Google Vs. The English

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I'm English and a ****. This is absolutely, by far, the best thing google has ever done. Fucking brilliant.

 

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Blimey. I'm English and 34 years old and I've yet to hear anyone talk about "the empire". And "convicts"? I can only assume that any English person who says something like that to an Australian is intentionally trying to wind them up.?

Well, you would wouldn't you. Especially now I know it pisses them off, I'd keep going on and on about it forever - mainly because I'm a ****. In your faces australians.

 

[BrotherRool]

This guy on the other hand

Proud to be a taint?

is clearly English, and we need say no more than that

Wait.. do you mean 'English' as in a **** or 'English' as in from England?

Calling me a **** is fair enough, most people do, but saying I'm from England is taking it all a step too far.

My honour has been impugned and I demand satisfaction with the Traditional Australian Duel - smacking each other in the face with King Brown Snakes... however, if you're scared of snakes we can use waterpistols filled with irukandji instead.

Oh dear sir! I did not mean to make such a grievous slight. I rashly took from your uncouth phrasing that you could only be one thing... but I did not mean to suggest that you could possibly be that...

No my Australian friend, please accept my humblest apologies and I'm afraid I cannot meet you in a duel, however I am happy to send a Sheep proxy which should give you challenge enough at Australian outback wrestling. Please let us be allies, we are one and the same united at the English and do we not both have South Wales? Never mind us the original and you the copy, it is enough

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

However being sighted for dissorderly behaviour a policeman might turn the other cheek to a comment like "Listen you bloody idiot, this is fuckin' bullshit!" He will not however turn a blind eye to " Bugger this! Your a fucking ****!" This I guarantee will get you arrested and a reserve booking for the cell with the malfunctioning camera and ther old collection of phone books.

Bah, I've called the filth 'cunts' before and all they do is get stroppy and threaten to write you up for offensive language... to which I've always replied "I'll stop calling you cunts when you stop acting like cunts."

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

Blimey. I'm English and 34 years old and I've yet to hear anyone talk about "the empire". And "convicts"? I can only assume that any English person who says something like that to an Australian is intentionally trying to wind them up.?

Well, you would wouldn't you. Especially now I know it pisses them off, I'd keep going on and on about it forever - mainly because I'm a ****. In your faces australians.

See, the thing is it doesn't piss us off the way most people think it does. Trying to use it as an insult just gets your written off as an ignorant, boring dickhead... Saying it over and over all night gets you classified as an irritating fuckstick who possibly needs help shutting their mouth.

I've found the best way to shut that sort of person up is to say to them "Convict? That's the best you've got? What are you, a fucking seppo?"

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

This guy on the other hand

Proud to be a taint?

is clearly English, and we need say no more than that

Wait.. do you mean 'English' as in a **** or 'English' as in from England?

Calling me a **** is fair enough, most people do, but saying I'm from England is taking it all a step too far.

My honour has been impugned and I demand satisfaction with the Traditional Australian Duel - smacking each other in the face with King Brown Snakes... however, if you're scared of snakes we can use waterpistols filled with irukandji instead.

Oh dear sir! I did not mean to make such a grievous slight. I rashly took from your uncouth phrasing that you could only be one thing... but I did not mean to suggest that you could possibly be that...

Fair enough then.

No my Australian friend, please accept my humblest apologies and I'm afraid I cannot meet you in a duel, however I am happy to send a Sheep proxy which should give you challenge enough at Australian outback wrestling.

What would I do with one bloody sheep? Not worth setting up the shearing rig for one and if I tried to have the kelpie herd it, the dog'd be like "What? One sheep? Are you taking the piss? I'm going to shit in your boots tonight."

Couldn't wrestle it, Federation rules prohibit the wrestling of animal aren't venomous or have rows of razor sharp teeth and have strong enough jaws to crush bone. I suppose I could pimp it out to lonely kiwis...

Please let us be allies, we are one and the same united at the English and do we not both have South Wales? Never mind us the original and you the copy, it is enough

I don't recognise New South Wales or Queensland as parts of Australia.

 

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See, the thing is it doesn't piss us off the way most people think it does. Trying to use it as an insult just gets your written off as an ignorant, boring dickhead... Saying it over and over all night gets you classified as an irritating fuckstick who possibly needs help shutting their mouth.

I've found the best way to shut that sort of person up is to say to them "Convict? That's the best you've got? What are you, a fucking seppo?"

Doesn't matter which way it pisses you off, you only have to react and that is enough for us cunts to be amused. Especially as we can add kicking your convict arses at cricket now your national team is slightly crappier than ours.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

See, the thing is it doesn't piss us off the way most people think it does. Trying to use it as an insult just gets your written off as an ignorant, boring dickhead... Saying it over and over all night gets you classified as an irritating fuckstick who possibly needs help shutting their mouth.

I've found the best way to shut that sort of person up is to say to them "Convict? That's the best you've got? What are you, a fucking seppo?"

Doesn't matter which way it pisses you off, you only have to react and that is enough for us cunts to be amused.

It doesn't piss us off, it just bores us. What gets irritating is having the same thing said over and over again all night, doesn't matter what you're actually saying.

You go to the boozer and every time you pass a certain group that night, point and shout something like 'FLANGE GASKETS!'... eventually they're going to get sick of you.

Especially as we can add kicking your convict arses at cricket now your national team is slightly crappier than ours.

Cricket is even more tedious than tourists who think shouting 'convict!' all night is the height of comedy... which makes certain sections of the Barmy Army some of the most boring people I've ever met.

 

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See, the thing is it doesn't piss us off the way most people think it does. Trying to use it as an insult just gets your written off as an ignorant, boring dickhead... Saying it over and over all night gets you classified as an irritating fuckstick who possibly needs help shutting their mouth.

I've found the best way to shut that sort of person up is to say to them "Convict? That's the best you've got? What are you, a fucking seppo?"

Doesn't matter which way it pisses you off, you only have to react and that is enough for us cunts to be amused.

It doesn't piss us off, it just bores us. What gets irritating is having the same thing said over and over again all night, doesn't matter what you're actually saying.

You go to the boozer and every time you pass a certain group that night, point and shout something like 'FLANGE GASKETS!'... eventually they're going to get sick of you.

Especially as we can add kicking your convict arses at cricket now your national team is slightly crappier than ours.

Cricket is even more tedious than tourists who think shouting 'convict!' all night is the height of comedy... which makes certain sections of the Barmy Army some of the most boring people I've ever met.

It's too late as I've already find your reaction very amusing in it's po-facedness. Actually, are you sure you're actually Australian and not Canadian? Because I'm a **** I do find it hard to tell you colonials apart - but usually aussies do irony a bit better.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

See, the thing is it doesn't piss us off the way most people think it does. Trying to use it as an insult just gets your written off as an ignorant, boring dickhead... Saying it over and over all night gets you classified as an irritating fuckstick who possibly needs help shutting their mouth.

I've found the best way to shut that sort of person up is to say to them "Convict? That's the best you've got? What are you, a fucking seppo?"

Doesn't matter which way it pisses you off, you only have to react and that is enough for us cunts to be amused.

It doesn't piss us off, it just bores us. What gets irritating is having the same thing said over and over again all night, doesn't matter what you're actually saying.

You go to the boozer and every time you pass a certain group that night, point and shout something like 'FLANGE GASKETS!'... eventually they're going to get sick of you.

Especially as we can add kicking your convict arses at cricket now your national team is slightly crappier than ours.

Cricket is even more tedious than tourists who think shouting 'convict!' all night is the height of comedy... which makes certain sections of the Barmy Army some of the most boring people I've ever met.

It's too late as I've already find your reaction very amusing in it's po-facedness.

Good for you. Let me know when you do your 'the cake is a lie' routine and I can come and be bored at that to amuse you.

 

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Good for you. Let me know when you do your 'the cake is a lie' routine and I can come and be bored at that to amuse you.

Your ancestors couldn't be trusted with cakes. They'd be too busy putting files in them to help them escape.

 

[FamoFunk]

As a Welsh Sheep Shagger, so I have permission to laugh at thy neighbour?

 

[Ramare]

google has many secrets. it used to translate russian word "urod" to beauty, which is exactly opposite. it can roll over.

and there also are such crazyness in its search algorythms (caused by users no less):

Spoiler

I can't tell which one is more hilarious...Please, do tell where you found them if there's more to be had. That should be a few hours of laughing.

OT: That's kind of funny. The picture also pretty much phones in the hilarity.

 

[Kinguendo]

Australians have used that as the standard definition for the English for over a century.

Oi! We were doing it first!

- Signed, British Person.

 

[Liham]

Not that bad in australia.
my 9 year old sister uses the word ****.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

Australians have used that as the standard definition for the English for over a century.

Oi! We were doing it first!

- Signed, British Person.

Meh... 'British' doesn't cound because the Welsh and Scots have been calling the English variations of that for a millenia or so.

 

[Kinguendo]

Australians have used that as the standard definition for the English for over a century.

Oi! We were doing it first!

- Signed, British Person.

Meh... 'British' doesn't cound because the Welsh and Scots have been calling the English variations of that for a millenia or so.

Oh I see, a xenophobe.

Well, I dont grace bigots with my presence. Good day!

 

[BehattedWanderer]

It makes me wish I lived elsewhere, just to hear the word used more. Here in the states, it's a word of high vulgarity. Gods help you if you use it on a perturbed woman. That's a road straight to Fuckedville, population you. And I mean that in every worst possible way.

 

[Brawndo]

I honestly don't understand why calling someone a **** is worse than calling someone a dick... what's the difference?

It's because most women tend to get offended far easier than men

 

[Buizel91]

Their expressions seemed right. I did considering breaking out a picture of Piers Morgan, but that wouldn't be professional.

Dude.

Jermy Kyle?

Is he still around? I'd assumed we'd driven the aggravating shit into the sea by now.

Not only that, but he was given his own quiz show not long back! To be fair to him, he's at least aware of his own reputation - I read an interview where he said he didn't care about being a nasty Anne Robinson style quiz host, because "I'm already the most hated person in the country, so what have I got to lose?"

However I might feel about him personally, I can't deny that his show sometimes brings joy to my heart. It's like they found a way to make Jerry Springer scummier and funnier. Some of my favourites include "Is my step-brother my dad?" and "Our relationship just hasn't been the same since my boyfriend was hit in the head with a hammer". My all-time favourite was a little gem buried in a rant Jeremy was having at some scumbag kid with behaviour problems. Having only tuned in halfway through, I have absolutely no sense of context for the statement, which makes it all the more hilarious;

"You threatened your nan! You smoke drugs! You attacked your sister! You chased a dog!"

I saw one a few months ago

"What happened on the horse with the Egyptian"

Safe to say i was pissing myself for a few days...