Dates And Bragging

[Angelous Wang]

So Escapist, have you ever been on a date, or even just out with people, where you have experienced or met an individual who apparently is a master and skill at all things available?

These days I have no ability for small talk what so ever, my communication skills are literally limited to answering questions and providing information if I find it's necessary.

However during my childhood to early/mid-teen years I was basically a class clown type and I fucking lied about everything to make myself "cool" and the centre of attention, If someone else claimed they were good at something I would always make up a lie that made me better. If someone else had something "cool" I would always make up a lie that I had something better.

And I am surprised looking back how many of these lies I actually got away with, I suppose at least that actually makes me good at least one real thing.

 

[Godhead]

I shiggy diggy don't. Damn, and I thought that I was socially awkward.

 

[teisjm]

-My favorite: Due to his lack of job, sells sex toys to high school students (as we all know many high school students are minors, in my area at least)

this is awesome. i'd have been all over this. first of all how does one start up in that...business ?

is its schoolys coming up to strangers asking for sex toys OR is it stranglers going up to schoolys asking them if they want something from their extensive range *opens jacket*...either way my sick brain wants to know lol

Step 1: cut a hole in a box
step 2: put your dick in the box
step 3: pour mold-wax in the box
step 4: let it harden (the wax) pull out, and you've got a mold to cast replica penises

Now you sell them under the false announcment that they're replicas of biebers member. That should make sales easy in high school.

By the time the truth comes out, the costumers should've reached legal age, and has now grown so fond of the replica of your penis, that they'll be dying to try the real thing.
Then you won't even have to lie about all sorts of shit on a date to make them interrested.

It's a perfect plan, nothing could go wrong, i assure you that as a certified advisor of evil geniouses.

OT:
Never been on a date with someone like that, but i could imagine it'd be ammusing playing the covert detective role trying to find a way to collapse their card-house of lies all at once, for gleefull and slightly sadistic ammusement of watching the look on their face when you called their bullshit at once.
Or it might just be really really awkward, i suck at dealing with peoples issues, and i can only imagining it beeing harder when your own insight put them in that situation...

 

[lacktheknack]

I have never gone out with anyone like that. MY current girlfriend is also my first one, and she's humbler than she need be.

My condolences to you. D:

I used to be an insecure braggart, but I've gotten better.

 

[War Penguin]

-Hentai Comic Book Artist.

This made me spit my drink. Who the fuck admits this, especially on a first date?! xD

-Took 1 class of psychology so now he knows how to professionally psychoanalyze people
-Took 1 class of psychology so now he is knowledgeable on all mental illnesses ever

To be fair, everyone who takes just one psychology course assumes that. xD

OT: Yikes! Thank god you turned him down. Some people just have to start hearing the word "no" and learn.

I've never been on a date. That said, I always fear I'm going to be that guy! Like, I'll say something that's way out of proportion to what I actually meant. D:

That said, I wouldn't go around saying that I'm a fucking hentai comic book artist! I mean christ on a stick, really?!

 

[rob_simple]

Are you sure you weren't just on a date with Bruce Wayne? That list of accomplishments read like his preposterous bio in Arkham Asylum.

To be honest I like going on dates like the one you describe because, as soon as I realise it's going nowhere I decide to just kick up the Weird to 11.

On my last date where I knew there wasn't going to be a second, I decided to amuse myself by suggesting tattoos she could get, such as a full 1:1 replica of Terry Wogan's face on her back, 'Thug' and 'Life' on her knuckles, the entirity of Thatcher's 'yes the medicine is severe but the patient requires it' speech down her arm...this took up about an hour of the date.

I did also used to run in similar circles to a guy who could not stand me, because women seemed to warm to me over him despite my feminine demeanour and the fact he was a gym-bro. I remember one beautiful evening where he shouted at my friend who was hosting a party, and this is verbatim, 'woman! Order me two pizzas!'

They came. He ate two slices and was full. My friend and I got free pizza. Later I had sex with the girl he was in love with. Result.

 

[CleverCover]

Step 1: cut a hole in a box
step 2: put your dick in the box
step 3: pour mold-wax in the box
step 4: let it harden (the wax) pull out, and you've got a mold to cast replica penises

Now you sell them under the false announcment that they're replicas of biebers member. That should make sales easy in high school.

By the time the truth comes out, the costumers should've reached legal age, and has now grown so fond of the replica of your penis, that they'll be dying to try the real thing.
Then you won't even have to lie about all sorts of shit on a date to make them interrested.

It's a perfect plan, nothing could go wrong, i assure you that as a certified advisor of evil geniouses.

That made me laugh waaaay harder than I should have. Is that bad?

OT: Wow, I've regretted going my the couple of dates I did, but they were nowhere near as weird as that one. Was he that nervous? Did you do something to make him so nervous?

 

[Jannes Ehmke]

Ack, I do HEMA as a sport, for those unfamiliar with the acronym it often goes by Historical Fencing as well, but basically it boils down to a martial art style from medieval Europe, focusing heavily on weapons training.

Now as often the case on a first encounter, people ask what your hobbies entail and though there are a variety I can list, this one always blows the others out the water because it's fresh and interesting, which means that it gets pulled into the conversation right away.

Now up until the point where you actually end up explaining it seems very romantic, knight-in-shining-armour kind of display, an illusion that gets quickly shattered when you have to proceed and ruin the image the media has been feeding that person all their life. Which in turn builds up an image of real, brutal combat often far more dirty and underhanded than they would have suspected, especially some underhanded tactics taken on by knights in particular.

This person now has a very different image and at times gets even more excited by the reality of the matter at hand, only to have their image once again shattered firstly by how it's mostly nerds participating and for the most part young combatants are scarce, thus not the toned warriors they were expecting, and secondly the gentlemanly way in which combatants act towards one another, admittedly not in keeping with history but most of the participants have no desire to harm one another, simply to test themselves and have fun.

Back to how this relates to the topic, while talking about this I can't help but feeling a smart arse because most of what people know is in fact false, so any attempt to join in tends to get corrected, although the people I speak to have the tact to formulate the statements into questions so they don't seem foolish but nonetheless I get pulled into a conversation with great interest and end up having to doubly disappoint and come across as a know-it-all.

I haven't been on the receiving end of such a situation much, partly because I'm extremely blunt and will get up and leave if someone is doing that, but this often makes me feel like I'm on the giving end.

Sorry for the long post but potatoes are currently out of stock, so have an eye instead (.)

 

[Jannes Ehmke]

-My favorite: Due to his lack of job, sells sex toys to high school students (as we all know many high school students are minors, in my area at least)

this is awesome. i'd have been all over this. first of all how does one start up in that...business ?

is its schoolys coming up to strangers asking for sex toys OR is it stranglers going up to schoolys asking them if they want something from their extensive range *opens jacket*...either way my sick brain wants to know lol

Step 1: cut a hole in a box
step 2: put your dick in the box
step 3: pour mold-wax in the box
step 4: let it harden (the wax) pull out, and you've got a mold to cast replica penises

Now you sell them under the false announcment that they're replicas of biebers member. That should make sales easy in high school.

By the time the truth comes out, the costumers should've reached legal age, and has now grown so fond of the replica of your penis, that they'll be dying to try the real thing.
Then you won't even have to lie about all sorts of shit on a date to make them interrested.

It's a perfect plan, nothing could go wrong, i assure you that as a certified advisor of evil geniouses.

There is but one flaw in your plan, you assume that Bieber owns one of those...

 

[teisjm]

-My favorite: Due to his lack of job, sells sex toys to high school students (as we all know many high school students are minors, in my area at least)

this is awesome. i'd have been all over this. first of all how does one start up in that...business ?

is its schoolys coming up to strangers asking for sex toys OR is it stranglers going up to schoolys asking them if they want something from their extensive range *opens jacket*...either way my sick brain wants to know lol

Step 1: cut a hole in a box
step 2: put your dick in the box
step 3: pour mold-wax in the box
step 4: let it harden (the wax) pull out, and you've got a mold to cast replica penises

Now you sell them under the false announcment that they're replicas of biebers member. That should make sales easy in high school.

By the time the truth comes out, the costumers should've reached legal age, and has now grown so fond of the replica of your penis, that they'll be dying to try the real thing.
Then you won't even have to lie about all sorts of shit on a date to make them interrested.

It's a perfect plan, nothing could go wrong, i assure you that as a certified advisor of evil geniouses.

There is but one flaw in your plan, you assume that Bieber owns one of those...

As long as your costumers assume it, theres no problem.

 

[gxs]

-My favorite: Due to his lack of job, sells sex toys to high school students (as we all know many high school students are minors, in my area at least)

this is awesome. i'd have been all over this. first of all how does one start up in that...business ?

is its schoolys coming up to strangers asking for sex toys OR is it stranglers going up to schoolys asking them if they want something from their extensive range *opens jacket*...either way my sick brain wants to know lol

Step 1: cut a hole in a box
step 2: put your dick in the box
step 3: pour mold-wax in the box
step 4: let it harden (the wax) pull out, and you've got a mold to cast replica penises

Now you sell them under the false announcment that they're replicas of biebers member. That should make sales easy in high school.

By the time the truth comes out, the costumers should've reached legal age, and has now grown so fond of the replica of your penis, that they'll be dying to try the real thing.
Then you won't even have to lie about all sorts of shit on a date to make them interrested.

It's a perfect plan, nothing could go wrong, i assure you that as a certified advisor of evil geniouses.

This was absolutely epic. My brother said that Escapist needs to implement a like button so that I can like this for him.

 

[Hero of Lime]

I don't understand why people like to brag like that on first dates, it makes anyone either sound lame and desperate, or conceited and overly immodest. Sad part is lots of people will fall for those bragging rants.

 

[GonzoGamer]

I fear that a friend of mine is like this. He's on the dating "scene" right now and he get's very pompous and proud about getting "checked out" by "hot chicks" but he seems to have trouble getting very far with them. I know how obnoxiously boastful he gets with me, I really feel for the women who have to listen to him talk himself up on a first date. They must get it even worse.

 

[FangStiltzskin]

Another one of my "I went out with a crazy person" stories! Are ya ready kids?! Awesome, here we go.

*snip*

And this concludes another episode of why Saeton is single. Tune in next time folks.

Well that's... nice.

Okay, but in seriousness, I can't really see how someone would think they could get away with such exaggeration... (Though admittedly I did fall for things like this when I was younger...)

As for my own experiences, never have I encountered anyone who brags about men/women who can't resist them, blah blah blah. Though, to be quite honest my friends usually don't even show much interest in relationships as far as I'm aware of, so I don't know. :T

 

[Kaxbe]

Once I went out with one of those "I'm not that good, but sure!" people. You know, the kind of person who is great at practically everything but thinks so little of what they can do that they play it off as them being unskilled. We went out for a few dates and each time they would be all "I'm not that good" or "I've only done this once before". Bowling? They were a fucking ace. Paintball? They had me beat. Don't get me started on art, which is even the field that I work in. It was extremely exhausting dating them because of this and eventually I just flat out said it.

We're just friends now and they're a whole lot more at ease being able to talk themselves up which I prefer over them going "Oh, I'm not that good". Apparently they do this with each new person they date.

 

[Noswad]

20 year old virgin, i can believe that bit, poor lad, maybe the shame he felt over that fact caused him to vastly overcompensate on just about every front. Being a virgin can decrease ones sense of self worth considerably and if he does not see worth in himself he cannot see anyone else seeing worth either. Ok bullshit like that deserves the ridicule it gets and its a definite keep clear signal but i can kind of understand where it may have been coming from.

 

[Mordekaien]

So Escapist, have you ever been on a date, or even just out with people, where you have experienced or met an individual who apparently is a master and skill at all things available? Are YOU one of those people? If so for either, what kind of experience was it? I want all the gory details.

Not personally, but a friend of mine found a boyfriend that did this. He was always the best at everything and it grew old way too fast. It didn't even matter if he knew what we were talking about, he would instantly claim he is the master of said field of work/hobby/occupation/game/etc... It was fun for a while, but then he started being a jerk about it and she broke up with him.


On the other hand my friends and I make bragging contests, consisting of a simple "who can turn the most mundane thing in to the most over-the-top situation on the fly" conversations.
It's better to tell everybody that I was attacked on my way by 50 ninjas riding unicorn dragons with laserbreath and I slipped on all the blood I spilled than to say that I'm clumsy and fell of my bed that morning, therefore I have a bruise on my head.