Don't drop the soap

[CrystalShadow]

Um, try not to bend over?

Seriously, I unfortunately know what it's like to be on the receiving end of this. -_-'

Not pleasant. But also, it came as a complete surprise just how easily someone can shove something in your butt...

So, don't bend over near anyone. XD

Or, you know, at least try to get something out of the situation...

Perhaps just imply that you actually enjoy it? That seems to put people off. XD

 

[FolkLikePanda]

I'd kick it to someone else, if he tried it on me I'd bite out his jugular vein.

 

[USSR]

OK, someone invoked Candlejack. Who's the idiot who sai

I'd rather say Candlejack than get ra

 

[Zeekar]

Best thread or best thread?

I'd probably have to go with the explosive diarrhea excuse.

 

[camokkid]

What a horrible thread. I don't even

This. Why would you do such a

OK, someone invoked Candlejack. Who's the idiot who sai

You're not supposed to say Candlejack, Now we're all do-

 

[Irony's Acolyte]

Trip him. If the guy's two feet taller than me then he's a good 8 feet. I doubt he would be all that hard to trip.

If that doesn't work try to make it seem like I have some horrible disease or that I'm a total psychopath.

 

[ThreeWords]

What a horrible thread. I don't even

This. Why would you do such a

OK, someone invoked Candlejack. Who's the idiot who sai

Actually, I was just unable to complete my sentences due to disgust.

On the other hand, that makes you the idiot who invoked Candle

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

"I have AIDS"

If he's sensible, my ass should be fine for my enitre incarceration.

You might want to know that AIDS is actually pretty common in the male prison population in the U.S. It doesn't really stop many rapes from occurring, which is why it has become such a problem.

You know prison rape doesn't happen as often as they say in the movies.

In the U.S., prison rape rates vary widely by institution but it's still a serious problem.

My best bet would be to join a prison gang (probably the Aryan Brotherhood) for protection. If I'm lucky, maybe protective custody. That's unlikely though.

Then I shall proceed to freak him out by shouting gibberish and making bizzare poses until he leaves me alone, because I don't think 'play dead' would work, so I shall do the exact opposite.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

For the first few days I don't shower and I make a shiv that I use to protect myself against Bubba, he's not going near my rectum.

EDIT: In reality I'm smart enough to know that the perfect crime is the one that someone else gets blamed for. I wouldn't get caught.

 

[camokkid]

What a horrible thread. I don't even

This. Why would you do such a

OK, someone invoked Candlejack. Who's the idiot who sai

Actually, I was just unable to complete my sentences due to disgust.

On the other hand, that makes you the idiot who invoked Candle

Hey, how did you get taken? You never completely said Candlejack, that's total bul

 

[Johnny Reb]

Fight. Like. Hell.

Well if your the crime-solving rank 11 Paladin you claim to be, you should have no problem lol.

 

[Jark212]

I would pick the biggest and baddest bull in that place and make sure everyone sees him go down...

Then you would be safe...

 

[etherlance]

Recite the entire Cthulhu incantation, start singing Akira Yamaoka's <link=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=liJfyxmzkMQ>"Prayer", then shriek and bite his neck. Six hundred and sixty six times.

Even in prison, they stay away from the crazies.

I was about to make a long thought out paragraph about how to avoid this situation.....

........But this guys idea was just as good so I'll go with what he says.

 

[PoliceBox63]

This is the best thread that has ever been posted on this site.

Act like I'm into be all like please don't hurt me I will suck your dick please just do not hurt me. Then when we whips it out I bite off his ball sack. After that I wont stop kicking his leaking testy bag until he is dead.

And this is the best post. Clearly the Escapist is truly the bastion of intellect that everyone promotes it as.

Sweet Rassilon! You have made me laugh across the internet. Well done!

 

[Rakkana]

Rape HIM!

In all honesty? Go down fighting. Non stop. Until I am dead. And I'll be taking my ass to the afterlife.

 

[ThreeWords]

On the other hand, that makes you the idiot who invoked Candle

Hey, how did you get taken? You never completely said Candlejack, that's total bul[/quote]

Nah man, he's clever than that. He knows when you say it; you don't have to finish.
On the other hand, as long as you don't actually say his name, you're pretty much safe from the whole Candlejack mem

 

[Shinrae]

I would take a giant poop, right there at their feet.
Then be all 'come at me bro' whilst flailing my arms in a bear like way.

Anyone focused enough to still remember what the hell is going on, will deserve it.

 

[sabbat]

This is the best thread that has ever been posted on this site.

Act like I'm into be all like please don't hurt me I will suck your dick please just do not hurt me. Then when we whips it out I bite off his ball sack. After that I wont stop kicking his leaking testy bag until he is dead.

And this is the best post. Clearly the Escapist is truly the bastion of intellect that everyone promotes it as.

Had to gasp for air after reading this, it just sent me into fits of giggles.

Anyway, I would take Russel Howard's approach:

As I'm showering, Meatbag walks in and drops the soap. He looks at me expectantly. I have the look of a terrified small animal realising what those headlights coming at me are attached to. I then proceed to ask him "What colour does a Smurf turn when being choked?". As he's stood there scratching his head, I make a hasty exit.

 

[CoverYourHead]

Is he sexy? If so, then take it like a man.