Ugh, and this is why I said "Don't take me too seriously, I'm just rambling".
First off, the point I'm making is that we should probably call this "acquaintance zone", not "friend zone", because a friend is a very important person, and being "friend-zoned" is not in any way a bad thing. I'm not saying that I don't talk to people who are not my friends, or that I don't care about them, I'm just saying I don't consider them incredibly important.
Look, before this gets extended into a series of pointless arguments and ad hominem attacks, let me just explain in more detail what life experience I'm referring to here. See, there's this type of woman who I've dealt very wrongly with in the past. Specifically, the kind of woman who revels in the kind of attention associated with being "in love", but doesn't so much revel in all the other side-effects that has(like god forbid, the other person actually taking a sexual interest in you).
So far, I've been keeping such "friendships" up, in the expectation that the "friendship" part is important, and would outlast any romantic complications. Basically, I've been blaming myself for taking a romantic interest in the first place, and been assuming that all the problems would resolve themselves once I get over it.
But recently, I actually did find a partner and "satisfaction" in that regard. The conclusion is the opposite. Now that I have a partner, I have ceased giving the other person more attention than they give me. The result is that they have completely stopped talking to me. We were never "friends", it was merely an unhealthy relationship being kept alive by my desperation and her wish for male attention beyond her boyfriend.
And I feel that a lot of people suffering from the "friend zone" issue, actually suffer from unhealthy relationships like this.
Basically, now that I've found a woman who I actually get along with, my perspective on women has changed. Suddenly, I judge them to the same standards that I judge males to. And the sad conclusion is, none of the women that so far I have considered "friends", beside of my current partner, are remotely as compatible to me, as my male friends have been.
Yes, it's probably entirely possible to have a healthy friendship with someone from the opposite sex. I just haven't experienced it so far, and thus I have a "bias" based on my life experience. I never meant to make a generalized statement, I was just expressing my own experiences.
Lilani said:
I assume you have guy friends (and I assume you're a straight male), you know how you like hanging out with them but don't feel romantically attracted?
I actually have developed a little bit of sexual affection for my male friends over the long years of loneliness. Never took it anywhere, though. But yeah, hanging out with my male friends doesn't feel so different from hanging out with my girlfriend, so I'd definitely say that this is one of the cases where it doesn't really matter so much whether you're in a relationship or not. What matters is how much you care about each other.
mecegirl said:
What I want to know if how he assumes people who are homosexual pursue friendships with the same sex....
Hm, one of my acquaintances is homosexual, actually, and from what he's told me he has similar issues. Namely, a lot of the guys he takes an interest in, "friend-zone" him, based on them identifying themselves as "straight". I haven't asked him whether he's ever felt really close to a guy and not taken at least a slight sexual interest in them, but my guess is "no".
Also, I think this might serve as good explanation of what I mean. If one of my male friends were to seek a relationship with me, I wouldn't fundamentally reject them. I'd reject them based on what I do not wish to do, e.g. gay sex, kissing another man, etc. But principally speaking, they are important enough to me, to consider a "relationship", whatever that means. It just wouldn't work out in practice, that's all.