Embarrassing sex-related stories

[DevilWithaHalo]

She is a screamer and you can map out her orgasm by taking audio clues.

Screamers are fun in theory, but my ears are still ringing. The least they could do for you helping them achieve orgasm is *try* to avoid deafening you.

Ever been with a crier? I lived above one once. My GF at the time woke up, and woke me up to the sounds of; "...(sniff)... that feels so good... (sob)..." It was about 3am, so my GF decided to loudly suggest they shut their windows.

The broad wasn't all that considerate to be honest. She had a kid, and every time the gentlemen would come calling the kid would be on the porch playing. And then the sobbing would begin...

 

[Xenowolf]

I once was walking over to my bed where I was about to wank, the lights were off, I slightly misjudged the position of the bed, tried to lie down and fell on the floor. Needless to say, I felt like a complete idiot.

 

[Napierdalac]

I have a few different stories.. I'll share them in order

First embarrasing moment, for me at least, was with a girl I hooked up with for just a weekend. We were both 17 at the time.
It was at her parents house, where she also lived, we where going at it doggy style, in her room in the middle of the day, when her mom just walked in.. Naturally I froze and stopped the pounding, but the girl just took over the motion, while her and her mom where having a conversation about what to eat for dinner, I swear she was close to climaxing whit her mother still in the room. That was way to weird for me, so I kinda snuck out afterwards.

With my ex I have a few different stories. The first was the first night we were together, it was at my parents house where I lived at the time (I was 18-19ish) we had just finished the deed, and only just got under the blankets, when my older brother just crashes into my room. My ex was also a screamer, so she gave a good impression on most of my family that night. Needless to say, after that night we spent most of our time together at her place

Me and my ex were having sex in my car, at around 13 o'clock, on a sunday at a semi busy trainstations parking lot, when this older woman came knocking on the window, and asking us to find somewhere proper to do it. Worst part was, that when we were done my ex left to catch the train, and I drove to my grandmothers house, to meet my family, when I got there she asked if I could give her a lift to the bakery, couldn't really say no, so I drove with my grandmother in a car that smelled like sex.

Last story with my ex was when I just moved to this dorm. The first night she spent here, was my second or third night here. Did I mention she was a screamer earlier? To this day I'm still called "tyr" (bull) by my neighbour.

After my ex and I broke up, I started seeing this order girl I met in school, when she was here the first time, it was at a party in my dorm kitchen, and I was WAY smashed when she finally got here. Me and her snuck into my room after I briefly introduced her to my neighbours and we where going at it.... With my neighbours waiting outside the door, for me and her to finish up. The moment we were done they came crashing in, 10-12 guys and jumped on the bed on top of me and her.. She was scared shitless, so naturally I had to be a man.. I chased after the guys naked, trough most of the dorm. Meanwhile though, the girl was so embarrased she had bolted. - The other guys that I wasn't chasing trough the dorm, then switched my door with one of the other doors here. And locked both doors, so that I couldn't get in. Imagine waking up naked in a kitchen with a huge hangover, then having to walk naked with only a small dishtowel to cover you up, over to the inspectors office to get them to come over and lock me in. That was no fun.

 

[ElPatron]

>pop a girl's cherry
>dumped afterwards

Total mindfuck.

back in highschool bunch of freinds asked if I had "hooked up with a guy yet"....

...I had not...

Achievement unlocked! You would be much more preferable than a girl with several "miles" in the odometer.

 

[hazabaza1]

I once impregnated a female and then made her get an abortion. WHOOPS.

Fist bump.
OT: Well this was this one time I [sub]cried myself to sleep[/sub] [sub][sub]because I'm so lonely [/sub][/sub][sub][sub][sub]ohgodwhydoesnobodyloveme[/sub][/sub][/sub]

 

[Relish in Chaos]

I feel worse for the brother. Imagine waking up to see your little sister having a root.

Ah, that reminds me. Some holidays ago, my older sister had come down from university for the holidays to stay with my family for a couple of days. It's somewhat complicated and a lot of stuff I won't bother mentioning happened, but because our flat only has three rooms where people can sleep, my sister had to share the room I was sleeping (her and my mum's room, which I'd temporarily been sleeping in due to some damp in my old bedroom that had previously made me ill). We had a bunk bed, and she slept in the bottom bunk, while I slept in the top.

One night, I'd gotten up in the middle of the night for something. When I returned, I saw my sister...shuffling...under her duvet, and judging by the way she angrily yelled at me for not knocking, I knew what she'd been doing. So I muttered that I shouldn't need to knock if I was sleeping in there anyway and it was, like, 5am, but she was still pissed at me, so I just climbed up to my bunk and tried to sleep.

Luckily, I didn't actually see anything, but now, whenever she's over, I always make sure to knock first. Strangely, it was also the first time that I, a naive peripubescent boy who only had fleeting memories of real porn back then, realized that females masturbated too.

 

[Sara Fontaine]

A few months back I had my partner over at my house, and we'd just finished when I decided I was too cold. The thermostat dial is downstairs, right by the front door in my house, and mum wasn't due back from work for two hours. So naturally, I get up and head downstairs completely naked, get to the dial and then suddenly I hear a key in the front door. She'd come home early. I turned and bolted back upstairs and tried to act normal later on but it didn't work; she saw me and made damn sure I knew it.

And on the subject of brothers, sisters and unwilling listeners; in my partners old house his room was in the attic. One weekend after I'd stayed over his neighbours matter-of-factly asked him if next time we could keep it down...
Then on another night, his brother came home while we were in the middle of the act, forgot his key and started shouting up at the attic window. The window was above his bed, and since I was on top my partner told me to open it (his brother couldn't see) and tell him to wait. As I did so my partner decided it'd be funny to thrust up suddenly, and make me emit a loud moan. His brother however was unfazed and demanded to be let in. My partner told him to shut up and wait, and closed the window.
So he waited.
At 11pm.
During Winter.
In the pouring rain.
Without a coat.
For another fifteen minutes.

 

[SckizoBoy]

Wait, what?

A long, complicated and painful story concerning a fuck-triangle (or alleged fuck-triangle) involving myself, my ex and aforementioned lesbian, who was alleged to have been seduced by my ex and was pissed off with me because of the break-up and both beat the crap out of me and jumped me because it was her girlfriend making the allegations and she was pissed off.

...

And now for something lighter because I'll feel better (this can only be said in retrospect):

Me and the ex were going at it at her place and she had those cuff thingies that went over the top of the door and her feet are tied to this ankle-bar-cuff (or whatever it's called). So far so good. Then, her sister comes scrabbling in topless with her boyfriend mid-tongue wrestle, and since the cuffs only stay in place while the door is closed, we go tumbling back and she falls, thankfully not on my erection, but right above it. Still fucking hurt...

snip

?! I swear I've never read the same story twice from you! =P

 

[DanielBrown]

Don't have anything as embarassing and juicy as a lot of these posts, but once I went down on a girl while her father was watching TV in the next room. When I was done I noticed the door to the room we were in was open and the father had left.
I like to imagine it was her cat that opened the door somehow, but that was probably not the case.

Got a traumatizing story though. Was watching a Bond movie with my sister and her boyfriend once. We were sitting in a sofa next to each other and all of suddenly they started making out. Heavily.
I had no clue on how to deal with the situation so I tried to ignore it while struggling to supress my rage. After probably half an hour the movie ended and I fled to my room.

 

[Heronblade]

Not quite as juicy as some of the others here, but on one occasion, I went to put some music on. First thing to come out of the speakers was "fat bottomed girls" on high volume.

 

[Loop Stricken]

I once impregnated a female and then made her get an abortion. WHOOPS.

Fist bump.
OT: Well this was this one time I [sub]cried myself to sleep[/sub] [sub][sub]because I'm so lonely [/sub][/sub][sub][sub][sub]ohgodwhydoesnobodyloveme[/sub][/sub][/sub]

This thread was going so well and you had to go and remind me!

Q_Q

 

[hazabaza1]

I once impregnated a female and then made her get an abortion. WHOOPS.

Fist bump.
OT: Well this was this one time I [sub]cried myself to sleep[/sub] [sub][sub]because I'm so lonely [/sub][/sub][sub][sub][sub]ohgodwhydoesnobodyloveme[/sub][/sub][/sub]

This thread was going so well and you had to go and remind me!

Q_Q

I would suggest that we cry one another to sleep but I like the mystique that we have going on here.

 

[Virgilthepagan]

Two spring readily to mind, both on the funnier end of things.
One from earlier this week, where I and a friend were having fun on a park bench...and looking up just in time to see a car parallel park two feet to our left with a mortified family staring us down from the windows...

The other comes from my first girlfriend. She was always a wonderful person, smart, etc. but er, made up for all of these trends by being a biblical literalist with a poor understanding of male anatomy. Direct quote from the one night this happened: "what's going on down there?"

 

[DrRockor]

I can't contribute any of my own stories because I have none and I'm forever alone but my friend told me that once him and his ex had just finished when her mom knocked on her door. She jumped up and answered it while he was naked under the blanket. After they finished their conversation her mom yelled hello to him. It's probably funnier to me because I knew her mom but still I think it's funny.

 

[Biosophilogical]

What are your most embarrassing sex-related stories?

That I haven't had any yet.

ZING!

Oh boy that slaps me on the knee!

...same here.*sad face*

Maybe we can form a club!

OT: The closest thing I have to an embarrassing story is the first time I tried masturbating I didn't finish because I didn't know what was supposed to happen and abandoned ship/aborted the mission in panic.

 

[LiftYourSkinnyFists]

What are your most embarrassing sex-related stories?

That I haven't had any yet.

ZING!

Find someone who likes MLP who has (ﾉ◕ヮ&#9685ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

 

[Smithburg]

I once had sex with a porpoise. Or was it a dolphin?
Eh, either way, one blow hole is the same as the next to me.
[sup][sup]Broken reference man awaaaaaaaaay![/sup][/sup]

...
...
...
...So you had sex with a dolphin on porpoise? XD

 

[Gizmo]

The first time that I ever had anal sex, was when I was on a family vacation with my girlfriend at the time, it was a camping trip and their was only one very large tent for her family.

It was about 3 or 4 in the morning so everyone was asleep, either way we were in the same sleeping bag and in a spooning position. Every time there was the slightest of sounds I would have a mini heart attack.

 

[Flamezdudes]

What are your most embarrassing sex-related stories?

That I haven't had any yet.

ZING!

Oh boy that slaps me on the knee!

...same here.*sad face*

Maybe we can form a club!

OT: The closest thing I have to an embarrassing story is the first time I tried masturbating I didn't finish because I didn't know what was supposed to happen and abandoned ship/aborted the mission in panic.

Yes please and perhaps club members can perform activities with eachother...

...like play video games! Yeah!

The first time that I ever had anal sex, was when I was on a family vacation with my girlfriend at the time, it was a camping trip and their was only one very large tent for her family.

It was about 3 or 4 in the morning so everyone was asleep, either way we were in the same sleeping bag and in a spooning position. Every time there was the slightest of sounds I would have a mini heart attack.

Why would you have anal sex in a tent full of family members?

 

[Gizmo]

What are your most embarrassing sex-related stories?

That I haven't had any yet.

ZING!

Oh boy that slaps me on the knee!

...same here.*sad face*

Maybe we can form a club!

OT: The closest thing I have to an embarrassing story is the first time I tried masturbating I didn't finish because I didn't know what was supposed to happen and abandoned ship/aborted the mission in panic.

Yes please and perhaps club members can perform activities with eachother...

...like play video games! Yeah!

The first time that I ever had anal sex, was when I was on a family vacation with my girlfriend at the time, it was a camping trip and their was only one very large tent for her family.

It was about 3 or 4 in the morning so everyone was asleep, either way we were in the same sleeping bag and in a spooning position. Every time there was the slightest of sounds I would have a mini heart attack.

Why would you have anal sex in a tent full of family members?

Things just happen, also we were average teenagers and just wanted to have sex constantly.