Could you be attracted to a bisexual?

[bananafishtoday]

I wouldn't care at all if the person I was dating was bisexual.

I have a friend who is gay and he told me that he wouldn't want to date a bisexual because, since their dating pool is larger, they would be more likely to cheat. Or something. Anyway, we had an argument about that and I think I convinced him of the absurdity of such a belief by the end.

Why is it that gay people are so prejudiced against bisexuals? Isn't it kinda hypocritical? I mean they struggle so much to get accepted by heterosexuals and yet here they are, showing the same amount of bigotry that they are fighting against in the first place, only towards bisexuals.

Two quibbles: "Some gay people," not "gay people" in general. Identity labels never describe a monolithic group. And certainly not the "same amount" of bigotry.

Anyway... for some gay folks, it's just simple prejudice. They heard about or met bi people who did X and subsequently drew the conclusion that most or all bi people do or are likely to do X. Maybe they already had preconceived notions and anecdotes/encounters "confirmed their suspicions." Confirmation bias is very powerful.

For others, it's part of a broader political framework focused on assimilating into straight culture. There is a subset of the gay community, generally well-educated, affluent, and urbane, that shuns activist politics and instead seeks to adopt heteronormative values--monogamy, the nuclear family, strict adherence to binary gender, and support of neoliberal economics--by presenting "gay" and "straight" as a simple dichotomy that has clear rules with no exceptions and that has no impact on or relevance to anything outside of relationship/sexual partners. Essentially giving up "We're here, we're queer" for "We're just like you" and in doing so casting out anyone who refuses to or is not able to conform to this framework.

Well, again, it's individual. I can't remember being present when the "Great Bi Cheating/Not Cheating Charter" was being signed. :3

Ugh, that's still languishing in committee. It's frustrating how this happens even to bills with broad bipartisan support, but I don't think I need to tell you how inefficient the Committee of Bisexual Affairs can be. See you next Tuesday for the vote on mandatory threesomes.

 

[Playful Pony]

How is this even an issue? Of course I could, but then I can't really explain why I am attracted to the people I am. They are just... Attractive! The only "problem" is that being a gay woman most of the girls I find attractive are not gay themselves, which is nobodys fault so I can't really complain too much =p.

 

[Muspelheim]

Well, again, it's individual. I can't remember being present when the "Great Bi Cheating/Not Cheating Charter" was being signed. :3

Ugh, that's still languishing in committee. It's frustrating how this happens even to bills with broad bipartisan support, but I don't think I need to tell you how inefficient the Committee of Bisexual Affairs can be. See you next Tuesday for the vote on mandatory threesomes.

No doubt they've all tired out from all the swinging groupsex every vote turns into. Next tuesday it is!

*Clacks heels together*

Glory to Gaga!

How is this even an issue? Of course I could, but then I can't really explain why I am attracted to the people I am. They are just... Attractive! The only "problem" is that being a gay woman most of the girls I find attractive are not gay themselves, which is nobodys fault so I can't really complain too much =p.

Aye... It's the way it is. Grass grows, fish swims, Scout bonks and all the cute lads are straight.

 

[Commissar Sae]

My girlfriend is Bi, she has never hidden the fact from me and I accept it as. Did she have relationships with girls before me, yup. Do I care, not really. She is loyal and loving that is all that really matters to me.

 

[LetalisK]

Considering my wife is bi, no, I would not have a problem with it.

Oh, and for those entertaining the fantasy that being with a bi chick would increase the probability of a threesome: it doesn't.

 

[Latinidiot]

Well, no, I don't think I would. I might feel threatened for a milisecond, as I cannot 'compete' with a girl, but that is a result of my own insecurity, and would disappear very quickly, just as the insecurity that pops up wen I meet a man who is more attractive than me.

They do exist, I have been told.

 

[Milanezi]

Yes. I don't see why it would matter if someone found out that thier partner is bisexual, as long as they aren't cheating or anything.

I might be biased because I'm bisexual too, but thats how I see it. If someone isn't willing to accept that someone is bisexual, they aren't the kind of person I would want to be aquainted with in any sense.

That's the way I see it too. My vision in the subject does not go far, I'm not bi not have dated a bisexual, so I'm speaking out pure opinion and comparison to situations with both heterosexual and gay communities, thus I act out of ignorance; however, I believe that if one dates a bisexual it is expected that said bisexual will commit to the relationship at hand, so say it's a bisexual woman dating a man, she commits not to see other women (or men obviously) just as well as that straight man commits not to see other women, otherwise you're betraying the very concept of a "loving serious relationship" (or at least the traditional vision of such, an not those agreements where the couple is ok with "going out" with other people, but then it's not cheating, it's just not usual, as long as both parts agree it's ok, I guess).
The main thing is: don't go all childish like thinking "wow I'm dating a bisexual chick, I'm going to bed with two girls", that's not necessarily true, actually if she/he loves you, that might be UNLIKELY, since you'll be enough. In other words don't mix bisexuality or any sexual orientation with tons of women/men on your bed.

 

[Rylingo]

Yes. Why not? It doesn't worry me in the slightest.

 

[Darken12]

Why is it that gay people are so prejudiced against bisexuals? Isn't it kinda hypocritical? I mean they struggle so much to get accepted by heterosexuals and yet here they are, showing the same amount of bigotry that they are fighting against in the first place, only towards bisexuals.

Because a lot of bisexual people (myself included) enjoy straight privilege. So long as you don't "come out" or are seen with a member of the same gender, you can coast by on the presumption that you are straight. Most gay people cannot do this (unless they're celibate or really, really good at stealth-dating). So a sector of the gay community resents bisexuals for being able to retain straight privilege (and avoid homophobia) while still having same-sex contact (usually on the down low).

And then there's the fact that being under constant homophobia/transphobia leaves some LGBTQ+ people with lower than usual self-esteem (it's been studied and everything), which leads them to instantly assume that anyone who "has it better" than them (that is, bisexuals, because they retain straight privilege) will eventually leave them, cheat on them, or be unsatisfied with them.

Also, everything bananafishtoday said. Their dissertations on gender, sexuality and the interesctionality of class/LGBTQ+ dynamics are always spot-on.

 

[GeneralFungi]

I'm gay, so if I was dating a dude who said he also liked women it wouldn't exactly be surprising to me. I'd be completely cool with it. I'd even consider the notion of him telling me a sign of trust. He would trust me to trust him to stick around in our relationship even though he has a much wider pool of people to choose from. If that makes any sense.

And besides, it's the best of both worlds isn't it? I'd give my lover a pat on the back and wish that I could appreciate the wonders of the vagina the same way others do.




...That's a joke.

 

[Trillovinum]

Years ago I dated a bisexual guy, he made it known he was bi by bringing up whenever he could. He slipped up by saying how he thought gay sex seemed disgusting and he'd never do it and how he didn't see the appeal to men. I reminded him of his 'bisexuality' and he was like 'oh yeah I am!'

While that guy indeed seems like a 'weirdo' (as you describe him)I actually kinda sorta feel I can relate... a bit. because myself, (as a man) I could picture myself blowing another man's whistle or polishing his knob any time of the day but I would never let him poke his stick in the brown bear's den nor will I ever put my own cane into the waste disposal shaft.
Though that's probably just me being funny about me bumsies...

On topic though: I don't see a problem dating a bisexual person. Not in the slightest. And while some of the fears people have described in this topic would indeed trouble me, I can be safe in the knowledge that I can rationally explain them away.

 

[Ilikemilkshake]

Almost everyone I've ever been out with or done anything with has been Bi... So I guess that's a resounding yes from me.

 

[Yuno Gasai]

I could be attracted to anyone.

It all depends on their personality and how well we "click".

I definitely wouldn't rule out a relationship just because the individual I was interested in happened to like both genders.

As long as they're interested in me, why does their sexual orientation matter?

 

[Relish in Chaos]

Yes, why wouldn?t I? It?s not as if they?re going to automatically cheat on me just because they may have a wider dating pool. Bisexual does not equal polygamous. If anything, a partner being bisexual would be a bonus, because they might be more open to some kinky stuff. Say, if a partner mentioned that she was attracted to Asians, would I suddenly expect her to run off with one? No, I?m not a paranoid dickbag, so why should this be any different?

Besides, I have at least one friend who?s bisexual (although he?s told me that he prefers girls to guys), so it?d be pretty hypocritical for me to not want to get into a relationship with one.

I don't believe girls think that way (i.e. "two guys would be hot") they are more of a monogamous bunch.

The vast yaoi fandom seems to disagree...

 

[Eternal_Lament]

I guess...?

I don't know, it's not something I've really thought of before. Straight guy here, so I guess it's not really an issue. It's not to do with the "threesome" fantasy, rather I guess dating a bi woman who is monogamous would be the same as dating a straight woman who is monogamous.

Perhaps only one thing would make me reconsider. If they're someone who simply happens to be bi-sexual, then whatever, they just happen to be dating a man instead of a woman. Hell, even if they're someone who likes the idea of introducing someone else into the mix, I'd be "okay" so long as they at least discuss it with me before anything happens. If they're someone however who considers themselves bisexual because they think everyone actually is, that's more a matter of attitude/personality than a matter of sexuality. If that's the case then no, but again simply because I think personality wise we wouldn't get along at that point.

 

[Busard]

White straight here. My ex and best relationship I had was a bisexual.

I'll take all the bisexuals if they're all like this.

Please

 

[Exius Xavarus]

It shouldn't even matter. They're attracted to me and they're with me. Provided that they actually are the trustworthy person you believe them to be, you should have nothing to worry about.

 

[BM19]

That depends: does it affect how much she cares about me?
No?
Then I don't care.

I'd like to know if she was, but honestly if she was still sorting through it herself, it is what it is. And if she knew it and was comfortable with it, then I'd probably pick it up naturally. And if she didn't tell me out of fear of prejudice, clearly she doesn't know ME very well.

 

[Goofguy]

Yup, I could be attracted to a bisexual and would have no problem dating one. Really, it'd change nothing. As long as we're attracted to and interested in each other, it wouldn't bother me that she also fancies women. It could make for some pretty fun conversations.