Crappiest Superhero

[Billion Backs]

Worse super power? Well, until a few months ago I would have said Cypher, a mutant who's power is to know all language...

That's an epic super power! The amount of money this dude could make as a translator would be astronomical!

Of course, you think of the practical purpose, you weirdo. He was on the New Mutants, among people with incredible powers, fighting people with incredible powers, and he was a translator. Now he's a badass.

Though, I guess knowing computer language would come in pretty damn handy.

But ye know, it sort of like the whole Batman/Ironman deal.

The guy could make a fuckload of money with help of his "useless" superpower, then buy a ton of modern weaponry and technology, take kung fu classes and augument himself with cybernetic implants.

I mean, if you look at the sheer number of super heroes, there are quite a few super heroes of natural/technological origin. Fuck, isn't Punisher (originally) just an angry dude with a lot of guns and sociopathic tendencies? Joker, just a slightly insane mobster with really ugly/disfigured face. Scarecrow, also from Batman, is just some dude with a can of "terror-gas" or whatever they called it. Also, lol, Penguin. I'm obese and fascinated with umbrellas!

If you think about it, most of the not-really-super heroes and villains from series qualify completely. Batman included if you consider how great his employment history is ( I mean, come on! Sure, just about any super hero relies on any ridiculous gimmick to prolong the series into infinity, but all Batman does is hunt down some crazy dude, who he can't even hold for any significant time. Hundreds of bystanders eventually die, and Batman still gives Joker to the authorities, who get murdered soon after.

And yes, I'm aware that many of these characters are later made actual super heroes/villains through magical/advanced technological means.

I don't know where I'm going to with this long rant at 5 AM, but I guess what I want to say is "being rich is a superpower, bitches!". You don't even have to be smart, just hire someone to create your own gimmicky gimmick.

Also, to most people in this thread, you do realize that Aquaman, as powers go, is completely awesome compared to Batman and similar not-really-super-heroes?

He can breathe underwater and swim at high speeds, survive under incredible pressure, has super strength, able to talk to marine life (and Cthulhu, apparently...) and command them to do shit. Overall, that's pretty damn awesome, especially if you consider that we're talking about a planet that has roughly 70% of itself covered in water and a variety of awesome marine life.

... HOLY SHIT. Aquaman talks and commands fish; Sting Ray is a fish; Therefore Aquaman might have murdered Steve Irwin! GASP.

 

[StBishop]

Aquaman had super stregnth and stuff. He wasn't the best, but fr from the worst. When it comes to over rated poor heroes, I'd go with Batman and Captain America. Every member of the JLA could whup Batman, and every other member of the Avengers should be able to whup the Cap.

I think Luke Cage needed a better character development for this day and age. HE would make a great film though. spesh if you cast Terry Crews as him

Superman actually tried to beat up batman on 3 occasions and failed each time.

 

[Billion Backs]

Aquaman had super stregnth and stuff. He wasn't the best, but fr from the worst. When it comes to over rated poor heroes, I'd go with Batman and Captain America. Every member of the JLA could whup Batman, and every other member of the Avengers should be able to whup the Cap.

I think Luke Cage needed a better character development for this day and age. HE would make a great film though. spesh if you cast Terry Crews as him

Superman actually tried to beat up batman on 3 occasions and failed each time.

Cryptonite, also a fan favorite for angsty reasons.

I mean, seriously, a toddler with cryptonite could probably beat Superman.

And considering that apparently half of everything is made from some kind of cryptonite since that's the only possible way to create anything resembling drama in Superman stories, that toddler could have probably gotten it rather easily.

 

[Reaper69lol]

Toad, long tongue? cmon.....what if your enemy didnt shower for weeks...

 

[Enigma6667]

Aquaman, of course. Breathing underwater is cool I guess, but as a full-on super power? No.

And how the fuck is talking to fish in any way awesome?

 

[CrashBang]

Man-man! He's one hell of a man!
Police-man, can do anything at all! ...within the boundaries of the law, of course

 

[Blueruler182]

Worse super power? Well, until a few months ago I would have said Cypher, a mutant who's power is to know all language...

That's an epic super power! The amount of money this dude could make as a translator would be astronomical!

Of course, you think of the practical purpose, you weirdo. He was on the New Mutants, among people with incredible powers, fighting people with incredible powers, and he was a translator. Now he's a badass.

Though, I guess knowing computer language would come in pretty damn handy.

But ye know, it sort of like the whole Batman/Ironman deal.

The guy could make a fuckload of money with help of his "useless" superpower, then buy a ton of modern weaponry and technology, take kung fu classes and augument himself with cybernetic implants.

I mean, if you look at the sheer number of super heroes, there are quite a few super heroes of natural/technological origin. Fuck, isn't Punisher (originally) just an angry dude with a lot of guns and sociopathic tendencies? Joker, just a slightly insane mobster with really ugly/disfigured face. Scarecrow, also from Batman, is just some dude with a can of "terror-gas" or whatever they called it. Also, lol, Penguin. I'm obese and fascinated with umbrellas!

If you think about it, most of the not-really-super heroes and villains from series qualify completely. Batman included if you consider how great his employment history is ( I mean, come on! Sure, just about any super hero relies on any ridiculous gimmick to prolong the series into infinity, but all Batman does is hunt down some crazy dude, who he can't even hold for any significant time. Hundreds of bystanders eventually die, and Batman still gives Joker to the authorities, who get murdered soon after.

And yes, I'm aware that many of these characters are later made actual super heroes/villains through magical/advanced technological means.

I don't know where I'm going to with this long rant at 5 AM, but I guess what I want to say is "being rich is a superpower, bitches!". You don't even have to be smart, just hire someone to create your own gimmicky gimmick.

Also, to most people in this thread, you do realize that Aquaman, as powers go, is completely awesome compared to Batman and similar not-really-super-heroes?

He can breathe underwater and swim at high speeds, survive under incredible pressure, has super strength, able to talk to marine life (and Cthulhu, apparently...) and command them to do shit. Overall, that's pretty damn awesome, especially if you consider that we're talking about a planet that has roughly 70% of itself covered in water and a variety of awesome marine life.

... HOLY SHIT. Aquaman talks and commands fish; Sting Ray is a fish; Therefore Aquaman might have murdered Steve Irwin! GASP.

Starting from the top. First, both Batman and Iron Man have some form of skill and advanced intelligence, also millions of dollars and the ability to make toys, not just talk to them.

Cypher's original power wasn't intelligence, it was just regular old language and computer language. He could talk to anyone and program shit. Now he's a kung fu badass, but before he wasn't. And classes wouldn't have made him any more of a badass than any geek who decided to start taking them.

He's also a mutant, so hiring someone to build him some super weapon or bat arsenal wouldn't go too well because of the whole persecution thing. If he started hiring weapon manufacturers the government would kick in, any number of anti-mutant militants would infiltrate, and it'd turn into a massive clusterfuck.

The Punisher was special forces, the super soldiers of the time. He's crazy with a shitload of guns, but he's a skilled crazy madman. The Joker's actually a fair point, but he's crazy enough to call it a super power. I'm not a big fan of the penguin, so I don't know much about him.

And Aquaman actually does have pretty damn cool powers, but I'm not a DC fan, so Namor's cooler. Also, him having powers isn't funny, so lets avoid that.

And I'm not even going to touch the Steve Irwin joke. That's just wrong, man.

 

[Ranorak]

I know this will get some dirty looks, but I just have to...

Premature Ejaculation Man! "Stop right there, you evildo-GAH!! Wait right there, I have to change my pants!"

[sub]Oh dear God, Stephen Lynch. XD[/sub]

If I could be a Superhero,
I would be Awesome Man.
I'd fly around the world fighting crime
According to my Awesome Plan.
And if I saw criminals trying to lie
Hurting other people and making them cry
I'd haul them off to jail in my Awesome Van.
Because I would be Awesome Man.

If I could be a Superhero,
I would be Drug-Free Boy.
Telling the world of the evils of drugs,
and the lives that they destroy.
well I'd take all the junkies getting so high
With their needles and bongs and sticks made of thai
as I'd burn them alive and I would squeal with joy.
'Cause I would be Drug-Free Boy.

If I could be a Superhero,
I'd be Immigration Dude
I'd send all the foreigners back to their homes
For eating up all of our food
And taking our welfare and best jobs to boot
Like landscaping, dish-washing, picking our fruit
I'd pass lots of laws to get rid of their brood
Because I would be Immigration Dude.

If you could be a Superhero,
Would you be Justice Guy?
Making sure people get what they deserve,
Especially women who lie
Like if a wife left her husband with three kids and no job
To run off to fucking Hawaii with some doctor named Bob
You could skin them and drain them of blood til they die
Especially that mother-fucker Bob
Then you would be Justice Guy

 

[AMX58]

Superman how do i say this oh wait Supersucka ha

 

[superbatranger]

I know this will get some dirty looks, but I just have to...

Premature Ejaculation Man! "Stop right there, you evildo-GAH!! Wait right there, I have to change my pants!"

[sub]Oh dear God, Stephen Lynch. XD[/sub]

If I could be a Superhero,
I would be Awesome Man.
I'd fly around the world fighting crime
According to my Awesome Plan.
And if I saw criminals trying to lie
Hurting other people and making them cry
I'd haul them off to jail in my Awesome Van.
Because I would be Awesome Man.

If I could be a Superhero,
I would be Drug-Free Boy.
Telling the world of the evils of drugs,
and the lives that they destroy.
well I'd take all the junkies getting so high
With their needles and bongs and sticks made of thai
as I'd burn them alive and I would squeal with joy.
'Cause I would be Drug-Free Boy.

If I could be a Superhero,
I'd be Immigration Dude
I'd send all the foreigners back to their homes
For eating up all of our food
And taking our welfare and best jobs to boot
Like landscaping, dish-washing, picking our fruit
I'd pass lots of laws to get rid of their brood
Because I would be Immigration Dude.

If you could be a Superhero,
Would you be Justice Guy?
Making sure people get what they deserve,
Especially women who lie
Like if a wife left her husband with three kids and no job
To run off to fucking Hawaii with some doctor named Bob
You could skin them and drain them of blood til they die
Especially that mother-fucker Bob
Then you would be Justice Guy

Oh my God, that deserves a friend request! You are full of win! XD

 

[Verlander]

Aquaman had super stregnth and stuff. He wasn't the best, but fr from the worst. When it comes to over rated poor heroes, I'd go with Batman and Captain America. Every member of the JLA could whup Batman, and every other member of the Avengers should be able to whup the Cap.

I think Luke Cage needed a better character development for this day and age. HE would make a great film though. spesh if you cast Terry Crews as him

Superman actually tried to beat up batman on 3 occasions and failed each time.

Mostly for moral reasons or whatever. Seriously, no morals, no cryptonite, just Superman's power, and Batmans gadgets, and Batman is just a guy wearing a goth's condom. Batman's become so popular, while his Marvel opposite (Iron Man) kicks him all over any universe. Man, I have Batman-hate issues. Still, if there was ever a superhero whose powers I didn't want, it would be Batman. I'd get his money and brains and build me a metal suit...

 

[fr3lance]

narcoleptic man: the power to randomly fall asleep

 

[Ranorak]

I know this will get some dirty looks, but I just have to...

Premature Ejaculation Man! "Stop right there, you evildo-GAH!! Wait right there, I have to change my pants!"

[sub]Oh dear God, Stephen Lynch. XD[/sub]

If I could be a Superhero,
I would be Awesome Man.
I'd fly around the world fighting crime
According to my Awesome Plan.
And if I saw criminals trying to lie
Hurting other people and making them cry
I'd haul them off to jail in my Awesome Van.
Because I would be Awesome Man.

If I could be a Superhero,
I would be Drug-Free Boy.
Telling the world of the evils of drugs,
and the lives that they destroy.
well I'd take all the junkies getting so high
With their needles and bongs and sticks made of thai
as I'd burn them alive and I would squeal with joy.
'Cause I would be Drug-Free Boy.

If I could be a Superhero,
I'd be Immigration Dude
I'd send all the foreigners back to their homes
For eating up all of our food
And taking our welfare and best jobs to boot
Like landscaping, dish-washing, picking our fruit
I'd pass lots of laws to get rid of their brood
Because I would be Immigration Dude.

If you could be a Superhero,
Would you be Justice Guy?
Making sure people get what they deserve,
Especially women who lie
Like if a wife left her husband with three kids and no job
To run off to fucking Hawaii with some doctor named Bob
You could skin them and drain them of blood til they die
Especially that mother-fucker Bob
Then you would be Justice Guy

Oh my God, that deserves a friend request! You are full of win! XD

I aim to please.
Also, seeing the guy live on stage might have helped

As for other superheroes that aren't all that useful. Why did no one mention Arthur yet?

His battle cry is "Not in the face!"

 

[Corax_1990]

Daredevil, he's a blind guy with the power to see.

 

[Ranorak]

Daredevil, he's a blind guy with the power to see.

...convenient.

Also

Excelsior!!

 

[Vrex360]

Burnt Face Man.

He really is a crummy example of a hero.

 

[GreatVladmir]

How about Bibleman?

<youtube=YEKwrI5MYIM>

OH DEAR GOD... no pun intended.

Actually, I laughed till I cried at that last one-liner. It'd make David Caruso cringe.

My.......god......that was, why does that even exsist!?

I mean Dressed and confessed? WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!!!! Is it suppose to be funny? Seriously, I was all for naming Seaman as the worse super hero, but bible man wins, by miles

 

[Sir_Tor]

Quite literally the crappiest superhero ever; Doodieman.

Spoiler

That guy must've had one HUGE dinner!

OT: That girl who can shoot fireworks out of her hands REAL good power that is! /sarcasm

 

[James Hueick]

Retard-Man, he has the power to annoy bad guys with his stupidity.

 

[Archetypal_Maniac]

Superman is probably one of the most un-imaginative super heroes out there, not because he is weak..but because he has everything. LAAAAAAME.