Disrespecting a "classic"

[someonehairy-ish]

I've enjoyed most of the books put in front of me in Lit classes. Private Peaceful was just straight up good. Depressing, but good. Shakespeare is funny. Even Pride and Prejudice grew on me eventually.
But the 50's stuff we did last year was dire. Fucking Death of a Salesman is one of the most retarded things I've ever read. It tries to be all existential and insightful and deep, but every single character is such a boring, stupid dipshit that I can't care about any of them. The whole thing comes down to 'senile dude has delusions of grandeur. Ruins life.' And then you get to the 'kitchen sink dramas' which vary from merely 'ok' to utterly drab and pointless.
The only thing I took away from that whole year was that people in the 50s' had fucked up senses of morality and lived entirely dull, joyless existences. Fuck you, 50s'. The 60s' were much more interesting.

'Cat on a hot tin roof' was shit too. The blurb described it as 'sultry', but it wouldn't make a nun blush. It boils down to hours of a sexually confused or possibly just homosexual bloke and his frustrated wife bitching at each other. Fuuuu-

Anything by Tennessee Williams. Seriously. Just fuck that shit. Also, if you like his plays, you are a bad person.

This ^

As for poetry, I loved Wilfred Owen to bits, but most other poets can fuck themselves with a rusty spoon. John Donne in particular is an arrogant, hypocritical, smug arse. Grrr.

 

[someonehairy-ish]

Romeo and Juliet is a terrible play, one of Shakespeare's worst if you ask me. It's not well paced, plotted, or characterized save for a few of the minor characters.

I feel that it improves when you consider that it was never intended as a love story at all. You're supposed to be sitting there laughing at these idiot teenagers who know each other for like 2 days and then want to run off together. We all know the couple who keep putting facebook statuses like 'omg I love X so much' after knowing each other a week, and then milk the break up for sympathy like there's no tomorrow.
Romeo and Juliet are that annoying teenage couple, and also the most melodramatic and absurdly angsty teenagers of their time.

 

[King of Asgaard]

The Day of the Triffids.
My word, was that a slog.
The only highlights were the three of suicides, but other than that, there is nothing interesting about the book.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

I don't think it's possible to convince me that The Grapes of Wrath is a good book.

I've heard the arguments that it's a great critique on the troubles of the time and perfectly encapsulates theblahblahblahblahblahblahblah.

All that fails to compensate for the fact that it was a terrible slog to read and I don't even want to touch the boring thing again.

 

[Aurora Firestorm]

Well I was practically forced to read the LOTR book -"there is actually several books, but..." shut the hell up fantasy-nerd friends, I'm talking here!-, and to me it was a 1000 page brick of boredom. No, I didn't finish it. I did read nearly 400 pages, so dont say I didn't try!

I am so glad I found a fellow LotR-bored person. I thought they were so much better as movies than books. Tolkien drags on and on and on and doesn't know how to write a concise plot. Also, they were marketed as *about the Ring*, so why am I reading all this crap about Aragorn's political plot? I don't care about his politics. I care about a couple of short dudes carrying a magic ring to a volcano. That's it. That's what I want to read about. Cut down your plots, man, they are so crammed with filler. Hack it out. Go to a proper writing workshop and slash most of the stuff in those books.

I read the first one. I skimmed the second. I skipped to the end of the third just to see what happened to Frodo. I never cared about any of the characters, ever, of the course of the books; I just wanted to know where the magic ring went, and that was the most engaging thing. Yawwwwwn.

Seriously, the only reason these are good books is because they basically pioneered the High Fantasy genre, along with maybe Narnia, for the generations that really got into fantasy and made it somewhat mainstream.


Moby Dick would be a good book if, again, the author would learn how to *write concisely.* He has entire chapters of completely irrelevant crap. Cut it out. The parts about the actual search for Moby Dick are pretty good. Everything else is irrelevant. Just...just kill it.


The Scarlet Letter is just a horrible book. It's poorly written, despite how many English teachers worship it.


Anything Steinbeck wrote is crap. Just...everything. The Red Pony is the most disheartening letdown ever, except for The Pearl, which is hands-down the most depressingly meaningless piece of trash I have ever read. Honestly, it is *the* book I hate most, ever. Maybe it's just because I think Steinbeck needs to get over his emo self, but really, all his books are about how everything good in life is dumb and futile, and his characters are depressing and not very interesting, and nothing that happens in the books makes any sense.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

tldr: What "classic"/required reading books do you hate, and (in detail) why? Please don't just say it sucked and walk away.

Hemingway. I hate everything he's written. His style is interesting, and his technique has its good points, but his plots are so... ugh.

BTW: I'm an English/Writing professor, for those unaware of this fact. Just to punctuate the above.

 

[someonehairy-ish]

I am so glad I found a fellow LotR-bored person.

There's a ton of them. Even his friends supposedly got so fed up that at one point, when he was telling them about his newest idea, they said 'not another fucking elf.'

Try The Hobbit; it actually focuses on telling a story rather than meandering all over the place.

 

[VeryOddGamer]

Nintendo in general.
I really feel like it's a company running on nostalgia.

 

[IndomitableSam]

All the Brontes. Hate HATE HATE all of their work. Actually most works from that time period I can't stand. THey're just god-awful in my opinion. If I pick up a book and it's written with that kind of prose, I will put it down and never touch it again even if it's hailed the best book ever. Can't stand it to the point of being an ass over it and refusing it all on principle.


... I'm a librarian.

Also? I got halfway through The Two Towers and gave up. I skimmed most of the first book, too. Hated it.

tldr: What "classic"/required reading books do you hate, and (in detail) why? Please don't just say it sucked and walk away.

Hemingway. I hate everything he's written. His style is interesting, and his technique has its good points, but his plots are so... ugh.

BTW: I'm an English/Writing professor, for those unaware of this fact. Just to punctuate the above.

Don't feel bad - I'm the same.

 

[Kuroneko97]

I know someone already said it, but A Wrinkle in Time. My mom was the one who forced me to read it with the threat of punishment if I didn't. I don't remember a single thing of that book, being so bored out of my fucking mind. I just remember something around the end involving her father and an evil businessman, I think.

I tried reading another book by that author, An Acceptable Time. It was a bit more interesting, but the plot was still rather confusing, and I kept on trying to figure out what was happening to the girl. Was she going between two worlds? And the pool was the portal? I've forgotten most of that book as well, and I never finished it.

 

[Timedraven 117]

I don't hate it but I showed Blade Runner to a few people and they disliked it.

I'm still in shock.

EDIT I wasn't actually shocked.

Ninja'd ish.

No offense to the movie or you or anyone but.......

Blade Runner was crap.

I will admit i probably didn't get the story the way the writers wanted, but thats the thing, if these androids are the bad guys, why are they the bad guys? Yes they killed a whole ship's crew and possibly passengers, but really that does not set something off in me. Not to be heartless but in all honesty worse has happened and will continue to happen. That probably happens on a regular bases due to pirates and such.

And then we have the part where androids were outlawed from earth because they rebelled at being slave labor. OF COURSE THEY WILL REBEL! I know this may have been novel at the time but still in most literature and such that is often used, often used to depict a reason to root for the androids, to hope THEY win. Not to mention the plot didn't make much sense, it has been awhile since i saw it, but i never even understood what the robots wanted or what they wanted to do. Was it to break into the company that made them? To cause terror? To kill Harrison Ford because he is the Protagonist?

Really its not a "bad" movie, buts its B grade, and bad enough to make me wonder why Syfy didn't think of it first.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

And the Shakespeare? Somehow, high school English classes inspire intense hatred for Shakespeare, and I cannot for the life of me figure out why.

Two reasons I can think of:

1) High school assignments are almost always the worst Shakespeare plays. Romeo and Juliet wasn't one of his better works. Nothing wrong with it, but nothing to really remember either. He did the same basic story better elsewhere.

2) High school teachers either aware or able to teach the actual themes in Shakespeare. Shakespeare plays are all about sex and violence - he was writing the "summer blockbusters" of his day. High school teachers either A) don't have an English background, so have no idea what they're talking about or B) do have an English background, and aren't allowed to teach the best bits because they're about 'inappropriate' material.

I teach Shakespeare in College - when I show my class all the dick jokes, implied sex, and general awesomeness, they are shocked. When Hamlet sneaks the word "****" into his dialogue, it really shocks people. High school teachers can't explain that - College professors can.

Furthermore, most High school students aren't equipped to deal with the various interpretations available in most plays. In high school, most students want to look at only Exactly What Happened at the most basic level, and that's what they get. In college, I break student's minds by suggesting that perhaps things aren't as they appear. After all, as Dr. House would say, "everybody lies."

Or, to give an example:

Spoiler: Spoilers for Hamlet

Gertrude murdered Ophelia!
Also Ophelia was pregnant. All those flowers she was picking while 'crazy' are middle ages abortion herbs. Hamlet knocked her up. Therefore, her child would have been the rightful King after Hamlet - which is why Gertrude murdered her.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

... I'm a librarian.
Don't feel bad - I'm the same.

Actually, one of the things I love about the modern author Jacqueline Carey is that she has Hemingway's skill with language, but she writes about much more interesting topics.

Like Genetic Super Soldiers.

 

[IndomitableSam]

... I'm a librarian.
Don't feel bad - I'm the same.

Actually, one of the things I love about the modern author Jacqueline Carey is that she has Hemingway's skill with language, but she writes about much more interesting topics.

Like Genetic Super Soldiers.

Hmmm. I will have to look her up. Thanks for the suggestion. I will admit I don't read too much anymore. I'm with books all day so unless I have a new, unread book in my hand, I won't go seek anything out. I read a lot of Macleans, The New Yorker, Bloomsburg Businessweek, etc now as I handle the periodicals too.

... Not to say I didn't order books I wanted to read for my last library, then add them to the collection afterwards to justify the purchase. Now I can't do that so much at this job.

 

[Gabanuka]

Some people in my Classics class went insane on me after I insulted the Odyssey.

I called to use of epithets and stock verses bad story telling, then implied xenia (the concept ofguest friendship)was a plot device used to get heroes into an audience with kings easily.

They were more offended then the teacher (who explained it all in a calm manner)and now refuse to speak to me. Then again this person stands firm on their belief in the Greek gods and claims the sun is a chariot pulled be Helios.

To quote him "You're wrong because this is Homer and everything he's written is fact"

Not even paraphrasing.

 

[lacktheknack]

Some people in my Classics class went insane on me after I insulted the Odyssey.

I called to use of epithets and stock verses bad story telling, then implied xenia (the concept ofguest friendship)was a plot device used to get heroes into an audience with kings easily.

They were more offended then the teacher (who explained it all in a calm manner)and now refuse to speak to me. Then again this person stands firm on their belief in the Greek gods and claims the sun is a chariot pulled be Helios.

To quote him "You're wrong because this is Homer and everything he's written is fact"

Not even paraphrasing.

W- W- W- What!?

Uh. OK. OK then.

<walks off zombie-like>

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Hmmm. I will have to look her up. Thanks for the suggestion. I will admit I don't read too much anymore. I'm with books all day so unless I have a new, unread book in my hand, I won't go seek anything out.

Jacqueline Carey is very skilled at sounding like whatever she wants to emulate.

In her "Kushiel's Legacy" series, she attempts to emulate French nobility - and succeeds. Her English sounds French, and she nails the attitude.

In "Santa Olivia" she attempts English that sounds like Spanish (the book takes place on the border of Mexico) and she nails that as well.

In Banewreaker, she parodies Tolkien and succeeds. However, she also emulates how boring his books are, so her mocking of him falls flat. Not a book I'd recommend.

And, since you said you were interested in reading some of her work:

Kushiel's Legacy (Kushiel's Dart is book 1) is an excellent series, if a bit thick. Great fantasy series set in an alternative universe France.

Santa Olivia (and it's sequel) are also quite good - near-future Sci-Fi involving the aforementioned Genetic Super Soldiers. The first book (Santa Olivia) is more artsy; the second book (Saints Astray) is rather less cerebral, but no less awesome.

 

[Timedraven 117]

fething

2001 a Space odyssey, my god is this movie boring.Yes it has some profound moments and A SINGLE awesome character(HAL) but its not worth snogging though hours of tedium and shit not happening!It toke me three seperate attempts to watch the whole thing.Kept falling asleep or just wandering of.

Feth!You read the books too? Awesome. I'm in the middle of reading the last omnibus.

And 2001: A space odyssey i Agree with you on that. I don't remember a thing from it even though it was a long time ago since i last saw it, it was still not good at all. Sorry for being vague. I mainly Quoted you because you said Feth.

Captcha: Crunchy nut cereal "It's super Delicious"

Yes Captcha, Its is delicious.

 

[LordLucan375]

Not a book, but whatever: I didn't care much for Pulp Fiction. Oh sure it was well acted and decently paced, plus we all love those memorable lines, "Say what again!" etc. But looking back on it now, I couldn't tell you what any of the characters names were, or what the plot was about. And don't just say I'm forgetful, as it was only a couple of years since I last watched it.

P.S: Despite personally liking the films writing, I really hate people that parrot the quotes endlessly.