Critical Miss: The Board

[winter2]

My eyes bleed from the harsh language contained in this comic. Please fix or do somefink!

 

[jboking]

Spoiler: Bulletstorm

This is a first-person shooter in which players assume the role of a space pirate who must escape a planet populated by mutant cannibals. Players use futuristic machine guns, shotguns, magnum revolvers, assault rifles, and chain guns to perform over-the-top kills that dismember and decapitate foes. Injured enemies emit large sprays of blood that stain the ground and surrounding walls. Specialty kills (i.e., Skillshots) represent the most intense instances of violence: enemies can be dismembered with explosives; impaled on spikes; and drilled into walls, resulting in body parts breaking into pieces. During the course of the game, players can consume alcohol and kill enemies in order to receive an Intoxicated Skillshot; the screen turns blurry during these sequences. The dialogue contains numerous jokes and comments that reference sexual acts, venereal diseases, and having sex with one's mother (e.g., 'Guess I know where the ol' gal got that limp.'). The names of some Skillshots are infused with sexual innuendo (e.g., Gag Reflex, Rear Entry, Drilldo, Mile High Club); one Skillshot (i.e., Fire in the Hole) allows players to shoot at enemies' exposed buttocks. Language such as 'f**k,' 'sh*t,' 'p*ssy,' and 'c*ck' can be heard in dialogue.

Is anyone arguing that Bulletstorm doesn't have all this? "Childish" language aside, I think it's a fair measurement of the mature content of the game.

I've always found the ESRB summaries to range from fair to fucking hilarious. I find nothing wrong with this. If I was a parent, I would read the ESRB summaries for the games my child wants and it may expose that I don't want my child playing that...it may also expose that the same game is so awesome that I myself want to play it. Here is an example

Spoiler: Duke Nukem Forever

This is a first-person shooter in which players assume the role of Duke Nukem, an action hero who must save Earth from invading aliens. Players use pistols, rail guns, shotguns, explosives, and Duke's bare hands (for some reason that makes me laugh when I read it - jboking) to attack and kill the alien enemies. The majority of gameplay involves destroying these enemies in frenetic gun and laser battles in order to move on to the next section. Aliens are often decapitated or dismembered when hit, sending large splashes of blood across the ground, surrounding walls, and players' screen. Some sequences depict more 'over-the-top' instances of violence: aliens getting stabbed in the head or impaled; a human soldier bursting into bloody gibs after being tossed through propeller blades. In one sequence, players have the ability to shoot human characters that are trapped in pod-like alien webbing; bodies explode into pieces upon impact. During the course of the game, players enter a strip-club level and view several topless dancers and receive lap dances. A couple of missions within this level require players to recover sex toys and pictures of topless women. A few sequences strongly imply sexual acts: two women appear to perform fellatio on the central character (e.g., raising their heads from his lap)?though there is no actual depiction of the sex act; Duke moans and leans up against the wall of a bathroom stall (furnished with a hole)?it is implied that a sex act (not depicted) occurs. The game also contains several sexual references and innuendo in the dialogue (e.g., 'I have hungry?you have big egg ro' for me, Duke,' 'If you supply the dancing, I'll supply the pole,' and 'I'll need something naughty to play with.'). Duke's comments range from jokes about colon cleansing to several one-liners about sex and female body parts. Bathroom humor includes the ability to urinate in toilets or urinals and/or pick up feces from toilets and throw it against walls. Players can use both steroid pills and beer as power-ups; when beer is consumed, the screen temporarily blurs. The words 'f**k,' 'sh*t,' 'c*ck,' and 'a*shole' appear in dialogue and on-screen text.

 

[Frylock72]

Are you guys kidding me? No one picked up on the Dr. Frankenfurter reference in the one-liner at the bottom? I have lost all faith in you guys.

On topic, I think the comic's always been funny. This one's no exception from the rest.

 

[Doctor What]

I have never said this before:

Ahem.

Funniest damn thing ever.

 

[BarbaricGoose]

This one had my sides aching.

Bravo. Bravo.

 

[Nocta-Aeterna]

Dick Joke Factory eh? Methinks Mr. Croshaw will have a fieldtrip on this one.

 

[Formica Archonis]

Hehe, good one. Reminds me of Moviebob referring to the Academy as a retirement home, for some reason. Like the art, too! (Is something different about it?)

 

[standokan]

I lol'ed ^^

 

[albear]

had to 'dawww' at Erin's face in the second panel

 

[Jabberwock xeno]

Haha...

I miss chad and lance bro...

*sobs*

 

[omicron1]

Honestly, the amount of ridicule/ire directed at the ESRB's expanded ratings these days is rather confusing to me - as the point of the ESRB is to inform parents (including those who would rather not immerse themselves in bad language - yes, such people do exist) of the content of the game, and has no bearing on older, more responsible people's access to said game that I can see, it seems rather childish to poke fun at them for doing their job - a job that indirectly benefits the gaming public!

The ESRB expanded rating isn't meant for the hardcore gamer! Heck, it's not even meant for the casual gamer! It's meant for the parent trying to see if the content of the game fits within their particular standards for their children's access - similar, in all honesty, to a "family" review site for films. Yet it gets ridiculed up and down the Internet - and for what? For censoring coarse language? For making a list of all the possible "infractions" a parent might find in the game? Honestly...

 

[GeneticallyModifiedDucks]

Welcome back, Critical Miss. I missed you.

(The Steam thing was funny at times but it dragged on too long, imo)

 

[Celtic_Kerr]

That looks like Pintsize form Questionable Content on the whiteboard.

Didn't notice that. I hereby dub you "EPIC" For pointing that out

... Get it? Epic? ...... Epic games? ........ *sniff* I'm funny... My mommy says so...

 

[Yvl9921]

This comic is so perfect. Keep it up.

 

[Eatbrainz]

"Help! I'm stuck in a dick joke factory!" might actually make it into the game, if you get 30 dick-jokes in a row or something awesome like that.

 

[RanD00M]

I see that Slowbro still lives on in the comics heart. Seeing him on the whiteboard made me actually call the word "Slowbro"
And I guffawed quite heartily over this comics. Brawah again good gentlemen.

 

[wammnebu]

Owies? they're called boo-boos thank you very much

 

[Ironic Pirate]

I don't know if I can cope with all the severe language in this comic. I think it needs to be censored more. My poor, sensitive ears just couldn't take it.

You read with your ears?

Pedantry aside, great comic.