Forget the Friend Zone, it's OK to be attracted to a friend

[Vault101]

Nah, it's more of an Alpha male thing. I'm pretty sure they intend it to be consensual, but following the uniquely disgusting brand of PUA logic, that women are naturally inferior and submissive and all they need is to be reminded of their place by an Alpha male and they will willingly submit to the power of the asshole douchebag.

it doesnt strike me as alfa male so much as some pathetic neckbeards revenge fantasy..I mean it is a rage comic

 

[MeChaNiZ3D]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but friend zone is more applicable when romantic feelings have already been expressed. And at that point it's more a case of what's done is done and you ain't going there again.

 

[CellShaded]

Uhh, it's okay to be attracted to your female friends as long as you realize that attraction does not have to be mutual. If you manage to fuck up your friendship because you so desperately want to stick it in and/or can't realize that she's just not that into you, you're obviously doing something wrong and failing to see women/girls as people, but rather as something to unload your sexual and/or romantic desires on.

Also, goddamn, this is something that's been pissing me off for a while. Alot of people tend to confuse kindness/friendliness with sexual interest, and that needs to stop more than anything else.

 

[Doclector]

Oy vey.

The term "Friend Zone" refers to the idea that someone isn't attracted to you because they can only see you as a friend. This term is used and experienced by guys and girls alike. It's a thing.

I honestly don't know why there's such vitriol towards the idea of the "friend-zone".

There are infinite reasons why somebody might not be attracted to you. Have you heard of the "ugly zone" or the "not my type zone" or the "asexual zone" or the "gay zone" or the "already dating someone zone" or the "no chemistry zone" or the "incompatible personalities zone", just to name a few?

The reason I have so much vitriol for the friend zone is because it shifts the responsibility to the person who doesn't feel the attraction. The phrasing is always "X friendzoned you/put you on the friend zone" and never "I put myself in the friend zone". Friendzoning is described as an undesirable thing that someone else does to you. You, the rejected person, are the innocent victim, and the other person is almost always described as having done something bad by not corresponding your feelings or attraction.

The only time the friendzone is described as the rejected person's responsibility is by disgusting misogynists who say that "she friendzoned you because you're too beta, you need to be more dominant, aggressive and Alpha, because [insert sexism here]."

Yes, women claim to be friendzoned too, and they are just as unwilling to face up to rejection as the guys who use the term.

Honestly, I'm sick of this being said.

Not that I don't see people saying "She's so evil, friendzoning me, it couldn't possibly be something wrong with me!", but this view seems to act like nobody who ever wanted something more, but ended up being friends, knows that they fucked something up.

See, I know I'm ugly, socially moronic, lacking any kind of charm, relatively poor, sexually inexperienced, and downright retarded. I know it is my fault, I'm the piece of shit here, not her, and I'm fed up of it being made out like I never admit that.

 

[Malty Milk Whistle]

There's so many different definitions of freindzone, and so many different uses and applications.
Where I come from, it's when you've been actually freinds with someone for a while, you develop feelings for 'em and get knocked back, because it'll get awkward otherwise.
The prats who go on about what a ***** se is for not liking him, or even worse, befriend a girl purely because they want to sleep with her are just assholes.

If you like a girl just bloody talk to her.
It usually works...

 

[Froggy Slayer]

I think that I see the problem here. Friendzone, as a slang term, means many different things to different people. Some people just use as a term meaning that the person wants to be friends, and nothing more. This is acceptable. Some douchebags, however, use it as this weird thing to shift the blame for their rejection onto others. That's about the end of it.

Also, the 'Nice Guy' idea is a lie, I'm a nice guy, and I've never had a girlfriend. Do you know what else I am? Very passive and quiet. Pro-tip; nothing is going to happen if you don't initiate contact.

 

[Froggy Slayer]

I like to think that our generation will be remembered for this "comic".

Spoiler: Trigger warning oh god rape trigger warning to the max. You're probably better not clicking on this box at all

I laughed. It's so fucking ludicrous, how the hell can you not? It's sort of like Sonichu; the work of someone so hilariously inept that laughter can be the only reasonable response.

 

[wooty]

I always put myself into the "friend zone" without beig placed there by someone else. Partially because I now have zero self confidence and partly because my sex drive is the size of a particle of space dust.

I personally find it easier to seek aquaintences and friends than to go looking for a partner, trying to bed a good friend or go seeking what is becoming a growing phrase, "fuck buddy". To hell with that, it just becomes too complicated.

 

[King Billi]

And here I was thinking all along that this whole issue was actually called "Unrequited Love".

I suppose people do need to update their terminology every now and then for the younger generations.

 

[The Funslinger]

The Friend Zone doesn't exist, and the only reason it has achieved such a wide recognition and acceptance is because it allows insecure guys to hide behind that to avoid facing rejection.

Oy vey.

The term "Friend Zone" refers to the idea that someone isn't attracted to you because they can only see you as a friend. This term is used and experienced by guys and girls alike. It's a thing.

I honestly don't know why there's such vitriol towards the idea of the "friend-zone".

I'd admit it's a thing, much as you'd describe.

Unfortunately, like many terms, it's abused. I'd go as far as to say the majority of people seriously using the term 'friendzone' to describe an encounter are probably abusing it. You get the people who rampantly complain about being 'friendzoned' due to one of 2 scenarios:

1) They haven't asked said girl out, and are upset when said girl isn't psychic and continues dating other people. 2) They confess their feelings of attraction, and get shot down, but because they relentlessly put themselves out there for the girl, they feel that entitles them to a romp in the sack.

Those people are annoying as hell, and remind me of that one Roger scene from American Dad where he's attracted to Steve's fat girlfriend and follows them on a date. While talking to himself, he says something along the lines of 'you're cheating on me right now, but you don't know we're together yet, so it's okay, I'll forgive you'.

Unfortunately, that creepifying scene is not on Youtube, but I wish it were. Hell, if someone with access to the DVDs could upload it for me, that'd be brilliant. I would post it in all the Friendzone threads.

 

[Monster_user]

Where I come from, it's when you've been actually freinds with someone for a while, you develop feelings for 'em and get knocked back, because it'll get awkward otherwise.

This.

Awkward, or even regretful and friendship ending. Romantic relationships are just a minefield of pain, misery, and hate. For this reason I have decided to forego any such relationship or intimacy altogether. Better to keep people at a distance, so that you can continue to enjoy their company. Good friends are hard enough to find as it is, without having to deal with lingering emotional issues after a messy break up.

If I have, by slightly stretching the definition, "friend-zoned" all women, is it hard to imagine that a woman would "friend-zone" her best friends?

If you value a person's company, and friendship enough to marry them, but are not 95% sure that the relationship will work, why would you risk loosing that friend completely?

 

[Dusty Fred]

It's been so long since we've had a friend-zone thread here I was hoping that fad has passed just to be briefly mention in other threads. I was wrong. I hate being wrong sometimes...

Sorry. I'd intended to use the matter more as a point of departure than go stomping over old ground, but clearly people still feel strongly about this so perhaps there's more to be learned and understood from further discussion.

I honestly wasn't sure if anyone else thought the way I did; whether anyone else had a little lay-by in their head in which to park feeling of attraction towards people who are valued as friends. All of a sudden it came to me that maybe that's a healthy thing after all and perhaps it might avoid getting lost in the messy and confusing back-roads of supposed friend-zoning.

Having been there myself, I'd say I personally find much merit in Darken12's analysis. Retrospectively analysing one's motives is a tricky task but I do recall sulky victimhood being present although in this case there was (and, happily, continues to be) a strand pf genuine friendship woven through it all.

At the same time, I do think that, at the time of life I assume most people here are at, interactions with the opposite sex can be confusing, uncertain and challenging. Such is the means by which we learn and become -hopefully- more socially aware people. But it can produce nebulous zones where locating exactly where you stand vis-a-vis your emotional relations with someone else. The frienzone might not possess objective validity as a genuine social phenomenon, but the fact that it has been thought of and perceived by some to be legitimate could be seen as illuminating in terms of how people deal with what can be a difficult life experience

 

[dmond]

*snip*

*snip*

Hehe.

I think you're a bit over-analyzing this, considering it's just modern slang for "person doesn't want to be more than friends". No need to wax poetic about these perceived psychological implications,

especially since all supposed implications are entirely circumstantial.

Actually, there is.

It's no longer a slang term, it's a very common mentality of overly sensitive and possessive boys (or sometimes slightly older boys), that they are entitled to a girl just because they're nice to her. Well, guess what, nobody owes you sh!t.

Just because it's a popular thing to talk about on the internet doesn't mean it's not an issue. Nobody wants an overly sensitive sulking jerk who believes he or she can manipulate everything that moves and pisses warmly into sleeping with them, and just because the said posters used walls of text to rationalize their opinion doesn't make them any less credible or interesting to read.

TLDR; Grow up already. This is life. Sometimes people won't like you. There's no need to put a name to it and blow it out of proportions.

 

[axlryder]

I keep saying this, but I'll say it again.

The friend zone should be referred to only when some form sexual/relational interest was once expressed by one party, but eventually that party's interest dissipates(usually right around the time the other party becomes an active pursuant).

I'm pretty sure this is what the term originally referred to, but then it evolved into its current form. Unfortunately, its current form is stupid (imo).

For instance, there was once a girl who was interested in me back in highschool. All my friends and her friends were like "dude, you better ask her out, she really likes you". Sadly, I wanted to take things slowly, so I ended up waiting like a month and then decided asking her out was something I wanted to do. Lo and behold, she was no longer interested. THAT is what I would call getting friend zoned. It's when you go from "potential relationship partner" to "friend" in someone's mind.

There was once a girl I met and liked, asked out and was rejected. That was NOT getting "friend zoned". That was just me getting turned down.

Difference.

I've also seen it when something already happened between two people, but then ended between them and one of those people has firmly relegated the other to "friend only", though I think that form of the term seems unnecessary.

 

[blackrave]

1.Friendzone is a thing- it is situation when person A knows that person B feels strong attraction towards him/her, but instead of same feelings feels pity, so person A decides to befriend person B, and person B agrees out of desperation. Often person A exploits person B, because A knows that B will oblige no matter what (at least that is how I consider this term)
2.It is a thing amongst both genders, sadly, when female is friendzoned it is treated by other females and males somewhere along the line of "don't worry, he is just blind/arrogant/male/stupid, one day he will see what he lost and he will regret how he treated you", while when it comes to friendzoned males it is treated by other peoples like... well, just read few comments in this thread
3.Trying to come out with logical solutions to friendzone is just nonsense, because friendzone comes out of desperation and similarly to most feelings and emotions this is highly illogical and often even irrational.
4.It is isn't about entitlement, oppression or any similar crap. There is nothing wrong in feeling strong romantic feelings towards another person. It is wrong to shame people for feeling this way.
5.This is mostly about inability to cope with rejection (understandable- it is always hard), and sometimes about abusing other people when you have upper hand over them.

 

[Loop Stricken]

Over to you. Thoughts? Criticisms? Plaudits?

Thank the Gods you were here to show me the light! Now I can get on with fancying all my sexy friends!
*Friends are 99% male*

[sub]fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck[/sub]

 

[Glasgow]

I had this happen to my, but the friend I had was in the friend zone with me. When he opened up to me I told him that if he wants to continue be friends with me this conversation never happened, and that I am not interested. I still see him from time to time but whenever I look into his eyes it's like he's angry at me.

 

[thehorror2]

I think a fair amount of this attitude towards relationships can be traced back to video games. I know, I know, video games never cause anything, hear me out.

Think about the way most video games we played growing up worked in regards to interpersonal romance. Think of every version of the Sims, every Bioware game since KotOR, literally any jRPG with a romantic element: romance is something you unlock by spending a lot of time with the girl/guy you like. Hell, in KotOR II Obsidian made it explicit and added a visible influence system that let you know exactly when the person you liked improved their opinion of you! (the fact that the influence system was in place for all companions notwithstanding) Relationships get portrayed as almost transactional: you do a bunch of stuff the girl likes, she invariably falls in love with you. Of course, this doesn't work in the real world. A girl who likes guys who do nice things isn't going to automatically fall in love with you just because she was in your party when you walked that old lady across the street. Even if you also stop to give money to a dozen beggars on the way to lunch.

I know not all friendzoned people are gamers, and not all gamers are friendzoned, but this "approach" to romance isn't the only disjunctive one in media. How about the way action movies present romance? Two people spend enough time in a stressful, intense environment, and by the end of the movie they're snogging in the corner while the smoke clears.

Lots of people (especially the worst kind, who use their being friendzoned as an excuse to fuel their rampant misogyny/misandry) were raised by culture, either pop or nerd, to believe on a subconscious level that if they did everything "right" a significant other would simply HAVE to consent and enter a relationship with them.

 

[lacktheknack]

Logically speaking, allowing that feeling to exist is hazardous to my wellbeing.

let's just say for a moment that I'm not completely retarded and socially bankrupt, and I hit on a girl at a club. It fails, as usual, as always, but if nobody who would mock me witnesses it, there is no ongoing effect if I do not let there be one.

If I become friends with a girl and become attracted to her, it's socially unnacceptable to pretend we never met if I asked her out and failed. It's simply not done, for partially good reason, from her point of view, that's just crappy manners.

But if I stick around, I have to endure it. I have to remind myself why it's hopeless to try. I have to remind myself that I'm a piece of shit who nobody would ever be attracted to in order for things to not fall apart.

Every. Single. Time. we meet.

Thus the only logical option is to completely destroy said feelings. Not allow them to develop. That is far easier than controlling them. Allowing them to develop has no likely positive outcomes, only negative ones.

Ever considered that it's your self-loathing that makes you unattractive to women? There's no social grace required when you say "Would you like to go out to dinner with me?" to a friend. If she says no, you can say "I was being friendly". If she says yes, then you already know how to interact with her at the restaurant, it's a lot easier to end up dating her.

OT: Two of my good friends were "just friends" for years, and now they're engaged. I don't know how anyone would think that friends are off-limits, when they actually allow feelings to grow between two people naturally.

 

[Adeptus Aspartem]

Friendzone doesn't exist.
Also people who "friendzoned" each other can still hook up later if they keep being just friends. Happens to me, to my friends and a bunch of people i know.
So unless i'm not living in a completly diffrent world i'd say it's just some internet-meme bullshit that got stuck into peoples heads.

Someone does not want to date you? Though cookie. You can't be friends because you'll be remembered what a loser you are (Poster #2 said that) - What the fuck is wrong with your selfesteem.
That person wants you as a friend because she/he values you as a person, but because she/he doesnt want to bump uglies you're a loser?
I think the mindset of people is the bigger problem than the issue between the people itself.

Also people overestimate the importance of humpin' anyway.