompson and Actvision's CEO and make it so people could torture the publicly. I'd also use our tech to bring back Heath Ledger. Oh, and clone the world's strongest man millions of times for manual labor and other people good for their jobs so nobody had to work and money wouldn't be needed. Then I would cure all illnesses and make a activity where people can fight REAL ZOMBIES (And not get infected or die). Also, I'd make it illegal to stop someone from playing any games. I'd also make it illegal to let any moral guardian live.

Utopia Justifies the Means. [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/UtopiaJustifiesTheMeans]

hmmm... I thought about addressing the "infiltrate their governments convertly idea, and I have to say that would be pretty darn creative. But, this would only work if the aliens had (and I suppose they could) technology that allowed them to look like humans and that they study our culture well enough. The only problem is that this would probably take some time to plan and cooridinate, I'm looking for more of a quick take-over.

 

[Rolling Thunder]

I wouldn't. Fighting 5 billion people sounds a touch difficult, frankly.

 

[Timotei]

I'd nuclear bomb US and pretend it was from China or some other country.

Then I'll just leave Earth alone for another 10 days, come back, clean up. Earth is mine.

Have you ever heard of The Patriot Missile Shield. So unless you have over 2000 or so nukes then you might have a chance to get a few to actually reach the surface.

And it's not so easy to say one country did it without solid evidence, of which there would be none.

 

[Gigaguy64]

1)I would creat a corporation that grew so powerful i could buy the earth, and i have a Multi colored superhero team to help push my corporation.
2) they wouldnt know what was happening untill Aninimonday was declared a world holiday.

 

[Lord Mountbatten Reborn]

Didn't you know man? It's already happened! This is all like, some crazy dream, and we're the resources of the aliens, trapped inside a hallucinogenic world maaaaaaan. Like, wooooow!

Incidentally, they EMP'd us.

I wouldn't. Fighting 5 billion people sounds a touch difficult, frankly.

Correction: It's over 6 billion. All the more fun.

 

[El Poncho]

What if I want to kill as many humans as possible? Squad who kills them most humans get cookies. I will then make no traces of human existance on the planet(although I may move it to a holding planet which I have done with many other planets) then I will let nature take it's place, I will then send people from my race in over populated areas to this planet it creating a town in the most perfect place possible and the least enviromentaly harming way to be taught how to study species from other planets and watch evolution take place over millions of years

 

[KarumaK]

#1: Satellites downed

#2: Pod People.

#3: ???

#4: Profit

 

[Avaholic03]

Why would invading aliens want to avoid human casualties? They would probably release some sort of chemical/biological attack prior to their invasion that would wipe out all life. Most likely scenario: they're just want the resources and don't care about the inhabitants.

Earth would "respond" by nearly every living thing being dead. The few survivors would be easily killed/neutralized.

 

[TheNumber1Zero]

I already conqeuered the Earth, got bored, went back in time, killed myself, created paradox, ignored, destroyed the fabric of the universe, watched the universe revert itself, decided wasn't worth the trouble to do again, took nap.

You want to know how? alright then:

I sent Aliens into the Earth with lightning like teleportation so they could get into their walker mechs they had hidden inside the planet, except I gave them Suits that could block out the germs, Followed by Blasting the White House with a giant laser.

The Military was on vacation at the time, making it easier.

 

[IrirshTerrorist]

Release a chemical agent into the atmosphere which pacifies the population of Earth, then kill the heads of armies and governments, get there second in commands to agree to become part of your Galactic empire. Then over a period of decades, return control of Earth to the humans while still keeping it as a part of your empire.

Basically I want to take over without being an oppressor.

I think people will react badly at first but after some several years people will realise that they got off light, a more violent aliens species would have merely gone to war until humans surrendered.

So it all works out.

 

[Dapper Ninja]

Let's see, I'd start with a large-scale display of force to show the world that I'm not messing around, something along the lines of completely eradicating Washington D.C. from a Death Star-like space station. Next I'd destroy every major military base in the world in order to minimize resistance. Afterwards, I'd create a worldwide broadcast of myself sitting calmly on my Throne of Evil announcing that I've taken the world hostage I'm taking over, and I'd kill all who opposed me, but spare those willing to submit.

After my announcement, I'd unleash my Dalek-like footsoldiers on the world to weed out the opposers, starting with the world's leaders, then moving on to the world's major cities and working my way down, placing a Dalek in every home to monitor the remaining population. This would presumably be finished quickly, giving me a tyrannical dictatorship ruled by fear within a few hours.

And yes, that is my idea of "minimal casualties".

 

[titanium turtle]

massive orbital bombardment with massive defence rendering the stations impervious

get everything into position without them knowing- offer our technological advances and promise of trade as a cover up to our space stations getting into key locations

everything at once unexpected- keep obliterating everything until they surrender
keep everything secret and hidden

it's a bit of a dick move but it will sure as hell work

 

[Toaster Hunter]

One word. Bribery. Have them work for me. If that doesn't work, carpet bomb until they give in.

 

[ljd184]

i will destroy one country probably China and then say now are you going to listen.
then when i am in power i will make every day yoghurt day and force people to only to have yoghurt