Escape to the Movies: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Kids Deserved Better Than This

[darthdenim]

Bob and Doug are both better than Confused Matthew.

Check out his review of Guardians of the Galaxy.

http://blip.tv/confused-matthew/gurdians-of-the-galaxy-general-review-7007021

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

We didn't even need this reboot. From all the reports I have heard, the new cartoon is FUN, it is filled with interesting characters and funny gags, and embodies everything good about the series.

Why did we need this? WHY?

This happens the same reason every bad reboot happens.

Of course.

But considering excitement for this film wasn't particularly high to begin with, and negative word of mouth will be coming, I do not think the studio will get to have, moneey.

 

[Vivi22]

Transformers (apart from ROTF) isn't even that bad. People are just blinded by nostalgia. And because of that they see Michael Bay has an Involvement and all of a sudden everything bad with the film is put on him. NO. Andrew Form, Bradley Fuller, Galen Walker, Scott Mednick and Ian Bryce are as much to blame as Bay this time around.

Firstly, all of the Transformers movies are bad (haven't seen the most recent one since it won't be on TV for a while, but I am capable of spotting a trend). The first was the least bad of them all, but it wasn't good. The second was an abomination, and the third managed to be at least as bad because the movie didn't even make sense and the action was as much shitty Michael Bay directing as we've generally come to expect from the man.

Second, just because there are more producers than Michael Bay does not mean you can say that they're all as much to blame as he is. It is simply extremely unlikely that you have the requisite knowledge of the films production required to say who had actual creative input, and who just opened up their wallet to fund the thing. But since Michael Bay is the only one of the Producers I ever remember talking about it in the media, safe to say he was probably pretty involved what with being a pretty major Hollywood figure, and the fact that the usual stink of shitty story, shitty CGI, shitty acting, and shitty directing permeates this movie that also permeates all of his other licensed stuff (and a lot of his unlicensed stuff honestly). If he really isn't the producer most responsible for this, I'd be shocked since it's got his particular brand of awful written all over it.

 

[Ashley Blalock]

Transformers, GI Joe, Star Trek, Turtles the trend is pretty clear at this point that no one at Paramount Studios with an ounce of power or pull gives a damn about making a good update. Cash in on a pop culture name with bad films and hope people don't realize how bad the Paramount films have gotten.

If you want a good movie based on something you once enjoyed then you aren't going to get it from Paramount.

 

[Aiddon_v1legacy]

We didn't even need this reboot. From all the reports I have heard, the new cartoon is FUN, it is filled with interesting characters and funny gags, and embodies everything good about the series.

Why did we need this? WHY?

This happens the same reason every bad reboot happens.

Of course.

But considering excitement for this film wasn't particularly high to begin with, and negative word of mouth will be coming, I do not think the studio will get to have, moneey.

Which indeed contradicts the whole idea of gaining money. If you want something to make money then make a quality product. A good movie has a better chance of gaining back your investment than a crappy movie. I wouldn't be surprised if the movie bombs but it makes back money due to merchandising and video sales. Still, it probably won't make the studio happy.

 

[Buizel91]

Transformers (apart from ROTF) isn't even that bad. People are just blinded by nostalgia. And because of that they see Michael Bay has an Involvement and all of a sudden everything bad with the film is put on him. NO. Andrew Form, Bradley Fuller, Galen Walker, Scott Mednick and Ian Bryce are as much to blame as Bay this time around.

Firstly, all of the Transformers movies are bad (haven't seen the most recent one since it won't be on TV for a while, but I am capable of spotting a trend). The first was the least bad of them all, but it wasn't good. The second was an abomination, and the third managed to be at least as bad because the movie didn't even make sense and the action was as much shitty Michael Bay directing as we've generally come to expect from the man.

Oooh goody! A TF Movie hater. My favourite kind of prey.

The TF films have done nothing different than the cartoons did 30 years ago. Cheesy dialogue, annoying humans and plots that make you raise an eyebrow and shout "WTF DID I JUST WATCH"!

The "the action scenes are all over the place" arguments are ridiculous. first of all, i have the attention span of a Goat surrounded by a bunch of moving Carrots, but i can follow them perfectly, i can see who does what and who died with no problem.


Shitty action you say? This is from ROTF. which yes is the worst film, but the fighting scenes are glorious. If you can't follow this and get confused, then i suggest sticking to the new Spongebob film when that comes out.

In the years that the TF movies have been out i have not seen any plausible reason for someone to hate these films. All the problems that have been thrown around are custom to the TF franchise. While i agree that ROTF is awful, it's by no unwatchable.

 

[emeraldrafael]

Well at least now its a two horse race between hwats more terrible, The Amazing Spiderman or this.

And really, I don't understand megan fox as a choice at this point. Well, I do shes eye candy in the most bland way possible, but if youre trying to say you want the female to be empowering and above her sex appeal, I feel like you ould hvae done better than fox, since sex appeal is her only note.

 

[ThunderCavalier]

*sigh* Well, let's be honest here... no one is really surprised here. New TMNT movie is horrible? Well, people seem to want to take things like TMNT or Transformers and say "What if we made them uber realistic?"

When the Japanese adaptation that turns the mutants to great super turtles that turn into a giant mecha is more believable and fun than this, we really need to take a long look back and ask ourselves where things went wrong.

 

[Saltyk]

Yeah, I can't get past the designs of the Turtles. They are overly complicated, ugly, and God awful. Whoever designed them should be fired.

You know, I've found that the original movie holds up pretty well. It's funny, the Turtles are fun, have good character, and the costumes look good. The fights are pretty good, especially considering those costumes have to be difficult to move in. And it's faithful to the source material, both the comic and the cartoon. All in all, a great adaption and a good movie.

Think I'll go watch that if the mood to watch a Turtles movie hits me.

 

[scorptatious]

Yeah, not really surprised this didn't turn out well. Michael Bay's name was essentially a death sentence.

Speaking of which, what's the general consensus here on the current TMNT cartoon?

The current cartoon is pure unadulterated nerd porn. It gets pretty much everything right. Snappily written. Witty yet dark and a bit disturbing at times. A complete and total reboot, with massive changes, that works.

Well that's good to hear. Might have to check it out sometime in the future.

 

[Cecilthedarkknight_234]

I always like to expand "kids deserved better" to include "the public deserved better".
Great kids films are engrossing and entertaining enough to appeal to any age.

However, that's setting the bar high; too high for Hackywood. And why set the bar higher when leaving it on the ground can make megabucks?

From what Mr. Chipman described of the plot, it's the usual Hackywood slop. A stone-serious plot that seems intriguing as long as you don't actually think about it. (oh and surrounded by goofy antics, but that's Michael Bay for you)

And oh my the cosmic coincidences for April O'Neal. Normally when a Hackywood plot surrounds its main characters with extraordinary coincidental ties, it's planned redundancy to get more out of their existing actors/actresses, to avoid paying the SAG for more roles.

But here, I have a feeling based on the description, that Megan Fox wanted to be the absolute center of attention and THE star of the movie. I mean, damn near everything centers around April O'Neal. (which explains Fox's overly defensive unprofessional outburst this last week; TNMT is HER big movie, HER big chance to prove her worth to Hackywood beyond a walking softcore TNA display)

This is why I loved the original tmnt as a kid, It actually made me think!!

 

[Metalrocks]

not surprised that it sucks. saw the trailer of it when i watched galaxy and i just had to roll up my eyes several times during the trailer. think i would just rent it on dvd and thats it. im rather more exited for sin city.

 

[EyeReaper]

So, I just got outta the theaters, so here's my opinion. (also, haven't seen Bob's opinion yet, just saying)

Pros:
I think they got the turtle's personalities down pretty well, besides Mikey being a major perv for some reason
Most of the fights without shakeycam looked kinda nice.

uhh.. that's about it.

Cons (watch out, this is gonna be the brunt)

A mad scientist, but not Baxter Stockman for some reason
They brought back Vernon, but not Irma.
Shredder looks like Lord Zedd's and a Predator's love child.
Shredder is literally coated in knifes, but would rather punch and kick the defenseless heroes
the foot clan are just thugs and gangsters with guns
Karai is completely useless
Splinter just found "How to be a ninja for Dummies" in the sewer, or something?
Having to forcibly connect April to the origin story
The turtles look like live action Shreks
Everything about Donnie's design, pretty much
Megan Fox didn't even wear a redhead wig.
Splinter grossed me out, and every other shot of him was a very extreme close up.
Are Pizzas that fucking big in New York? (more of a nitpick, and if true, I'm jealous)
How the hell do the turtles sliding down a hill on their shells consistently faster than the cars?
Ralph's character arc is literally the same every movie.
and finally No Casey Jones, Rocksteady, Bebob, Krang, Hun, Stockman, or Bishop

whew. that's about it. I'm sure there were others, but that's just off the top of my head.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Are Pizzas that fucking big in New York? (more of a nitpick, and if true, I'm jealous)

As far as I am aware (although my best source is second hand, so don't take what I say as absolute truth) but New Yorkers don't really prize pizza more than any other city.

TMNT included it because A. the ninjas always liked pizza and B. they had a big promotional deal with some pizza joint. I think it was Pizza Hut, but I zoned those commercials out whenever they came on.

 

[Dandres]

So, I just got outta the theaters, so here's my opinion.

Are Pizzas that fucking big in New York? (more of a nitpick, and if true, I'm jealous)

Yes New York Pizzas are really big, that is why they are able to sell them by the slice. Never by pizza in New York from a place that does not sell them by the slice.

And also "Yah" you helped fund the sequel.

 

[JimB]

Vaguely related to the review: I just saw a commercial of a voice-over guy reading single-word snippets from reviews for the movie, and maybe I'm just projecting here, but I swear I can actually hear the guy's eyes rolling as he reads words he doesn't believe a word of. I'm exaggerating a bit, but seriously, the guy sounds like he doesn't believe any of it and is a little pissed off he's contractually obligated to perpetuate these lies.

 

[darthdenim]

I thought the guy who played Mr.Trick in Buffy was cast as Baxter Stockman.

Did they cut him out of the movie or something?

 

[Blood Brain Barrier]

Why is the movie so dark? I can't even see the turtles because every scene with them covered them with shadows and darkness. Actually, I know why they did that - they think it improves the 3D animation and makes the film more gritty. But kids like color and light, so they're essentially sacrificing what people like for 'production quality', which on its own means nothing. Except for Michael Bay, for whom it means everything.

 

[Kuth]

You know, I was willing to let this TMMNT movie pass if it was at least better than TMNT 3. To say it sucks even more than Venus.... wow, man. I may have to see it anyway, just to know how bad this is.

 

[Flunk]

Bob, there have NEVER been any good Ninja Turtles movies. Go back and watch them, I dare you. The first one is somewhat passable and the other two are terrible.

P.S. I'm going to avoid watching this, but we all knew how stupid these was going to be. Didn't we?