Honesty is the Best Poly-cy (Except When It Isn?t)
- Thread starter Lara Crigger
- Start date
wow.. doraleous isn't coming back? i thought they were coming back after they were done with the movie they are making (toonstone).Flying Dagger said:
Didn't find the new shows amusing eighter.
Anyways thought the advice given was decent. agree on the secound guy, from the way i see polyamery relationships sex with other people is ok, but falling in love with other people is a no-no.
although I agree that a lot of stuff that gets put on now is a bit meh, Doraleous was FRICKIN AWESOME. really it was hillarious (heh, see what I kinda did there). and it had quite a following and got put on hiatus because the creator had some more serious stuff in the pipe line. here's me hoping for a comebackFlying Dagger said:
but on the subject of the OP. I think it's kind of tough situation. Especially for guys in tech college. really in my first year we had a 300/10 ratio going on. So almost every girl in the city is accounted for by guys that are just a little more savvy in the getting close department.
And if you are slightly like me and can't pick up girls in bars to safe your life. You kinda gotta let it happen. But I do agree you should help faith a bit. Go to places where people with common interests go, and just keep chatting people up. So yeah like she said it's a numbers game, get to know enough people and eventually you'll strike home.
What I don't agree with entirely is hitting on coworkers sisters. That just gets akward and gets you wierd looks. I can't speak for girls but people hitting on friends sisters isn't very accepted in most circles, lots of looks and "you better be very serious about this". Just saying, it's cliché as hell but you don't want to be pissing of good friends/coworkers over something that might or might not work. Not to mention how stupid birthday parties get after breakups within a group of friends -.-
TBH, this would have some longevity if it was the other way around. It would be very entertaining to have something like this that tells you all the wrong ways to do it. But this? I don't see an audience for that.
Personally.. I never had trouble getting the woman that is the right one for me and which I desire once I met her. It just takes experience, and I think there is something inherently wrong about telling people how to approach a girl or anything in that area.
I'm sick of women trying to tell "nerds" or whatever they think their "demographic" is how to improve their life.
There is a show here on german tv called "Das Model und der Freak"(The model and the freak) in which superstitious beautiful models think they can reshape a man to become what THEY think will get them a woman. But there is the mistake, if you tell them how to CHANGE to get someone that wouldn't have liked them the way they were.. THAT is not happiness. And I feel really sorry for those guys..
Anyway, SORRY ABOUT THE RANT
Personally.. I never had trouble getting the woman that is the right one for me and which I desire once I met her. It just takes experience, and I think there is something inherently wrong about telling people how to approach a girl or anything in that area.
I'm sick of women trying to tell "nerds" or whatever they think their "demographic" is how to improve their life.
There is a show here on german tv called "Das Model und der Freak"(The model and the freak) in which superstitious beautiful models think they can reshape a man to become what THEY think will get them a woman. But there is the mistake, if you tell them how to CHANGE to get someone that wouldn't have liked them the way they were.. THAT is not happiness. And I feel really sorry for those guys..
Anyway, SORRY ABOUT THE RANT
Damn it that made me lose the game.rembrandtqeinstein said:
OT: This was pretty interesting actually I'd like to see more of them.
So, the Escapist decides to add a touch of Cosmo to its material? That's... unexpected. The writer claims that she is aiming to entertain, but I personally find nothing entertaining in her article and her introduction has a pretty condescending "you silly nerds" tone that really sets off my "hey, fuck off" reflexes. Is that supposed to be clever or humorous in some way? Her actual advice sounds familiar though, I've had pretty similar "love" discussions with my 11 year old niece when I take her out for burgers and icecream. Of course, I really doubt the writer is 11. If she is though, I apologize, she is adorable.
I am intrigued with this new idea. I'll even go as far as to say I'll be looking forward to these Love FAQ.
As for the content itself, the second guy left me like (0_0)
As for the content itself, the second guy left me like (0_0)
Story 1: I'd find it extremely creepy if a friend approached me looking for any or all of my female friends/relatives/neighbours/coworkers. Fostering that kind of desperation in someone seems like a bad idea. I think the problem is a more general social one. It's hard NOT to be in a place with single women. He should be getting his social life on track through extracurricular activities before he even considers hunting for a love life. (If all else fails, eHarmony?)
Story 2: No mutual love, no mutual lust, divorce.
General Comments: The article is silly. Sounds like gossip on someone's personal blog rather than a legitimate advice column.
Story 2: No mutual love, no mutual lust, divorce.
General Comments: The article is silly. Sounds like gossip on someone's personal blog rather than a legitimate advice column.
This entire thing feels wrong. If the person writing these columns has no professional experience in the domain of private/sexual life, what's keeping her from giving out the wrong advice? In fact, what's the difference between this and some guy posting his problem on the forums, in a thread? He's still anonymous and he'll most likely get a lot more answers to his problem.
Love is a serious, risky, business in witch there are no general wrong or right choices since everything comes down to the people involved and what their ideologies and cultural/social/religious opinions are and witch is, and this is very important, PURELY SUBJECTIVE. That means that the person asking advice might find your advice horrible since it's against his general belief, or your advice might be flawed since he didn't mention one detail.
You see where the whole "screwing-up" part can come in?
Finally, none of these people (if they do indeed exist) asked you about advice for "love". One of them has trouble dating women (witch he might not want to exactly marry, if you know what I mean) and the other has a marriage issue and requires professional help from a marriage counselor. And marriage doesn't always go hand in hand with love (and by "doesn't always" I mean mostly).
Love is a serious, risky, business in witch there are no general wrong or right choices since everything comes down to the people involved and what their ideologies and cultural/social/religious opinions are and witch is, and this is very important, PURELY SUBJECTIVE. That means that the person asking advice might find your advice horrible since it's against his general belief, or your advice might be flawed since he didn't mention one detail.
You see where the whole "screwing-up" part can come in?
Finally, none of these people (if they do indeed exist) asked you about advice for "love". One of them has trouble dating women (witch he might not want to exactly marry, if you know what I mean) and the other has a marriage issue and requires professional help from a marriage counselor. And marriage doesn't always go hand in hand with love (and by "doesn't always" I mean mostly).
This first question is a difficult one for a woman to answer, being completely honest. Providing a helpful answer, beyond "you're not trying hard enough," requires a certain empathy. It also requires a certain absence of assumptions. I really just don't feel the answer in the column provided those.Lara Crigger said:
It's easy for us to assume that you're looking for a quick hook-up. Not in the malicious love'em-leave'em way, but looking for some sort of "instant girlfriend." I think you're probably smart and mature enough to know that, being as admittedly out-of-practice as you are, you're more just looking for where to go to get started. In a metaphorical sense, you're asking where the batting cages are, not how to go pro tomorrow.
Depending on where you live, your town may not have much of a single "scene." I know that when I was living in small Southern towns, the only places to meet single women were bars and churches. Pretty stark contrast between the sorts of girls you'd meet there. And they're really not the best places to be looking anyhow, for a variety of reasons we won't discuss here.
You've got friends, so clearly you have interactive hobbies. Since you're on this site, we'll assume gaming (in one form or another) is one of them. And that the internet is another. Here's the ticket: Don't look for "girls who have the same hobbies." Look for groups who share your hobby, whether or not they have girls, and get plugged in. You're doing three things here:
One, you're increasing your self-sufficiency by not seeking a relationship. Cliché as it sounds, you're learning to be happy on your own. Two, you're learning about your own strengths and weaknesses. By interacting with new groups, you'll get a better picture about what you add to a group, and knowing yourself better is never a bad thing when deciding what you're looking for.
And three, you're increasing your social network... but not in a "dating website" artificial way. That's when a guy looks on a site, finds a pretty girl, and then cooks up a common interest to make a go of it. Instead, you're starting with the common interest. Additionally, you'll allow yourself to get past the usual stigma attached to "meeting online," if there is any in your case. Don't be afraid of it. Know the potential hazards, but don't let them put you off finding friends online.
The other possibility, crazy as it may seem? There's always the option of finding a new job and moving to a new town. Not "in search of the elusive female." But perhaps, if you've been living there for a long time, these are people who remember a younger version of you--and if you're like most of us, it's a less-flattering version. Changing location can give you a fresh start.
That last one is admittedly drastic. Your job or family situation may very well not permit it. You may be vehemently opposed to the notion altogether. But sometimes, when all the safe and cliché advice falls short, we can't be afraid of the more drastic options...
I'm sorry but "girls are everywhere" is really not a way to help this guy. Maybe it's more difficult for you to understand because you're a woman, but if you see a girl you really like, in a supermarket, on a street, subway, it's really not that easy to interact. I say that because from my experience, guys are usually the ones that would initiate flirting.
That's why you see alot of couples in higschool, college etc, where men and women are practically "forced" to see eachother almost everyday, making things easier. There are many cases in which one of the partners actually had a crush on the other maybe even years before getting together, because that's how some people are ( being anxious, socially "awkward" etc).
I don't have any solid advice for the guy, because some people have that "thing" that makes them able to just flirt with little to no effort. But most of them don't and all I could tell Mr. Cockblocked is that you need to start dating and never stop trying ( even dating services, blind dates, ask your friends about anyone single they know would be interested stuff like that ). Me and my gf have been together for the last 6 years now, and counting, and because I met her in highschool I really do not have any good advice about this stuff.
P.S: the link between this guy's situation and username is just too funny not to point out.
Oh and to the second couple ( I just saw the second page >_> ) , I don't want to sound ignorant, but the only advice I can give you is that you need to get your shit together.
That's why you see alot of couples in higschool, college etc, where men and women are practically "forced" to see eachother almost everyday, making things easier. There are many cases in which one of the partners actually had a crush on the other maybe even years before getting together, because that's how some people are ( being anxious, socially "awkward" etc).
I don't have any solid advice for the guy, because some people have that "thing" that makes them able to just flirt with little to no effort. But most of them don't and all I could tell Mr. Cockblocked is that you need to start dating and never stop trying ( even dating services, blind dates, ask your friends about anyone single they know would be interested stuff like that ). Me and my gf have been together for the last 6 years now, and counting, and because I met her in highschool I really do not have any good advice about this stuff.
P.S: the link between this guy's situation and username is just too funny not to point out.
Oh and to the second couple ( I just saw the second page >_> ) , I don't want to sound ignorant, but the only advice I can give you is that you need to get your shit together.
I am so stunned by these comments I don't know where to start.
First, to those of you questioning if the author is "qualified" to give advice, why don't you READ the disclaimer at the bottom of the article. She clearly states she is not a professional therapist. This is an advice column, and you are free to take it or leave it. The author is genuinely trying to reach out using a public forum by providing practical and sincere advice. You are certainly free to disagree but doing so in such a contentious manner is quite distasteful and detracts from any point you are trying to make.
Also, to state that the author is only qualified to give advice because she is a woman, wow. That is possibly the most sexist thing I have heard all day and I work in a male-dominated work place. Well done on beating them!
Second, to those of you panning the column by stating it "should be in Cosmo" or some "fluffy teenage girl magazine" because Escapist is ONLY for gaming and other associated things, well, the Escapist have active forums for non-gaming interests and it's not like this is required reading - you can choose to NOT click on the column if you find the idea of it so reprehensible. There are many people who might welcome advice from someone in this community versus another site that is strictly advice oriented.
Third, I found the advice, as stated above, both practical and sincere. The author's use of humor is appropriate and not condescending. I cannot say the same for many of the comments here that go so far as attacking the author at personal level, claiming that she is just trying to "break out of the gaming article genre", stating that her advice is "bordering on madness rather than real life experience" etc.
To the rest of you who provided sincere and thoughtful discussion on the column - I enjoyed reading your views on the subject.
I would like to applaud the author's initial column and look forward to the next installment.
First, to those of you questioning if the author is "qualified" to give advice, why don't you READ the disclaimer at the bottom of the article. She clearly states she is not a professional therapist. This is an advice column, and you are free to take it or leave it. The author is genuinely trying to reach out using a public forum by providing practical and sincere advice. You are certainly free to disagree but doing so in such a contentious manner is quite distasteful and detracts from any point you are trying to make.
Also, to state that the author is only qualified to give advice because she is a woman, wow. That is possibly the most sexist thing I have heard all day and I work in a male-dominated work place. Well done on beating them!
Second, to those of you panning the column by stating it "should be in Cosmo" or some "fluffy teenage girl magazine" because Escapist is ONLY for gaming and other associated things, well, the Escapist have active forums for non-gaming interests and it's not like this is required reading - you can choose to NOT click on the column if you find the idea of it so reprehensible. There are many people who might welcome advice from someone in this community versus another site that is strictly advice oriented.
Third, I found the advice, as stated above, both practical and sincere. The author's use of humor is appropriate and not condescending. I cannot say the same for many of the comments here that go so far as attacking the author at personal level, claiming that she is just trying to "break out of the gaming article genre", stating that her advice is "bordering on madness rather than real life experience" etc.
To the rest of you who provided sincere and thoughtful discussion on the column - I enjoyed reading your views on the subject.
I would like to applaud the author's initial column and look forward to the next installment.
That's right, type that!imnotparanoid said:
Muahahahahahahahahahaha! Little do you know that I stole them from your volcano and stashed them in my own ... well, you know now, but it is already too late, I set up a series of devilish traps and obstacle courses with deceptively simple solution! You'll never make it through alive!
OT: I read the second article before this one, and I think they are both very interesting and offer some fairly decent advice (especially given that you don't actually know these people and have to work based off one letter that may not give all the necessary details).