Epic fail flirting stories

[MachSchnell]

I used to tell people I did Science instead of Engineering. Unless I thought I'd like to progress our relationship beyond that drunken night in the pub.

That's funny cause I end up having more success when I tell people I'm in Engineering rather than Science.

Speaking of Science, my worst pick up attempt would probably be when I met this girl at a party and thought it would make me sound smart if I told her about Schrodinger's cat. She failed to grasp the concept of it and instead slapped me, called me a "kitten killing monster" (loudly), and stormed out.

 

[Jadthegreat]

Essentially my Life with my friends and ever-disappointing attempts to break through the 20ft tall, barbed wire, sentry lined, friend zone wall. Love those girls and cant get a break.
Although

singing to a chick while under the influence is a horrible way to go.

Never gone to badly if its a duet, Paradise by the Dashboard light! Sing it!

 

[xxdessy45xx]

I once had a guy come up to me start talking to me about zelda and stuff then he just spit on me; smiled; spit again; smiled and kept doing that for like five minutes. I even ran and he followed me. =\

 

[Woem]

Mine was I tried to impress a girl with magic tricks. Lets just say card tricks don't pickup chicks. Unless they are really good.

They don't even need to be good! "All you need... is a little magic."

 

[J474]

Listing as many random pointless quasi-facts in as short a time as possible. She just got up and walked off, and never came back...

 

[Harley Q]

Hmm, Terrible chat up lines that have been said to me.I had a guy come up to me outside my local pub one night, he looked at me and said "I'd like to spread you on toast."
While playing pool, "When you take a shot, I can see up your skirt" Uh-huh.
Or my personal favourite, being told in the middle of the club, "You want me, I could shag any girl here"

Weirdest thing ever to happen, I tripped on a girl's toga in the toilet, (long story) I limp back to my table, desperately wanting to sit down and take the weight off my ankle, this guy comes over pulls my shoe off and starts giving me a foot massage. It was both hilarious and incrediby painful.

My failings include quoting Star Wars, insulting family members and trying to show off by doing a cartwheel and ending up crashing into a potted plant.

 

[Deguasser]

well i said, "wanna suck my dick?" then she punched my dick

 

[Trivun]

Hmm, Terrible chat up lines that have been said to me.I had a guy come up to me outside my local pub one night, he looked at me and said "I'd like to spread you on toast."
While playing pool, "When you take a shot, I can see up your skirt" Uh-huh.
Or my personal favourite, being told in the middle of the club, "You want me, I could shag any girl here"

Weirdest thing ever to happen, I tripped on a girl's toga in the toilet, (long story) I limp back to my table, desperately wanting to sit down and take the weight off my ankle, this guy comes over pulls my shoe off and starts giving me a foot massage. It was both hilarious and incrediby painful.

My failings include quoting Star Wars, insulting family members and trying to show off by doing a cartwheel and ending up crashing into a potted plant.

So didn't you slap the first guy? That's what I'd have done, if some guy came up to me and said that.

Oh, wait. I'd punch him actually. I was never confused...

(cookie for quote)

My housemates and I had a house party last weekend, and a friend of a friend of one of my housemates just came up to me and asked if I wanted to go back to her place. It was slightly odd because although I'd met her eye and smiled at her a few times, I hadn't actually spoken to her and I didn't even know her. Anyway, we were about to get a taxi (note - we were both quite drunk at this point) when her friend came running out wanting to go home, for some unknown (to me anyway) reason. So this girl who I'd left with gave me her phone number instead. Next day, I text her about meeting up - no reply. Almost a week later now - no reply. I've pretty much given up, although it begs the question of why she gave me her number if she wasn't interested anyway, considering I never actually asked her for it?

EDIT:

well i said, "wanna suck my dick?" then she punched my dick

Hah, you got pwned...

 

[GruntOwner]

"So... A girl huh? Hows that working out for ya?"

... If you, or anyone you know, genuinely used that line in an attempt to pull, you may add me to your list of thralls.

On topic, I have none of my own but I can always quote smbc. "I must be a femenist, 'cause I wanna be on a level plane with you."

 

[Harley Q]

Hmm, Terrible chat up lines that have been said to me.I had a guy come up to me outside my local pub one night, he looked at me and said "I'd like to spread you on toast."
While playing pool, "When you take a shot, I can see up your skirt" Uh-huh.
Or my personal favourite, being told in the middle of the club, "You want me, I could shag any girl here"

Weirdest thing ever to happen, I tripped on a girl's toga in the toilet, (long story) I limp back to my table, desperately wanting to sit down and take the weight off my ankle, this guy comes over pulls my shoe off and starts giving me a foot massage. It was both hilarious and incrediby painful.

My failings include quoting Star Wars, insulting family members and trying to show off by doing a cartwheel and ending up crashing into a potted plant.

So didn't you slap the first guy? That's what I'd have done, if some guy came up to me and said that.

Oh, wait. I'd punch him actually. I was never confused...

(cookie for quote)

My housemates and I had a house party last weekend, and a friend of a friend of one of my housemates just came up to me and asked if I wanted to go back to her place. It was slightly odd because although I'd met her eye and smiled at her a few times, I hadn't actually spoken to her and I didn't even know her. Anyway, we were about to get a taxi (note - we were both quite drunk at this point) when her friend came running out wanting to go home, for some unknown (to me anyway) reason. So this girl who I'd left with gave me her phone number instead. Next day, I text her about meeting up - no reply. Almost a week later now - no reply. I've pretty much given up, although it begs the question of why she gave me her number if she wasn't interested anyway, considering I never actually asked her for it?

EDIT:

well i said, "wanna suck my dick?" then she punched my dick

Hah, you got pwned...

Well I didn't slap or punch him. I just kind of looked at him in the way that a dog does when it's confused. That tilted head movement while being confused that he wanted to spread me on toast. It was really unexpected. Then I got distracted by my friend pulling a lemon (Yes really)out of her handbag and trying to give it to a guy in a pink bunny costume. For the record it was not Halloween, nor a fancy dress night. Strange.

 

[The King of Rock and Roll]

I don't fail at flirting, it's just that I lack the self confidence to go any further.

 

[Trivun]

Hmm, Terrible chat up lines that have been said to me.I had a guy come up to me outside my local pub one night, he looked at me and said "I'd like to spread you on toast."
While playing pool, "When you take a shot, I can see up your skirt" Uh-huh.
Or my personal favourite, being told in the middle of the club, "You want me, I could shag any girl here"

Weirdest thing ever to happen, I tripped on a girl's toga in the toilet, (long story) I limp back to my table, desperately wanting to sit down and take the weight off my ankle, this guy comes over pulls my shoe off and starts giving me a foot massage. It was both hilarious and incrediby painful.

My failings include quoting Star Wars, insulting family members and trying to show off by doing a cartwheel and ending up crashing into a potted plant.

So didn't you slap the first guy? That's what I'd have done, if some guy came up to me and said that.

Oh, wait. I'd punch him actually. I was never confused...

(cookie for quote)

My housemates and I had a house party last weekend, and a friend of a friend of one of my housemates just came up to me and asked if I wanted to go back to her place. It was slightly odd because although I'd met her eye and smiled at her a few times, I hadn't actually spoken to her and I didn't even know her. Anyway, we were about to get a taxi (note - we were both quite drunk at this point) when her friend came running out wanting to go home, for some unknown (to me anyway) reason. So this girl who I'd left with gave me her phone number instead. Next day, I text her about meeting up - no reply. Almost a week later now - no reply. I've pretty much given up, although it begs the question of why she gave me her number if she wasn't interested anyway, considering I never actually asked her for it?

EDIT:

well i said, "wanna suck my dick?" then she punched my dick

Hah, you got pwned...

Well I didn't slap or punch him. I just kind of looked at him in the way that a dog does when it's confused. That tilted head movement while being confused that he wanted to spread me on toast. It was really unexpected. Then I got distracted by my friend pulling a lemon (Yes really)out of her handbag and trying to give it to a guy in a pink bunny costume. For the record it was not Halloween, nor a fancy dress night. Strange.

You have very strange friends. Can you introduce me? I get the feeling I'd be pretty relaxed and comfortable around them, at least, more so than with the 'normal' people I see on an everyday basis...

 

[Harley Q]

Hmm, Terrible chat up lines that have been said to me.I had a guy come up to me outside my local pub one night, he looked at me and said "I'd like to spread you on toast."
While playing pool, "When you take a shot, I can see up your skirt" Uh-huh.
Or my personal favourite, being told in the middle of the club, "You want me, I could shag any girl here"

Weirdest thing ever to happen, I tripped on a girl's toga in the toilet, (long story) I limp back to my table, desperately wanting to sit down and take the weight off my ankle, this guy comes over pulls my shoe off and starts giving me a foot massage. It was both hilarious and incrediby painful.

My failings include quoting Star Wars, insulting family members and trying to show off by doing a cartwheel and ending up crashing into a potted plant.

So didn't you slap the first guy? That's what I'd have done, if some guy came up to me and said that.

Oh, wait. I'd punch him actually. I was never confused...

(cookie for quote)

My housemates and I had a house party last weekend, and a friend of a friend of one of my housemates just came up to me and asked if I wanted to go back to her place. It was slightly odd because although I'd met her eye and smiled at her a few times, I hadn't actually spoken to her and I didn't even know her. Anyway, we were about to get a taxi (note - we were both quite drunk at this point) when her friend came running out wanting to go home, for some unknown (to me anyway) reason. So this girl who I'd left with gave me her phone number instead. Next day, I text her about meeting up - no reply. Almost a week later now - no reply. I've pretty much given up, although it begs the question of why she gave me her number if she wasn't interested anyway, considering I never actually asked her for it?

EDIT:

well i said, "wanna suck my dick?" then she punched my dick

Hah, you got pwned...

Well I didn't slap or punch him. I just kind of looked at him in the way that a dog does when it's confused. That tilted head movement while being confused that he wanted to spread me on toast. It was really unexpected. Then I got distracted by my friend pulling a lemon (Yes really)out of her handbag and trying to give it to a guy in a pink bunny costume. For the record it was not Halloween, nor a fancy dress night. Strange.

You have very strange friends. Can you introduce me? I get the feeling I'd be pretty relaxed and comfortable around them, at least, more so than with the 'normal' people I see on an everyday basis...

Yeah, my friends are a little odd, I like it that way. The lemon thing was just classic though. Good times, good stuff.

Another epic fail, I'm in this pub with some friends and this guy I know, walks up to a girl and says, "I'm gonna shag you til you're sick." Needless to say she looked at him in disgust before walking away.