Do all women like jerks? No (a rant)

[TheDarkestDerp]

Nice. It can be pretty frustrating, finding a man who doesn't either look to "save you" from something, or is looking for a replacement for the mother figure. Finding that right balance in a partner of confidence, not arrogance, supporting you yet also letting you be your own person, this is a worthy pursuit, but not an easy target, regardless of sex or gender you seek.

Seems too often I've either encountered the "nice guy", "the shoulder" the "just a friend" or "The ass" when involved with a male partner, but these archetypes also translate into the females I've been involved with. Sadly, I will admit that probably the best "guy" I've ever fallen for I kept in the friend zone out of concern over his motivations. I still regret that one to this second... *sighs heavily* Finding, forging and building upon a connection of mutual trust and respect, real love, between two people can be pretty tricky...

 

[Slash Dementia]

That's a very good rant--I like it. It's very truthful, too, and I have to agree with it completely. I have always thought of my relationship with my girlfriend as a partnership, and I tell her that. We support each other in the things we want to do and in every other aspect. I wouldn't take away her friends, just like she wouldn't take away mine; though, I do get jealous sometimes, and she knows because I apologize for it--she gets jealous, too. I'm there whenever she needs me to listen and she is when I do. Some days, I'll treat her like a princess because I think she deserves it, and she does the same (not princess, though). I'll write her poems because I love to write, and what better subject to write about than of her? I know I don't have to, but I love that smile on her face and in her voice, and I love expressing the way I feel in that manner. We're equal to each other, and even since we were friends we have been.

I don't want a girl who thinks she needs to impress me. I've told my girlfriend, and it's still true from since we've been together: "I love you for who you are."

I hope many people reflect from your rant.

 

[Terramax]

Can we stop generalizing now please?

We will do the same day women stop generalizing men.

I admire your attempt at explaining women's personal feelings, but everything you've written is widely known by nearly all men.

I'm one of the many who ask 'why do women like jerks' but it's generally asked as a rhetoric/ sarcastic question to level the playing field against women who ask 'why do men only think about sex', when they really ought to grow up and come to terms with the fact that it isn't.

I admire your attempt at explaining women, but I'd appreciate it more if you went back to your friends and explained the truth about men the next time your sharing wine in your knitting circles.

 

[CoL0sS]

Well I've had a couple of friends that mistreated their girlfriends, but it wasn't my place to judge them or talk behind their back, even though it pained me to see those girls hurt. I've also had a friend that purposely tried acting like a jerk and it blew up in his face. So yeah, as you said it depends on the type. But to be honest I believe jerks have more fun
You also mentioned feminists. Now don't get me wrong I like strong,successful, emancipated women who aren't afraid to speak their mind, but let's be honest some of those women are just man-haters who are only independent and self reliant when it suits them. Guys can be like that too, only we're too stubborn to admit we need help with something. To answer your question, no they are not ruining it, not for me at least, though it does annoy me. This probably sounds like cheap pop psychology, but again I'm speaking from personal experiences, and being young I still have lot of those coming my way.

On a different note: As I'm writing this "Dead Like Me" is showing on some random channel and I caught this one line "This is real world, where assholes get treated like kings" or something like that - funny how this happens

 

[Dimensional Vortex]

I don't think women exactly like jerks. I think they like men with a lot of confidence and/or men who are excellent at sports and other athletic things, it's just coincidental that both those aforementioned styles of men often fall under the category of jerk. Although I didn't read the whole post sorry, I was a bit tired and I just wanted to give my two cents.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

An ex of mine told me she wanted to be treated like a princess... So I locked her up away from the rest of the world until I could marry her off for political advantage and yet somehow she paints me as the arsehole of the piece.

 

[Hiraeth]

Can we stop generalizing now please?

We will do the same day women stop generalizing men.

I admire your attempt at explaining women's personal feelings, but everything you've written is widely known by nearly all men.

I'm one of the many who ask 'why do women like jerks' but it's generally asked as a rhetoric/ sarcastic question to level the playing field against women who ask 'why do men only think about sex', when they really ought to grow up and come to terms with the fact that it isn't.

I admire your attempt at explaining women, but I'd appreciate it more if you went back to your friends and explained the truth about men the next time your sharing wine in your knitting circles.

This is how I feel our dialog here has gone:
Me: 'I don't date jerks, my friends (mostly) don't date jerks, please (anyone who will listen) stop saying all girls date jerks.'
You: 'Yeah well you know what, some women say that men are pigs, so I choose to ignore everything you say. All women, and therefore you and your friends, date jerks.'

My point is that people are people, and deserve to be treated as such. By insisting on continuing to think of men and women as two separate and competing groups, instead of individuals with their own motivations who often have very little other than biological gender to bind them together, you're really missing the point in a spectacular fashion.

 

[Terramax]

Can we stop generalizing now please?

We will do the same day women stop generalizing men.

I admire your attempt at explaining women's personal feelings, but everything you've written is widely known by nearly all men.

I'm one of the many who ask 'why do women like jerks' but it's generally asked as a rhetoric/ sarcastic question to level the playing field against women who ask 'why do men only think about sex', when they really ought to grow up and come to terms with the fact that it isn't.

I admire your attempt at explaining women, but I'd appreciate it more if you went back to your friends and explained the truth about men the next time your sharing wine in your knitting circles.

This is how I feel our dialog here has gone:
Me: 'I don't date jerks, my friends (mostly) don't date jerks, please (anyone who will listen) stop saying all girls date jerks.'
You: 'Yeah well you know what, some women say that men are pigs, so I choose to ignore everything you say. All women, and therefore you and your friends, date jerks.'

My point is that people are people, and deserve to be treated as such. By insisting on continuing to think of men and women as two separate and competing groups, instead of individuals with their own motivations who often have very little other than biological gender to bind them together, you're really missing the point in a spectacular fashion.

I understand your point completely. My point is your time would be better spent teaching other women about men rather than teaching granny how to suck eggs.

 

[Smooth Operator]

The jerks aren't the guys girls stay with forever. You will eventually get a girl who treats you like her Prince and so just make sure you treat that special women you find like a princess. Then you'll have her forever.
(See I'm all for the equality!)

That is true but you haveto look at the time frame.
Women will settle for a "nice guy" when they are ready for the final stage(marriage, family,...) but that doesn't happen until the age of 25-30.
So staying the "nice guy" is like wearing a celibacy ring, girls may not see this problem as it doesn't happen to them, but men have a few issue with it.

And on the whole "generalization" issue, don't take it personally as it is only a wide criteria that can only serve as a reference point, but does not define an individual.
Saying "girls like jerks" is like saying "cats are furry", there are many anomalies to that but it's a good reference point.

 

[dex-dex]

Yes. Fucking thank you.
As it turns out, fellas, women are people. Amazing, I know. But true, I swear!

well this is news to me!

but THANK YOU!
MY GOD! truer words have never been spoken!

 

[370999]

If I may be brutally honest. Nobody likes jerks, they may like their money or life style but not the person. Well that's not quite true about, a tiny percentage do like them but apart from that no, nobody does. However all too often people engage in the whole "my behaviour is right and if it is not liked then others must like bad behaviour" fallacy, which is not healthy.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Plus I've noticed on more than one occasion that I'll be walking down a street and a girl/woman/~22yrs or similar age who I don't know will be glaring at me with the same kind of pissed off look you'd give someone you truly disliked....Any idea what that's about?

Maybe you forgot to put pants on?
Or she heard something bad about you, or the color of your shoes didn't match the pavement, or... well any random reason.

 

[Hiraeth]

I understand your point completely. My point is your time would be better spent teaching other women about men rather than teaching granny how to suck eggs.

Then clearly I'm the one missing your point, can you give me a hint? Is it a) regardless of what I've read on here, men are totally fine with women and no one thinks they date jerks (I can find you posts that would disagree), b) as a woman, I'm more qualified to talk to other women, c) I can reach more people if I simply talk to them in person (based on number of views of this thread alone I don't think this is the case), or d) stereotypes against men are a much bigger problem and I should be dealing with that.

I mean it's not really your business what I talk to my friends about IRL is it? Besides, you're assuming that I'm not doing that anyway, and that I make friends with the kind of people who need to be sat down and have it explained to them that not all men are evil? Based on my original post, do you really think I have the patience to put up with anyone who makes genuine derogatory blanket statements regardless of which group they're directed at?

Cougar Town does rock ^^
Yeah both genders definitely are afraid of getting hurt. As for insecurities do you think some women will never get over theirs no matter how good their bf is? Do you think with the boyfriend being good that could actually be the catalyst of things going wrong (He's too good for me; he's only getting better & I'm not etc)?
Most of the time when women are abrasive with me it'll be in somewhere like a houseparty or other social event which you don't tend to get hook-ups from. To be honest I've found girls in clubs to be more friendly which just makes me more confused. Plus I've noticed on more than one occasion that I'll be walking down a street and a girl/woman/~22yrs or similar age who I don't know will be glaring at me with the same kind of pissed off look you'd give someone you truly disliked....Any idea what that's about?

Okay as far as issues go, I really think it depends on the girl. I think there are girls out there who will sabotage their relationships because they don't think they deserve to be happy. By the same token, there are also girls who might just need a little bit of coaxing to commit to the relationship because of something in their past. Without knowing the girl you're talking about, or the specifics of the situation, I can't really make a guess either way, and that's all I'd really be doing anyway, guessing. You're welcome to send me a PM with more specifics if you really want, or you could make a thread in the advice forum.

As far as girls you're talking to being abrasive as I don't know you, and I haven't seen you talk to girls, I'd suggest maybe getting someone to watch the way you're talking to girls and give you some pointers. I'm sure it's not the case, but you might be giving off creepy vibes or something and not realize it. I really can't say without meeting you why random women are glaring at you on the street. I have a friend whose blank expression looks like a glare, maybe that's the look you're giving them, so they're responding in kind. Maybe they're glaring at you because you're not talking to them. I really couldn't say.

 

[Booze Zombie]

It's what most threads forget to take into account: Personalities.
Anyway, nice to see a thread that's like "people aren't cut and paste copies of the same blueprint".

 

[The Funslinger]

I basically agree.

Maybe you got stuck in the friend zone while they dated someone who you could see was never going to treat them right.

This. Sigh...

In any case, when people tell me "nice guys finish last", I just come back with "of course we do. It's better than premature ejaculation."

 

[WingedIncubus]

....But that doesn't make sense. My fashion sense is fine and they don't know me at all hence the question. You don't randomly hate people you don't know or at least sane people don't.

Could be a gazillion reasons not having anything to do with you. Perhaps she has her period, or she is a man-hating lesbian, or she is just pissed off about something in her life and she wonders why the hell you are looking at her funny, or maybe she's wet inside for you and she is frustrated because she doesn't know how to approach you, or any other infinite reason I could muster out of my imagination.

And why should you f'ing care? It's her problem, not yours. Don't let it affect you and your mojo.

 

[kazuki landen]

That was epic <3

 

[WingedIncubus]

It's that I catch them glaring at me, not I look at them and then they glare back at me. It just f**king annoys me when I walk down the street and catch someone giving me the look of evil for no reason - you wouldn't just insult someone for no reason so why the hateful look? I don't really let it get to me, i'm just curious as to the thinking behind what seems such a socially retarded thing to do.

Well, maybe they just don't like you, and yes people like and dislike people on sight all the time. Could also be that they are checking you out, albeit awkwardly (not all women are master seductresses either).

Have you ever thought of just walking up to them and plain ask what was the problem, why they are looking at you funny that way?

 

[Wolfram23]

evil vagenda

Basically, you are awesome for that alone.

But yeah I agree, the thing is I'm very sure this site gets a lot of younger people who like to generalise and also, sadly, there's definitely a HUGE influence from the media about this type of thing.

 

[rubinigosa]

I think what you written is awesome because its true. That being said ,I think it wrong that we just have two different ways to define a guy either jerk or nice. And if we got more ways to define a guy it might be esier to know for guys how to act...lets call it normal guy.(if someone has already said something similar or this, I apologize).