I'm gonna go with Jade from Beyond Good and Evil too. Also April from TLJ, which someone has also said. Cos I have no original ideas. Those are both great female characters whose femininity plays essentially no role in their greatness. Also Commander Shepard, if you play her as a female (and why wouldn't you? Jennifer Hale > Mark Meer). Not sure if that counts though since the gender's obviously going to have no importance if you're allowed to choose it yourself.
For the second question I think I'll go with some more Bioware characters; I'm a straight guy so I don't exactly know, but I expect if I was gay characters like Kaidan and Alistair (Mass Effect and Dragon Age respectively) would fit that description. They're both obviously in good physical condition since they're soldiers, but they also have sensitivity and in Alistair's case, a lot of humour. So I guess they'd generally fit that description.
For the second question I think I'll go with some more Bioware characters; I'm a straight guy so I don't exactly know, but I expect if I was gay characters like Kaidan and Alistair (Mass Effect and Dragon Age respectively) would fit that description. They're both obviously in good physical condition since they're soldiers, but they also have sensitivity and in Alistair's case, a lot of humour. So I guess they'd generally fit that description.