First Date, Gifts From The Guy

[Ratties]

I always take women to a coffee shop. That way I only end up spending like 5 bucks on her, it's easy to get out of. I would never give a girl a gift on the first date. I am not going to give somebody a gift that I might end up hating. It's the same reason I won't shake somebody's hand, unless it's for a job interview. I don't want to shake a strangers hand, then 20 minutes later, feel the need to punch him in the face.

 

[Mordekaien]

Men: Do you feel the need to impress the female by giving gifts? Do you find it annoying if the girl attempts to help pay the bill, or refuses what you're trying to give her?

I almost always pay the bill if I go out with my girlfriend of another of my female friends, heck even my friends do the same and I don't do it to impress something. I don't know why, it just feels right, I guess. But yes, I do find it slightly irritating, if the girl in question refuses ( I can understand why she would though).

 

[Atrocious Joystick]

We don't really have dates where I'm from. I mean of course have date-like situations but none of this "first date, second date, third date, etc" shenanigans. We just kind of hang out and then maybe we do or do not bump uglies. No formal dating or anything of the sort. In that context I think it would be seen as pretty weird for a dude to bring a dudette a gift the first time they hang out all by their lonesome because while it certainly has romantic tones to it there is nothing explicitly romantic about the whole ordeal and buying a gift puts the sort of pressure on the budding relationship that isn't proper for such an early stage. Assuming of course that the gift mentioned is akin to a birthday present in expensiveness and not just something along the lines of buying the object of your affection an ice cream at the ice cream stand by the beach in the town you both like.

 

[Adeptus Aspartem]

On the date, the man pays, the man ALWAYS pays, but he doesn't normally buy gifts for the girl. That's just weird, and a great segway to the friendzone.

The last century called, it wants to tell you, that women earn they own money now and this tradition is obsolete.

I don't see the reason why i have to buy me into a date, just because i've penis.
Why would i pay for someone who probably earns double my income (im a student), when it actually should be the otherway around, if we consider how this tradition came together in the first place.

Women psychology called. You not paying for things whilst getting to know her is a great way to ruin your chances.

No one cares if it's a fair or well-grounded tradition. It's there. You'll have to deal with it.
It's about you taking the reins and (almost) any woman will appreciate that and find that attractive.

Instead of making it another "gender issue" (and essentially doing the same thing feminists are doing), roll with it and use it to your advantage and as an opportunity to attract her.

By sticking to thoughts like "I won't do X because gender roles" you're only going to be shooting yourself in the foot.

Nice way of putting words into other peoples mouth.
It has nothing to do with gender roles. It has something to do that it's inherently stupid.

There's no reason a grown up woman cannot pay her share. And i don't want to date women who get impressed by me paying a bill in the restaurant.

You guys talks some serious "Alpha-Beta-Nature" Pseudosience bullshit in my opinion.

Really? Paying a bill is grabbing the reins? Okay, if we live in diffrent world, we don't have to continue the discussion.

 

[StriderShinryu]

Honestly, and as a guy, I think specific first date gifting is a little weird. I mean, someone very impromptu like flowers from a flower stand you happen to pass by or a stuffed animal from the zoo gift shop is all well and good, but a more traditional planned gift just seems strange to me. I would actually feel weird to receive such a gift and would not be likely at all to give one either.

 

[thiosk]

Its in our male nature to dote on our ladies.

I don't gift on the first date. Thats... weird.

Guy above said it: flowers? Maybe a carnival stuffie? Ok.

Wrapped and etc? Weird.

 

[T3hSource]

This reminds me of an old local saying:
If they're giving you something, take it. If they're chasing you, run! - Obviously translated and doesn't have the same ring, but the meaning is there.

 

[thejackyl]

Usually on a first date I'll offer to pay for the event(movie, bowling, club, whatever) and food. I'm not offended if they don't take up my offer as quite a few woman don't really mind, or even expect the man to pay for everything. At least in my experience.

I'm not trying to impress, I guess it's just a bit of a courtesy thing. Much like holding doors, and generally not being a dick.

 

[fnartilter]

So, men and a women, what are your views on giving gifts on a first date?

Men: Do you feel the need to impress the female by giving gifts? Do you find it annoying if the girl attempts to help pay the bill, or refuses what you're trying to give her?

Female: How do you feel about receiving gifts? Do you feel it's rude to refuse a gift? At one point is it taken too far?

Give gifts, for Holidays, sure. It's tradition isn't it? But not on a first date. Gifts from strangers is weird, awkward. You've got this thought of "What is it that they want?"

Splitting the bill on a first date, that's fine. It's just the first date; there shouldn't be any expectations on either party.

 

[NWJ94]

Gifts on first date? I suppose it would depend, but my first instinct is to say no to anything over flowers/candy.

As for who pays? Speaking as a guy I am highly uncomfortable with a girl offering to pay on a first date, especially if I was the one to suggest it. I should add though that this mentality is certainly not because I'm trying to buy off the girl or because I assume the girl is incapable of paying. I just approach dates from the position off

"Well she was nice enough to agree to go out with me, so its my responsibility to make sure she enjoys herself and I should pick up the bill."

Having said that though, if she is extremely uncomfortable with me paying for her, then I can live with letting her pay her half.

 

[Maxtro]

First date.

I won't give a girl anything at all except for my time.

The first thing I actually gave my now girlfriend was a flower that I knew was one of her favorites, and that wasn't until date 3.

It's goofy to try and win a girl over with gifts, especially when she doesn't have any emotional connection with you.

 

[Jux]

I tend not to just gift* women things randomly.

Have you really been far even as decided?

Took me a moment to figure out I had left out a word there. Hopefully with the correction it makes more sense.

 

[Proverbial Jon]

As a man, I wouldn't expect to receive or give a gift on a first date. It seems a little premature when you're just getting to know each other. I'm not into materialistic relationships.

As for paying the bill I stick with the age old method of man pays, woman shuts the hell up and keeps her money in her purse. I get the whole new age idea of splitting it because "equality," I guess it's similar to the "is holding a door open for a lady considered sexist?" debate. But hey, lady, if you can't accept a simple gesture like that then there's no hope for romance!

That said, I also feel awkward when receiving gifts. It's just not me.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

I wouldn't feel comfortable accepting gifts on a first date, even if I were a girl. If I decided it wasn't going to be then I'd feel very guilty keeping them, and a part of me would feel like they were trying to buy my affection. I would never buy a girl a gift on a first date, that said, I've never really had a 'first date', my relationships just sort of happen and then we go on dates later. They seem like a horribly awkward way to start a relationship.

 

[Foolery]

Gift on the first date? Nope. Sounds like this guy is trying way too hard. You should bring your personality and good hygiene. That's it. Also, split the bill.

 

[JayElleBee]

I wouldn't feel comfortable with being given gifts on dates. I wouldn't even feel comfortable about the guy paying for the date in it's entirety. I like to pay my own way, and if some asshat 'locked my purse in his car' in order to force me into a situation that would make me uncomfortable, he can go right to hell. It's not about equality or gender roles, it's about me as a person. I don't feel right taking someone else's money and if a guy is going to deliberately hurt my pride in order to protect his own, I want nothing to do with him.

 

[Mr.Pandah]

If it's something I know they want, and I purchase it, its because I want to give it to them. Not because I feel its an obligation. Just accept the gift. I don't mind a woman offering to pay either. I'm just going to insist to pay as well.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

So, men and a women, what are your views on giving gifts on a first date?
Men: Do you feel the need to impress the female by giving gifts? Do you find it annoying if the girl attempts to help pay the bill, or refuses what you're trying to give her?
Female: How do you feel about receiving gifts? Do you feel it's rude to refuse a gift? At one point is it taken too far?

Ah, that old thing.

My answer depends a lot on what date it is. Your example of a guy buying you a video game on a first date - yeah, that's too much. That would be awkward as hell. I would be uncomfortable accepting a gift that expensive on a first date.

On a first date, I'd accept some flowers, or maybe a cupcake. The guy can pay for the dinner and movie (although I generally prefer to split bills 50/50 on a first date) though, that doesn't bother me.

Gifts aside from food or flowers are usually pretty weird until after a relationship is established. If I've been out with someone a few times, then gifts can be exchanged. And I don't just mean guy to me - gifts go both ways. I've bought gifts and been given gifts.

 

[Little Woodsman]

So I just got done with a first date with a nice young man, although in the end we both decided that it was probably for the best to remain friends. That being said, I have a curious questions for both the males and females of the forum.

During the date, the man in question decided to purchase me a video game which of course I was happy about (Psychonauts finally). However, I always feel awkward when receiving gifts, even during Christmas. When I attempted to refuse, he said that it was annoying when a girl refuses a mans gifts during a date. As the date continued he kept trying to give me more items, but I was able to refuse all of them.

So, men and a women, what are your views on giving gifts on a first date?

Men: Do you feel the need to impress the female by giving gifts? Do you find it annoying if the girl attempts to help pay the bill, or refuses what you're trying to give her?

Female: How do you feel about receiving gifts? Do you feel it's rude to refuse a gift? At one point is it taken too far?

A video game seems like too much. I've given things on "first" dates that were small
and inexpensive--less than $5 monetary value. That being said, I've also never gone
out with a girl who I didn't know at least slightly...friends for a while, met at a
convention & hung out for a good little while, met at a bookstore and talked for an
amazingly long time etc.. so on the occasions where I brought gifts to our "first"
date I always knew something she liked.

 

[DugMachine]

Can't see myself ever getting a gift on the first date. Seems too much like you're trying to get something in return. And the few times I've offered gifts after a month of dating and they refuse I don't get offended. I dislike presents as well because I never feel right about accepting them.