Escape to the Movies: Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part Two

[6unn3r]

Bob you arn't allowed to make any more reviews.

Seriously this one could not be topped by anything else you might do in the future...ever. Everything about this review was correct and i loved every second of it

 

[disgruntledgamer]

Wow Bob actually managed to watch all the Twilight movies? After the first 20 mins of the first one I was thinking of ways to hurt myself.

I don't need to watch Breaking Dawn Part Two to laugh at Twilight.

 

[SAMAS]

Ladies and gentlemen, we have found the black hole of movies. Its star burned brightly and swiftly; then it collapsed under it's own weight and took everyone involved with it.

Spoiler

My hopes got so high when Bob was describing that action sequence. I could just imagine all the wailing screams of the fan girls as Hollywood said "No more, we will redeem this shit at all costs". It was a delicious moment, then he told us it was all a dream, and much like the described reaction of the audience at the screening I exclaimed "Bullshit." Oh they were so close to giving Myers the finger and salvaging the finale. I almost can't blame them though; I know I wouldn't want to face the ire of its psychotic fan base.

I think that was the point. They knew they couldn't end the movie any differently than the book did, but as Bob pointed out, the ending was a tremendous disappointment. So the least they could think to do was to actually give us the fight, even if it couldn't actually happen.

 

[GeorgW]

This is one of the greatest reviews of all time! It's hilarious and brilliant!
Well, I never thought I'd even think about watching a Twilight movie, but now I am. Well done, Bob, well done.

 

[WhiteFangofWhoa]

I knew you'd have to find some way of making this more entertaining than just 'this sucks and I'm only reviewing it 'cause it's in the schedule but YAY I'm finally free of Twilight'. Fortunately it looks like the movie actually provided you with that, being actually a pretty amusing-looking battle sequence surrounded by all the wank. Are all the crazy action sequences in Sucker Punch made any less awesome by most of it being the dreams of a madwoman? Thank you Alice!

Strangely, the 'Mark Reads' blog trashing the book didn't really mention Mr. Deus Ex Machina much, instead focusing on Bella suddenly gaining some kind of force field powers to protect people and prevent any combat from taking place between the two sides. So do both of these Deus Ex Machina(e?) happen in the book within moments of each other? Machinaception?

Ah well, it's all over now. I can't help but wonder what could have been made of this if the director(s) were permitted full creative range to minimize the flaws they would surely recognize and develop more interesting vampires. Or maybe not. Let's never talk about this series again.

 

[MrBaskerville]

Hmm, so there´s a big overblown and loud action sequence, and it´s supposed to be a good thing? As a guy who nearly feel asleep during the last 50 minutes of Avengers, this doesn´t sound too promising . Though it does sound pretty damn stupid, didn´t know that the ending to this series was this daft.

 

[OneOfTheMichael's]

In my opinion. The New james bond was soooo much better.
Funny review though.

 

[maidenm]

That still doesn't account for how she got published in the first place. Like if she's such a terrible writer then how is it that her publisher didn't slap her with a big fat rejection slip? I don't know, I haven't read it, I'm just going on everyone else's word here.

She did get a rejection letter, or rather she got 9 of them (!!). Five letters she sent to publishers went unanswered. Then she sent the script to Little, Brown, the company that accepted her crap. A company that back then had a... bad reputation. Suprised? She also refused to let a proof-reader edit her "work" because they might "ruin" it.

 

[zacharyk88]

I really hope it's not too awful. Hopefully I'll get a good laugh at it and won't get stabbed by everyone else in the theater.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

That still doesn't account for how she got published in the first place. Like if she's such a terrible writer then how is it that her publisher didn't slap her with a big fat rejection slip? I don't know, I haven't read it, I'm just going on everyone else's word here.

She did get a rejection letter, or rather she got 9 of them (!!). Five letters she sent to publishers went unanswered. Then she sent the script to Little, Brown, the company that accepted her crap. A company that back then had a... bad reputation. Suprised? She also refused to let a proof-reader edit her "work" because they might "ruin" it.

Yeah, that's a mistake. You have to be pretty damn arrogant to assume your work is perfect without the need for outside input.

Then again considering how huge this bloody thing has become I guess she knew what she was doing, for better or for worse. There's no accounting for taste though.

 

[SecondmateFlint]

I was cleaning around my room while watching this video and I stopped dead in my tracks when Bob said the twist ending.

I've actually been trying to think when doing something like that is ever all right. I think the audience is always going to feel gypped in some way. I've seen a lot of student films that have that ending and I feel like that always discounts the rest of the film. How can I trust anything that you've already told me if you've just proven it a lie?

Maybe I'm way over thinking it, but I almost get offended when I see it. Is there a movie anyone can think of when it works? I'm actually really curious.

 

[ThunderCavalier]

...Ladies and gentelemen, I think we've finally found the movie equivalent to Sonic 06.

See, the problem with that is that Sonic 06 was just all-around mediocre. Score aside (because Solaris Phase 2 is officially one of the greatest Final Boss Music scores ever), there was nothing "fun" about it. The plot was mediocre or boring or... weird, and the gameplay... sucked fun right out of it.

This sucks so bad it's downright hilarious. Plus, we aren't trying to control a godawful camera.

 

[Lykosia_v1legacy]

That still doesn't account for how she got published in the first place. Like if she's such a terrible writer then how is it that her publisher didn't slap her with a big fat rejection slip? I don't know, I haven't read it, I'm just going on everyone else's word here.

She did get a rejection letter, or rather she got 9 of them (!!). Five letters she sent to publishers went unanswered. Then she sent the script to Little, Brown, the company that accepted her crap. A company that back then had a... bad reputation. Suprised? She also refused to let a proof-reader edit her "work" because they might "ruin" it.

Yet, she still got some praising reviews from some critics and Publishers Weekly chose Twilight as the best book of the year 2005. I haven't read the books myself, so can't really say my own opinion about them, but some critics seemed to like the books. Which is why I don't believe them to be that bad. I only think that most of us here aren't the target audience.

 

[Kargathia]

Ok, I admit - the main reason I even clicked on this was that the front-page assembled cast picture was so horribly and thoroughly photoshopped it stopped resembling anything human.

 

[AlexMBrennan]

Sorry, but MovieBob failed a spot check, which is strange since he said it himself: The vampire child is a pretense used to wipe out the Cullens and acquire Alice (one vampire - no idea - who says that the Volturi have been killing covens and pardoning the one gifted and conveniently especially repentant vampire). Given that Alice's vision shows that this is not possibly without significant casualties, backing off is a sensible decision. [With jungle vapire serving as a convenient excuse to let them go home with their reputation intact]

Whether or not that makes for a good movie plot is debatable, but it is not illogical as such.

 

[feeqmatic]

Saw this saturday night... simply amazing, Bob did not do it justice

 

[Erttheking]

Does anyone else think that Edward's face on the cover is freaking hilarious?

 

[SirDerick]

"Genie, I want to watch a movie where a guy punches the ground so hard it causes a Volcano to erupt."
"Done."
-later, at the premiere of Twilight Breaking Dawn part 2-
"I hate you genie."

 

[knight4light]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSz-XxixYBU

link to the fight. found it already up on youtube lol. dont know how long it will be up but i doubt it will be the last.

 

[Katya Topolkaraeva]

First thought when seeing this week's Escape to the Movies topic: Breaking Dawn Part Two? Oh, no, Bob: you didn't!

First thought upon seeing the video description stating that Bob enjoyed the movie: Oh, no, Bob: you didn't!

First thought upon hearing the short version of the review telling us to go see it for ourselves: Bob, if you honestly just recommended that I go see a Twilight movie, I'm going to have to redefine the parameters of our relationship.

First thought upon realizing Bob had laughed when he said we should see it for ourselves: Are you being facetious, Bob? Please tell me you're being facetious, Bob.

First thought upon coming to the conclusion that Bob was calling it one of those "so bad it's good," movies: Thank God, Bob. You really had me worried for a second.

First thought upon finishing this week's Escape to the Movies: Well... I kind of want to see this, now. Not in the theatre, obviously, but maybe later on.

Second thought upon finishing this week's Escape to the Movies: Don't talk to me until Tuesday, Bob: I'm extremely upset with you right now. Thinking you of all people liked a Twilight movie is the closest I ever want to be to having an aneurysm.

In all seriousness, though, during the middle, when he was describing the fight with that unequaled, child-like, (and almost churlish), glee, I was laughing my ass off. I enjoyed the video, Bob. Just don't ever scare me like that again.

My thoughts exactly... and probably the same thoughts as many others here.