Don't drop the soap

[rancher of monsters]

So apparently there's some unwritten rule that if you're in prison you're either raping somebody or being raped by somebody (At least through the eyes of most comedians, Tv shows, and movies). So picture your first day in jail, and you step into the dreaded shower room. Eventually your faced by somone who is at least two feet taller than you. If you know martial arts you hear that he/she has twice your rank in whatever discipline you study, as a matter of fact, you just saw him/her display their skill on another inmates skull that same morning.
This person (will call him Bubba for male prison, Barda for the ladies) makes his intentions very clear, and there's no help in sight.

What would you do?

Edit: I would like to take a moment to apologize to anyone who was genuinely offended by this thread. I acknowledge that rape is a very serious problem and have great sympathy for anyone who has has ever suffered such agression.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

What a horrible thread. I don't even

 

[Mechsoap]

invite him to a lovely tea party. Their only doing it cause their lonely, so why not make them company.

 

[Wrists]

Claim I'm a master of pacifism thus reducing his combat effectiveness. I then kick him in the shins and run away.

 

[SnootyEnglishman]

Ignore him for the time being and spend my time in the cell creating a shiv and shank then when actually tries for it sneak it up into his gullet.

 

[Jedamethis]

Bribe them with something. If that fails, try to repress the memories afterwards..

 

[Rarhnor]

Say i have sensitive bowels and rapid diarrhea. Then hope for the best...

 

[Gawspel]

Fight. Like. Hell.

 

[UltraDeth]

I'd put my back very close to the wall to pick it up

Alternatively, if that doesn't trick them then I'll just trip them up/ go for a groin shot, then jump on then just lay into them until I'm out of the breath or they're outta blood

 

[Pielikey]

Load up on Turbo Laxatives.


Or get a tattoo on my ass that says "ONE-WAY"

 

[steevee]

Well seeing as somethings inevitable.

I'd offer him oral pleasure, thus disarming him. Then bite it off, taking one for the team and stopping Bubba's reign of terror.

 

[rokkolpo]

Claim I'm a master of pacifism thus reducing his combat effectiveness. I then kick him in the shins and run away.

Run away...in jail

OT: Not much, it won't happen in Holland thankfully, prison is pretty nice here.
somewhere else I'll just get raped.

I'd stop washing and start pissing myself so I don't become a target.

 

[Jedoro]

In the event he does manage to bend me over, I strike his balls repeatedly with one of my heels. Then, while he's on the ground, I stomp on them until they burst. That'll learn anyone else who tries.

 

[Internet Kraken]

This is the best thread that has ever been posted on this site.

Act like I'm into be all like please don't hurt me I will suck your dick please just do not hurt me. Then when we whips it out I bite off his ball sack. After that I wont stop kicking his leaking testy bag until he is dead.

And this is the best post. Clearly the Escapist is truly the bastion of intellect that everyone promotes it as.

 

[Lacsapix]

sleep with my butt against a wall.

 

[KaZZaP]

Act like I'm into be all like please don't hurt me I will suck your dick please just do not hurt me. Then when we whips it out I bite off his ball sack. After that I wont stop kicking his leaking testy bag until he is dead.

 

[C95J]

Uhhhh, take a bite out of his neck or something. I don't know, realistically, would probably have to take it in the ass. :|

lol, best post I have seen all day made me laugh

 

[Wrists]

Run away...in jail

I was intending to return to my cell, but while I'm at it, I expect my stay would be more pleasant if I escaped altogether. Thanks for the plan.