Do you really owe your parents anything?

[ZZoMBiE13]

Speaking as a parent, I wouldn't let my child support me. I mean she still lives at home and I'll provide for her as long as she needs it. And I'm sure some day when I'm a slobbering dementia-riddled geezer she'll shove me in a home of reasonable elderly care rather than listen to me spin yarns about the 80s. But I'd never want to take anything from her unless it was a dire need, and even then only after exhausting all possible alternatives and she'd have to offer... You know what, even then I don't think I could take monetary help from my kid.

I'm sure from her side of the situation, it would be just the opposite though. I would do (and have done) anything for my parents over the years, though like me they'd never have asked or expected it. We are a pretty close family all things considered. We've all always looked out for one another. Emotionally, financially, etc. Family has always been top priority for all of us.

This is a weird topic.

 

[RedDeadFred]

Technically, no.

Morally, maybe. I'm not going to tell you that you owe your parents anything. All I know is, my parents brought me an incredible amount of joy, put up with my shit, and loved me unconditionally. You could argue that all of that is their job, but this isn't really about logic to me. Personally, it seems a bit cold to think of it that way. I guess it depends on the parents though.

 

[Schmeiser]

You don't owe anything to people who you love and love you

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

On a basic level when people decide to have children they accept a responsibility to keep them safe, give them a basic standard of living etc until they reach an age where they can be expected to look after themself. If someone's parents do this and no more, then kick them to the curb once they are 18 then no, they have exhausted their obligation to their child and their child owes them nothing.

If however, as many parents do, they make personal sacrifices so that their child can have a better standard of living, so that they can enjoy things that their parents have no obligation to give them, then yes to my mind they do owe their parents something.

This.

Parents are owed nothing for providing services that are provided to prisoners of war by governments, in fact denial of these services is gross negligence. You would owe them no more than an animal "owes" you for purchasing it and feeding it. Being angry that you feed your dog and he doesnt "give back" in your opinion is assholery, the decision to purchase the dog was yours and providing it food is the basic requirement to not be a sociopath or an animal abuser.

However anything above and beyond the basic legal requirement is an act of compassion, and while that doesnt "indebt" you because acts of compassion by definition are done without thought to recompense, is a good indicator that your parents are good people who care for you and have your back. If your parents are the people you can always rely on, always depend on and will support you tirelessly then you sure as hell should feel like you owe them some small amount of gratitude for their love and effort. Its not so much about debt, and any parent that waves "compassion" over their kids head like a debt collector is doing themselves a disservice, its more about a mutually beneficial relationship where you can trust and depend on eachother. Me and my dad are truly friends, a relationship forged through me being barely sentient and a little shit all the way up to realising I admired and respected him in my late teens, and I want him to know I have his back like he has/always had mine.

 

[Javetts Eall Raksha]

i think you owe a certain amount, but after you bail them out of jail a few times or swap piss with them so they don't go back to jail. you're on equal ground and don't owe them shit.

 

[Remus]

Slight backstory - I am the youngest in my family, and due to an accident of science, I was disabled through my formative years. So not only was I given attention when my siblings were not for simply being the youngest, an extra level of care was required to just get me through each day. This led to a level of resentment both from parents and the rest of my family that continues to this day and I actively avoid family during the holidays, as I am right now. Now, do I owe them anything? No, absolutely not. It has been incredibly difficult for me to attempt to get out on my own and cannot afford such obligations. I only recently got a job I like, with management that likes me, but due to a contract with a hiring agency, they cannot yet fully employ me, with pay raise and benefits, for a month at minimum. When I make enough cash to get out and get my own place, my parents' reward will be that this was achieved despite my childhood, not because of it, and I am no longer there to burden them. This is all that any parent should expect, nothing more.

 

[spartan231490]

Pfft, dude, if your parents even cared for you decently and didn't drop you off in the dumpster, yeah, you owe them something.

Sure, maybe you don't have to financially support them, but to owe nothing to the people who created you?

That's just asshattery.

Yes, of course you owe your parents something. You owe them your life, as they gave it to you. You also owe them the not inconsiderable cost of raising and providing for you.

I didn't ask to be created. It was thrust upon me. By their thrusting... *guh*

I'm all for gratitude, and I think repaying a favor, no matter how big or small, is a fantastic thing to do. But I emphatically stress the difference between a favor, and a deal. Favors are done with no expectation of reciprocation. Deals are not.

But bearing a child and raising it are neither; it's a responsibility. If you have a child, you damn well better take care of it or you are not really being a parent. Even if you go above and beyond with what that child needs, all you are doing is fulfilling that duty to that child. Soldiers don't get paid more for earning the Medal of Honor. Parents don't deserve more from their children for good parenting.

Never said better parents deserve more, I said all parents deserve something. Frankly, that you could even argue against that is horrifying to me. What perverse logic you must use to justify owing nothing to the beings that created and raised you. And as for your "obligation" argument. You have an obligation to show up to work, that soldier has obligation to go where's told, but they still get paid for fulfilling that obligation. Just because it's an obligation, doesn't mean that you deserve nothing for it. It is, in fact, irrelevant to the discussion. Parents still brought you into the world and raised you, and you owe them a great deal for that.

 

[Kolby Jack]

Pfft, dude, if your parents even cared for you decently and didn't drop you off in the dumpster, yeah, you owe them something.

Sure, maybe you don't have to financially support them, but to owe nothing to the people who created you?

That's just asshattery.

Yes, of course you owe your parents something. You owe them your life, as they gave it to you. You also owe them the not inconsiderable cost of raising and providing for you.

I didn't ask to be created. It was thrust upon me. By their thrusting... *guh*

I'm all for gratitude, and I think repaying a favor, no matter how big or small, is a fantastic thing to do. But I emphatically stress the difference between a favor, and a deal. Favors are done with no expectation of reciprocation. Deals are not.

But bearing a child and raising it are neither; it's a responsibility. If you have a child, you damn well better take care of it or you are not really being a parent. Even if you go above and beyond with what that child needs, all you are doing is fulfilling that duty to that child. Soldiers don't get paid more for earning the Medal of Honor. Parents don't deserve more from their children for good parenting.

Never said better parents deserve more, I said all parents deserve something. Frankly, that you could even argue against that is horrifying to me. What perverse logic you must use to justify owing nothing to the beings that created and raised you. And as for your "obligation" argument. You have an obligation to show up to work, that soldier has obligation to go where's told, but they still get paid for fulfilling that obligation. Just because it's an obligation, doesn't mean that you deserve nothing for it. It is, in fact, irrelevant to the discussion. Parents still brought you into the world and raised you, and you owe them a great deal for that.

You sign up for your job. At least in America, you volunteer to be a soldier. It is YOUR choice. There is no obligation beyond that, only doing what you already agreed to do.

Again, I didn't ask to be born. I'm glad I was, but it's still not something I agreed to. As a child, you're stuck with your parents/guardians for good reason, but you still don't have a choice. As long as your parents are able to earn their own living, to live their own lives, you shouldn't be expected to provide them anything. If you want to, by all means, go ahead. But that's your CHOICE. It's not an obligation.

 

[Nukekitten]

Never said better parents deserve more, I said all parents deserve something. Frankly, that you could even argue against that is horrifying to me. What perverse logic you must use to justify owing nothing to the beings that created and raised you. And as for your "obligation" argument. You have an obligation to show up to work, that soldier has obligation to go where's told, but they still get paid for fulfilling that obligation. Just because it's an obligation, doesn't mean that you deserve nothing for it. It is, in fact, irrelevant to the discussion. Parents still brought you into the world and raised you, and you owe them a great deal for that.

Uhm, if your job doesn't pay you, then you cease to have an obligation to show up to work (although they still have an obligation to pay you for work done). You only acquire the obligation in the first place because you both agree to a certain balance of duties on either side. What you're suggesting is more akin to someone handing you a bunch of money unasked for and without the option to return it and then informing you that you have an obligation to work for them now.

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

Never said better parents deserve more, I said all parents deserve something. Frankly, that you could even argue against that is horrifying to me. What perverse logic you must use to justify owing nothing to the beings that created and raised you. And as for your "obligation" argument. You have an obligation to show up to work, that soldier has obligation to go where's told, but they still get paid for fulfilling that obligation. Just because it's an obligation, doesn't mean that you deserve nothing for it. It is, in fact, irrelevant to the discussion. Parents still brought you into the world and raised you, and you owe them a great deal for that.

You implied I owed my dad for not being a murderer or a child abuser. THATS weird. You dont reward people just for not violating other peoples basic human rights, especially when that person made the direct choice to create the life they have power over. To make a life and mistreat it is horrific, to NOT mistreat it is the bare minimum requirement when you decide to have a child. What reward does my father get for not rubbing horse urine into my eyes every day? Is it different for the one he gets for not removing my left foot for sport? Do we tally every horrific infringement they DIDNT commit and thank them personally for each one?

I love my father for what he did above and beyond the basic legal requirement when you CHOOSE to make a child.

I mean fuck by your logic i owe deep thanks to every adult child me spent any time alone with for not skinning me alive on the spot. How do i possibly repay these people for not abusing at a child? Sure my father had more opportunities but these people mustered the same decency as him too, so what do i owe them?

This relationship is entirely one sided, no one chooses their parents, parents can choose to have their kids (in most cases). Kids can look back and wish someone else raised them less abusively and know they had no control in being raised by an alcoholic abuser. Parents cant use the same excuse for the financial and temporal price a kid takes. They could have just used protection.

 

[The White Hunter]

About two weeks rent and I owe my mum 15 quid for booze she picked up from the store for me.

Otherwise not muuch.

 

[Savryc]

If nothing else these topics always make me feel better. Sure I got my own problems but it could be worse, I could also be one of socially maladjusted, faux-intellectual, misanthropic "hurr emoshuns only logic durr" brigade that will inevitably descend on the thread, if they haven't already.

I won't say I understand, because I've never experienced it, but I can certainly sympathise with those that had/have horrible, abusive parents. By all means, cut them out of your life and let them wallow in their own shit.

But considering my mother was a single parent who gave birth to me in high school and quite literally gave up on a life/career of her own to raise me. Yeah, I damn well owe her. I owe her a lot. She could have gotten rid of me. No one would have blamed her, I certainly wouldn't.

Spoiler: NOW IF ANYONE NEEDS ME I'LL BE IN THE ANGRY DOME

 

[Pete Oddly]

I owe my parents everything. They supported me throughout most of my life, and still help me out now and again, even when I don't need it or ask for it. I'll never be able to pay them back for what they've given me. They are the best parents a person could ask for, and I love them for it.

 

[Remus]

I owe my parents everything.

Saying it and acting upon it, two different interpretations of the question presented. I submit to you that the question was in regard to an actual, calculable debt that you are required to pay, not simply " I owe them for giving me life and raising me", which I still believe is a fallacy. Do lion cubs owe their parents, do bears, giraffes? Owing parents for doing what's expected of them is a purely human construct, and like so many, doesn't make sense when put under scrutiny.

 

[Halla Burrica]

It really depends on what you mean by "owe", if you believe that good deeds shouldn't have to be rewarded or if you are some materialistic motherf#cker who doesn't want to give up his/her precious small metal plates (I don't know where I was going with this).

Anyways, I (going by the assumption that most people in the world have fairly good parents) think sacrificing a lot of your personal freedom and spending obsene amounts of money to best take care of a sniveling little shit who could turn out in many different ways, a lot of which revolves around circumstances you have no control or direct input over and often not being given anything in return for all those efforts should not go unrewarded. At least lend a helping hand when they need help with the dishes or don't be a ***** when you're asked to do help your brother (I know I failed that one). "But it's required by the law". So? Does that just magically invalidate all those efforts and sacrifices made, because society expects it from you? Because in that case, shouldn't any action or sacrifice made for the benefit of someone beside yourself be invalidated as well? Well then, no more applauses for saving kittens from drowning, or cheers for the guy who saves the children from burning orphanages I guess, because that's what's expected of you.

 

[Halla Burrica]

I owe my parents everything.

Saying it and acting upon it, two different interpretations of the question presented. I submit to you that the question was in regard to an actual, calculable debt that you are required to pay, not simply " I owe them for giving me life and raising me", which I still believe is a fallacy. Do lion cubs owe their parents, do bears, giraffes? Owing parents for doing what's expected of them is a purely human construct, and like so many, doesn't make sense when put under scrutiny.

Come now, Homo Sapiens are very special types of creatures. Pretty much all of the animal kingdom don't have the kind of intellect that we do. They are driven by their instincts, doing what they were genetically meant to do, they don't what they do as a concious, independent decision because they aren't able to think critically about their actions while we can. Of course, as a species we also reproduce in the struggle for survival, but it's much more of a choice we ourselves make, it ain't dictated by nature. Guys were able to look up in the sky and say: "What is life?" You ever see a leopard do that? Or a hippo? Of course not.

Also lion cubs can often get killed by their fathers, because the children are cockblocking him. Really. And when male cubs are at a certain age, they're cast away from their group where they have to fend for themselves. Only a few survive and become parents
(Source: http://www.livescience.com/41572-male-lion-survival.html). And bears are rather solitary animals and can get eaten by their parents if they get too hungry (Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bear and Grizzly Man), so I don't think you should be using these species for that type of comparison. Giraffes are fine for comparison though.

 

[moggett88]

sniiiiip

Maybe it's not something that people consciously think, but maybe it's something like "one day I'll be a parent and I want my kids to treat me well. Since (as everyone knows) the Universe is perfectly fair, I'll treat my parents well and my reward will be my kids treating me well".

 

[Daverson]

To be entirely fair, if your parents have raised you in such a way that the question "do I really owe my parents anything" can be taken seriously, you probably don't.

(That, or you're an ungrateful little shit. Both are possible. Though... if you're still living with your parents when you're asking this question, I'd tend towards the latter...)

 

[Pete Oddly]

I owe my parents everything.

Saying it and acting upon it, two different interpretations of the question presented. I submit to you that the question was in regard to an actual, calculable debt that you are required to pay, not simply " I owe them for giving me life and raising me", which I still believe is a fallacy. Do lion cubs owe their parents, do bears, giraffes? Owing parents for doing what's expected of them is a purely human construct, and like so many, doesn't make sense when put under scrutiny.

That is a sadly inhuman way of looking at things.

 

[RicoADF]

They chose to have children I owe them nothing in return (especially since I didn't exactly get a say in the matter ). That said I love them so I do help them, but not out of 'debt', rather out of wanting to help. There's an important difference.

Here's the same question in reverse, do the parents owe their children anything? After all they brought us into this (often shitty) world and we didn't exactly have a choice. Not that I have an issue myself but I think it'd be an interesting spin on the OP's topic.