Girlfriend Zone!

[IceForce]

I don't understand people who say the friendzone doesn't exist.
It's quite possible for someone to reject someone else as a relationship partner, but still accept them as a friend.

Since this phenomenon DOES exist, then by extension, the friendzone exists too.

and lastly, please don't post things like "Oh, this thread again?!"

But it actually is 'this thread again'.

We had this thread only a month ago...

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.405932-Female-Friendzone

 

[Daniel Ferguson]

I like satire. Not sure about this one though.

 

[88chaz88]

Well it's always fun to talk to people that get mad at others for not thinking the way they do. As always, take care random person who think I am not charming and also a troll because of a different point of view.

Now who's not reading posts...

Though I guess it is a bit much having to open them. No wonder I don't post here much.

 

[Combustion Kevin]

and lastly, please don't post things like "Oh, this thread again?!"

But it actually is 'this thread again'.

We had this thread only a month ago...

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.405932-Female-Friendzone

one month already?

no wonder nobody replies there anymore.

 

[knight steel]

I hate it when girls just shove me in the boyfriend zone-I mean here's a nice girl that I just want to be friends with and she's like "I want your cock Inside me" and I'm like "I'm flattered but can't we just be friends?" and then she calls me a Homo and spreads rumors about me
Why is it that all girls think about is sex-sex-sex can't we just you know watch Seinfeld and cuddle is that so hard,but no they just see me as a giant walking dildo-sometimes I wish that I wasn't so good looking-and great in bed it's just causes me problems T_T

 

[Autotelic]

I don't understand people who say the friendzone doesn't exist.
It's quite possible for someone to reject someone else as a relationship partner, but still accept them as a friend.

Since this phenomenon DOES exist, then by extension, the friendzone exists too.

I think that people don't object quite so much to the 'technical' definition of 'the friendzone', but rather to the connotations attached to it. We do all agree that sometimes, one person will reject their admirer because they only want to be friends.

The thing is, the term carries a lot of additional meaning. There's a tone of entitlement attached to it - "I'm such a nice guy, but girls still won't put out; girls only like jerks; I'm totally friendzoned." It would be humorously ironic if it weren't such a dangerous sentiment due to the somewhat misogynistic assumptions attached to it. I know a fair number of guys who hear other guys complaining about being friendzoned, and it has warped their perceptions of how to interact with women. It's completely unfair to expect someone to enter a relationship with you just because you're being nice to them, and yet not only has this expectation come to exist, the people holding that expectation actually seem to feel victimised by their rejection.

It's not the term itself that people object to - it's this warped view of relationships that people are seeking to debunk.

 

[Weatherking]

I find it odd how people are acting as though attraction is a choice. Just like some people cannot help that they don't find somebody attractive as a partner, people cannot help who they develop sexual or romantic feelings for.

If you are sexually and romantically attracted to somebody you can't just flick an "off" switch to magic away those feelings. So you have the choice of spending time with them, constantly battling with those feelings, or you can distance yourself from them as a means to stop torturing yourself, and making things uncomfortable between the two of you.

It's not so much that they don't want to be friends any more, it's that it is incredibly difficult to remain so when your feelings for one another are not compatible. Personally in my experience I normally see the person who wants to be just friends drift away more often than not, as its difficult to be friends knowing the person views them differently.

This isn't a male or female thing either, it's relevant to both sexes.

In my limited experience, you nailed it.

 

[Froggy Slayer]

Can't you "respect someone as a person" and want to get in their pants at the same time?

It's called wanting to get into their heart. I think anyway, I'm not an expert on the subject so don't quote me on it.

 

[Froggy Slayer]

OT: I think that there's much more fluidity to the 'friend zone' than a lot of people think. Someone can be considered a friend but move in to relationshiptown quite easily, but upon break-up can still go back to a nice comfy house in the friend zone rather than acting like a child and jumping off the Cliff of Resentment.

 

[BanicRhys]

I was going to sarcastically post a clip of that "Mmmm, that's good satire" quote from the Simpsons, but then I remembered that Fox are assholes.

You can't just pull the ole' role reversal and call it satire, it's just moronic and lazy and I wish the Internet would stop doing it. Especially when the result is too ridiculous to be believed.

And yeah, the friend zone is totes bad, okay.

I've been friends with a few girls.
Grown attracted to them.
Asked them out.
Been rejected.
Got over it because it was a long shot anyway, given how fucking fugly I am.
Stayed friends with the ones that didn't start avoiding me like the slack jawed daffodils that they are.
Probably going to repeat the process tomorrow.
Big whup, who cares.

The point is, fuck Fox. Everything else is irrelevant.

 

[zefichan]

Very good Satire, although it obviously struck a nerve with some guys, who realize that it described them all too well

 

[SonicWaffle]

Satire or not, it's still true for a part of the time at least. There are plenty of guys out there that will see every female friend they get as a potential mate. This girl likes me and we get along really well? She must be the one! What? She really just likes me and gets along with me well and doesn't want to go further than that? I feel so betrayed by her now even though it's my fault for only seeing her as a potential girlfriend just because we got along so well!

How can that situation possibly be construed as anyone's fault?

People don't choose who they are attracted to. If you meet a person and get on really, really well, and you happen to also feel sexual attraction to that person then the obvious conclusion is that there is potential for a relationship. How else is that supposed to work? Should men only ask a woman out if they don't care much for her personality but think she has great tits?

It's pretty annoying to see, whenever this topic comes up, people making the "why can't you just be friends?" argument because why should you settle for just friends if there's clear potential for something more. If she wants to stay as friends, that's fine, but there's nothing wrong with making a move because you've found a person you're sexually attracted to and with whom you get on very well. It's a much better basis for a relationship than getting drunk and taking some random home. Consequently, it's natural to feel disappointed when it doesn't pan out. That's not a person's "fault" for seeing a potential girlfriend as a potential girlfriend.

 

[ExileNZ]

The satire was kind of too blatant for my taste, but it was still pretty funny. It really does sound a lot like the thousands of Friendzone threads we've seen here... just with a few choice nouns swapped out.

Basically this.

I appreciate the satire of mirroring all the friendzone posts, but at the same time it kinda comes off as smug and mocking. She could make the same point without being a dick about it.

 

[SonicWaffle]

Hm. One thing that strikes me in regard to this... issue. Can't you "respect someone as a person" and want to get in their pants at the same time? Because I'm pretty sure you can. But it seems to be frequently inferred that that is not the case.

Yeah, that was the bit that bothered me too. Specifically;

This has happened to me time after time: I hit it off with a guy, and, for all that I?ve been burned in the past, I start to think that this one might actually care about me as a person. And then he asks me on a date.

Where's the logic there? "I started to think he might actually care about me a person, and then he asked me on a date, so obviously he does not"

Doesn't make a whole mess of sense to me. If he didn't care about you, why would he be asking to spend more time with you? If the guy were after nothing but sex, there are probably easier ways than spending all that time befriending a woman he doesn't actually give a damn about.

EDIT: Captcha - "love is automatic". Creepy, Captcha. Creepy.

 

[Dogstile]

Well I don't make friends with girls because I think it's pointless. Alright if I just want to hang out and have a good time, I will do it with other guys. Let me be blunt about this. Think girls can be fun to hang out with as well. Find the idea of a girl just wanting to be just a friend kind of harsh. Likes everything about me. All we do all day is joke around and have a good time. Know that there is a part of every guy that knows that she thinks you are not attractive enough to date. Never tell you that. If that is not case, heres another. If you are just a back up guy she has around in case all the other guys don't work out. Got to say that it makes me sound like a insecure asshole. A girl would just say, "hey I am not attracted to you, do you want to be friends?" Know it's harsh, the truth hurts.

You know what would be awesome? If people stopped blaming the other person for their insecurities. You think you're a backup guy? Ask her, its not her fault you're insecure. Don't think you're attractive enough to date? Look at every fat dude with a girlfriend ever.

You know what I did when I had those thoughts? I talked about them. Now i'm actually dating her. Funny how talking to the other person about it without blaming them doesn't push them away if you're not being a whiny twat about it.

E: In fact, this entire thread could be resolved really quickly if people just got over their own mental hangups. The girl doesn't owe you shit, the guy doesn't owe you shit. Blaming them for not satisfying your urge is bullshit because its your urge, not theirs.

"Girls only go for attractive guys" will come up at some point. I will counter this preemptively by pointing out how guys who complain about this only seem to go for pretty girls or in the same breathe will make fun of a fat girl. Just, goddamn, can we end the thread now?

 

[Olas]

I really don?t envy women . much more then guys you have to deal with never knowing if a relationship is genuine or if the guy is just trying to get into your pans.

I hate it when guys try to get into my pans. I don't care how delicious it looks, if all you see is a piece of meat to drool over then you don't deserve to have my bacon. Wait what were we talking about?

 

[FieryTrainwreck]

Very ironic satire. She's trying to turn all of the friendzone posts on their collective head, but she's also fueling the argument that men and women are rarely ever "just friends".

The "friendzone" is simply a more recent and specific descriptor for the age-old problem of not getting what you want, and it happens to everyone. Why won't he date me? I'm in the fuckbuddyzone. Why won't he marry me? I'm in the girlfriendzone. Why can't I get a promotion? I'm in the middlemanagementzone. Why won't she date me? I'm in the friendzone.

If the fuckbuddy no longer wants to have sex, does that mean she didn't enjoy it? If the girlfriend dumps you, does that mean she didn't love you? If the middle manager quits, does that mean she hated her job?

If the friend stops being your friend, does that mean he only wanted to get into your pants?

This backlash against the "friendzone" concept, this notion that guys see themselves as entitled and sulk away like babies whenever they don't get their way in a relationship... it's reductive of the human condition. Everyone feels entitled in some sense at some point regarding some thing. We are willful creatures seeking pleasure. A lot of people riding the "death to friendzone" train come off as hypocritical because the underlying attitude seems to be one of exemption from the lowly desires that clearly define our species.

Edit: I found this response in the comments section of the linked post. It illustrates precisely the sort of thing I'm talking about.

"She's not complaining about being propositioned by friends; she's complaining that they suddenly stop being friends when she says no. Which means they were only ever pretending to be friends to get sex.

Yes, it's possible to be intimate with friends. But if a guy can't take no for an answer... then he was a lying douchebag all along, he was never a friend, and the woman has every right to complain about what a jackass he is."

This is idiotic. Every interaction you've had with this man, every joke and meal you shared, every experience, isn't suddenly invalidated because he responds to your rejection with distance. Expecting a person who is emotionally hurt to maintain the exact same level of affection and attention is myopic bordering on masochistic. Maybe he did only want sex. Maybe he can't be around you without stirring up painful emotions. How could you tell the difference? Seems like something you'd have to, you know, ask him.

 

[Me55enger]

Managed to solve this supposed issue by surrounding myself at uni with unobtainable/undesirable girls. They are great friends and great company.

This is a construction based on predefined and expected roles of masculinity in western culture. But thanks for assuming we're all dicks.

 

[Realitycrash]

Summa summarum: Poor satire, and people who get friendzoned should buckle up and realize that life isn't all about being with a special someone. And if you don't, please suffer in silence.

Also:

The "friendzone" is simply a more recent and specific descriptor for the age-old problem of not getting what you want, and it happens to everyone. Why won't he date me? I'm in the fuckbuddyzone. Why won't he marry me? I'm in the girlfriendzone. Why can't I get a promotion? I'm in the middlemanagementzone. Why won't she date me? I'm in the friendzone.

God-damnit, I'm in the middle-of-education-zone!

(Seriously, thumbs up).

 

[SonicWaffle]

This backlash against the "friendzone" concept, this notion that guys see themselves as entitled and sulk away like babies whenever they don't get their way in a relationship...

It's odd how it always seems to be perceived as sulking when a guy doesn't get a date, and rarely is it considered that maybe the guy just feels embarrassed and awkward about being shot down. Admitting your feelings towards someone puts you in a vulnerable state, and if those feelings aren't reciprocated you may well end up feeling like an absolute tit.

Since we're speaking of the human condition, nobody particularly enjoys rejection, and it isn't particularly surprising that being rejected is going to drive someone to avoid the person who rejected them because they act as a painful reminder of their embarrassment rather than because they view themselves as entitled to affection and resent not receiving it.

EDIT - Ha, you edited yours while I was typing my response

This is idiotic. Every interaction you've had with this man, every joke and meal you shared, every experience, isn't suddenly invalidated because he responds to your rejection with distance. Expecting a person who is emotionally hurt to maintain the exact same level of affection and attention is myopic bordering on masochistic. Maybe he did only want sex. Maybe he can't be around you without stirring up painful emotions. How could you tell the difference? Seems like something you'd have to, you know, ask him.