First Date, Gifts From The Guy

[soren7550]

On our first date, I gave Mr. Boyfriend a box of brownies because it was 4/20 and because it was a nice thing to do. Likewise, he got lunch for me because it was a nice thing to do, and later we saw a movie because he wanted to do something. I didn't (and still don't) think much of it other than he was being nice. [small]Ok, that's not entirely true, I do think much of it because it was my first ever date and I wuv him a big huggy bunch, but you (hopefully) know what I mean.[/small]

He gave me an old monitor of his prior to us dating, but I don't know if that'd count (it's how we met, so there's that).

I don't know, but I figure that something like lunch and a movie is kind of a first date standard or something, right? [small]I are no know people workings.[/small]

 

[Mossberg Shotty]

I never give gifts on the first date, that's just creepy. Once a relationship is actually established, its different. I've been on both sides, and I don't really find accepting gifts from mates awkward, if it's small. Like a wristband, those are great reminders of past relationships.

But if I'm feeling like a bigshot on the first date, I'll just pay for her cinema ticket or something.

 

[LetalisK]

Of course I get a girl a gift on the first date. I'm the gift, duh.

On a serious note, about this paying for dates, wtf is this "men have to pay" vs "women can take care of their own" false dichotomy? Whoever asked should be paying. If a woman tried to even go 50/50 on a date I asked her out on I'd politely refuse because I am the one who invited her to whatever, this isn't a happy coincidence we're at the same place at the same time doing the same thing next to each other. It's my treat. I can't say my manner would be as polite if she asked me out and expected me to pay for it, though. How my wife dealt with such deadbeat pukes is beyond me.

Also, OP, glad to hear people still date. I heard it was a dying art in favor of "hanging out". That would drive me bonkers if I were single.

 

[Imper1um]

I find that gifts should be given by the general time spent thus far. First date? A single trimmed rose is a nice, romantic gesture. Its not difficult to hold, it has a fragrance that can be enjoyed in the morning for a smile, and its not too daunting; its not expensive or flashy. The important thing is to note that you shouldn't give a gift every time, since if you are consistently giving gifts, the one time you don't give a gift, its a disappointment.

Btw, if you are consistently giving gifts every date, and then one time you stop and she gets mad, you probably should find someone else...she is just using you for your gifts.

 

[Chris Tian]

Women psychology called. You not paying for things whilst getting to know her is a great way to ruin your chances.

No one cares if it's a fair or well-grounded tradition. It's there. You'll have to deal with it.
It's about you taking the reins and (almost) any woman will appreciate that and find that attractive.

Instead of making it another "gender issue" (and essentially doing the same thing feminists are doing), roll with it and use it to your advantage and as an opportunity to attract her.

By sticking to thoughts like "I won't do X because gender roles" you're only going to be shooting yourself in the foot.

Thats just nonesense, taking the reins does not mean you have to pay her for being with you, and thats always the undertone I get when I hear "Men have to pay for everything". I am doing fine dating wise so it seems your point "men have to pay if they want to have a chance at a women" doesn't really hold water.


OT: I hardly ever pay for anything on a first date, maybe small stuff like a drink or the like. For me that always gives off a "paying her for being eith you" vibe, a first date is about getting to know each other, and she wants to get to know me as much as I want to get to know her, so why should I have to pay for that.

On the other hand I never do cliche dates like movies or dinner, for me those activitys are really inappropriate for a first date.

 

[GonzoGamer]

Have you ever actually had a girl run away screaming? They should at least try and be polite.

Not a girl, no, but I have run into some pretty arachnophobic people. Not just 'eek, spiders are cross!', but legitimate phobias.

I'm not sure but I think arachnophobia is actually THE single most common phobia. But I wonder how many people translate "eek, that's gross" into "I have a phobia."

 

[Muspelheim]

Not on the first date, no. Would feel a bit awkward. I'd have no idea what the Gentledy would like, first of all.

As for the bill, I'd offer to pick it up, but with a tactful amount of room to offer another arrangement without it becoming an awkward discussion over the bill.

Oh, and LetalisK just saved my evening. Go you, Sir!

 

[Vale]

I am the kind of crazy that hates getting things from others for free because then I feel like a failure who can't even get shit they want for themselves.

... other than that, I have yet to impress another person in any meaningful way aside from abject horror and I have yet to pick up on society's expectations so I have no idea what I should think about giving gifts on a first date.

 

[Karlaxx]

I would cover food expenses, potentially, but I wouldn't go in with a gift I planned to give because regardless of whether or not the woman would perceive me as trying to buy their affection, I would feel that way myself and that's not what I want.

 

[search_rip]

as a male I can say that gifts are ok but NOT in the first date, however I do feel is a man's obligation to pay for the expenses of such first date (let's say movie and dinner) and not 50/50

 

[OtherSideofSky]

If someone wants me to give them gifts to 'impress' them, then they aren't worth dating. Honestly, a dating culture of expected, one-sided gift-giving is just less honest prostitution.

I will sometimes get gifts for longtime friends or someone I'm in a serious relationship with, even if there's no special occasion to motivate it, and sometimes others will do the same for me, but that's a celebration of a relationship we already have, not a bribe to get one started. I don't think that kind of immediate gift-giving is ever healthy, outside of certain cultural practices (bringing a gift when you first visit someone's home is expected in some places, etc).

 

[EeveeElectro]

He shouldn't have made you feel bad about refusing gifts. Pushing things on you when you're clearly uncomfortable is a dick move.
I wouldn't do it on a first date and I'd hate to be bought things from him too. I don't deal very well with receiving gifts anyway. If he wants to wait a few weeks into the relationship that's fine. I usually pay for myself and refuse them to pay for me unless I'm seriously on my arse, money wise.

 

[NightmareWarden]

I give my girlfriend gifts whenever the situation suits it, my girlfriend's life is shit so I give her as much love as I can. Though to be honest I'd love to start being the one getting gifts, she doesn't have a job but even home made macaroni art would make me happy.

That's *sniff* the saddest story I've ever heard. Here, have a hug *hugs tightly*.

I find that early on in a relationship that DOING something for your special someone is more satisfying (for both parties) than simply buying them something. Making them a meal, giving them a massage for a sore neck/shoulders, making a picture or animation through photoshop or flash, or something like that. I'd even be open to the idea of the two of us going to a salon for a manicure together if he/she was the type that would not get freaked out by a man doing that. (Note that I mean these for early in a relationship, but probably not first or second date stuff.

On to the thread starter's specific situation: It seems like the guy was working more towards making you happy as opposed to making a good impression. Since y'all decided to break it off, maybe he felt guilty for wasting your time. End things on a high note and all that. I don't think what he did was cool. On the other hand I have no idea specifically how you declined his gifts so maybe he was just very oblivious to your irritation.
In short: Bad on the guy's part, but the way you handled it MIGHT have contributed.

 

[Angie7F]

I was flattered when guys brought me a little bouquet of flower on the first date.
but anything more than a few bucks is too much pressure.
It is the thought that counts, not the price

 

[NoeL]

As a man, I don't give first date gifts beyond offering to pick up the tab (or maybe something small, like cliche flowers or chocolates). I don't spend much money on them because it gives the impression I'm trying to buy them, and I don't want her to feel like she's obliged to put out or anything. And if the guy tries shit like "You won't invite me in? But I bought you Psychonauts!" feel free to punch them in the dick.

 

[KungFuJazzHands]

No gifts at all until we're both sure a relationship can proceed without major problems. Same goes for paying for dates too -- if I happen to go on a date with a woman who's unwilling to throw in her bit and pay for half, then there's no second or third.

Chivalry is dead. Long live equality.

 

[Mr Mystery Guest]

Giving gifts on a date? Is this really a thing? I've never heard about it. Come to think of it you do see men give women flowers on the TV but they either end up left in the restaurant or in the bin. Fuck that flowers are too expensive. Actually only ever date a florist then she won't want you to remind her of work and she'll tell you not to buy any.

 

[FamoFunk]

I don't think buying a small gift if you already knew each other is odd. Lots of big/expensive gifts is weird though, that would make me feel a little uncomfortable.

I'd always offer to split the bill etc. but if a guy insists, I'd happily let him, but make sure I do contribute at other points.

 

[generals3]

Men: Do you feel the need to impress the female by giving gifts?

No, but at the same time i enjoy giving things to people i like. For instance I don't mind buying my friends a beer when going out or handing out cigarettes either.

Do you find it annoying if the girl attempts to help pay the bill, or refuses what you're trying to give her?

Yes. I think it's common courtesy to accept a gift. Unless it's totally over the top (like offering an extremely fancy piece of jewelry on a first date), in which case something is mostly likely fishy.

Bill wise it would bother me less. I would probably not even try to insist anyway.

 

[darlarosa]

I always feel weird about it, but I recognize that if a person wants to be nice let them because that's what I'd want. On the first date my now boyfriend and I discussed it before hand. He's the sort of guy who likes to pay for things and just randomly buys gifts for me. If we're at a restaurant he'll usually flip the bill, but only because he has a job and I don't. Even then I like to cover the tip, which he appreciates.

It's about...letting someone be nice, but still finding a balance.