Do you think relationships between close friends can work (and am I in the friend-zone)?

[cerebreturns]

No you don't know "it's just not lust" because there is no definite proof of what love is or is supposed to be.

But there is TONS of proof that people do not understand their own feelings even when in the middle of them.


Relationships between close friends can and do work.


She seems pretty clear about not wanting to be with you, you hanging around hoping for more is just going to end poorly for the both of you. Go find someone else.

She isn't your soul mate, love isn't a once in a life time thing, and if you are under 30 just don't even bother trying to claim you understand how you feel, because most people at 50 still don't.


You need to decide if you can accept being JUST her friend, truly, and if you really do love her then you can. If you can't accept that or deal with it, then stay away from her for a year or 2 and then come back with the sole intention of being her friend, that will make things easier for you.


End point is to just get away from her until you cool down.

 

[Fieldy409_v1legacy]

Also as someone else mentioned, don't wait for the perfect moment, contact her right now if you can and tell her you want to talk to her in private over coffee or something. If you can't state your feelings in person send her a text or call her. Just let her know exactly how you feel, you won't seem stupid or pathetic, you will seem strong for it. There is no perfect moment.

 

[runic knight]

first thing you need to do is get a little perspective on how you feel, what you want and what you are willing to lose in the attempt. Sorry, anything of value tends to take a little risk and effort. In order to get perspective, well, distance always worked for me. Not saying drop her like a sack of potatoes, but maybe take a weekend and isolate yourself from her and let yourself assess your feelings and attraction to the girl. Examine what you like about her, why you want to be in a relationship with her and what flaws she has. If you ever answer "she is perfect", you are doing it wrong, redouble the distance and effort and try again. No one is perfect and if you can't even be honest with yourself about her flaws, you sure as hell are not being honest with how you feel about her and are instead probably just imposing what you want her to be instead.

Ok, lets say you pull that off and still want to be in a relationship. Good, now is time to understand the risk. Lets be honest here, in the end it will boil down to either you making a move or nothing happening. That magical third idea where she admits to feelings for you is a statistical impossibility. Thus this step is you deciding if it is worth risking what you have now to seek a relationship or not. And, it is where you decide if it is worth carrying those feelings you have if you choose not to seek a relationship. If you risk it for the relationship, you may very well make the friendship awkward and slowly kill it. If you don't though, well, the feelings you have may start to poison your friendship as resentment and frustration grows. So congrats, if you do determine after a level headed self introspective that you still have feelings and want a relationship, you pretty much forced your own hand into one of two unpleasant situations you now have to deal with. This is why I said make sure you do step one right, as you will need your big-boy pants to deal with the possible results. Hmm...rather depressing thus far...here.


Friendships can grow into relationships. Hell, I recall something about how the strongest relationships are made of three components: Friendship, commitment and attraction. Sounds like you have the first quite fine. And you, at least, have the third. The parts above, where you do the unpleasant introspective and make the tough choices and acknowledge and accept that no matter what you do there will be consequences...that sort of effort might even suggest the middle one there. Thus if you can, I would say your feelings are more earnest and that is something, right?


-sigh-

Ok, bottom line for advice on how to handle this. After you figure out if you are willing to risk the friendship to pursue something more, just sit her down, talk to her and tell her that as you have been friends you have felt more attracted to her and have developed feelings. Don't use the word "love", not after two months. Even on the off chance it is, you will still sound kinda obsessively nuts for the word choice. Just be honest, be tactfully honest at least, and make sure you have come to terms with the risk you make for this possible relationship.

 

[Zen Toombs]

They are incredibly dumb choices. Don't you worry, it would be crazy for me to do any of those things, that just isn't me at all. Thanks man!

No problem. But you would be surprised how often people make those choices, intentionally or not.

 

[The Harkinator]

My advice may be a bit hypocritical because I didn't actually do this, go for it, if you don't try you'll never know. I was in a very similar situation to you and didn't do anything, I didn't know if she had a boyfriend already or if she felt the same and I kept putting asking her out off. FYI we are both university students.

Truth be told we were in a quasi-flirting state where we'd always be talking to each other and spending time with each other and everyone was commenting on what a great couple we would be. I like her I thought she liked me and most outside observers would agree this is the time to "man up and ask her out". But I was scared of what would happen if she said no, would we no longer be friends? Would she get out of my life? I enjoyed the state of our 'relationship' and while I would have liked it to advance I was afraid sending out clear signals would scare her off and the state of things as they were would end.

In the end they did change anyway (of course) over Christmas and New Year she started dating someone from her hometown so now I'm pretty sure I missed my chance. Talked myself out of asking her out so many times and while I'm glad we still get along well we're no longer at the point we once were and I feel that asking her out was a leap of faith I needed to take.

Trust me, I spent quite a few sleepless nights pondering over the what-ifs and that only stopped because I sat down with a parent and let it all out in a conversation that lasted 5 hours and one bottle of Baileys.

Not knowing will tear you apart if things move away from you.

 

[JemothSkarii]

Alright, I guess I can say they can work and they can't work: I've had/have the experiences. It's like relationships with girls on blind dates. They can honestly go either way.
I'm not the most experienced: Had 3 girlfriends in the past and one shouldn't really count, but I'll help you with what I can.

As for the friend zone thing (I believe there's a friend zone, I'll get on that) It kinda look like she has, which leads to another experience.

Okay, my reason for the friend zone is this: Meet this girl online, chat for two years and become really close, and eventually start going out. For a year and a bit it's fantastic, she's sweet, kind, share interests. But then she starts going on about this other guy. I wasn't particularly worried since she said she loved me and that they were friends (I was 17 at the time *sigh*). But eventually she admits to liking him, and tries to make a compromise, sorta like a bigamist relationship. I ignored the alarm bells, went with it. etc. etc.

She cheated on me a couple of times, and while we were (in my mind) going back to normal, she suddenly seemed weird and then goes "I love you like a brother....but I can't go out with you anymore but I still wanna be friends"...then proceeds to go out with a guy who she thought of as a brother.
We'd 'gone out' for four years. So that is my proof that there's a frienzone.

[sub]That and the fact she was a cheating lying whore*[/sub]

Now for the other thing.

I became friends with this girl over a year, and we were pretty close, she could tell me about things etc. I began developing feelings for her like my gut expected. She was sexually abused as a child so I tried to hold them back. She eventually found out from her family, my crush apparently quite obvious. Long story short, I tried to talk about it one day and after I'd left she had 'Vietnam style' flashbacks and started blaming me and her mother for being sexually abused.

But the thing about that was I saw her the way you saw your friend; complex, impossible to figure out etc. etc. So you might wanna check out any mental trauma . In all seriousness (and apologies if you think this was an excuse to 'vent' about things, because it wasn't) If she's confused about her feelings (like I neglected to mention the first girl was) It's probably best to just leave it and try to stay friends. If she rejects you, it'll hurt. If you get into a relationship? If it's anything like my experience it will hurt a lot more (It still hurts for me, and it's been almost a year since I finally kept away from her).

Try to stay friends or just move on, whatever relationship is more important/necessary.

*Note: This was a joke...[sub][sub]mostly ;_;[/sub][/sub]

 

[theparsonski]

For a start, can you just assume that I'm not a predator, and that you're not giving me advice on how to potentially murder and/or rape this girl? Theoreticising about the potential predator capacity of a poster on an internet forum does nobody any good, especially as I haven't shown any predatory behaviour.

How...? What...? Where...? How would I be giving you advice on anything like that? I am literally telling you to stop acting like you want to take advantage of her, not the other way around. Holy crap, way to completely and utterly miss my point.

Secondly, that is ridiculous. Creepy? Really? I am not telling her that I like her in order to spare both our feelings. I am continuing to be her friend (read: not stalker, hanger-on etc.) because her friendship means a lot to me. Yes, maybe I should tell her. Yes, maybe it is selfish of me not to, although I know that she values me as a friend and that it would hurt her too if we ended up not speaking anymore. Calling somebody who has feelings for his friend but doesn't want to risk telling her 'creepy' is extremely Puritan, and in all honesty you sound to me like a bit of a wanker mate. You obviously have some kind of superiority complex going on that makes you think that what I am doing is wrong and that it therefore makes we weird and predatory.

No, I think you have a reading comprehension problem or a penchant for being wilfully obtuse, since you keep assuming I'm saying things I'm not actually saying. I have repeatedly stated that I acknowledge that your intentions might not be predatory, but that I am focusing on your actions, which may look predatory to an outsider observer (and, more importantly, to this friend of yours). You know that intentions aren't the same as actions, right? That what's in your head isn't the same as the things you do, correct? And that we cannot see what's in your head so we have to react to the things you do, yes? I'm going to assume you understand all that and move on.

I will repeat myself: I am not judging your actual intentions. I acknowledge that you might have the purest and noblest intentions, but they do not matter at all when it comes to judging your actions from an external perspective. We cannot observe your intentions, we can only observe your actions. And your actions are compatible with someone with innocent intentions and with someone with predatory intentions. That is what I am saying, that if she wanted to assume that your intentions were predatory and take your lies as a personal betrayal, she would be justified in doing so because your intentions can be innocent or predatory.

I do respect her. A lot. And if she asked me straight if I had feelings for her, I would tell her straight that I do. But not telling her is hardly a terrible crime, and who the fuck do you know that just goes up and tells a girl he likes that he likes her? Because if they are 'predators' then I know a huge number of them.

Firstly, people who go up and tell a person that they have feelings for them are called "normal adults". It's what you do when you have feelings for a person. You sit down with them and you talk to them with honesty. Then you either ask them out or say that it's not going to get in the way of your friendship/work/acquaintanceship/etc and that you will attempt to find someone else instead.

Secondly, I have no idea how you derived the idea that confessing your feelings to someone is predatory. I said the exact opposite. The people who keep their agendas hidden while they befriend someone with ulterior motives are predators, not the people who come clean.

Basically, you're an idiot.

Your maturity astounds me.

Look, I'm not going to spend too much time on this because I have made a decision and I know what I am going to do (ironically, what you suggested). I get that you are focusing on my actions. Fine. My 'actions', other than being a good friend to her, literally just consist of not telling her I like her (which I'm now going to fix). You say this could be construed as predatory? Only if I followed up by watching her or stalking her online. I kept it quiet because a failed friendship is bad for both parties, but so is a friendship where one friend knows that the other likes them. I wanted to just stay friends, and if something were to happen then great, but if not, then it would suck but whatever. But because my feelings have grown stronger, it's become harder and harder to do that, which is why I asked for advice in the first place.

Also, regarding the 'normal adults' part, does everyone you know seriously confess their feelings to one another without um-ing and ahh-ing about whether it is a good idea or not? Do they all just throw caution to the wind and straight out tell the other person as soon as they get the feeling, especially when they are good friends? I kinda doubt it.

And I never derived the idea that confessing your feelings to someone is predatory... how did you derive that?

I may have misinterpreted many of your points - fair enough. However, I think you have greatly misinterpreted mine.

 

[govan640]

My girlfriend has been my best friend for around 6 or 7 years now, we've been together 2 years, if you really believe it can work dude, GO FOR IT.

 

[Darken12]

1) So I can go up to any female friend and demand to know her feelings towards me, and if she fails to give anything short of a completely honest answer, I'm suddenly betrayed?

Yes. If you trusted her to be honest with you (and you have been honest with her as well), then she has betrayed your trust by not being honest with you. Whether it's a big deal or not is subjective and depends on the people and the nature of their relationship.

2) Clearly the definition of "indefinitely" is suitable for this unspecified amount of time, and even more so when you consider how vulnerable one is to Oneitis at OP's age. Also, I humbly submit that I'm far less experienced at intentionally distancing myself from other people than you apparently are. Who knew that instead of being incredibly inconvenient and impractical, it'd only be somewhat inconvenient and impractical.

The best cure for Oneitis is finding someone else, and this distancing is a tool for letting him open himself to the idea of finding someone else. Once he gets into a relationship and he no longer has feelings for her, there's no reason to continue the distancing.

I prefer to see it as a temporary minor inconvenience.

3) That external observer being you. Or someone who happens to share the exact same prejudices and outlook as you, which probably doesn't leave that many, unless I'm drastically underestimating the demographic of people who think it isn't overly dramatic and unnecessary to characterize a case of moderate social ineptitude/awkwardness with words usually used to describe the activities of rapists, pedophiles, kidnappers, guys who grope women on subways, and wildlife on the African savannah.

Oh, I'm sorry if you think my language is woefully inadequate to describe the current situation. I certainly never associated the OP with any of the things you mention here. I used the word "creepy" several times, was that not enough? Because I consider that describing a rapist, lion or kidnapper as "creepy" would be a vast understatement.

4) Creepy & uncomfortable! Oh look, two perfectly adequate words that would've sufficiently described the situation and been used to full effect if you weren't a card carrying member of Obscure-Demographic-I-Just-Mentioned-^Above-Stan.

I mentioned the word creepy several times and addressed the girl's comfort at least once or twice. I think you just zeroed in with a laserlike focus on the word predatory to the detriment of everything else.

Really, you honestly think OP should go around pretending like the girl has a restraining order on him?

No, I think the OP should either come clean to the girl or distance himself from her long enough for his feelings to fade and his interest in other women could be sparked by another person (and this time, avoiding the same mistake of telling the girl that he doesn't have feelings for her when he does). That you are vastly exaggerating for effect does nothing but discredit sound advice.

Look, I'm not going to spend too much time on this because I have made a decision and I know what I am going to do (ironically, what you suggested). I get that you are focusing on my actions. Fine. My 'actions', other than being a good friend to her, literally just consist of not telling her I like her (which I'm now going to fix). You say this could be construed as predatory? Only if I followed up by watching her or stalking her online. I kept it quiet because a failed friendship is bad for both parties, but so is a friendship where one friend knows that the other likes them. I wanted to just stay friends, and if something were to happen then great, but if not, then it would suck but whatever. But because my feelings have grown stronger, it's become harder and harder to do that, which is why I asked for advice in the first place.

Not really, stalking or watching aren't necessary for someone who wants to manipulate another person into having sex/getting into a relationship with them. If your intentions weren't innocent and you were faking your friendship with her for an ulterior motive, that's all it would take to construe your actions as creepy (not using the word predatory anymore to avoid further outrage).

I get what you're saying, but you have to admit that the idea of waiting and hoping that it becomes something more isn't the noblest, particularly when appended with the "wait for the right moment to come clean when it might be used as a stepping stone to turn the friendship into a romantic relationship" thing you said earlier. I'm not saying you are a cold manipulator, I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you are telling us the truth, but even then the idea of keeping quiet is not the kindest or most ethic thing to do to a friend. What if it was another kind of secret that might end the relationship? Wouldn't you come clean if you had accidentally got her parent/s fired, killed her pet or any other thing that would be more beneficial for you to keep quiet about?

I'm advocating that you do the right thing here, which is to either come clean or distance yourself from her until you no longer feel that way (and therefore you are no longer lying), that's all.

Also, regarding the 'normal adults' part, does everyone you know seriously confess their feelings to one another without um-ing and ahh-ing about whether it is a good idea or not? Do they all just throw caution to the wind and straight out tell the other person as soon as they get the feeling, especially when they are good friends? I kinda doubt it.

Yeah, that's actually how it goes. If the girl is a stranger, you make eye contact with her, smile, see how she responds. If she smiles back or looks interested, you approach, introduce yourself, make idle chit chat, get to know each other, flirt lightly, see how she reacts to that, flirt a bit more heavily if she's receptive and eventually ask her out. If she's someone you know as an acquaintance, you skip the idle chit chat and introductions and either ask her out as a casual "let's see what happens, no pressure" thing or start with flirting to see if she's into you. If she's a friend and you confirm after some introspection that you have feelings for them, you sit them down, tell them, and then explain that you won't let it get in the way of your friendship because you appreciate them too much.

It's really not that complicated. I've done it myself. You can't control your feelings, but you can control what you do about them, and that's what matters.

And I never derived the idea that confessing your feelings to someone is predatory... how did you derive that?

From this:

and who the fuck do you know that just goes up and tells a girl he likes that he likes her? Because if they are 'predators' then I know a huge number of them.

I took to mean "they" as the subject of the sentence immediately preceding that one. So to me, "they" were "those who go up and tell a girl he likes that he likes her."

Pronouns can be tricky to us foreigners.

I may have misinterpreted many of your points - fair enough. However, I think you have greatly misinterpreted mine.

Fair enough, I suppose.

 

[Rascarin]

Can you have a relationship with a close friend? I certainly hope so; I'm marrying my best friend this year...

 

[rednose1]

While I am completely rooting for ya, my gut tells me you're in the friendzone brother. She felt bad for leading you on, and you said you didn't have feelings for her anymore. She might assume that is still the case. Best bet is to just be honest with her and tell her exactly how you feel about her. I know this is harder to do than it seems (since we've all been there) but eventually she'll find someone else if you don't try, and you'll constantly be kicking yourself wondering, "why didn't I try??"


Remember, in every choice, the best action is the correct one, the second best is the wrong action, and the worst is no action.

 

[JagermanXcell]

I started getting to know a girl in December, possibly the most amazing person I know. She's funny, kind, really quirky, gorgeous (in my opinion) and we get on really well. I know I've only really been friends with her for a couple of months, but in that time we've become very close, and I'd actually class her as one of my three best friends.

Trouble is, I have feelings for her. She found out that I had a crush on her during December, and felt bad because she thought she had led me on by accident on New Year's Eve - but I convinced her that I no longer felt that way, and since then we've just become even better friends. Unfortunately, I think I may be now in love with her.

Don't go on about how 'you can't love someone after 2 months' or 'it's just lust' and things like that. I know how I feel - it's definitely not lust, I don't think there has been a single waking hour since I realised how much I like her that she hasn't crossed my mind at least once. Just trust that I have very strong feelings for her.

She has only been in two relationships before, and they were both with guys she didn't know very well. They also both ended badly after a month. She seems to go through phases where she believes that a relationship with a close friend would be amazing, and then also phases where she finds the concept really weird. I'm not even going to try to understand her, she's far too complex, and doesn't fit the stereotypes that many girls do.

Do you think she could change her mind for the better? She agreed that relationships with friends last the longest, and are the best. Is this a good sign? I definitely don't think she likes me at the minute, but I don't think she likes anyone at the minute. Do you think I've been friendzoned? And do you think that relationships between good friends can work?

If you want more details, just ask.

I know how you feel bro, I'm literally in the SAME EXACT SITUATION you're in.
The only difference is that she has a boyfriend. Note: The boyfriend is an emotional wreck that cheated on her twice, she herself told me, sounds like she's looking to get with someone she can trust (Me) and she hints at it constantly.
So it would seem that we're both in a bit of a snag. :/

OT: Don't let your confidence or fear get the best of you. If you have feelings for her, tell her.
Its better to be honest then to keep those unhealthy emotions bottled up inside.
Who knows she might even feel the same way by the sound of it.

So can close friends relationships work? Hell yeah. No matter what people say, I believe it is 100% possible, I also believe those are the ones that can last a lifetime.

 

[Darken12]

1) that is sooo ridiculous. do you personally do stuff like this? what if they just refuse to answer rather than outright lying, have i been half-betrayed?

I strive to be completely honest with my friends, so I've never found myself in the situation where someone asked me if I had anything to hide. From the other side, I've done it a few times before when it was very important for me. I wouldn't do it for a triviality. And if they refuse to answer, then they aren't half-betraying you, they're being shitty friends and you have a right to feel annoyed.

This is really not as shocking as you make it out to be, and I think you're just grasping at things to be scandalised about.

2) um the tone in ur first post made it seem like the primary reason for the OP to distance himself from the girl was because of his potentially "predatory" behaviour, and not this clearly less crazy idea of simply finding another girl.

Yes, I do think that he should distance himself on principle to avoid giving off the impression of being creepy, I consider finding another relationship a second step in the process. Right now, the girl could be justified in assuming he lied to her all along in an attempt to emotionally manipulate her into a relationship and the best way to disprove that is by distancing himself from her (and then finding another girl).

3) by "... words usually used to describe ...", I meant "predator"

Yes, I know. And I'm telling you I thought my meaning would be evident from the way I was using the word. I wasn't using it to mean "rapist" but "shady person who emotionally manipulates others to get what he wants." I consider both instances valid uses of the word predatory, but you clearly don't.

4) lol u said predator/ory 5 times in that one post. I edited my post (#80) to say "all instances of" after but i guess you quoted me before then, oh well. Didnt mean to say u werent already using creepy and uncomfortable, i meant that it seemed ridiculous to jump from those adjectives to "predator" when in reality, OP is just trying to hang around this girl without spaghetti falling out of his pockets everywhere.

Well, I personally think that predatory is a word that can be used to describe a spectrum of conduct, from something relatively mild to the extreme. I think that if a person lies and pretends to be another person's friend in order to have sex with them, that is predatory behaviour, even if there isn't rape, kidnapping or anything of the sort, because they are seeing their target not as a person with feelings, but as a conquest.

i still dont get why u think its a big deal to not tell everything u feel just cuz someone asks. but then again i would never be in this situation in the first place, being anti-whiteknight and all

Uh, because you are continuously lying to your friend? I don't know, maybe I just have different standards for friendship than you do. I don't consider that any relationship (friendship included) can be built on lies. I also don't extend the name "friend" to just about anyone. I have very few friends. Lots of acquaintances, but very few friends, and I treasure them very dearly.

 

[theparsonski]

1) that is sooo ridiculous. do you personally do stuff like this? what if they just refuse to answer rather than outright lying, have i been half-betrayed?

I strive to be completely honest with my friends, so I've never found myself in the situation where someone asked me if I had anything to hide. From the other side, I've done it a few times before when it was very important for me. I wouldn't do it for a triviality. And if they refuse to answer, then they aren't half-betraying you, they're being shitty friends and you have a right to feel annoyed.

This is really not as shocking as you make it out to be, and I think you're just grasping at things to be scandalised about.

2) um the tone in ur first post made it seem like the primary reason for the OP to distance himself from the girl was because of his potentially "predatory" behaviour, and not this clearly less crazy idea of simply finding another girl.

Yes, I do think that he should distance himself on principle to avoid giving off the impression of being creepy, I consider finding another relationship a second step in the process. Right now, the girl could be justified in assuming he lied to her all along in an attempt to emotionally manipulate her into a relationship and the best way to disprove that is by distancing himself from her (and then finding another girl).

3) by "... words usually used to describe ...", I meant "predator"

Yes, I know. And I'm telling you I thought my meaning would be evident from the way I was using the word. I wasn't using it to mean "rapist" but "shady person who emotionally manipulates others to get what he wants." I consider both instances valid uses of the word predatory, but you clearly don't.

4) lol u said predator/ory 5 times in that one post. I edited my post (#80) to say "all instances of" after but i guess you quoted me before then, oh well. Didnt mean to say u werent already using creepy and uncomfortable, i meant that it seemed ridiculous to jump from those adjectives to "predator" when in reality, OP is just trying to hang around this girl without spaghetti falling out of his pockets everywhere.

Well, I personally think that predatory is a word that can be used to describe a spectrum of conduct, from something relatively mild to the extreme. I think that if a person lies and pretends to be another person's friend in order to have sex with them, that is predatory behaviour, even if there isn't rape, kidnapping or anything of the sort, because they are seeing their target not as a person with feelings, but as a conquest.

i still dont get why u think its a big deal to not tell everything u feel just cuz someone asks. but then again i would never be in this situation in the first place, being anti-whiteknight and all

Uh, because you are continuously lying to your friend? I don't know, maybe I just have different standards for friendship than you do. I don't consider that any relationship (friendship included) can be built on lies. I also don't extend the name "friend" to just about anyone. I have very few friends. Lots of acquaintances, but very few friends, and I treasure them very dearly.

I'm going to be honest with you here - you're coming across as extremely arrogant in some of these posts. You appear to regard yourself as some kind of friendship Batman, eternal defender of the good and true etc. Now, I get that you're a flawless friend, and you would never ever make any kind of mistake or tell any kind of lie (even if it was to protect the feelings of both parties), but not everybody is like you. People make mistakes, people act in irrational and weak ways. We aren't all like you in that regard.

Now, you seem to say that my actions could be construed as those of somebody who is trying to emotionally manipulate this girl to get her into bed. First of all, I just want to reiterate that I would never manipulate this girl, not in the way you say. I do not class keeping quiet about my feelings because I don't want to ruin my friendship as 'manipulation'. I'm not treating her as anything more than a friend. In fact, what I've been trying to do is distance myself from the feelings as much as I can, however I have found that to be impossible. I promise you, when I tell her how I feel, she is not going to assume I was trying to get her to sleep with me, or anything along those lines.

I know you think that I was 'waiting until she comes around and realises how great I am', but nothing could be further from the truth. If I didn't value both her feelings and our friendship, I would tell her without a second thought. The thing that was stopping me was the fact that I don't want to ruin what we have. The vague possibility that something may have happened naturally in the future is there, of course, but that is definitely not what has stopped me from telling her how I feel.

 

[lechat]

go date another girl for a while. if she is in anyway interested in you when you get out of the relationship she will be ready

 

[Angie7F]

I think when someone says they think friendships lat longer blah blah blah, it just means they are not interested in you.
But sometimes being totally drunk and making "mistakes" can help people change their minds about someone they had no interest in.

 

[hutchy27]

I would say just go for it and if she stays, no move on. But I personally don't think that you should had lied about your feelings to her, by saying you didn't like her anymore.

Also by thinking that you're in the "friend-zone", by meaning that she only sees you as a friend and nothing more, well then telling her your feelings even if you crash and burn (which isn't too bad, you'll get over it) will make her possibly see you in the future as something more/other than a friend such as someone who is boyfriend material.

 

[hooblabla6262]

I've had great frienships turn in to great relationships. By far the most satisfying ones I've had.

I would advise that you take your shot.

 

[Fasckira]

Best call Kenny Logins because you're in the dangerzone [http://youtu.be/siwpn14IE7E], buddy.

 

[spartan231490]

I started getting to know a girl in December, possibly the most amazing person I know. She's funny, kind, really quirky, gorgeous (in my opinion) and we get on really well. I know I've only really been friends with her for a couple of months, but in that time we've become very close, and I'd actually class her as one of my three best friends.

Trouble is, I have feelings for her. She found out that I had a crush on her during December, and felt bad because she thought she had led me on by accident on New Year's Eve - but I convinced her that I no longer felt that way, and since then we've just become even better friends. Unfortunately, I think I may be now in love with her.

Don't go on about how 'you can't love someone after 2 months' or 'it's just lust' and things like that. I know how I feel - it's definitely not lust, I don't think there has been a single waking hour since I realised how much I like her that she hasn't crossed my mind at least once. Just trust that I have very strong feelings for her.

She has only been in two relationships before, and they were both with guys she didn't know very well. They also both ended badly after a month. She seems to go through phases where she believes that a relationship with a close friend would be amazing, and then also phases where she finds the concept really weird. I'm not even going to try to understand her, she's far too complex, and doesn't fit the stereotypes that many girls do.

Do you think she could change her mind for the better? She agreed that relationships with friends last the longest, and are the best. Is this a good sign? I definitely don't think she likes me at the minute, but I don't think she likes anyone at the minute. Do you think I've been friendzoned? And do you think that relationships between good friends can work?

If you want more details, just ask.

i think relationships between friends can work fine. However, she already found out that you had feelings for you, but you arent dating? instead you convinced her that you dont have feelings for her anymore? 1) that sounds like hardcore friendzone. 2) I would expect her to be a little upset when you tell her that you lied and actually do still have feelings for her.

then again, what the hell do I kmow, my track record with women is abysmal. I would go for it, good luck, and I hope I'm wrong on both counts.