Escape to the Movies: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

[thethingthatlurks]

I liked the review!
Ok, I haven't read the books, or seen the movies, primarily due to my aversion to anything that has been labled as "the best thing EVAR!" by any sizable portion of the population. Still, I can agree with Bob's view on the truly disgusting messages this book/movie series is trying to convey without having to see the bloody thing.
Oh, one more thing, if this book is supposed to bring Meyer's mormon views across, do any of the characters wear magical underwear? I MUST KNOW!

 

[pineapplewizzard]

He speaks the truth.....Thank you.

 

[Ih8pkmn]

You forgot the fourth thing Twilight teaches:

Necrophilia and Bestiality are acceptable

What? Edward's dead-actually, no. the DEAD are more charismatic than him.

Anyway- Edward's dead, and Jacob's pretty much a furry. so, yeah.

 

[commasplice]

Nice sum up. Thank you for actually looking at and spelling out the creepy undertones in the films. A lot of folks just go "so they're badly written whats the big deal?" and totally miss the scary bits.

For those of you into more terrifying analysis Heres an ex-Mormon's sum up of Twilight and her pointing out how it matches up to Mormon doctrine. [http://stoney321.livejournal.com/317176.html] For those of you who don't know, Mormonism is the religion of Meyer and it's rather unsettling to notice how much of that got put into Twilight even if its unconsciously.

Thank you for that. I was afraid I might have to bring it up. See, when Bob mentioned the whole "marry early, virginity is the most important thing in your life" thing that's exactly what I thought. And I feel really bad for it. I was raised to be more culturally sensitive than that, but, well...one of my mom's friends left the Church (and, consequentially, her family) for those exact reasons. She felt as though she were being treated as nothing more than a vehicle for producing children and sating a man's sexual appetite, so she quit. I'm still not sure how I feel about all this, especially considering that (a) plenty of other religions have had--and still do have--similar overtones, (b) I'm not really religious in the first place and (c) because I'm a member of an ethnic minority, I'm used to being on the receiving end of the "I don't want to sound insensitive, but..." speech. But then, I have to balance my attempts at cultural sensitivity with the fact that the Book of Mormon says my dark skin is resultant of my ancestors having been "cursed" because they turned away from God.

 

[Arawn.Chernobog]

The summary of every single Twilight fan​

(males too)

Spoiler

Pin-pointing the flaws of the movie (and series) as always MovieBob, great review.

 

[Gereiam]

@ Faerillis
You could have just summed that whole paragraph into a sentence. "I dont believe in religion" Perhaps its becase of a clear lack of understanding of it, perhaps a bad past experience, maybe its the smart thing to do for you....the point is.....well the point is....that.....was i making a point or just ranting on how you misjudge while you judge! For get that....
However, you are really uneducated on the psychology and science of relationships if you think that the idea of virginity is unimportant or used to control women.

Perhaps im very wrong but for pete's sake im damn sure right about the next point You've got your understanding on religion messed up and incomplete. Stoning?....slavery?...WELL INFORMED DECISIONS???? Your argument against the idea of religionis as bad as a religious person using the sunset as an example of a God's exsistance. "In context" my fanny! In God We Trust. Says it on the coin, don't use it if yuo don't believe it.

and p.s: I HEART Movie Bob! You rock man!

 

[FarSpace]

My Daughter likes watching and reading Twilight & I read a little and watched the 1st movie so I could debrief her, but she new already it was total crap. but vampires are cool and I guess this is all the poor girls got now a days, I feel so sorry for them.

One thing though, I think bella really comes off as extreamly stupid beyond belief more so in the movies, that sutpid actress that plays bella is such a DUNCE.

I'm just lucky my daughter knows better, probably simular when we see stupid movies and we know better too, thank goodness.

 

[Boba Frag]

Bob, man, stop doing this to yourself! lol

Seriously, nobody on this site will really care if you don't. I'm amazed you've done this much.

Still, the creepy, uber-conservative, ass-backwards under current you identified is certainly cause for concern.

I had to sit through my buddy's girlfriend extolling its virtues during the week. It was horrifying...
She's intelligent, funny, and one of the finest women I know... Yet she reads this.
I tell myself it's just pulp for distraction for her. O
Otherwise, my friend is doomed!!!

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

Why did they have you review this? I mean, who among the Escapist's audience was possibly considering going to see this?

Are you kidding im going to see it 100%! Earliest screening possible! Going with some friends and a rucksack full of vuvuzelas.

 

[Splitfire3]

aah, you've got it, bob. i saw the first movie, and, well, i still hate myself for it. but, anyway, good review this time.

 

[Flac00]

Wow, Twilight has done the impossible for being a scary "horror" (it isn't by any means, but is technically listed as such) movie, not for the monsters (though it is scary how they made A GIANT BATTLE BETWEEN WEREWOLFS AND VAMPIRES A HUG FEST), not for trying to break us menatly with its imagery, but for the message is trying to hammer into our brains.

I don't believe that video games cause violence. I don't believe that gay people can't be good parents, teachers, or anything else. But Twilight? It is one of those things that has the power to change the thinking of its target audiance, the 14 year olds that are just hitting puberty, but still have childhood memories of Prince Charming. It is only going down hill from here folks... you know what is are two things that are going to happen in the next movie?

Spoiler

One, (this is minor enough to be cut from the movie, but you know how many girls have read the books?) a girlfriend is going to get ripped to shreds by her werewolf boy friend, but stay with him because, I am not kidding here, "he lost control, but still knows he loves her."

Two, Belle is going to get pergnet with Edward's child and is going to decide to keep it, EVEN THOUGH HE RAN OFF AGAIN AND THE BABY HAS A HIGH CHANCE OF KILLING HER ON DELIVERY!

Can somebody honestly tell me that they want their child to read this? Or watch this?

I'm getting the message about what Stephanie Meyer's political views are.

What? The political view of Bizzaro Loony land?

That is what we call a shallow person who finally figured out how a computer works, who then writes a book. Soon all other shallow people crowd around her and yell of her quality despite the fact that it sucks. DON'T COMPARE THIS TO HARRY POTTER THOUGH, the Pot books were at least palatable, I didn't love them, but I didn't hate them. Twilight is not. It is the worst mix of stupidity, hormones, bandwagons, and shallowility (you know i just made up that word!!).

 

[Flac00]

Why did they have you review this? I mean, who among the Escapist's audience was possibly considering going to see this?

Are you kidding im going to see it 100%! Earliest screening possible! Going with some friends and a rucksack full of vuvuzelas.

That is classic man. I would come with you if it weren't for the fact that my vuvuzela is leaking (don't ask).

 

[Hexador]

The dog park part was HILARIOUS! Bob, you should try to do something like that more often, though I guess you don't review twilight every day...

 

[Shadow of Nex]

Subtle: thin, tenuous, or rarefied

the plot for Twilight is very thin and very tenuous
it has been raised to a point that it really shouldn't have <- rarefied

and in its self it really shouldn't have been so bad, yet there is something wrong with it. And I can't pick out what it really is, thus making it subtle. to explain the previous: Glowing vamires are fine, I have read books were vampires don't fit the normal sterotype. warewolves that can transform when they like, fine, Terry Prachett has many of these. and the whole story type has been repeated so many times that no one really complains. but some how it is wrong.

 

[DJShire]

I'm going to go see this with my Twihard friend. I'm going to be wearing my "Team Belmont" shirt that I got from Split Reason. I'm not going to sit next to her, I'm going to sit up high...because I'm gonna riff the hell out of this movie, and that way, it's harder for me to get hit by popcorn and Raisenets. I'm also going to count (and vocalize) all of the "That's what she said!" moments. If I don't get thrown out of the theater, I'll be very surprised. Oh, and I told my Twihard friend that I wont go unless she pays for it, so even if I do get thrown out, it wont be my money that's wasted.

 

[hightide]

This is way men are better than women... Would this would happen with GI Joe's or else something for guys? Not smarter, just they don't all jump off a cliff for a stupid trend.

 

[MissAshley]

Only the simple aesthetics of the static promotional material and merchandise faintly grabs my attention. It's knowing of the horrors beneath it all that keeps me from ever partaking of this insidious franchise.

Hopefully analysis such as yours MovieBob will help guide the next generation of women if this one has become too far gone.

 

[TitsMcGee1804]

moviebob, thanks for reviewing this without just going 'AAAAGHHHRR TWILIGHT SUCKS OMG AAAGHHRR', and actually having meaningful reasons why its a bad film, your a real professional

 

[Dollar Bill]

Why did you betray me movie bob!? WHY!!!