Girlfriend Zone!

[Combustion Kevin]

Ah, a friendzone thread.

..I'm sorry, I just feel no sympathy, nor do I care. You got friendzoned? Too bad. Go find someone else.
It's just. That. Simple. Don't try to force someone into liking you that clearly doesn't.

I'm friendzoning four different girls right now. They seem to manage it just fine. Why can't you?

who is this directed at?
I mean, specifically, who is this directed at? if you're not going to add to the conversation, why bother posting these comments that are, quite frankly, quite rude and judgemental?

 

[Realitycrash]

Ah, a friendzone thread.

..I'm sorry, I just feel no sympathy, nor do I care. You got friendzoned? Too bad. Go find someone else.
It's just. That. Simple. Don't try to force someone into liking you that clearly doesn't.

I'm friendzoning four different girls right now. They seem to manage it just fine. Why can't you?

who is this directed at?
I mean, specifically, who is this directed at? if you're not going to add to the conversation, why bother posting these comments that are, quite frankly, quite rude and judgemental?

They are directed, in general, to every person who complain about being friendzoned.

You are right, it's quite rude and judgemental. I apologize. I just have a load of steam built up when it comes to hearing people complain and complain and complain (and complain) why oh god why they aren't entitled to a special someone just because they like them.
I judge these people because they need to grow up. I've gotten friendzoned myself (by the love of my life, or at least the sole love of my past seven years), but I keep that to myself and just accept that she doesn't love me back.

And the topic? 'Why do people girlfriend-zone me'? Yeah, it's poor satire.

But I'll edit my original post. I am, afterall, a proponent of internet-understanding.

 

[TrulyBritish]

It's called wanting to get into their heart.

-An expert.
OT: Huh, it's nice to see a post from the other point of view which isn't just "you're whiny entitled brats". Although, I've always been rather confused as to why this is a big issue to other people. I mean logically you ask someone out, they say "I'd prefer to be friends", mope for a bit, go back to having a good time as friends, and yet somehow it's this big thing that apparently people are falling out over.
Hmm...BONUS THINKING ROUND: I guess if we go with the idea that people can't choose who they're attracted to (and thus somewhat absolving the friendzonee of guilt) we then have to admit that the friendzoner doesn't have to go out with them unless they are attracted to the friendzonee which is presumably also not a choice. So I guess neither side is guilty...?
Alternatively, we consider that these people are somewhat choosing who they are attracted to, where we then say the friendzoner has the right to choose...?
I think I've lost myself... at any rate someone's probably said all the versions, at least at some point in these threads.
Captcha: "sweety pie"- Yeah, don't think you can get closer to me captcha. We're just friends.

 

[generals3]

The satyr was pretty good until: "This has happened to me time after time: I hit it off with a guy, and, for all that I've been burned in the past, I start to think that this one might actually care about me as a person. And then he asks me on a date."

What's this idea that wanting a relationship somehow means you're being seen as an object?! So when i see couples i should see two people who see each other as sex objects. Because obviously if you want more than friendship that's the rational explanation...

And I don't understand the hatred towards the whole "friendzone" concept either. The reason why "friendzone" is a thing is because it describes a particularly painful rejection. Being rejected by a random person who you barely know and barely knows you is much easier to cope with than someone who knows you a lot. The random stranger probably judged you based on superficial characteristics and as such it is much easier to rationalize the rejection. On the other hand if it's a good friend it's quite clear (s)he sees you, as a person, as unfit to be a bf/gf. Which is obviously a bigger blow. And the friendzone merely describes this specifically harsh type of rejection.

 

[Daveman]

We can solve this easily.

Girls. Do not hug your male friends. You hug your friends, we do not. We're already unnerved enough by the fact that we are sexually attracted to virtually everyone and what does NOT help is you rubbing your breasts against our chests.

In fact, just steer clear of all physical contact. Also never go in his bedroom, or if you must, do not sit on his bed. Also never compliment him, we also do not do this with our friends, only people we fancy.

I mean this should be bloody obvious.

 

[Realitycrash]

We can solve this easily.

Girls. Do not hug your male friends. You hug your friends, we do not.

We don't?

Though I assume your entire post is meant to be sarcastic, but still..We don't?

 

[Combustion Kevin]

You are right, it's quite rude and judgemental. I apologize. I just have a load of steam built up when it comes to hearing people complain and complain and complain (and complain) why oh god why they aren't entitled to a special someone just because they like them.

While there is certainly some sense of entitlement, from where I'm sitting, the whole "friendzone cry" seems to be more about confusion than entitlement.

I mean, consider this, you're taught to be a gentleman, you've been told girls are all about the inside of a person, not about looks (that's what guys supposedly do), but no matter how nice and understanding or funny or supportive you are, they won't have you, so what did you do wrong?

The answer, of course, is that noone did anything wrong, something doesn't have to go wrong for a relationship to fall flat, and for some people, and mostly teenagers, that is a hard concept to grasp, their only experiences are expectations pushed onto them by their social environment.

there is no use in getting angry at them, especially if you're not even involved, calm debate usually offers some perspective on both sides, and that's the best remedy, what are your thoughts?

also, if they won't listen and start acting like little assrats, you can smack 'em to your heart's delight.

EDIT:

We can solve this easily.

Girls. Do not hug your male friends. You hug your friends, we do not.

We don't?

Though I assume your entire post is meant to be sarcastic, but still..We don't?

we share confusion on this matter, what's wrong with hugging your friends?
it's not like we stand close enough to touch d*cks anyway.

 

[Fodder Aplenty]

It's odd how it always seems to be perceived as sulking when a guy doesn't get a date, and rarely is it considered that maybe the guy just feels embarrassed and awkward about being shot down. Admitting your feelings towards someone puts you in a vulnerable state, and if those feelings aren't reciprocated you may well end up feeling like an absolute tit.

This is exactly how i feel. I don't mean i feel embarrassed and awkward, just that that is what is most likely happening when someone who has just been rejected is feeling. Hypothetically speaking, however, if there was a girl i liked, and i somehow mustered up the courage to talk to her about it, only to be rejected. i can't imagine myself feeling anything BUT embarrassed and awkward. So much so that i wouldn't dare show my face to her or anyone she knows out of fear of them bringing it up.

Despite what i think of the Escapist, the people here are usually pretty empathetic of others, but it seems whenever it comes to the friend zone, there is always this... hostility isn't the right word. yeah, i'm not really good at this whole communicating thing so i don't know how well i managed to get what i wanted to say across.

 

[Realitycrash]

You are right, it's quite rude and judgemental. I apologize. I just have a load of steam built up when it comes to hearing people complain and complain and complain (and complain) why oh god why they aren't entitled to a special someone just because they like them.

While there is certainly some sense of entitlement, from where I'm sitting, the whole "friendzone cry" seems to be more about confusion than entitlement.

I mean, consider this, you're taught to be a gentleman, you've been told girls are all about the inside of a person, not about looks (that's what guys supposedly do), but no matter how nice and understanding or funny or supportive you are, they won't have you, so what did you do wrong?

I was more or less 'taught' this as well. I learned as early as the third grade that it is bullshit. Girls do care about looks, and would gladly abuse my kind and trusting nature if it means getting something I had (back then, it was candy, heh), all while pretending to care about me.
But you know, the whole 'girls are all about the inside' is horribly sexist. Girls aren't allowed to have a sexual nature? Or care about appearance? Laughable. We really, really need to stop teaching/implying children this.

 

[Vladimir Stamenov]

Some people in this topic say they can't be friends? 3 of my closest friends are girls and I've never felt sexual and romantic attraction to them (well I had a tiny crush on one, but it passed REALLy quickly). I think those are the key elements to a friendship - not feeling attracted to them and common interest. Which is why it's hard for a lot of girls to have guy friends - they just can't help themselves.

 

[Eddie the head]

Girls. Do not hug your male friends. You hug your friends, we do not.

HA! You don't know me vary well. I hug everyone. Even my current boss, he wasn't my boss at the time though. And my old supervisor. And my old boss.

Edit. Hell my nickname in high school was "hugsie."

 

[Daveman]

We can solve this easily.

Girls. Do not hug your male friends. You hug your friends, we do not.

We don't?

Though I assume your entire post is meant to be sarcastic, but still..We don't?

Yeah overall it's a joke, but yeah, I don't hug my friends unless I haven't seen them in over a year or something. I mean just going off of my experiences, girls I know hug on a daily basis and they use it like waving. Guys don't do that.

 

[Realitycrash]

We can solve this easily.

Girls. Do not hug your male friends. You hug your friends, we do not.

We don't?

Though I assume your entire post is meant to be sarcastic, but still..We don't?

Yeah overall it's a joke, but yeah, I don't hug my friends unless I haven't seen them in over a year or something. I mean just going off of my experiences, girls I know hug on a daily basis and they use it like waving. Guys don't do that.

I think guys hugging should be more wide-spread. Might combat the whole macho-homophobia-thing a lot of males got going.

 

[SonicWaffle]

Girls. Do not hug your male friends. You hug your friends, we do not.

Some male friends are huggers. Some female friends are huggers. It's creepy and awkward and they don't seem to be aware that other people don't enjoy having to hug them all the time. Calm the fuck down, guys, and stop getting up in my face and then acting offended that I don't really want to cuddle you in public.

/rant

This is exactly how i feel. I don't mean i feel embarrassed and awkward, just that that is what is most likely happening when someone who has just been rejected is feeling. Hypothetically speaking, however, if there was a girl i liked, and i somehow mustered up the courage to talk to her about it, only to be rejected. i can't imagine myself feeling anything BUT embarrassed and awkward. So much so that i wouldn't dare show my face to her or anyone she knows out of fear of them bringing it up.

Bingo.

There's always that part of your brain which will point out that, even if you aren't talking about it, that friend looks at you in a different way now. Maybe the friend in question doesn't even think of you differently, but that isn't how paranoia works, and it's always going to be awkward for the rejected party to be confronted with that rejection.

 

[BanicRhys]

it's not like we stand close enough to touch d*cks anyway.

We don't?

[small](tohohohohoho I'm so original, I should write YouTube comments or something)[/small]

And because the mods will think I'm just trying to boost my post count for some reason I cannot fathom, I must form another opinion on this thread and then articulate said opinion with words.

I've never been friend zoned as badly as some people claim to have been (all the people who've rejected me have just been people from school that I've been somewhat familiar with), so I'm not sure I'm qualified to discuss this topic with any authority.

I will say this, Squall had the right idea. If you never let anyone get close, you'll never get hurt.

 

[Combustion Kevin]

I was more or less 'taught' this as well. I learned as early as the third grade that it is bullshit. Girls do care about looks, and would gladly abuse my kind and trusting nature if it means getting something I had (back then, it was candy, heh), all while pretending to care about me.
But you know, the whole 'girls are all about the inside' is horribly sexist. Girls aren't allowed to have a sexual nature? Or care about appearance? Laughable. We really, really need to stop teaching/implying children this.

I always thought certain characteristics were sexualy appealing as opposed to looks, huh...
then again, I have a weakness for tomboyish behaviour, in which case I quickly stop caring about looks, proves how similar both sexes are, I suppose.

gender politics is pretty screwed up nowadays, anyway, the idealised gender couple is the "capable man" and "beautiful woman", both of which raise unreasonable expectations or are out of touch with reality.

The fact is that it doesn't matter how capable of a man you are, if you look like quasimodo, you really have the odds against you.
If a woman has the "beautiful" covered, she's still not gonna make it in a modern day society, she'll need to be capable to stay afloat or be reliant on her partner, and set back women's rights about sixty years.

People argue that men and women are inherently different, I'd agree on a hormonal level, but it is our social environment that puts pressures and expectations on us, teaches us what to like and be like.
having a more gender-neutral way of raising our kids would solve a lot of this heartache (not all of it, let's be honest), so if you ever have kids: don't buy them a football, the sport sucks anyway, and don't buy Barbies or BabyBorn's either, get them lego's instead.

 

[Blood Brain Barrier]

Managed to solve this supposed issue by surrounding myself at uni with unobtainable/undesirable girls. They are great friends and great company.

This is a construction based on predefined and expected roles of masculinity in western culture. But thanks for assuming we're all dicks.

It's certainly more than a cultural construction. The male anatomy and his way of thinking is what it is because of the corresponding female anatomy and HER way of thinking. We are built to desire, to look upon a girl as a potential mate as much as a computer's hardware is set up to run software.

 

[Lilani]

At first that seemed like a satire, but actually, no, that looks like it's just the friendzone from the other person's PoV. As such it's depressing rather than funny.

I kind of felt the same way. Like, I can understand why it would be hard to hang out with someone after they turn you down, and I do think that friendships bring about the strongest and most lasting relationships.

...But at the same time, there can be an element of manipulation involved if the person makes "friends" for the exclusive purpose of getting in a relationship, and then just running away after rejection because they didn't expect or desire any other outcome. Which, unfortunately, is exactly the track for a lot of friend zone situations.

Well I don't make friends with girls because I think it's pointless. Alright if I just want to hang out and have a good time, I will do it with other guys. Let me be blunt about this. Think girls can be fun to hang out with as well. Find the idea of a girl just wanting to be just a friend kind of harsh. Likes everything about me. All we do all day is joke around and have a good time. Know that there is a part of every guy that knows that she thinks you are not attractive enough to date. Never tell you that. If that is not case, heres another. If you are just a back up guy she has around in case all the other guys don't work out. Got to say that it makes me sound like a insecure asshole. A girl would just say, "hey I am not attracted to you, do you want to be friends?" Know it's harsh, the truth hurts.

This makes no sense to me at all. So when you happen to be around girls, do you make a conscious effort to not be friendly to demonstrate you don't want to be around them any more than necessary? I'm friends with a lot of guys, and it didn't happen because I was doing anything unusual. I was just in a situation that they were--like class or anime club or whatever--we were friendly with each other as we normally are, and we became friends. No conscious effort on anybody's part. What would take conscious effort is making a point to avoid these guys. And when we hang out, it's not "Oh dear, there are guys here, now I can't have fun the way I want." It's "Oh, Julia brought along Nick and Ethan. Cool."

You're also making the biggest mistake "friendzoners" make in that you somehow think that because a female enjoys being around you but doesn't want to date, that's cruel because she thinks you're not "hot" enough and that you aren't enough to date her. To be frank, that's just silly, and completely false. Friends just happen. Sure a single female might "size up" a guy to see how much she likes him at any point in the relationship, but being friends isn't some bin you've been relegated to because you're not good enough. It's just what happens when two people get along. It's no different from having guy friends in that respect. You don't decide who your guy friends are by deciding they aren't good enough to share a blood pact with, do you? No? Well, women feel the same. I was friends with my first boyfriend and current boyfriend for MONTHS before I decided I liked either of them. And in both instances, I realized I liked them before they realized they liked me.

I'm not sure what could have happened to you for you to have developed this warped sense of reality when it comes to how women work, but it simply isn't true. The barrier you've built around yourself isn't real. You can continue to think it is if that makes you feel more secure, but all you're doing is losing out on a bunch of great friends and possible relationships because you've decided the asylum you've built in your head feels better than actually treating girls like human beings.

 

[Daveman]

We can solve this easily.

Girls. Do not hug your male friends. You hug your friends, we do not.

We don't?

Though I assume your entire post is meant to be sarcastic, but still..We don't?

Yeah overall it's a joke, but yeah, I don't hug my friends unless I haven't seen them in over a year or something. I mean just going off of my experiences, girls I know hug on a daily basis and they use it like waving. Guys don't do that.

I think guys hugging should be more wide-spread. Might combat the whole macho-homophobia-thing a lot of males got going.

Personally I think I'd be less homophobic if gay men just had better taste. I mean how can I possibly respect anybody who thinks Mamma Mia was a good film?

 

[Blood Brain Barrier]

The "friendzone" is simply a more recent and specific descriptor for the age-old problem of not getting what you want, and it happens to everyone. Why won't he date me? I'm in the fuckbuddyzone. Why won't he marry me? I'm in the girlfriendzone. Why can't I get a promotion? I'm in the middlemanagementzone. Why won't she date me? I'm in the friendzone.

That might be the reason for the comment being made, but don't mistake that for what it means. Consider this comment: "I don't really like Helga, she's in my friendzone as far as I'm concerned". It exists as an attitude towards someone, an unwillingness to consider them for a relationship. I have personally experienced this and I am sure you have too.