Ditching someone who friend zones you (Edited)

[Vault101]

Who would you rather be with: a man who carries himself with pride and confidence or a man who is more than happy to be life's doormat? Presenting yourself is great and all, but if you fall apart under pressure or when things get rough, then the cracks will start to show.

confidence and douchyness and not the same thing


[quote/]Women already have Vaginas, they don't want another one[/quote]
unless theyre Bi-Curious!

seriously though now were equating weakness with femininity? thats wonderful....

What's douchey about that?

its like taking an already "defensive" postition.."drop her" cause she's gonna take advantage of you!"

No, not every woman is out to get you, but as I mentioned a few pages back, people are far more prone to devalue something when it's in plentiful supply. If your water could run out at a moment's notice, you bet that you'd savor every last drop.

soo...too much niceness is bad?

 

[Something Amyss]

Rejection is part of life. Rejection with the expectation of an ongoing relationship with the person that rejected you is not necessarily part of life and paints a deeper picture of long suffering.

It really isn't particularly different, though. You're offering up this artificial distinction between types of ongoing relationships.

And honestly, I can't imagine carrying around that much "pain" from these supposedly vastly different rejections.

I just abondoned it and waited for the smell to go away...I might burn it down and build a new one

It's probably better that way. I imagine cleaning it by now would be...unpleasant.

Why is it the women?

Because the people in this thread have spoken to gender being a key issue of this definition, and I was talking specifically about them?

If you feel you have friend zoned some poor woman, well, that's your call, but I wasn't addressing you.

Moving on from that, because my sole purpose there was to answer your question, I'm also utterly perplexed by the notion of "I don't want to be friends, I want a relationship." I'm not even particularly sure how this works.

I would say that if you're aware of how they feel towards you, and you don't feel the same back, then you should refuse the gifts. Taking gifts that are intended as a potential boyfriend gift and you know it, and then refusing to live up to the implied condition, is a bit dickish.

No, giving something with the expectations of strings attached is a bit dickish. Maybe you shouldn't accept (dubious for multiple reasons), though at this point you've at best offered a "two wrongs make a right" scenario. It's even more puzzling since Lieju didn't seem to say anything about those specifics:

[
Exept that according to him, she never gave him any false hope or asked for any of those things and always told him she didn't want that kind of relationship with him.

That's a specific situation in which a girl is essentially being accused of fraud for not putting out even without clear intentions. And that ain't right. More to the point, you yourself said:

Few people walk up to people and say "Me like you baby bits. Me want baby juice."

And that's the problem. Too often, too many people assume "hey, if I'm nice or I give you stuff, I'll get you." Usually, the intents aren't clear. Which is also why it comes off as entitlement.

And again, if you wonder "why the women?" it's because it's generally men who make these threads and commiserate in them.

 

[Something Amyss]

Do you project yourself into a conversation with ease, or do you stutter around, avoiding eye contact and talking way too fast? Are you clean shaven and dressed to kill?

None of which is necessary to get a girlfriend. That's why all this starts to sound so very Elliot Rodger.

 

[Crayven]

how 'bout you don't make friends just for the sake of sleeping with them? Is that the best quality they have? That they could potentially have sex with you? if so then you're a shitty friend and should probably cut ties to spare them your toxic attitude.

ps. you is general.

How do you think people find partners for sex? Apart from meeting people in a bar or paying for it, I can't see how you have consensual sex without at least attempting to make friends as a steeping stone.

Personally, I find after the idea of sex falls away and the embarrassment dies down, your see quite fast If you should bother being friends,

 

[mitchell271]

I've been in this situation. Not friendzoned, but romantically led on by someone that was a friend. We were close to dating for a bit but then I moved away for university. She didn't want to do long distance, which I respected, and asked if she wanted to do a trial run of sorts when I was back for the summer. She said the ever-ambiguous, "maybe". For the next year, there was a lot of flirting (and not cryptic flirting, more like the kind where she'd talk about walking around my apartment naked) and, "I don't want to date you right now" responses. When Valentine's Day came around, we went on a date, she stayed over (for convenience, nothing happened) and when I tried to move in, she pushed me away and said, "No". Not even an explanation like, "You're too good of a friend to mess this up" or "I don't want to be involved with you". So I tried to pretend it never happened and when we went back to being friends, I eventually started ignoring her. I felt toyed with, it seemed like she kept me on the hook just so she could feel pursued. I've moved on, and don't talk to her anymore.

My advice? If you realize that the person is leading you on, cut them out of your life entirely, no matter how much you may want to talk to them.

 

[RedDeadFred]

"I never particularly liked you, I just wanted to have sex."

Alternatively, "I'm incapable of being friendly with women who have rejected my attempts to have sex with them."

How bad at interaction and intention are you if you can't maintain friendships because the friend in question didn't allow you to pork them? :/

I could be wrong, but I don't think that's what the OP is saying at all. There's a big difference between just wanting sex from someone and actually wanting to be in a romantic relationship with them. I agree that not wanting to be friends with someone just because they won't have sex with you is incredibly shallow, but I don't think that's what this is about at all. These things usually happen because the two people have been friends for quite some time and one of them starts developing feelings for the other that go beyond just friendship (actual dating or even a long term relationship).

As to whether or not a person should distance themselves from this kind of situation once they realize that the feelings are not mutual, it's probably a case by case kind of thing. Some people are going to have a lot harder time getting over people than others. It's unreasonable to tell them to just get over it and stay friends because that may not be possible for them. It's likely out of their control. However, if you're able to at least partially get over it, then you should stay friends since it's a little unfair to the person who rejected you (even though what you may be feeling is completely out of your control).

 

[Hazy]

confidence and douchyness and not the same thing

That's correct, they are not. And I don't see how my post entails being a "douche" in the slightest.


[quote/]unless theyre Bi-Curious!

seriously though now were equating weakness with femininity? thats wonderful....[/quote]
You're gonna have to take that up with the people who coined the slang I'm afraid.

its like taking an already "defensive" postition.."drop her" cause she's gonna take advantage of you!"

No, it's "drop her because it's going to break your heart when she dates another guy and you're stuck longing for her from the sidelines."

soo...too much niceness is bad?

Pampering someone's ass is bad. Especially if you're not even dating.

None of which is necessary to get a girlfriend. That's why all this starts to sound so very Elliot Rodger.

That in and of itself will not, no, but dressing well gives a great first impression and shows you're fashion forward and ready to take care of yourself. Who would you be more inclined to sit next to on the tram?

Making that first impression is so paramount in relationships: after all, it's the entire basis on whether or not she'll want to see you again! Women, especially attractive ones, get approached all the time by men of all different shapes and sizes. It's important to stand out in the crowd for the better.

Elliot Rodger is a very interesting case in that having a copious amount of money alone won't get you a girlfriend, and that's very true. You (as I've said several times now) need to know how to interact with other people.

 

[Vault101]

You're gonna have to take that up with the people who coined the slang I'm afraid.

nuh uh...that doesn't absolve you of anything, if you use a term like that then you clearly agree with it on [i/]some[/i] level

[quote/]Pampering someone's ass is bad. Especially if you're not even dating.[/quote]
niceness isn't a finite rescource.....


[quote/]Making that first impression is so paramount in relationships: after all, it's the entire basis on whether or not she'll want to see you again! Women, especially attractive ones, get approached all the time by men of all different shapes and sizes. It's important to stand out in the crowd for the better.
.[/quote]

while its still "a thing" for guys to take the initiative its not exactly a cakewalk for all women eather, take dating sites....they might get a 100 messages and 99 of them are dick picks, I don't want to start a "who has it harder in the dating world" debate but there aren't a line of guys waiting on most women

 

[Hazy]

nuh uh...that doesn't absolve you of anything, if you use a term like that then you clearly agree with it on [i/]some[/i] level

I could use "wimp" if you'd prefer. It essentially means the same thing, "pussy" is just tied to femininity because women are characterized as being the submissive ones. But that's up to how you feel about gender roles, the development of agriculture and all that.

niceness isn't a finite rescource.....

No, it isn't. And I'm still not seeing how I'm encouraging anyone to act like a dick. I'm encouraging them to take their life into their own hands.

while its still "a thing" for guys to take the initiative its not exactly a cakewalk for all women eather, take dating sites....they might get a 100 messages and 99 of them are dick picks, I don't want to start a "who has it harder in the dating world" debate but there aren't a line of guys waiting on most women

And if messaging someone on a dating site was comparable to approaching them in real life, I'm sure men the world over would be overjoyed.

 

[Vegosiux]

As far as I'm concerned, I can kick anyone out of my life, at any time, for any reason. It's my life, I get to decide who's in it and who isn't.

 

[Vault101]

I could use "wimp" if you'd prefer. It essentially means the same thing, "pussy" is just tied to femininity because women are characterized as being the submissive ones. But that's up to how you feel about gender roles, the development of agriculture and all that.
.

well its bullshit, bravery and confidence should not be gendered, you call a man aVagina youre calling him a women and thefore calling women weak and cowardly

its like when sexist people talk about "a womens role is in the kitchen" which implies its benith them yet will do backflips to convince you that "no theres abolutly nothing wrong with it and they totally accept it"

 

[Hazy]

I could use "wimp" if you'd prefer. It essentially means the same thing, "pussy" is just tied to femininity because women are characterized as being the submissive ones. But that's up to how you feel about gender roles, the development of agriculture and all that.
.

well its bullshit, bravery and confidence should not be gendered, you call a man aVagina youre calling him a women and thefore calling women weak and cowardly

its like when sexist people talk about "a womens role is in the kitchen" which implies its benith them yet will do backflips to convince you that "no theres abolutly nothing wrong with it and they totally accept it"

To each their own. I'm not defending it, just telling you why that term came about.

 

[Vault101]

To each their own. I'm not defending it, just telling you why that term came about.

I know WHY it came about, its just mabye we should think about what thease things imply

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

how 'bout you don't make friends just for the sake of sleeping with them? Is that the best quality they have? That they could potentially have sex with you? if so then you're a shitty friend and should probably cut ties to spare them your toxic attitude.

ps. you is general.

Yeah, because its not possible at all to have a friend, develop strong feelings for them, and not really want to be just friends with them. Nope, unheard of in the history of the human race.

And I forgot about the law that says you are obligated to remain friends with people who you don't want to be around anymore. Now that I think about it though, I'm pretty sure next week is when I need to update all my friendship contracts. Hope I don't piss anyone off in the interim.

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

Women make too many distinctions between "friend" and "lover", forgetting most guys do not want this.

I was lead on for a LOOOOOONG time before she finally flat out told me she wasn't interested. I wasted my time, she took advantage of my kindness, and left me an injured person. While we are taught not to put women on a pedestal many women ENFORCE that pedestal because it elevates them above their own equal status. It's a form of superiority that isn't addressed. They act seductive, use flirtatious methods to lead you on, drop random hints... and in general care less about how you feel.

God forbid we live in a generation where a personality, intelligence, morals, ethics, and decency are valued above the status of trying to obtain someone way out of your league. The equal to equal ratio between what men can obtain and what men obtain is severely unequal. Western society empowers women to step outside of their gender for the sake of power.

I stopped caring a long time ago. Putting yourself out there in a positive way is no longer considered the right thing to do. Women have been taught to seek power, not respect and love.

OT: Leave her be and don't psychologically damage yourself from years of frustration, humiliation, negativity, and pain. Some people, regardless of how moral of a human being you are, simply do not hold "doing the right thing" and consider it a weakness in these times.

Ditch the person. A relationship is a two way street.

Don't talk about respect while insulting half of the world. Then you are hipocrit as well as a douchebag, and any man only has room for one.

 

[wulf3n]

So how do you feel about this?

If a person wants a relationship with someone but isn't willing to remain friends if the other person doesn't feel the same way then that probably explains why they were "friendzoned"

 

[wulf3n]

you call a man aVagina youre calling him a women and thefore calling women weak and cowardly

It's not as simple as that, if it were calling someone a **** would be syntactically synonymous with pussy, which it isn't.

And while it may have sexist roots it's a completely different beast today.

 

[Vault101]

And while it may have sexist roots it's a completely different beast today.

I don't see how its a different thing today.....its conflating weakness with being female

 

[Eclectic Dreck]

To be honest, the moment you decide to pursue someone romantically the relationship is irrevocably altered. If someone attempts to place you in the category of "no romatic interest", I'd argue it's probably best to cut ties and move on. It's hard to do that if you keep hanging out with the person who does not share your romantic feelings.

To put it another way, neither dating or sex destroys a friendship. The desire to do either of those things means the friendship is already broken and you have a new kind of relationship. And trying to move one where each party has different objectives in the relationship is folly and absolutely provides sufficient grounds to simply stop seeing one another.

 

[wulf3n]

And while it may have sexist roots it's a completely different beast today.

I don't see how its a different thing today.....its conflating weakness with being female

At it's core yes, but I'd wager most people when calling another a pussy aren't making the feminine connection or implication, it has essentially become its own "word".

Kind of like how pussy for some reason now means vagina. At one point there was probably a reason for it, now few who use the word actually know and are using it for it's original intent.