Do you really owe your parents anything?

[Remus]

Slight backstory - I am the youngest in my family, and due to an accident of science, I was disabled through my formative years. So not only was I given attention when my siblings were not for simply being the youngest, an extra level of care was required to just get me through each day. This led to a level of resentment both from parents and the rest of my family that continues to this day and I actively avoid family during the holidays, as I am right now. Now, do I owe them anything? No, absolutely not. It has been incredibly difficult for me to attempt to get out on my own and cannot afford such obligations. I only recently got a job I like, with management that likes me, but due to a contract with a hiring agency, they cannot yet fully employ me, with pay raise and benefits, for a month at minimum. When I make enough cash to get out and get my own place, my parents' reward will be that this was achieved despite my childhood, not because of it, and I am no longer there to burden them. This is all that any parent should expect, nothing more.

 

[spartan231490]

Pfft, dude, if your parents even cared for you decently and didn't drop you off in the dumpster, yeah, you owe them something.

Sure, maybe you don't have to financially support them, but to owe nothing to the people who created you?

That's just asshattery.

Yes, of course you owe your parents something. You owe them your life, as they gave it to you. You also owe them the not inconsiderable cost of raising and providing for you.

I didn't ask to be created. It was thrust upon me. By their thrusting... *guh*

I'm all for gratitude, and I think repaying a favor, no matter how big or small, is a fantastic thing to do. But I emphatically stress the difference between a favor, and a deal. Favors are done with no expectation of reciprocation. Deals are not.

But bearing a child and raising it are neither; it's a responsibility. If you have a child, you damn well better take care of it or you are not really being a parent. Even if you go above and beyond with what that child needs, all you are doing is fulfilling that duty to that child. Soldiers don't get paid more for earning the Medal of Honor. Parents don't deserve more from their children for good parenting.

Never said better parents deserve more, I said all parents deserve something. Frankly, that you could even argue against that is horrifying to me. What perverse logic you must use to justify owing nothing to the beings that created and raised you. And as for your "obligation" argument. You have an obligation to show up to work, that soldier has obligation to go where's told, but they still get paid for fulfilling that obligation. Just because it's an obligation, doesn't mean that you deserve nothing for it. It is, in fact, irrelevant to the discussion. Parents still brought you into the world and raised you, and you owe them a great deal for that.

 

[Kolby Jack]

Pfft, dude, if your parents even cared for you decently and didn't drop you off in the dumpster, yeah, you owe them something.

Sure, maybe you don't have to financially support them, but to owe nothing to the people who created you?

That's just asshattery.

Yes, of course you owe your parents something. You owe them your life, as they gave it to you. You also owe them the not inconsiderable cost of raising and providing for you.

I didn't ask to be created. It was thrust upon me. By their thrusting... *guh*

I'm all for gratitude, and I think repaying a favor, no matter how big or small, is a fantastic thing to do. But I emphatically stress the difference between a favor, and a deal. Favors are done with no expectation of reciprocation. Deals are not.

But bearing a child and raising it are neither; it's a responsibility. If you have a child, you damn well better take care of it or you are not really being a parent. Even if you go above and beyond with what that child needs, all you are doing is fulfilling that duty to that child. Soldiers don't get paid more for earning the Medal of Honor. Parents don't deserve more from their children for good parenting.

Never said better parents deserve more, I said all parents deserve something. Frankly, that you could even argue against that is horrifying to me. What perverse logic you must use to justify owing nothing to the beings that created and raised you. And as for your "obligation" argument. You have an obligation to show up to work, that soldier has obligation to go where's told, but they still get paid for fulfilling that obligation. Just because it's an obligation, doesn't mean that you deserve nothing for it. It is, in fact, irrelevant to the discussion. Parents still brought you into the world and raised you, and you owe them a great deal for that.

You sign up for your job. At least in America, you volunteer to be a soldier. It is YOUR choice. There is no obligation beyond that, only doing what you already agreed to do.

Again, I didn't ask to be born. I'm glad I was, but it's still not something I agreed to. As a child, you're stuck with your parents/guardians for good reason, but you still don't have a choice. As long as your parents are able to earn their own living, to live their own lives, you shouldn't be expected to provide them anything. If you want to, by all means, go ahead. But that's your CHOICE. It's not an obligation.

 

[Nukekitten]

Never said better parents deserve more, I said all parents deserve something. Frankly, that you could even argue against that is horrifying to me. What perverse logic you must use to justify owing nothing to the beings that created and raised you. And as for your "obligation" argument. You have an obligation to show up to work, that soldier has obligation to go where's told, but they still get paid for fulfilling that obligation. Just because it's an obligation, doesn't mean that you deserve nothing for it. It is, in fact, irrelevant to the discussion. Parents still brought you into the world and raised you, and you owe them a great deal for that.

Uhm, if your job doesn't pay you, then you cease to have an obligation to show up to work (although they still have an obligation to pay you for work done). You only acquire the obligation in the first place because you both agree to a certain balance of duties on either side. What you're suggesting is more akin to someone handing you a bunch of money unasked for and without the option to return it and then informing you that you have an obligation to work for them now.

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

Never said better parents deserve more, I said all parents deserve something. Frankly, that you could even argue against that is horrifying to me. What perverse logic you must use to justify owing nothing to the beings that created and raised you. And as for your "obligation" argument. You have an obligation to show up to work, that soldier has obligation to go where's told, but they still get paid for fulfilling that obligation. Just because it's an obligation, doesn't mean that you deserve nothing for it. It is, in fact, irrelevant to the discussion. Parents still brought you into the world and raised you, and you owe them a great deal for that.

You implied I owed my dad for not being a murderer or a child abuser. THATS weird. You dont reward people just for not violating other peoples basic human rights, especially when that person made the direct choice to create the life they have power over. To make a life and mistreat it is horrific, to NOT mistreat it is the bare minimum requirement when you decide to have a child. What reward does my father get for not rubbing horse urine into my eyes every day? Is it different for the one he gets for not removing my left foot for sport? Do we tally every horrific infringement they DIDNT commit and thank them personally for each one?

I love my father for what he did above and beyond the basic legal requirement when you CHOOSE to make a child.

I mean fuck by your logic i owe deep thanks to every adult child me spent any time alone with for not skinning me alive on the spot. How do i possibly repay these people for not abusing at a child? Sure my father had more opportunities but these people mustered the same decency as him too, so what do i owe them?

This relationship is entirely one sided, no one chooses their parents, parents can choose to have their kids (in most cases). Kids can look back and wish someone else raised them less abusively and know they had no control in being raised by an alcoholic abuser. Parents cant use the same excuse for the financial and temporal price a kid takes. They could have just used protection.

 

[The White Hunter]

About two weeks rent and I owe my mum 15 quid for booze she picked up from the store for me.

Otherwise not muuch.

 

[Savryc]

If nothing else these topics always make me feel better. Sure I got my own problems but it could be worse, I could also be one of socially maladjusted, faux-intellectual, misanthropic "hurr emoshuns only logic durr" brigade that will inevitably descend on the thread, if they haven't already.

I won't say I understand, because I've never experienced it, but I can certainly sympathise with those that had/have horrible, abusive parents. By all means, cut them out of your life and let them wallow in their own shit.

But considering my mother was a single parent who gave birth to me in high school and quite literally gave up on a life/career of her own to raise me. Yeah, I damn well owe her. I owe her a lot. She could have gotten rid of me. No one would have blamed her, I certainly wouldn't.

Spoiler: NOW IF ANYONE NEEDS ME I'LL BE IN THE ANGRY DOME

 

[Pete Oddly]

I owe my parents everything. They supported me throughout most of my life, and still help me out now and again, even when I don't need it or ask for it. I'll never be able to pay them back for what they've given me. They are the best parents a person could ask for, and I love them for it.

 

[Remus]

I owe my parents everything.

Saying it and acting upon it, two different interpretations of the question presented. I submit to you that the question was in regard to an actual, calculable debt that you are required to pay, not simply " I owe them for giving me life and raising me", which I still believe is a fallacy. Do lion cubs owe their parents, do bears, giraffes? Owing parents for doing what's expected of them is a purely human construct, and like so many, doesn't make sense when put under scrutiny.

 

[Halla Burrica]

It really depends on what you mean by "owe", if you believe that good deeds shouldn't have to be rewarded or if you are some materialistic motherf#cker who doesn't want to give up his/her precious small metal plates (I don't know where I was going with this).

Anyways, I (going by the assumption that most people in the world have fairly good parents) think sacrificing a lot of your personal freedom and spending obsene amounts of money to best take care of a sniveling little shit who could turn out in many different ways, a lot of which revolves around circumstances you have no control or direct input over and often not being given anything in return for all those efforts should not go unrewarded. At least lend a helping hand when they need help with the dishes or don't be a ***** when you're asked to do help your brother (I know I failed that one). "But it's required by the law". So? Does that just magically invalidate all those efforts and sacrifices made, because society expects it from you? Because in that case, shouldn't any action or sacrifice made for the benefit of someone beside yourself be invalidated as well? Well then, no more applauses for saving kittens from drowning, or cheers for the guy who saves the children from burning orphanages I guess, because that's what's expected of you.

 

[Halla Burrica]

I owe my parents everything.

Saying it and acting upon it, two different interpretations of the question presented. I submit to you that the question was in regard to an actual, calculable debt that you are required to pay, not simply " I owe them for giving me life and raising me", which I still believe is a fallacy. Do lion cubs owe their parents, do bears, giraffes? Owing parents for doing what's expected of them is a purely human construct, and like so many, doesn't make sense when put under scrutiny.

Come now, Homo Sapiens are very special types of creatures. Pretty much all of the animal kingdom don't have the kind of intellect that we do. They are driven by their instincts, doing what they were genetically meant to do, they don't what they do as a concious, independent decision because they aren't able to think critically about their actions while we can. Of course, as a species we also reproduce in the struggle for survival, but it's much more of a choice we ourselves make, it ain't dictated by nature. Guys were able to look up in the sky and say: "What is life?" You ever see a leopard do that? Or a hippo? Of course not.

Also lion cubs can often get killed by their fathers, because the children are cockblocking him. Really. And when male cubs are at a certain age, they're cast away from their group where they have to fend for themselves. Only a few survive and become parents
(Source: http://www.livescience.com/41572-male-lion-survival.html). And bears are rather solitary animals and can get eaten by their parents if they get too hungry (Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bear and Grizzly Man), so I don't think you should be using these species for that type of comparison. Giraffes are fine for comparison though.

 

[moggett88]

sniiiiip

Maybe it's not something that people consciously think, but maybe it's something like "one day I'll be a parent and I want my kids to treat me well. Since (as everyone knows) the Universe is perfectly fair, I'll treat my parents well and my reward will be my kids treating me well".

 

[Daverson]

To be entirely fair, if your parents have raised you in such a way that the question "do I really owe my parents anything" can be taken seriously, you probably don't.

(That, or you're an ungrateful little shit. Both are possible. Though... if you're still living with your parents when you're asking this question, I'd tend towards the latter...)

 

[Pete Oddly]

I owe my parents everything.

Saying it and acting upon it, two different interpretations of the question presented. I submit to you that the question was in regard to an actual, calculable debt that you are required to pay, not simply " I owe them for giving me life and raising me", which I still believe is a fallacy. Do lion cubs owe their parents, do bears, giraffes? Owing parents for doing what's expected of them is a purely human construct, and like so many, doesn't make sense when put under scrutiny.

That is a sadly inhuman way of looking at things.

 

[RicoADF]

They chose to have children I owe them nothing in return (especially since I didn't exactly get a say in the matter ). That said I love them so I do help them, but not out of 'debt', rather out of wanting to help. There's an important difference.

Here's the same question in reverse, do the parents owe their children anything? After all they brought us into this (often shitty) world and we didn't exactly have a choice. Not that I have an issue myself but I think it'd be an interesting spin on the OP's topic.

 

[giles]

I would say it depends. If I don't earn much, I wouldn't send them money (of course my parents wouldn't even take it anyway).
However, if, say I won 5 million in the lottery, I'd feel like I failed as a person if I didn't give at least 1 million to my family without a second thought.

 

[Remus]

I owe my parents everything.

Saying it and acting upon it, two different interpretations of the question presented. I submit to you that the question was in regard to an actual, calculable debt that you are required to pay, not simply " I owe them for giving me life and raising me", which I still believe is a fallacy. Do lion cubs owe their parents, do bears, giraffes? Owing parents for doing what's expected of them is a purely human construct, and like so many, doesn't make sense when put under scrutiny.

That is a sadly inhuman way of looking at things.

If you mean Inhuman [http://marvel.wikia.com/Inhumans_%28Race%29], then that gives me an evolutionary advantage, in which case I thank you for the compliment. But honestly, what is humane about foregoing your own needs by deciding you owe your parents millions of dollars for feeding and clothing you over 18 years? The level of inflation and job growth, the infrastructure, does not exist to support that level of debt generationally. If you hit it big, sell a startup, win the lottery, sure, spread the wealth. But if not, and you're just barely scraping by like the rest of us, then you owe your parents nothing and there should be no expectation of payment for them. This is a purely black and white view of the question - do you or do you not owe your parents monetarily for the years spent raising you, and is there an honest expectation that they will receive any form of payment beyond occasional help, birthdays, holidays, assistance with retirement or burial? Will they get the money back for food, shelter and clothes, plus a value of time spent, or won't they?

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

I don't see a "debt" as it were, legally as my parents did do what was legally required of them putting a roof overhead, food on the table, clothes on my back. They also did go beyond the "required by law" bounds and attempted to instill values and impart common sense and wisdom of their own experiences which some sank in and some took years and many errors to understand. I also was blessed with a good set of parents, grandparents and outlying family friends who all contributed a lot to my formative years.
Beyond my legally adult age, my parents have continued to support me, sometimes financially, sometimes just moral or emotional support. I feel sometimes I do owe my parents a lot, that I can never truly pay back to them. Instead I'm trying to pay forward my familial blessings to my daughter with mixed results. And I do a lot to help my parents any time they ask me for it, and offer it whenever I get the chance. I don't see it really as what I "owe" them, just that it is right for me to be there as they've been there for me my whole life.
Again I say I'm very lucky I have the family and friends that I do, that not everyone has what I do. If I'm privileged, fine with me. I feel I'm blessed, more than privileged and I appreciate what I have and recognize that its not commonly shared by most folks.
Even with my "privilege", I still haven't been spared from being mostly poor in my adult life and having to learn to live on the low end. I don't see what my parents have as my own, nor do I feel they owe me anything when they pass on (and I hope that day is far off).

 

[A_Parked_Car]

I greatly dislike my parents, so the second I have enough money I am moving out and never looking back. I don't really feel like I owe them anything. They decided to have kids and therefore they knew, or should have known, the costs involved. I never developed any kind of familial bond, so the entire concept is rather alien to me.

 

[Ambitiousmould]

I certainly would not go as far as to say it's "completely fucked up".

What is fucked up is turning away from your parents if they come to you for help (unless they were shit parents). I feel like I do owe my parents. They created me, for one thing, then raised and supported me even though I have never really been able to help back, besides the household chores I do. They are allowing me to continue to live at their house, eat their food and use their utilities, even though I use more internet and electricity than they do, all through University and aren't asking me for a penny, even when I offered to pay board. They aren't even particularly well off, they are just comfortable.

Even though they don't think I owe them, and would never come to me for (especially financial) help unless they were in real trouble, I feel like I owe them a great deal, and one day, providing I am successful enough, I hope and want to pay them back.

I owe them so much more then mere money. At current I try to do anything they ask of me, and when I get the chance, cover the occasional thing money-wise. (for example, I recently got some printing done for my Dad at a design shop I frequent, and when he forgot to pay me back, I chose not to bring it up). As a sort of 'the least I can do' type thing.

I think the main way, however, that I will be helping them will be far in the future, when they are in old age and I have to help them out. The whole thing will end up having gone full circle, at some point.