Don't Film These Games!

[Casual Shinji]

No game needs a movie make-over.

It's just us nerds that are praying to Hollywood as if it's the Almighty who will hopefully one day bless us with a good movie version of our favourite game. It's never gonna happen, EVER.

Even the best possible game-movie will be subpar to the actual game. So why bother?

 

[Armored Prayer]

I agree with you Bob. As much as I really love Halo, I'm pretty much against making a movie into it.

I also agree if it was going to be made, that Master Chief and the Halos should not be in it. If they go with a story like when the war started and have it look like that awesome ODST commercial then I'm all for it, but sadly I doubt it would happen. So until that happens (and I doubt it) I'm against the making a Halo movie.

 

[Namewithheld]

That Sim's idea actually sounds fucking hilarious.

Now, I know a game that would make a great movie...no...a great TV show: X-Com UFO Defense.

Think about it. a team of multi-national secret agents fighting a constant war against a fucking alien empire that is invading the planet Earth with mysterious UFOs. You have so many character choices: The general commanding it all, the smarmy politicians who X-Com has to deal with it keep their funding, the squad that goes on the missions and the scientists who try to study the alien technology that the team captures, to turn it against the alien menace.

There is betrayal, as some nations secretly sign treaties with the aliens!

There are scary scenes, when the team first runs into fucking crysilids and their fucking goddamn zombies.

And finally, there is the fucking awesome climax, with the team taking on the alien base on mars, fighting desperately through hordes of aliens to set blow up the reactor and zoom home in a spaceship made from alien materials and good old fashioned human know how.


BAM! Awesome. Lets shoot it and make money.

 

[flightofeternity]

When it comes to video game movies it can get very, very, very, very, very complicated. Everyone has their own theory on how to make it work. I for example think a Ninja Gaiden movie could best be made using the low budget ninja movies of the past as a model instead of the super expensive blockbusters of today. Thats why I think a fan film could work for it.

Also, I'm kind of interested in the new Mortal Kombat movie, I don't think it'll be great, or thoughtful, but I'd say it COULD maybe be a worthwhile movie. Heavy emphasis on could.

 

[starwarsgeek]

Again with the Halo bashing? The expanded universe adds enough for a good movie to be made without tweaking the source material (Albeit, this would probably piss off the XBL idiot demographic...which would be a plus in my book). It'd probably be best to not base it around the Chief (although, as far as Super Soldiers go, he really isn't so bad), but it wouldn't just be a Starship Troopers clone.

In the end, I really wouldn't want to see a Halo movie, nor a movie based on any other game in that list, but the Halo bashing is getting a little old. Looking forward to your "Must Film" list

 

[YodaUnleashed]

That is exactly what I am saying. I'm a sucker for almost anything Halo related before it comes out, only afterward once its come out can I see if I like it or not. For instance I didn't really like Halo legends, Anime isn't my thing but I had hopes going into it beforehand. There's nothing wrong with liking something to the point were you'll lap it all up, within reason of course. So yes I am a sucker for all things Halo and for all things Star Wars, we might as well get that one out there too.

 

[Drangen]

I keep on hearing people calling the Mortal Kombat thing a SAW knock-off. Are people watching a different clip than I am? How can you compare a clip that sets up an underground fight tournament where most of the clip is a fight scene where the decapitation fatality off screen with a psychological/torture horror franchise. Does SAW now have the "dibs" in movies that are shot a little bit dark and gritty? Maybe I'm missing something here but I just don't get it.

 

[wiiwiieddie]

i think a phoenix wright movie could work. heres what i think they could do. for one thing they'd have to keep the comidy/drama thing the game has. they'd also have to change the cases a little so they just arnt reading the cases in the game so that people wo have played the game in the audince won't know exactly what happened. some cases will have to stay the same like the second and forth but they could change how things played out. as for how the movie looks, when there isn't a case going on, they could make everything look normal, but during trials, the shades could be changing, lots of spicle effects could be oging on, like when somone yells OBJECTION it would show up on screen. the could make the crecters look like they came right out of the game. no mondernizing or anything. the movie would probobly be about 2 hours and 30 mins long so that there is a half hour for each case, alittle mor time for the final case(u know why if you've played the game, i wont spoil anything)and a few minutes to use as they please.

 

[LawlessSquirrel]

I keep on hearing people calling the Mortal Kombat thing a SAW knock-off. Are people watching a different clip than I am? How can you compare a clip that sets up an underground fight tournament where most of the clip is a fight scene where the decapitation fatality off screen with a psychological/torture horror franchise. Does SAW now have the "dibs" in movies that are shot a little bit dark and gritty? Maybe I'm missing something here but I just don't get it.

Pretty much what I was about to say before I refreshed my window...I didn't get the Saw vibe at all from the clip. I'm personally happy they followed through with plans to go darker, if anything I thought it seemed more like a Batman the Series to Batman Begins progression =/.

 

[Sovvolf]

Who wants to take odds on what games he's going to list as "DO film" next week?

2. Zelda

How would Zelda ever work as a movie?. The protagonist doesn't talk, he's not interesting and he has no personality. Most of the story is about going into dungeons, finding a weapon or item that will help you on your quest... then travelling to another dungeon to get a weapons or item to help you on your quest. There's barely a plot to the game and watching a mute kid going around into dungeons for most the movie wouldn't really sell or be interesting. Stuff like that only work in video games. Don't get me wrong by this rant... I love the Zelda games, I think there ace... they just wouldn't work as a movie.

Actually I'm going to brace my self because I know how rabid the Zelda fans are and not agreeing to a movie will probably have me skewered. I would like to add... this is the same reason I don't think a Half Life movie would work... unless they got rid of Freeman all together and put the focus on a new protagonist just set in the same world. You couldn't do that with Link.

 

[Styphax]

God Christina Hendricks in a Power Girl Uniform would be a brilliant idea. I just don't know if I'd want to see the Geoff Johns JSA Version of her, or the Palmiotti, Gray, and Connor version (this one is much more fun, which let's face it: Power Girl looks ridiculous even for a comic book heroine) Nice article for the most part though, and good review too.

 

[Truly-A-Lie]

I've always thought a Halo movie could be pretty good. Have the protagonist as a marine/ODST in a squad, flee from Reach and find the Halo ring. Hear stories of the Spartans and how they think they're all dead, glimpses of Chief throughout the movie, build up a kind of mythic status around him. Then part way through we have the Flood outbreak and for the final climactic shootout the Chief takes the spotlight. But that's just me, maybe I just don't have a problem with a good "man vs alien" story.

 

[Jared]

Intresting, view point...noit sure I agree with all of it, but, its certainly food for thought

 

[naughtydoggus]

Okay Bob, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I am disgusted that you would make such harsh accusations about a character when you havent even played the games. First of all, I can name half a million video game protagonist that are twice as bland and even more douchebags than Nathan Drake ever will be. (Chris Redfield, all the members of Delta Squad, Altier, and no way Laura Croft is any less guilty of all the crap she's done. At least Drakes games are actually fun.

You see, I've actually played both games, and when I think Nathan Drake, I think Nathan Fillion. I suppose you don't like Malcom Reynolds from Firefly either, considering that he and Nathan look an act exactly the same? Don't you think those accuastions are contradictory to a previous article. Didn't you say you "liked" protagonists that are jerks.

And before you say anything about Kratos, just consider that he isn't any less interesting than Batman. Both of them have a very dark pasts of which they seek redemption for, both fight with an arsenal of weapons (one gets them through magic while the other gets them through money) and yet they have evolved to the point where we don't even care about how dramatic and complicated their lives have been. We just want to see them both beat the crap out of different flavors of badguys. Despite their genericness, both have leigons of fans and followers.

 

[F-I-D-O]

Good article aside from the traditional halo bashing... it's actually getting a bit boring bob, sure the games 2 onwards are WAY too short but thats always been my only real complaint,

He doesn't care about the length, he cares that there is little to no story, and that Master Chief has little to no emotion.

Again with the Halo bashing? The expanded universe adds enough for a good movie to be made without tweaking the source material (Albeit, this would probably piss off the XBL idiot demographic...which would be a plus in my book). It'd probably be best to not base it around the Chief (although, as far as Super Soldiers go, he really isn't so bad), but it wouldn't just be a Starship Troopers clone.

In the end, I really wouldn't want to see a Halo movie, nor a movie based on any other game in that list, but the Halo bashing is getting a little old. Looking forward to your "Must Film" list

I'd love to see one based on Ghosts of Onyx. That book was amazing, and had Spartans that could die, were expendable, and thrown into a situation that they had no chance of winning.

Who wants to take odds on what games he's going to list as "DO film" next week?

1. Metroid
2. Zelda
3. BioShock
4. Ninja Gaiden

No, no, meh, and I can't judge (never played it).
Metroid, the formula wouldn't work.
Samus: I just scanned this rock, now I must find the smart bomb to kill the next boss! *backtracks through last half of movie, albeit a tad bit faster with a few new shortcuts.
Zelda, again formula problems
I found a boomerang! Now I can use it to kill a giant snake!
BioShock is a great game. It may not translate very well into a movie, due to the story size. It would not benefit from being cut to two hours, or broken into segments. Also, the choice mechanic.
I actually can't think of games that would make good movies. The same problems Ghostbuster had going to a console would be a problem going the other way. I recently saw PoP, and it was pretty good. But it was loosely based on the game, more taking only the title, a few characters, and the dagger. Also, as Bob said, it was already of a more thematic game.
We'd all love to see our favorite game become a movie, but what happens if they mess it up?
On second thought, Arkham Asylum might do ok as a movie, seeing as they have already have practice in the universe of Gotham. The only problem is bringing Joker back.

 

[starwarsgeek]

Now there is actually the planned script floating around.

Where might one find this script?

 

[Wardnath]

I like how any psychotic murderers and gore is called Saw related when Se7en came out in the 90s.

Everyone knows about Saw. Not many people here know about Se7en.

 

[Chipperz]

I keep on hearing people calling the Mortal Kombat thing a SAW knock-off. Are people watching a different clip than I am? How can you compare a clip that sets up an underground fight tournament where most of the clip is a fight scene where the decapitation fatality off screen with a psychological/torture horror franchise. Does SAW now have the "dibs" in movies that are shot a little bit dark and gritty? Maybe I'm missing something here but I just don't get it.

You know, I was gonna say the exact same thing?

Also, Starship Troopers isn't the only "human soldiers fighting aliens" film in the world. By your logic, Starship Troopers is a poor man's Aliens and even if, for some reason, you think that's true, they're both great films. Surely Halo would be closer to what Predators is shaping up to be, with the human fighters going up against a remarkably more technologically and physically advanced enemy.

You know what? I think the world is big enough for more films like that.