Hilarious Quotes.

[Bentjacket]

During a semi-friendly insult match between myself and a friend (no, this isn't her real name):

"Looking to sell one Deborah. Great reviews, good mileage, all-leather interior!"

 

[Kilaknux]

During English, I was in the middle of giving a presentation. I can't remember what nation I was talking about, but I was talking about their immigration policy during the 1890's compared to Britain:
"It was somewhat more open than ours. That is to say, they let them in, not that they let them in and liked them"
Probably a You Had To Be There moment, but everyone immediatly cracked up.

 

[Gyrefalcon]

From a "How to maintain your sanity at work":

End all of your sentences with "...in accordance with the prophecy."

Example: "I think I'll have a grilled cheese sandwich today, in accordance with the prophecy." Fun, fun.

 

[Monocle Man]

"If some people believe they lived thousands of years in outer space as all-knowing spiritual forms, crashed down to earth in the shape of babies, forgot all their memory and can measure their believe in this theory with an Ohm-meter, surely there are people that would believe I'm God"

Said by me in a presentation for Dutch about world domination last week (of course I said it in Dutch at the time)
The presentation was a step by step guide on how to get on top of the world. Humour had priority over realism.

 

[RanD00M]

When my friends come up with a moronic statement i usually say "You sir are an Idiot"

 

[UltimatheChosen]

In high school, I was on the speech and debate team. At the end of one debate about world hunger, I had five seconds left, and thought to myself, "Okay, I need to wrap this up in a dramatic way that shows that my plan is the best way to solve world hunger", and loudly proclaimed "So, in conclusion, I want food. To eat." I sat down in shame, wondering what the hell I had just been thinking.

 

[Calobi]

me and my friends were watching this movie called Black Sheep

anywho, there's a scene where the sheep crashes its head through a door and baa's at them, and when that happened i said "Here~'s JOHNNY!"
it made everyone laugh =D my finest moment

That was a great movie.

 

[Zosephine]

The shuffle is just a slightly coordinated seizure.

tap dance shuffle? or looking-stupid-trying-to-walk shuffle? >_>

At the ocean:
Allie: "There's sand down here!"
Me: "No shit, Allie."

 

[Gerazzi]

From someone who I shall not name:
"I like to pretend that the sour patch kids are all politicians"
right in front of a U.S. history teacher.

 

[traceur_]

The shuffle is just a slightly coordinated seizure.

tap dance shuffle? or looking-stupid-trying-to-walk shuffle? >_>

The latter, the completely retarded, embarrassing one.

 

[Hiram88]

During a very dramatic U.S history Lecture, my teacher gives the following speech,

"The world isn't run by the presidents, or the people. It's run by electricity. Even 100 years back, Electricity was a luxury, not a commodity. Now, the power goes out in 1 block of an urban city and chaos ensues. Imagine, if you will, a nation-wide blackout. No phones, no internet, nothing. You can't use your cell phones, your PDA's, your iPods. You are taken away from every electronic you own. Since we live in the city, a mod forms and people start to steal. After a while, your home is broken into. What do you do? Who are you going to call?"

Immediately, me and my two closest friends yell out, "GHOSTBUSTERS!"

Pandemonium...

 

[Rajin Cajun]

One of my best friends in high school said, "The reason so many tornadoes hit trailer parks is because God is a capitalist and hates people who leach off welfare." I thought our teacher would have stroked.

 

[Vromnir]

"It makes sense if you don't think about it."

 

[Scarecrow38]

We were talking about feminism in Religous Studys (before i start im not sexist in anyway) the teacher asked me my opinion and i said ''Well, feminists are strong intelligent independant people(the teacher at this point was smiling) until things get a little bit difficult(her face dropped and all the boys laughed ofc)

*slow claps* I think we have our winner.

 

[Timewave Zero]

'I want somethings flesh!'
- Withnail 'Withnail and I'.

One of the darkest and funniest movies of all time!

Other greats:
'What's this?' Withnail
'Its a chicken.' I
'What are we supposed to do with it?' Withnail
'Eat it.' I
'Eat it? Fuckers alive!' Withnail.

'I demand the finest wines available to humanity here, now!' Withnail

'I demand to have some booze!' Withnail.

'Don't go in there! There's THINGS in there. I think I saw a teabag growing...' I

'What is it?' I
'Matter.' Withnail

 

[Chiefmon]

You almost became a Jill sandwich!

 

[HAZEANDHALO]

On TF2
Scout: Stupid, stupid, STUP-
Me: STUPID BLU TEAM!

 

[Davey Woo]

ME: "OK... Into the unknown"
Just before walking up to a dead end.

ME: "Shit is SERIOUSLY hitting the fan"
Ran into a room full of terrorists on Rainbow 6 Vegas 2 and started shooting at me through a bit of cover.

ME: "My gun is BIGGER than yours!!!"
Guy running at me witha pistol in Call of Duty 4, I shouted this whilst emptying half my ammo on my M249SAW.

"I heard there's a shitload of grubs there sergeant."
"More like ten shitloads."
Gears 2 story

FRIEND: "Hey watch out for the drop."
ME: "Watch out for the wha-"
ME: "Fuck!"
Tenchu Z

 

[lupe]

"It makes sense if you don't think about it."

Yeah, you're right

Anyway, I found a nice way to shut up my old schoolmates asking me if I remember them
'I try not to, but my therapist makes me talk about it'

 

[shwnbob]

"Sponges never have bad days"- Choke