Friends Zone (AKA why aren't we doing this?)

[Watcheroftrends]

Landing in the friend zone is the result of not being a challenge to the girl, and not being forward with your intent. To put it simply, you're being the "nice guy".

What I am about to say can easily be contended, but I believe it is true more often than not.

Women are attracted to the alpha male personality. Ideal male mates are supposed to be confident, independent, and totally in control. In fact, these personal traits make you so "powerful" that you are supposed to be a high value target to women. You need to act as though you can get any girl you want at any time because you are king shit.

With this mindset, you must not see her as a person for whom you are supposed to please, but rather she is supposed to feel as though she needs you. This means literally cutting down contact and making it a point to show that you will pursue other women if she is not willing to take you seriously. Cutting to the chase, you must stop being her "friend" first, and assume that she will feel attracted to your traits enough to where she is willing stop being your "friend" because she wants you for more than that.

The hardest thing about all of this is that you're not going to want to do anything to upset her or to make her think that you don't want her. This is the biggest mistake you can make, though. Every other guy out there who doesn't care whether they get "her" or not is immediately seen as a higher value target because they are superior to her. You, on the other hand, appear needy.

To avoid entering the friend zone, withhold your "want to" from her until she has clearly demonstrated interest in you, as well as has demonstrated her personal value. Then it makes sense that you like her because she has now met your personal criteria.

 

[Mr.Numbers]

"I like you as a person but you're ugly HAHAHAHA"

FZ.

 

[Hafnium]

I'm not exactly a casanova, but I've learned that the worst thing you can do for your chances of getting the girl is being pathetic. Girls will always pick the manly jerk over the nice, but whiny weakling. So even if it sounds wrong that people should change, some things are good to work on to function better. Show the lady that the confident nice guy is superior to either of the others.

Alternative advice from my captcha: Go "the full monty"

 

[dorkette1990]

I don't get that mentality - I only dates friends. I'm also so thick, I don't understand when people are coming on to me. So I usually end up with friends who out of the blue ask me out (although it was obvious to everyone else).

I don't think I've ever given or been given the friend line.

 

[Lunar Shadow]

People seem to think their are only two types of guys: Cocksuckers and "nice guys". The Cocksuckers should be obvious as to what it is, the asshole that thinks he is the shit. The second is more complicate. Being a "nice guy" and actually being a nice guy are completely different. The "nice guy" is the one that waits on his interest hand and foot, never standing up to her or contradicting her. Then they get in a huff cause their putting her on a pedestal isn't working, and that she would be lucky to have a guy like you. Most of the stories of these guys tends to leave out rather glaring character flaws on the part of the guy, but I won't go into that. I know this cause I used to think like that, then I actually got a girlfriend. Being nice does not mean being submissive and subservient. Treat your love interest as a human being, not as a goddess. (Entering conjecture territory, feel free to correct me, as I only have the male perspective) Most women don't want a servant, they want an equal with whom they can share their life with and all that jazz. Woman don't really think THAT much differently than men. Learned that going to a school that was 75% female. People actually thought I was gay because I went through high school single despite the 75% female thing.

 

[Mallefunction]

Um sorry, but I am not always attracted to my friends? Most of them I see constantly as brother-figures.

Look, stop blaming women just because you never had the courage to ask the girl out in the first place. Just because some socially awkward idiots get friend-zoned doesn't mean that the blame lies with their crush. You can't fix other people, you can only fix yourself.

 

[Mallefunction]

People seem to think their are only two types of guys: Cocksuckers and "nice guys". The Cocksuckers should be obvious as to what it is, the asshole that thinks he is the shit. The second is more complicate. Being a "nice guy" and actually being a nice guy are completely different. The "nice guy" is the one that waits on his interest hand and foot, never standing up to her or contradicting her. Then they get in a huff cause their putting her on a pedestal isn't working, and that she would be lucky to have a guy like you. Most of the stories of these guys tends to leave out rather glaring character flaws on the part of the guy, but I won't go into that. I know this cause I used to think like that, then I actually got a girlfriend. Being nice does not mean being submissive and subservient. Treat your love interest as a human being, not as a goddess. (Entering conjecture territory, feel free to correct me, as I only have the male perspective) Most women don't want a servant, they want an equal with whom they can share their life with and all that jazz. Woman don't really think THAT much differently than men. Learned that going to a school that was 75% female. People actually thought I was gay because I went through high school single despite the 75% female thing.

Thank you. I hate it when I am told by men "BUT I'M A 'NICE GUY'! WHY WON'T YOU DAAAAATE MEEEEEEE?"

It's not nice, it's being submissive in the hope that you'll get the carrot you want rather than actually caring about the person and respecting them as a human being.

 

[Lunar Shadow]

People seem to think their are only two types of guys: Cocksuckers and "nice guys". The Cocksuckers should be obvious as to what it is, the asshole that thinks he is the shit. The second is more complicate. Being a "nice guy" and actually being a nice guy are completely different. The "nice guy" is the one that waits on his interest hand and foot, never standing up to her or contradicting her. Then they get in a huff cause their putting her on a pedestal isn't working, and that she would be lucky to have a guy like you. Most of the stories of these guys tends to leave out rather glaring character flaws on the part of the guy, but I won't go into that. I know this cause I used to think like that, then I actually got a girlfriend. Being nice does not mean being submissive and subservient. Treat your love interest as a human being, not as a goddess. (Entering conjecture territory, feel free to correct me, as I only have the male perspective) Most women don't want a servant, they want an equal with whom they can share their life with and all that jazz. Woman don't really think THAT much differently than men. Learned that going to a school that was 75% female. People actually thought I was gay because I went through high school single despite the 75% female thing.

Thank you. I hate it when I am told by men "BUT I'M A 'NICE GUY'! WHY WON'T YOU DAAAAATE MEEEEEEE?"

It's not nice, it's being submissive in the hope that you'll get the carrot you want rather than actually caring about the person and respecting them as a human being.

Wow, surprised by a quick quoting. But yeah, there is a reason I put "nice guy" in quotations. Was going to write about what a truly nice guy is but I am slightly bollocksed by lack of sleep and forgot. And I am babbling

 

[Joe Biden His Time]

Here

Spoiler

[http://tinypic.com?ref=33u4952]

Spoiler

[http://tinypic.com?ref=ohpxcm]

 

[dertyqwerty]

As a girl, I've approached the "friend zone" drama all sorts of ways. I've had it bring out awesome relationships and I've seen amazing friendships fall apart completely. I've been in the "friend zone" too, I know it sucks.

From my experience and personal opinion, I think the easiest way for any guy to screw it up is to be relentless. You like us, yeah, we got it. But gushing on the "Pick me! Pick me!" crap will only draw us away. Make your feelings known, but refrain from billboards and sky-writing.

I think time is the real factor here. Of course, not all boy/girl friendships will develop into feelings for either party. But from what I've seen, when two people know each other that intensely for a long amount of time (years+), they're bound to make it a relationship sometime. So boys, don't give up. There's like a million romantic movies about this stuff, and it usually ends in happy marriage and babies land.

But be warned. Make absolutely sure that you want the friendship taken to the next level. Because if it falls apart, it's near impossible to fix.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Its much, much worse when they decide to put you in the friend zone AFTER you dated them. My experience was dating for ~5 months, getting the cold shoulder for the last month, then at the end of her saying "I love you like a friend, so we're breaking up."
If you loved me like a friend, why didn't you say that from the beginning?

 

[Arehexes]

People seem to think their are only two types of guys: Cocksuckers and "nice guys". The Cocksuckers should be obvious as to what it is, the asshole that thinks he is the shit. The second is more complicate. Being a "nice guy" and actually being a nice guy are completely different. The "nice guy" is the one that waits on his interest hand and foot, never standing up to her or contradicting her. Then they get in a huff cause their putting her on a pedestal isn't working, and that she would be lucky to have a guy like you. Most of the stories of these guys tends to leave out rather glaring character flaws on the part of the guy, but I won't go into that. I know this cause I used to think like that, then I actually got a girlfriend. Being nice does not mean being submissive and subservient. Treat your love interest as a human being, not as a goddess. (Entering conjecture territory, feel free to correct me, as I only have the male perspective) Most women don't want a servant, they want an equal with whom they can share their life with and all that jazz. Woman don't really think THAT much differently than men. Learned that going to a school that was 75% female. People actually thought I was gay because I went through high school single despite the 75% female thing.

Thank you. I hate it when I am told by men "BUT I'M A 'NICE GUY'! WHY WON'T YOU DAAAAATE MEEEEEEE?"

It's not nice, it's being submissive in the hope that you'll get the carrot you want rather than actually caring about the person and respecting them as a human being.

Well to be fair what he described is someone who is self important and feels that he is not a dick so he should get the girl. Now I'm a nice guy, and I don't mind helping someone or doing something but I do put my foot down when I'm sick of something. My last girl friend claim I never talk to her even though she never picks up her phone, and she never responds to her IM's I send her and I told her multiple times I hate texting. Now I first tried to be rash with her, but I told her I'm sick of her crap and I am not in the mood to deal with her crap; I let her know that I called her and she had nothing but excuses for why she would never pick up and I'm done with it. And about the whole "the blame doesn't lie on the crush" it kinda does. You can have reason besides I don't want to date you rather then "it can ruin the friendship" because it wouldn't be fair to then turn around and whine about the guy you picked over him. I know dating has to be meet eye to eye with both parties, but it gets old when someone says "I don't wanna ruin the friendship". But then again since people don't know what they want (guys or girls) it's confusing on what someone should do.

 

[Hagi]

It's pretty simple.

There's two options.

1. You're wrong about the reason why you're being friend zoned. This is the most likely option. Even though your highly infatuated brain has conjured up the idea that you two are perfect for each other and that you're a great and nice guy who's exactly what she needs and deserves you're not. You're simply not that guy. She, being able to think logically without all the infatuation going on, is able to see that. You are not. If you trust her as a friend then listen to her and stop pestering her about romantic things. It's simply not going to happen, at least not the way you two currently are.

2. You're right about the reason why you're being friend zoned. This is the least likely option. This means your friend is an immature ***** not worth your time. Guys who think the only important aspects of a girl are her 'T&A' are shallow immature assholes. Girls who think the only important aspects of a guy are his 'bad boy' image are shallow immature bitches. Neither of them are worth your time. Even though you may very well be what she needs it still won't work. Relations in which one partner has the mental inclinations of a 16 year old don't work. She needs to grow up first. Again, it's simply not going to happen, at least not the way you two currently are.

In either case the result is exactly the same:
It's simply not going to happen, at least not the way you two currently are.

So when you get FZed. Just stop. Stop immediately. No exceptions. Stop. It's not going to happen. Deal with it.

 

[Mallefunction]

Well to be fair what he described is someone who is self important and feels that he is not a dick so he should get the girl. Now I'm a nice guy, and I don't mind helping someone or doing something but I do put my foot down when I'm sick of something. My last girl friend claim I never talk to her even though she never picks up her phone, and she never responds to her IM's I send her and I told her multiple times I hate texting. Now I first tried to be rash with her, but I told her I'm sick of her crap and I am not in the mood to deal with her crap; I let her know that I called her and she had nothing but excuses for why she would never pick up and I'm done with it. And about the whole "the blame doesn't lie on the crush" it kinda does. You can have reason besides I don't want to date you rather then "it can ruin the friendship" because it wouldn't be fair to then turn around and whine about the guy you picked over him. I know dating has to be meet eye to eye with both parties, but it gets old when someone says "I don't wanna ruin the friendship". But then again since people don't know what they want (guys or girls) it's confusing on what someone should do.

Um, no. It's not the crush's fault if they don't want to be in a relationship with that person.

I agree that girls who whine about their boyfriends to their guy friends are annoying as hell...but that's when the message should be clear: DON'T BE THIS WOMAN'S FRIEND.

If you really are having issues like that, then why are you friends in the first place?

 

[Thaluikhain]

People seem to think their are only two types of guys: Cocksuckers and "nice guys". The Cocksuckers should be obvious as to what it is, the asshole that thinks he is the shit. The second is more complicate. Being a "nice guy" and actually being a nice guy are completely different. The "nice guy" is the one that waits on his interest hand and foot, never standing up to her or contradicting her. Then they get in a huff cause their putting her on a pedestal isn't working, and that she would be lucky to have a guy like you. Most of the stories of these guys tends to leave out rather glaring character flaws on the part of the guy, but I won't go into that. I know this cause I used to think like that, then I actually got a girlfriend. Being nice does not mean being submissive and subservient. Treat your love interest as a human being, not as a goddess. (Entering conjecture territory, feel free to correct me, as I only have the male perspective) Most women don't want a servant, they want an equal with whom they can share their life with and all that jazz. Woman don't really think THAT much differently than men. Learned that going to a school that was 75% female. People actually thought I was gay because I went through high school single despite the 75% female thing.

Thank you. I hate it when I am told by men "BUT I'M A 'NICE GUY'! WHY WON'T YOU DAAAAATE MEEEEEEE?"

It's not nice, it's being submissive in the hope that you'll get the carrot you want rather than actually caring about the person and respecting them as a human being.

Argh, yes.

Only, it often tends to be "I'm a nice guy, why don't the stupid bitches worship me?!", and they won't be told they have entitlement issues.

 

[Angus565]

Um sorry, but I am not always attracted to my friends? Most of them I see constantly as brother-figures.

Look, stop blaming women just because you never had the courage to ask the girl out in the first place. Just because some socially awkward idiots get friend-zoned doesn't mean that the blame lies with their crush. You can't fix other people, you can only fix yourself.

Well said! A lot of people confuse having a crush with being in love. If you tell a friend you like them and they don't like you back, then you just stop hanging out with them because of that then in reality you are not "The Good guy" your actually kind of a douche.

 

[nomzy]

*Snip*
If it does work though, imagine waking up to a guy 10 years down the road who still wants to listen to you ramble on for 4 hours about the most inane stuff just because we love hearing your voice. You will be glad you gave him the chance.

Even if you don't want to give that person a chance because you are just not into him for whatever reason, fine stop using him. Stay friends, but your privileges of complaining about the losers you choose to date is over. Don't torture him with this crap.
*snip*

You see there's the problem. Only one of those can be true, pick one.

Anyway, if she doesn't want to be with you then you need to learn to deal with that, and if you can't be with her without being in love with her then you simply cannot be friends, it just doesn't work like that; save yourself a world of hurt and move on.
Also I haven't read the other posts yet so if I'm reiterating what someone else has said or misunderstood, my apologies it's late and I'm tired.

 

[Astoria]

Ok you've obviously been suck in the friend zone but the truth is sometime you just aren't attracted to someone no matter how much you wish you were. It's just one of those things that happens and when it does you need to move on. I doubt these people are using you (and yes guys do it too it's happened to me) and if you think they are then distance yourself from them until you are over them. I really am getting sick of these "I'm stuck in the friend zone whhhhhiiiiiiiiiiinnnge" threads. If someone isn't interested you take the time to deal with it and move on. Complaining about it doesn't help anyone. I'm not saying that it's easy because its not but I know from personal experience that you just need to move on.

 

[zehydra]

"99% of the time this is the guy who develops the feelings"

that's bullshit. I'd say 99% it's the guy who's complaining on the internet!!

(OP's statistic actually probably comes from the fact that Men have a greater tendency to ask girls out than be asked out, mainly due to self-enforcement of gender roles from both sides)

 

[FalloutJack]

Actually, that isn't what happened.