Conquering the Earth!

[bcponpcp27]

Since its "future...y" I'll go with my death by hamster ball. I will surround the earth with a massive sphere, stopping all sun rays. They must agree to let me rule, and I will give them sun through a small hole. If anyone attempts to escape, they die.

 

[stonethered]

You mentioned that the 'aliens' are basically humans from the future.

as such, infiltration of a few key organisations, CIA, KGB, Screen actors guild(or whatever they're called), etc...
followed up with a campaign of movies over the course of say 10-50 years introducing the idea of aliens as being 'mostly harmless' and 'harbringers of of a third, better, age'; cause this idea to become the predominant view.
study culture in excruciating detail, maybe probe a few unsuspecting rednecks to lower the suspicion.
send messages to a few ordinary people, just to gauge reactions.

depending on reactions either A) reveal ourselves dramatically or B) approach Governments quietly, hinting with minimal subtelty of our immense military might and the wisdom of not opposing us. Then offer them a peak at our awesome technology to provide a positive incentive.

profit, or invade depending on reactions. If invade then disable satelites, bomb a few isolated military bases in major countries, and hover over major cities broadcasting how much we hate having to fight them and wish their governments would stop being so stubborn. Especially that last part.

 

[Shamgarr]

Yeah, pretty much everyone agrees that disabling the communications would be the primary thing to do. Without the ability to communicate, Earth is pretty much screwed. Especially with a large scale EMP, there would be practically no resistence. No vehicles, no power. But I suppose guns and stuff would still work, but how effective would they really be against incredibly advanced armor and weapons?

 

[Crudler]

I uh, might point out the obvious and talk to them first.
Before invading I would simply say:

"Look you tiny walking sacks of meat, look at our technology, see this thing can peel and cook a potato before you even want to. So by that logic, surrender, let us subjugate you and you will benefit from our technology, but you will still be under our rule and may have to fight for us or let us tax you a bit. On the other hand you could all be dead so it's not that bad"

 

[Pandalisk]

I would never invade humanity, You dont fuck with them.

Oh aliens have flying spaceships and laser technology you say? We have A tool which ignites Sulphur and gunpowder and fires it out of a tube, its not as sospisticated but just as ingenious.

 

[Supreme Unleaded]

Im acually serios on this, the govenmeant has listening posts for alien contact, like its the hubble telescope of sound waves.

So if I was an Alien Race I'd send my fleet close to earth, send a transmition in every language (because if where smart we'd reaserched the planet earth and learn the languages) saying we come in peace, we'd like to speak with you. Then send a small craft to orbit the atmospheer after a week, have that send annother message saying where here and we will not harm you so far as you don't harm us. Land the thing on a world super powers land (preferably not the U.S. or China for they'd kill me or us instantly) and come out slowly, ask to see their leader.

Now from watching the day the earth stood still i know they wouldn't send me right to their leader, but I'd say I come in peace and would like to discus alien-human relations, and that I'd see all the world leaders eventually. If i get killed or something bad happens the whole alien fleet comes in and relays this message.

"We came in peace, where giving you one more chance to let us talk, or we will take our intelegance and insite somewhere els"

Then go on to saying that we wish to interact with humans, give them ways to make themselves smarter and better overall. Get the humans to like aliens and make them better. It would be a very touchy relationship for all humans wont like us but it would still help. Sure its not taking over the world but as a intellagent life force we could take over any planet we want so who cares.

 

[Logic 0]

I'd use my charing wit to win the humans over and rule the world.

 

[Motti]

1. Research the hell out of the planet, the culture, the languages etc. In other words, just sit and watch for a couple of decades.
2. As the UN security council is in a meeting, teleport an ambassador right in the centre of the room to deliver an ultimatum: join us and benefit from our technology or face war with us. To show that I'm not screwing around, We would decimate a city of our choosing if they do not respond within 24 hours. The ambassador would then teleport the hell out of there.
3. If they agree, whoop-de-doo and I've just conquered earth without bloodshed. If they don't answer in 24 hours, I'd wipe out a random city with my super-awesome death ray thing. If they continue to fight, we'd attack in force. If half-life 2 is any indication, we'd last about 7 hours.

 

[Kuchinawa212]

I'd just glass the largely populated areas from space. We can't get space cowboys to fight aliens, so a orbital bombardment I say is step one
Then ground forces. I say hit power plants, communication and then military outpost.
Then see we go from there

How earth will react? I say we'd join forces and set aside our differences and fight the aliens!

 

[quiet_samurai]

I'd just hold the world hostage from my volcano lair where I control my Astroid Mounted Doomray or AMD as I like to call it.

 

[Shamgarr]

As far as the second half of the question, which has largely gone unanswered, I think the Earthling's first priority would be getting their technology back up and running. This would be near impossible seeing as how their technology that helps them make technology like this isn't working. But, for the sake of humanity (no pun intended) let's assume they do somehow find a way to get their hardware up and running. You now have a war on your hands with a potentially powerful Earthling Army. Imagine all of the great militaries combining to fight off a common enemy.

 

[infested]

Hmm we are basicly humans from the future? I would replace people in charge with evil clones, and they would over time make the human race stupid with misinformation in schools and with reality tv. I would make the human race wage war amongst themselves so that they would be so caught up in what they were doing they wouldn't see us coming. I'd wait for the war to be nearing its' 10 year anniversery, and then I would start another war in another part of the world. I would polute the world with toxins and radio-active materials. I would make them all take "vaccines" that contained poisonous materials. I would also introduce alien diseases to the population, of which they have no immunity to. When they become very weak, stupid and slow, I will invade and whipe them out... all of them...

 

[sms_117b]

Hmmmm interesting

Planning and Infiltration, minimum of 2 years:
First would be infiltration, assuming we have the stealth tech, searching for hot spots of population and resources.
Second, using hopefully available medical technologies make a few aliens look like humans, then start multiple cults saying we're coming around the world
Thirdly would be the long range destruction of 99% of the satellites that are in orbit.

These are to be done within quick succession, maximum of 1 day (24 hours):
> Capturing of primary resources, primarily for this planet, Oil and Uranium.
> EMPs to missile and military bases
> EMPs to key Power stations and nodes
> Have global cults signal our arrival in the streets
> Complete destruction on one large city from orbit(this would be the most regrettable act in the take over)
> Lowering of a number of battleships from orbit over the major cities
> Use remaining communication satellites to say we are here, what we've done, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Suppression, maximum of 5 years
> Qwell rebellions
> Start global economic recovery
> Start global communications recovery
> Basically make the world a better place so no-one wants to rebel.

 

[somekindarobot]

I'd ask politely. And offer everyone banana bread! Everybody likes banana bread, right? If they refuse, I will resort to the heavy artillery: chocolate cupcakes! WITH RAINBOW SPRINKLES!

 

[Shamgarr]

Hmmmm interesting

Planning and Infiltration, minimum of 2 years:
First would be infiltration, assuming we have the stealth tech, searching for hot spots of population and resources.
Second, using hopefully available medical technologies make a few aliens look like humans, then start multiple cults saying we're coming around the world
Thirdly would be the long range destruction of 99% of the satellites that are in orbit.

These are to be done within quick succession, maximum of 1 day (24 hours):
> Capturing of primary resources, primarily for this planet, Oil and Uranium.
> EMPs to missile and military bases
> EMPs to key Power stations and nodes
> Have global cults signal our arrival in the streets
> Complete destruction on one large city from orbit(this would be the most regrettable act in the take over)
> Lowering of a number of battleships from orbit over the major cities
> Use remaining communication satellites to say we are here, what we've done, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Suppression, maximum of 5 years
> Qwell rebellions
> Start global economic recovery
> Start global communications recovery
> Basically make the world a better place so no-one wants to rebel.

I like this, I think it just might work. It kinda reminds of Live Free or Die Hard, which leads me to my next contribution. What if along with taking out the power, first infiltrated our global ecomony and arfed things up? This would create all sorts of problems that would potentially make an invasion easier.

 

[sms_117b]

I like this, I think it just might work. It kinda reminds of Live Free or Die Hard, which leads me to my next contribution. What if along with taking out the power, first infiltrated our global ecomony and arfed things up? This would create all sorts of problems that would potentially make an invasion easier.

Attacking the global economy would make things easier, but, tracking the economy, let alone successfully manipulating it would take a very, very long time, yes it would be worth it, but then you have to consider the motivations for dominating the Earth, and this becomes a whole lot deeper than the OP intended.

 

[orangebandguy]

Build a citadel. It's essential for every badass conglomerate empire.

Oh and before I forget, an Anti-Gordon Freeman device.

 

[timmytom1]

I`d launch biomass attacks to take advantage of certain bugs in software (cookie for the ones who know which game i am refering to)then i`d lauch terror raids that do nothing but kidnap people for no specific reason

 

[Shamgarr]

I like this, I think it just might work. It kinda reminds of Live Free or Die Hard, which leads me to my next contribution. What if along with taking out the power, first infiltrated our global ecomony and arfed things up? This would create all sorts of problems that would potentially make an invasion easier.

Attacking the global economy would make things easier, but, tracking the economy, let alone successfully manipulating it would take a very, very long time, yes it would be worth it, but then you have to consider the motivations for dominating the Earth, and this becomes a whole lot deeper than the OP intended.

I am the OP.

 

[sms_117b]

I like this, I think it just might work. It kinda reminds of Live Free or Die Hard, which leads me to my next contribution. What if along with taking out the power, first infiltrated our global ecomony and arfed things up? This would create all sorts of problems that would potentially make an invasion easier.

Attacking the global economy would make things easier, but, tracking the economy, let alone successfully manipulating it would take a very, very long time, yes it would be worth it, but then you have to consider the motivations for dominating the Earth, and this becomes a whole lot deeper than the OP intended.

I am the OP.

Oh, well, this is rather embarrassing. *insert distraction here*

Then I will elaborate, if the motivation is simply domination for expansion and none other, then manipulating the global economy would be more than worth the time and effort even if it changes the initial phase to 10 years in length, however it would include even more investment as Earths economy would be very different so cosmetic surgery would be required followed by a excellent Earth financial education, university then stock exchange apprenticeship, however, long term would reduce casualties and make occupation easier. However, if it's because they are running drastically out of resources, which as a futuristic race, they might be, the urgency to find new resources and start to generate them into their own economy would require a much shorter initial phase, where two years, where stated as being a minimum, would also be very close to the maximum. However if that is the situation one would also have to be careful of renegades, take to long they might do something about it themselves.

I think way too much about these things.