Girl is nice to me, therefore she likes me?

[Astoria]

It's just a sad fact of life unfortunately. Some guys think any girl who talks to them wants to date them and then says girls are bitches when they reject them. On the other hand there are some girls who thinks every guy who just looks at them wants to date them and nothing you say can change their mind. I haven't had a friend like this fortunately, the worst I've had is a guy not understanding that not only did I not want to date him I didn't even want to be his friend. Even after 2 years of not talking to him at all he still doesn't get it and called me up asking if I wanted to hang out the other week.

It sounds like your friend just needs a really good confidence boost though to help him out. Hopefully he finds a way to control himself so he doesn't scare away any potiential girlfriends. Most you can do is what you're already doing and just let him know when he's gone too far and give him advice.

 

[LilithSlave]

On the internet, I'm surrounded by a lot of guys who think that if you don't assume a girl likes you because she's friendly with you, you're a pathetic introverted autistic forever alone loser. Seriously, they word it like that. And how they need to hurry up and get aggressive with women or else. These people... seriously creep me out, big time. And the worst is how many guys appear to listen to them.

It's like they're a manufacturing plant for stalkers. Seriously, just a couple months ago they were having a dating advice thing. And this dude was being called loveshy and stuff. I didn't actually hear of the term until a few years ago, either. It's dumb and sexist and basically acts like effeminate men need psychological help.

This planet can be sad. Like really, it's so disturbing how some people talk about relationships and the friend zone and all that. Dating is NOT one big competition.

If a girl is nice to you, maybe she's just nice. Maybe she just wants a friend. If you think there might be more, ask her, and if it's no, don't be surprised. And move on. A lot of women are better at flirting than to just say say "hi" with a smile on their face.

 

[anthony87]

Some guys are so starved for female attention, that any attention that isn't negative is misconstrued as affection.

Tell me about it.
I keep catching myself reacting to common courtesy and pleasantness as if it's some sign of attraction.
Then I have to go all "Fuck, snap out of it Jonluw. She's just being nice, she isn't into you."

Ah but then there's the situation where she actually IS into you but you've gotten into the mindset of "She's just being nice, she isn't into you." so you either don't act on it or just become oblivious to the advances.

Goddammit it's an annoying mindset to have...

Captcha: strike a match

....I'm becoming more and more convinced that the captcha is developing some form of sentience.

 

[SonicKaos]

What him carefully, I'm not saying this is necessarily true in his case but this often leads to suicidal thoughts or at the very least the threat of them.

Yeah that happened while he was crying that night. He was saying he was worthless and he can't take it anymore and he should just kill himself. Then in the morning he doesn't really remember it much if at all, and he's his usual happy self. I don't believe he'd do it, but I think we're going to make him drink less at the least...

I'm going to suggest an alternative solution.

It sounds like you're part of a very wide social circle. You could try setting him up on a blind date. If you can get it to work out, chances are he'll get off everyone's backs and he'll be happy.

Sadly most of my friends are from school itself, so while I have a wide social circle, they are mostly in one place at the moment. Quite frankly, I just don't know anyone who would find him attractive and not annoying that I could set him up with. Sad truth, but I don't have any friends who are really into metal at all.

As for the rest, it is probably a bit of a self confidence issue, or low self esteem or something. He does great work in our class, and always helps everyone out so he gets a lot of thanks, but it's just not the kind of attention he's looking for I guess. He's not a cocky guy really, but he knows he's pretty good at what he does. He did used to be fat though, so now that he has gotten into better shape, he may feel like he deserves an attractive woman due to personal triumph or something. Not going to lie, the girls I know are very attractive, but I feel like he's reaching out of his league still.

If he does it again, I think I'll have to make a damn online dating profile for him if he won't. lol. It'd just be so much easier to find girls he might have things in common with. Aside from this, all I can really do is tell him when he goes too far, and try to offer him a bit of advice if I can. Being desperate isn't attractive... he's gotta play it coo.

 

[the_dancy_vagrant]

It sounds like your friend just needs a really good confidence boost though to help him out. Hopefully he finds a way to control himself so he doesn't scare away any potiential girlfriends. Most you can do is what you're already doing and just let him know when he's gone too far and give him advice.

I don't think a lack of confidence is what the guy's issue is. If he had no confidence, I think he'd be less likely to try over and over again rather than more likely. I won't rule out overcompensating, but that usually stems from being over-aware of an issue rather than oblivious to it. And if he's creeping out every female he meets and still pursues the same behavior, I'd chalk it up to obliviousness or denial.

My take is that the dude has difficulty with verbal/nonverbal communication cues. He also sounds like he's got a rather dim view of what a woman is - ie, in his mind, aside from their physical attributes there's nothing there to hold his attention. If he can get it through his head that there's (almost always) more than physical attraction in a long-term relationship, he'll be able to unwedge his head from the depths of his ass.

Just my take, though.

 

[tobi the good boy]

Reminds me of another thread that was posted recently

Some guys are so starved for female attention, that any attention that isn't negative is misconstrued as affection.

Some guys realise this, but instead of blaming themselves they end up self-diagnosing aspergers or other social disorders in order to avoid reality.

Not everyone, of course, but it's certainly a mindset that exists.

Seeeeriously? That's kind of depressing... and confusing.
I always try to be nice to people and luckily I've only had like one guy misconstrue my niceness.

=_=' Weren't you the one who went on in another thread along the lines of "Why should I be nice to you, I don't know you. Talking to me and being nice is a waste of my time." Albeit I remember the OP being quite misogynistic but this seems to contradict what you were saying earlier by quite a bit.

 

[SovietSecrets]

I'm nice to people, they are nice to me back. Would be nice to date one of those people, but I never really try and make it known. I don't misunderstand their niceness as being that they like me enough to date, just to remain friends.

 

[triggrhappy94]

I think the "She looked at me, we have to be together now" thing comes from a poor 'love life' and not the best social skills with the ladies. I was thinking about this not too long ago and my hypotheis was that the more limited the encounters were with the other gender, especially when it comes to more intimate encounter and what-not, bring the person to put more stock into each minimal encounter and put way to much hope into either 'just being nice' notions or seeing things that aren't really there.

 

[Sexy Devil]

Me being the awkward virgin nerd that I am, I tend to do this with most girls. Though I'm also self-aware enough to know that I'm doing this so it's not really an issue for me.

 

[General Twinkletoes]

He thinks that any girl who is nice to him is interested in him.

He sounds like a complete idiot.

I was polite to a girl who kept on hitting on me on the bus ride home. She did this to anyone who didn't immediately shun her. She was very unpopular, so people being rude was normal, and people being normal counted as loving in her eyes. Very, very weird.

 

[Phasmal]

Reminds me of another thread that was posted recently

Some guys are so starved for female attention, that any attention that isn't negative is misconstrued as affection.

Some guys realise this, but instead of blaming themselves they end up self-diagnosing aspergers or other social disorders in order to avoid reality.

Not everyone, of course, but it's certainly a mindset that exists.

Seeeeriously? That's kind of depressing... and confusing.
I always try to be nice to people and luckily I've only had like one guy misconstrue my niceness.

=_=' Weren't you the one who went on in another thread along the lines of "Why should I be nice to you, I don't know you. Talking to me and being nice is a waste of my time." Albeit I remember the OP being quite misogynistic but this seems to contradict what you were saying earlier by quite a bit.

Nope, it was about smiling at people in the street randomly (and since I come from a place which practically coined the phrase `what are you fucking looking at`, I generally tend not to do that). I stated several times in such thread that when I am interacting with people I am of course nice and polite but I don't go out of my way to smile at people on the street.

 

[Guffe]

What? They're not interested in me because they talk to me??!!
I'll go kill myself,,,...

On Topic:
A guy I knew had the tactic that if he wanted to fuck a chick, he just kept talking and actually saying he wants to, until they actually give up and go for it.
His longest stalk was something like 6 months (but she was a real hottie), it can be a bit scary when you know he's doing it but I can't say how the girls think about it.

 

[Mariakko]

I'll have to admit I'm like that guy. Except I'm terrified of rejection, so when I do work up the courage (say 9 months) to ask her out and I do get rejected I feel like utter crap.

How does someone even get to this point in the first place?

I think it would probably be deprivation of any "love" within a previous relationship, from the partner, or previously being in an abusive relationship, being abused by the partner. Maybe he has low self esteem and he is looking for someone to have a serious relationship with and not feel so lonely.

 

[Jonluw]

Some guys are so starved for female attention, that any attention that isn't negative is misconstrued as affection.

Tell me about it.
I keep catching myself reacting to common courtesy and pleasantness as if it's some sign of attraction.
Then I have to go all "Fuck, snap out of it Jonluw. She's just being nice, she isn't into you."

Ah but then there's the situation where she actually IS into you but you've gotten into the mindset of "She's just being nice, she isn't into you." so you either don't act on it or just become oblivious to the advances.

Goddammit it's an annoying mindset to have...

Ah yeah. That shit.
That does happen.

 

[JoesshittyOs]

For fucks sake can we stop with these threads? Yes, some people have poor social skills. Yes, some guys and girls read too much into things.

Im gonna be honest i am so sick of comments like this

you want a completely new thread go make one, dont add to this if you hate it so much

I'm actually gonna side with him here. I'm not saying this is a repeat thread, but it's little more than just telling a story and than asking people a rhetorical question.

Do you really think someone's gonna jump out and say "no wait, if they're nice to you than it obviously does mean that they want to ride your disco stick."?

 

[ReservoirAngel]

I have one friend in particular who is like this. His Facebook statuses would be enough to drive people to suicide with how fucking depressing they are. He just can't figure it out that girls can be nice to guys without wanting their dick inside them.

Me personally? I don't have to deal with this. One of the benefits of not going after girls. Of course I had to deal with "but I'm straight" which is a whole different form of irritating, but at least I understood and accepted that, I didn't whine about it as if them being friendly must mean they want to fuck me into my mattress.

EDIT: I also had a female friend for a long time who made the same kind of mistakes, thinking that because guys are nice to them they want to fuck her. Sure it's a lot more likely that way round, but it's still not a uniformly true thing. Hell for about 2 years she thought I wanted to sleep with her, despite my constant insistence that I was as gay as a San Francisco parade.

Basically, some people are just kind of oblivious that way.

 

[SextusMaximus]

I know exactly the guy you mean. Doesn't help he's got a date with someone a few days after. (someone who happens to be way out of his league)

 

[krazykidd]

That kind of sounds like the guy has some pretty low self-esteem, really.

I kind of used to be like that, until I realized that it's a kind of dependency that I did not want to have. I was too fixed on how other people perceive me, as opposed to focusing on how you want to present yourself.

It'll pass, or it won't.

I have this same problem , how did you fix it?

OT : well , you could always set him up on a blind date . You know sometimes going into something completly blind helps , especially if it's with a clean slate . Since you said he is nice and everything a blond date would actually benefit him . I personally met everyonei dated on the internet . For some reason , i'm better at it that way.

 

[Tipsy Giant]

?

Well... speaking as someone that was quite a creep/loser in my younger days.... I think it's just a way his brain might be wired. He might need to get seriously smacked the fucked around a bit before he gets his self-control in check, because he's going to need to be stronger then most people.

And really, if he can't control himself while boozed up he shouldn't be drinking. Manage your fucking high, tell him

Spoiler: Read your response and couldn't help but think of this song

 

[LiftYourSkinnyFists]

A few days ago I was at an Easter party with a bunch of friends. We organized an Easter hunt that involved hunting for alcohol (shots) instead of chocolate, played a few drinking games, and had a great time hanging out. It was a smaller party (15 people max), but everyone knew each other well since most were classmates (in college), and we've all partied plenty of times before. However, we still have a problem with "that guy" who often ends up annoying people in some way by the end of the night.

This night was particularly bad though.

Basically, this guy got quite drunk and told one of the girls at the party that he loved her... again. It's happened before, and I'm sure it'll happen again, but he just doesn't seem to get the message that this girl is not interested in him. He ended up crying for an hour or so because of how lonely he is, which completely killed the party.

Now, I was in charge of driving him home because he lives on my way home, so I decided this time that I would call him out on it, and tell him he needed to stop. We had a conversation for a while, and I eased him into opening up by telling him stories of my past failures with woman and whatnot. Everything went fine, and he knows he needs to stop doing it. Even thanked me for my forwardness. However, after talking to him for an hour or two about this, I figured out his main problem when it comes to woman:

He thinks that any girl who is nice to him is interested in him.

Combine this with the fact that he doesn't appear to be scared of rejection, and you get a guy that is a creeping machine. The girls he tries to hit on don't want to deal with him anymore, and I discovered he still has plans to ask other girls out who are clearly NOT interested him. It's not going to end well again.

On one hand I admire his courage and never give up spirit, but on the other hand, he needs to get a grip on reality and stop thinking everyone who does something nice for him is interested in dating him. He's got good intentions, and he's a very nice and helpful guy... but his execution is absolutely horrible.

We don't want to exclude him from parties, but we might have to if he doesn't stop this. If he doesn't, I'm going to try to make it as painfully obvious to him as I possibly can.

"Just because a girl is nice to you, doesn't mean she wants your dick in her mouth."

How does someone even get to this point in the first place? Anyone else have a friend who thinks every girl like him?

I'm this guy, I just can't help myself.