Don?t Stick It in The Crazy

[Zorak the Mantis]

It's stories like this that make me take the time to become good friends with a girl before dating her.

 

[TotalHobNob]

I had a girlfriend who stabbed me twice in a row. I dealt with big time crazy. Oh well shiv and learn i guess. Forever alone

 

[VondeVon]

I think I have to disagree with one point in your first letter. Although that girl is batshit-crazy and should be avoided like the plague, nothing she did counted as abuse. Not until and unless she starts laying on the emotional guilt trips, right?

And as a word of warning to everyone else: These crazy stalkers exist for more than boyfriends or girlfriends. I know two girls who constantly latch on to a friend, drive them away with their nasty behaviour and then beg and guilt and stalk and abuse until they're 'friends again'.

I feel like there should be a public service announcement about them or something... :S

 

[Continuity]

Hilarious!

I don't know if this is serious advice or not but either way it a major win for humour.

 

[DracoSuave]

I don't know about everyone else but saying "I touch myself at night thinking about you." can be pretty romantic lol.

Spoiler: Reminds me of this

So far i'm starting to like this stuff. I already had the basics down but seeing someone else reiterate what i already knew makes me happy lol.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you dumped because they were sabotaging birth control. That's actually an act of sexual assault in some jurisdictions.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you're trying to delete from your life, and the thought of them doing so is creepy.

It's never romantic when it's completely unwanted.

I know. It was more of a joke what i said. I was hoping it would be seen as that.

I'm sorry, we at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we're aware of.

 

[notimeforlulz]

So, I have masturbated thinking of you sounds crazy? I thought it was just creepy, down a pick up line now, kind of lucky to learn this before I got a good chance to use it too.

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

Love FAQ: Don?t Stick It in The Crazy

How to deal with an abusive ex.

Read Full Article

I dated a girl back in highschool who ended up being bipolar and schizophrenic. While I was interested in psychology, and has done research on botho of those disorders, I was obviously not a professional in highschool.

Getting to my point, however, I had no problem with her, and hadn't known about her disorders (her parents knew she had somethng a little off in the head but never had her tested even though it was well within their means to do so) until after I had broken up with her about two or three months of dating, until the last three weeks or so of us dating.

She desperately wanted me to sleep with her because she said that she loved me and wanted me to be her first. But here's something that I found odd. The year before, she claimed to have been sexually assaulted by a close friend of mine, as did my gf before her and another friend of mine. My crazy gf's story was the only one that didn't match up, and every time she told it, it only got worse. So, in trying to get me to sleep with her, she wanted me to do the same things to her that my friend allegedly did to her.

Needless to say, this is when red flags started going up, and I broke up with her about a week later after my talk with her about how I liked her, but didn't think that I loved her, and that we shouldn't jump into things that quickly seemed to have a "Negative, negative, didn't go in, just impacted on the surface." effect.

I broke up with her, but I tried to remain civil to her. She caused so much trouble with my group of friends that we finally just had to ditch her in a group effort to maintain our sanity. She caught me some time later on facebook and told me that she had been diagnosed with bipolar disorderand schizophrenia, as well as having been Baker Acted a few months before hand. I haven't spoken to her since, thank God.

Although I've gone through some extreme lengths to disappear when I ran into her at a clothing store one day with my mom, but that's a story for another time. XD

 

[kalt_13]

Spoiler: Reminds me of this

Best thing I have seen in a very long time.

 

[Kerob]

I dated a guy back in highschool who ended up being bipolar aswell. Everything seemed fine through the first month, he was kinda clingy, needy and dotey but it was okay. It started getting unhealthier and unhealthier though. By the end of the first month he was basically a zombie and just always wanted to talk about feelings and wrote poetry (really corny poetry). Though that isn't the worst.

The worst of it happened in the next four months. He would try and make me jealous, constantly telling me other girls were so beautiful and asking why I didn't look more like them or dye my hair and getting mad when I didn't react claiming I didn't even like him. It was ridiculous. Every week there would be a new problem with him and when something was wrong with me, he didn't care over time. Finally he broke up with me because I was 'crazy' apparently. Yep. Crazy. Totally.

Abusive relationships are horrible. Get out of them when you can.

 

[Mage of Doom]

It's reasons like this why I abstain from relationships, throughout my teenage years at least.

Edit: I got into a relationship with a person this past september who was crazy. Started out that she was fine with us dating, but didn't want anyone to know about it. This included her own parents, which should have been a red flag, but I've never been smart when it comes to women. Eventually devolved to the point where she admitted that she was leading me on and broke it off because she 'couldn't be in a relationship right now'. Which is fine, I got over it, but she remained incredibly needy and clingy, and when I told her so, she acted like I was the one abusing people and we haven't spoken since. Which is kind of awkward because she rooms with some of my friends. Anyway, she was a nutcase and pretty abusive, most of her friends have stopped hanging out with her, and she continues to deny that anything is wrong with her. Some people....

 

[Avistew]

I think I have to disagree with one point in your first letter. Although that girl is batshit-crazy and should be avoided like the plague, nothing she did counted as abuse. Not until and unless she starts laying on the emotional guilt trips, right?

I think this page [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_abuse] would be informative to you.

To take from it, for instance,

the widely used Conflict Tactics Scale measures roughly twenty distinct acts of "psychological aggression" in three different categories:

1) Verbal aggression (e.g., "Your partner has said something to upset/annoy you");
2) Dominant behaviours (e.g., "I have tried to prevent my partner from seeing/speaking to their family");
3) Jealous behaviors (e.g., "Your partner has accused you of maintaining other parallel relations").

Now, if you read the letter, you can see she was "needy" and "jealous". This corresponds with points 2 and 3:
- "neediness" is a form of dominant/controlling behaviour (forcing your partner to contact you at a rate that creates anxiety for them because the pace is hard to keep, for instance. Or telling them you'd be nothing without them, which is a way of forcing them to stay with you. Or trying to trap them in the relationship by having a kid they don't want and you presumably don't either, since you're only having that kid as a means to an end).
- you can also see she was jealous enough to remind him he was "hers" whenever he talked to a friend. This is also controlling behaviour, and it's also a subtle form of verbal put-down. By telling him he was hers, she was putting herself as an "owner" and him as a "possession".

Psychological abuse is a very sneaky form of abuse. Usually the abuser will find ways, if found out, to play the victim and blame the abused. It's not as clear as physical abuse, in which you get hit, and know you're being abused (and might have ways to prove it when it leaves marks). Psychological abuse is about a partner making you believe YOU are hurting THEM, when it's actually the other way around. Blaming the victim is a very common trick, and sadly it works very, very often, especially when the abuser is female and the abused is male. Some psychological abusers go as far as hurting themselves and blaming someone else.

Now, I'm not saying abusers are people who are doing perfectly fine and suddenly decide "hey, I'm going to abuse my partner/coworker/kid for the heck of it". No, they're people who suffer too, but that doesn't excuse their actions any more than it excuse the action of physical abusers. They might believe it's the only way they're ever going to keep someone because they have a low self-esteem. They might not know of other ways to relate to people because they've been abused themselves.

It doesn't really matter in the end though, because abuse is abuse, and with abusive relationships the best thing to do is to stay away and not put yourself in a situation where it might happen again. She needs help too, clearly, but not from him. Being around him only hurts her by making her more of an abuser, therefore feeling bad about herself and taking it out on him some more. It's a vicious circle.

 

[VondeVon]

I think this page [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_abuse] would be informative to you.

Although I agree with everything you said, it amused me to realise that I'm so conditioned by university guidelines that as soon as I saw you'd cited wikipedia, I almost dismissed it out of hand.

 

[Eri]

I think this page [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_abuse] would be informative to you.

Although I agree with everything you said, it amused me to realise that I'm so conditioned by university guidelines that as soon as I saw you'd cited wikipedia, I almost dismissed it out of hand.

Professors who think Wikipedia isn't a good source are idiots. Wikipedia is generally more informative than they could ever hope to be, most books as well. All the sources are even cited at the bottom. I'd love to see a Professor TRY to find some wrong information, because I bet they couldn't.

 

[Lara Crigger]

@Lara Crigger THANK YOU SO MUCH, this was an eye opener, i´m going to stop this the next time she calls me, i have enough baggage in my back from my divorce to even consider adding a few more from that girl

Good, glad to help. She ain't worth it. Better instead to wait for someone who won't sleep with you and maybe steal your kidneys.

 

[DracoSuave]

I don't know about everyone else but saying "I touch myself at night thinking about you." can be pretty romantic lol.

Spoiler: Reminds me of this

So far i'm starting to like this stuff. I already had the basics down but seeing someone else reiterate what i already knew makes me happy lol.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you dumped because they were sabotaging birth control. That's actually an act of sexual assault in some jurisdictions.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you're trying to delete from your life, and the thought of them doing so is creepy.

It's never romantic when it's completely unwanted.

I know. It was more of a joke what i said. I was hoping it would be seen as that.

*pops the neuralizer*

What you saw was swamp gass reflecting light from Venus.
I'm sorry, we at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we're aware of.

Are you mister white or mister Black?

 

[Infernai]

I don't know about everyone else but saying "I touch myself at night thinking about you." can be pretty romantic lol.

Spoiler: Reminds me of this

So far i'm starting to like this stuff. I already had the basics down but seeing someone else reiterate what i already knew makes me happy lol.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you dumped because they were sabotaging birth control. That's actually an act of sexual assault in some jurisdictions.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you're trying to delete from your life, and the thought of them doing so is creepy.

It's never romantic when it's completely unwanted.

I know. It was more of a joke what i said. I was hoping it would be seen as that.

I'm sorry, we at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we're aware of.

Are you mister white or mister Black?

I'm Mr. Grey, just wanted you to know that..

I think this page [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_abuse] would be informative to you.

Although I agree with everything you said, it amused me to realise that I'm so conditioned by university guidelines that as soon as I saw you'd cited wikipedia, I almost dismissed it out of hand.

Professors who think Wikipedia isn't a good source are idiots. Wikipedia is generally more informative than they could ever hope to be, most books as well. All the sources are even cited at the bottom. I'd love to see a Professor TRY to find some wrong information, because I bet they couldn't.

Part of the reason people avoid referencing wikipedia is because quite simply anybody can edit it, meaning not all of the information is 100% perfect. It's good for a general outline, but if you want evidence go to the sources/links at the bottom of the wiki page.

 

[Tandtroll]

I don't know about everyone else but saying "I touch myself at night thinking about you." can be pretty romantic lol.

Spoiler: Reminds me of this

So far i'm starting to like this stuff. I already had the basics down but seeing someone else reiterate what i already knew makes me happy lol.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you dumped because they were sabotaging birth control. That's actually an act of sexual assault in some jurisdictions.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you're trying to delete from your life, and the thought of them doing so is creepy.

It's never romantic when it's completely unwanted.

I know. It was more of a joke what i said. I was hoping it would be seen as that.

I'm sorry, we at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we're aware of.

Are you mister white or mister Black?

I'm Mr. Grey, just wanted you to know that..

I think this page [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_abuse] would be informative to you.

Although I agree with everything you said, it amused me to realise that I'm so conditioned by university guidelines that as soon as I saw you'd cited wikipedia, I almost dismissed it out of hand.

Professors who think Wikipedia isn't a good source are idiots. Wikipedia is generally more informative than they could ever hope to be, most books as well. All the sources are even cited at the bottom. I'd love to see a Professor TRY to find some wrong information, because I bet they couldn't.

Part of the reason people avoid referencing wikipedia is because quite simply anybody can edit it, meaning not all of the information is 100% perfect. It's good for a general outline, but if you want evidence go to the sources/links at the bottom of the wiki page.

Agreed. Also, wikipedia with it's anonymity makes critically analyzing the source harder. Since no one is taking responsibility for the information, it's hard to see where they're "coming from" and how that could affect the information. So even when the information is correct, there is no guarantee that it is.
I love Wikipedia myself and do use it for personal things, but using it for true academic pursuits is tricky. I'm going to be a teacher and I won't allow that my students use Wikipedia unless they back all their information up with other sources too, but I will give them reasons why atleast.


As for craziness... It might be fun for a while, but like a teacher once said to me conserning (medical!) narcisists that I also think applies to other kinds of crazy; They might be awesome for a summer, but trying to have a real relationship with them is a pretty bad idea since they'll just drag you down with them.

 

[uncanny474]

@Lara Crigger

Are you cool with us emailing for dating advice as well as problems with relationships? I'm not in a relationship right now, because I'm in a situation that makes it difficult to find anyone who I theoretically could start a serious relationship with.

 

[Lara Crigger]

@Lara Crigger

Are you cool with us emailing for dating advice as well as problems with relationships? I'm not in a relationship right now, because I'm in a situation that makes it difficult to find anyone who I theoretically could start a serious relationship with.

Of course! Dating, sex, relationships, I cover all of it. Just send your question to advice(at)escapistmag(dot)com; don't post it here.

 

[Silva]

I think I have to disagree with one point in your first letter. Although that girl is batshit-crazy and should be avoided like the plague, nothing she did counted as abuse. Not until and unless she starts laying on the emotional guilt trips, right?

No, this is still abuse even before any further guilt tripping. If you suddenly are impregnated with the man's own son or daughter, that is the equivalent of shackling the man to you with any man of serious decency. The worst part is that it would only work on the man if he's decent, if he's not he'll run away. Then guess who defaults to a broken home? The child. And that is definitely abuse.

Don't get me wrong - I do think single mums deserve to be supported, even/especially if they choose to raise a child without a partner, but there is something very wrong about bringing a child up single because sex was used as a manipulation ploy. And how would it feel for the man if the offspring is estranged from him just because he had to deal with a woman who tried to do this to him?

EDIT: I see someone already addressed you on this point. But at least I spoke about a different topic (the pregnancy part of the abuse at hand).