Fieldy409 said:
Frankster said:
In the meantime, yey for the internet.
....That awkward moment where strangers on the internet are talking to each other about how they dont want to talk to strangers lol.
I think, overall, its because there's also a bit of this going on:
Saelune said:
Reading the responses has been...interesting.
As an introvert with social anxiety disorder who wants to be left alone...I actually find a lot of people's reactions to small talk weird. I want to be left alone not because I want to be left alone, but because I assume any interaction is going to go bad. But really I want people to talk to me and actually be engaging and maybe lead to a friendship. Most people just don't.
If you're going to initiate small talk, make it about something relevant to the person its directed at....and something you also care about. Don't come up to me and talk about sports or weather. Don't ask me about my music or gaming device if you don't really care.
But if I'm playing Pok?mon on my 3DS, and you are playing Pok?mon on your 3DS...then maybe the small talk will become something worth while. Or if you can maybe hear my slightly too loud for my headphones music and recognize it or like it, maybe we can talk about that.
I think what bothers me about the places that avoid it altogether, is I worry I would try to actually talk to someone and basically get shot down, and since its not something I do often, it would be very disheartening.
People want to be left alone, yes, but a lot of wanting to be left alone by random people is that they're not likely to know what you want to talk about, and you don't really get much choice in the matter. An interesting or important topic can be fine, but otherwise... Nope.
I remember when I was much younger, my parents would always tell me off as I'd be talking about games and stories and books and such, and that wasn't what they wanted to hear or talk about. The recent news was more important or interesting. Me? I didn't give two shits about that, I liked my games and books and stuff.
Neighbours moved in at one point, and they got annoyed that I wasn't talking much with them when we went to meet them. Why? They were into parties and flying model aeroplanes, and found videogames and stories boring. I was into playing videogames, reading books and stories, and hated people who lived for parties. What were we going to talk about?
The same goes on in everyday life. You see someone, what are you going to talk about? Politics? Leads to fighting. The weather? No-one cares, its always chaotic. The bus being late? It always is. Your family life? Not interested. The local sports match? Don't care. Neither person knows anything about anyone else, and thus talking to them is... stupid. Its going to be annoying more than anything.
On these forums, we get to pick and choose our conversations. We get to look at the topics, and go "Oh, I'm interested in that!". Imagine the forums sent you a random notification every time you logged in of three completely random threads, and made you spend 5 minutes reading each before you could do anything else. You'd leave the forums. Some might be interesting, a lot wouldn't be, and you'd doubtless run into the same thread several times and just get bored. That's smalltalk. The ability to pick and choose your conversations, and engage in discussions that interest you, with people who's attitudes and opinions you can at least stand [Hence why you're here having these discussions rather than on another forum], is very different from being forced into a random conversation sometime with people you might just really not like for some reason. You can also always just shut off the forums and walk away. Its much harder to IRL.
Lil devils x said:
So you would feel fine just walking up and talking to a stranger about your problems? I can't imagine that it works like that.
Especially when you have others like I quoted about, that do not care about you, your day or your problems.
Depends on the problem, depends on the stranger. Lost and need directions? Always able to ask strangers, regardless of whether you've had small talk with them before or not. Hell, much as I hate talking to people, and people talking to me, a few months back there was a lady who was lost and I spent the next 2 hours figuring out where she needed to go and getting her a taxi, despite being busy myself. We look after those who need it.
You need money, or help, or anything like that? You go to social services, explain your problem, and generally you end up looked after. If not, its not uncommon for communities to look after their own, despite not having small talk. Friends find out about someone who is hurt or injured, because they're friends and close to that person, and those friends tell their friends, and their friends tell their friends, and people band together to make a difference. I know numerous people who have been in trouble financially, or were trying to get a failing business up and running, or other issues like that, and they told their friends about it. They ended up getting supported by people they didn't know, because their friends had friends, and they banded together to help someone - no telling random strangers on the street required.
If its a personal problem like a break up, well, no. Most people don't WANT help from random people on the street either though. They turn to their close friends for support. Even if you've talked to some random acquaintance a bit, you don't want to tell them everything, and if you do, you don't want their support or anything else. Odds are you'd rather not talk about it at that point, and they're bringing up a touchy subject. People have different opinions about everything when smalltalk isn't required, they don't just lack something that they need.
Fieldy409 said:
Zhukov said:
Huh, that's interesting.
I'm trying to figure out where Australians would sit on that scale. I've had strangers strike up conversations with me before and it didn't seem rude. However it's not something I'm inclined to do because I'm rather shy and it's like I'm going to have much to say to some random person at a bus stop. It's normal to briefly acknowledge strangers on the street with a nod or a "hey" or "good morning" or whatever.
Are you saying that, as an American if a stranger was standing near you at a bus stop and didn't say anything to you you'd think they were being rude?
I felt the same way as an Aussie, where do we fit? I personally can be a little too full on and chatty in public with strangers and half the time I find myself thinking I just embaressed somebody.
And also whenever I just happen to chat to women I dont know like that, friends and family remark that Im flirting, which I find weird, no I just wanted to crack a joke or something geez.
Also Im wondering how there can be a discussion about 'Europe' as if its one culture Ive never been, but surely everything changes and you get an entirely different culture every time you cross a border?
Honestly, I feel we've got a pretty complicated set of rules on it, and it greatly depends on location. In the local major city, and all surrounding suburbs... Anyone who just comes up and talks to you either just wants help with directions, is homeless, or is drunk. There are a couple of exceptions, but they're treated awkwardly as you don't want to be impolite and just shut them down, but you honestly just don't want to talk to them either. Trams, trains and buses are either silent outside of the motion and radio, or filled with noise from groups of friends who know each other and are close just being loud, and everyone wishing they'd shut up. On the streets, people dodge past and ignore anyone who tries to talk to them, as in addition to the above few, there's also the damn salesmen always trying to sell you something that are there, or the political activists who want you to vote or protest or something. Unless you need something from someone, you don't talk and just let them be.
But then, there are some specific streets, usually with lots of cafes, where people do hang around more to just talk. The same goes for the bars at pubs and restaurants such [As opposed to the booths] - they're open for conversations. There are lawns and such where people gather to talk, and parks where talking to those around you is a normal thing.
And this isn't just the CBD vs other areas, its specific areas within each area. In the suburbs its the same, and you don't really talk to those around you, except in some areas where they're kind of set up specifically for you to. About the only real general area where all purpose smalltalk is accepted, is your home street. Even then, you're only expected to talk to your direct neighbours, the other people in the street its acceptable to just go up and talk to, but there's no need to do so if you don't want to.
And when you get to more country towns, or areas around the less major cities, people tend to just smalltalk more too.
It greatly depends on where you are, what you're doing, and who's around you. I'd think it would anywhere, to be honest. We've got a bit of culture of being ok to talk to people and that from the country and American influences that surround us, but we also keep some of the culture of our European colonisers - that smalltalk ain't something you seek out all the time, that there is a time and a place. So I'd see us as a bit of a medium. We don't shun all smalltalk, but we don't expect people to engage in it either, and we tend to have areas where it is seen as more or less acceptable to do as well.
