How do you argue that you're not homophobic/racist/etc?

[DementedSheep]

I say "I'm not racist/sexist/homophobic but..." because clearly if I say it I'm not.
Joking obviously

Why were they thinking you're bigoted? There is no single I'm not a bigot answer, it's in your actions. You'll have to argue why whatever it is that is making them think you're bigoted isn't bigoted or isn't true. If they have no reason to think you're bigoted and just assume then they might have problem with bigotry themselves or really misinterpreted something. If a lot of people think you are them you might need to do some introspection.

There is a situation where "My best friends are gay..." is relevant and that's when someone claims you don't like someone because they are gay not because you just don't get a long with them.

 

[Spotteh Chocobo]

I'm a white dude from the Southern U.S. and yes I can say or do racists things sometimes. I'm sorry, I don't think I mean it. I'm gay, with gay friends; but I still say homophobic things sometimes. I'm sorry; I don't think I mean to.

That's how I handle it. Sure people get really worked up about it sometimes, but I apologize all the same. As long as I don't hurt anyone I just apologize and attempt to move on.

But looking at your posts OP, and seeing how easily you are put on the defensive in an argument; I don't think you'd like this approach.

 

[JimB]

So, any ideas? If it's not painfully obvious that you aren't of that ideology, once you're hit with the homophobia/racism card, can you refute the claim on your own?

I've never been in that situation, so I have no practical experience backing this up, but my best suggestion would be to apologize for causing offense (do not, under any circumstances, say, "I'm sorry you feel that way;" apologize for offending the other person) and ask what you can do to make it right, explaining that malice was not your intention and you don't want to repeat the same mistake in the future. Might even work.

 

[Johnny Impact]

I've never had to argue that I'm not homophobic or racist. Mostly this is because the people I deal with are homophobic/racist/etc and I'm arguing against their prejudices.

Case in point, a friend of mine told me he could not enjoy Thor because the shirtless scene totally ruined it for him. I asked him if it really bothered him that much to see a fantastic-looking guy with his shirt off. His response was to make a veiled implication that I was gay for not agreeing with him. It would be kind of hard to argue I was the homophobic one in that situation.

 

[Nieroshai]

I'm a transgendered white soli biblia Christian third-generation American of Finnish descent who believes in fiscal conservatism and social libertarianism, as well as a gamer and a singularity advocate who associates with Furry fandom. There is literally NO way anyone can fail to find something to hate about me.


HOWEVER: ultimately, I find that arguments about what one does or does not think or believe always end poorly. It's pointless to participate. And yet I do anyway, just because I get a masochistic kick out of arguing with people.

 

[Vault101]

Case in point, a friend of mine told me he could not enjoy Thor because the shirtless scene totally ruined it for him. I asked him if it really bothered him that much to see a fantastic-looking guy with his shirt off. His response was to make a veiled implication that I was gay for not agreeing with him. It would be kind of hard to argue I was the homophobic one in that situation.

the fuck?

its one thing to be homophobic...its another to be so friggin pedantic/insecure that he can't handle a shirtless guy

 

[Johnny Impact]

Case in point, a friend of mine told me he could not enjoy Thor because the shirtless scene totally ruined it for him. I asked him if it really bothered him that much to see a fantastic-looking guy with his shirt off. His response was to make a veiled implication that I was gay for not agreeing with him. It would be kind of hard to argue I was the homophobic one in that situation.

the fuck?

its one thing to be homophobic...its another to be so friggin pedantic/insecure that he can't handle a shirtless guy

Well, the story is a little longer than that. This friend of mine is a powerlifter with body image issues. He's fairly strong but doesn't look like a lifter. He was a fat kid and has carried some of it into adulthood, had problems with ***** tits, etc. He says "man candy" like Chris Hemsworth is demeaning and offensive. Really I think he's jealous that he'll never look that way no matter how hard he works.

 

[Robot Number V]

I state that I am against the actions (homosexual marriage, for example), but not the people. And, it's true. I love all people - including gays. However, that doesn't mean that I have to tolerate their actions.

Yeah, that probably isn't going to work. I have a few questions, if you don't mind:

1. What exactly do you mean by "tolerate"? How are you personally effected by the "actions" of homosexual people?

2. As a follow up, why do you care if gay people get married?

 

[Robot Number V]

By let I mean 'pass laws legalizing gay marriage.'

And what the hell is there to agree with?

I'm against gay acts; I think that they're wrong. I love gays (as I love all people). It's just that I don't agree with what they do.

I'm on the fence when it comes to whether or not I think that it should be legal. However, I am leaning toward thinking of gay marriage as something which should be legal. That way, people can make their own choice. I can still be against it.

Wait wait, you can ignore my first message. I hadn't seen the third page, sorry. Let's just jump right to this:

Why do you think "gay acts" are wrong? What makes them wrong?

 

[Canadamus Prime]

As long as you don't use the phrase "I'm not racist/homophobic/etc., but..." you shouldn't have too much of a problem.

 

[DirgeNovak]

I've never had to because I never say homophobic/racist/sexist/etcist -sounding things.

By let I mean 'pass laws legalizing gay marriage.'

And what the hell is there to agree with?

I'm against gay acts; I think that they're wrong. I love gays (as I love all people). It's just that I don't agree with what they do.

I'm on the fence when it comes to whether or not I think that it should be legal. However, I am leaning toward thinking of gay marriage as something which should be legal. That way, people can make their own choice. I can still be against it.

But it's got nothing to do with you. There's nothing there for you to be for or against. So fucking what if two people who love each other get married and do butt stuff in the privacy of their homes? No skin off your back.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

Can you, even? This might be really simple to do, but I can't find any way to guard against being accused of being either of these things unless you're an ethnic minority or gay.

We've all heard that argument "My best friends are gay...", and we've all laughed at it, I've even tried using it after admitting it was cliche to a person who decided I was homophobic, but they obviously laughed it off, as they'd already made their mind up. Even though it was true, back then and still today, of the people I spend most of my time around that are not related by blood, friends, that is, literally people in my closest (only) friendship group, two of which are gay. That was a few years ago, now.

Needless to say, I was really hurt, and every so often I remember that time and get really angry/upset. But I've always wondered if there's anything better I could have said.

So, any ideas? If it's not painfully obvious that you aren't of that ideology, once you're hit with the homophobia/racism card, can you refute the claim on your own?

God, this thread is dumb.

EDIT: Just making sure you all know, no need to help me with this situation as if it was "current". This happened a while ago, and it annoyed me at the time and still annoys me, today. My only connection to this person is a facebook friendship, and we know how much those mean...

And this isn't a consistent issue for me, either! Tch...I should've made a topic about bunnies or cats or Timesplitters (however, that would receive next to no replies) or our main age-range for our greatest times as gamers.

I tend to say I've been out of Plato's cave too long to be stuck inside it. And then point out certain social issues relevant to said topic to at least show my position isn't from ignorance.

I tend to find this has two effects:
1. People take the hint.
2. They don't know who/what Plato's cave is. At which case I stop talking to them.

 

[vIRL Nightmare]

If someone is accusing you wrongly for whatever reason either don't dignify them a retort or call them out on Mccarthyism, which ever is most appropriate.

 

[Vault101]

He was a fat kid and has carried some of it into adulthood, had problems with ***** tits, etc. He says "man candy" like Chris Hemsworth is demeaning and offensive. Really I think he's jealous that he'll never look that way no matter how hard he works.

I wonder if he feels the same way about "lady candy"

not to make a judgment on his character, I don't know this guy...but its bit of a role reversal going on here

 

[Tsun Tzu]

To quote the late, great Dr. Stephen T. Colbert,

"I just want to say I am not a racist. I don't even see race, not even my own. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because I just spent six minutes explaining how I am not a racist- and that is about the whitest thing you could do."

Or, alternatively, I direct people to the Avenue Q song:


Let's see if I can throw in anymore throwaway meme-like responses to the subject...naw, too lazy...just like those filthy bla-



That'll do.


But seriously, OP, once someone "decides" that you are x/y/z then you're pretty much out of luck when it comes to trying to convince them otherwise. The sort of person who applies a label like that and rigorously sticks to it despite evidence to the contrary is really not someone you should be wasting your time explaining yourself to anyway.

 

[Vault101]

I state that I am against the actions (homosexual marriage, for example), but not the people. And, it's true. I love all people - including gays. However, that doesn't mean that I have to tolerate their actions.

I'm sorry but you can't have it both ways, you can;t say you like them as people yet be against their basic human rights (as in the right to marry and love whom they wish without persecution)

that kind of thinking is the very height of condescending "I know whats best for you" rationalisation that led to gay conversion camps and all the bullshit therein

 

[StarsintheBlood]

I'm against gay acts; I think that they're wrong. I love gays (as I love all people). It's just that I don't agree with what they do.

One of the dumbest, most deluded things I've ever read, alongside "I don't mind gay people, I just don't want MY kid to be one" and "I'm not racist, I just don't agree with inter-racial marriage". Woooow.

 

[Trippy Turtle]

Doesn't really matter to me what people think I think.
Hell, I don't even think any of those are necessarily bad things until you act on them. I believe they can't help being weirded out by gay people any more than gay people can help liking dudes.

 

[Artina89]

I don't argue whether or not I am racist/homophobic/etc as I find it a waste of time and effort. If someone I don't know has labelled me as homphobic/racist/whatever, I am not going to bend over backwards to change their mind, because more often than not, it is barely worth the time and the effort. I try and treat people how I would like to be treated myself.

 

[Vault101]

Doesn't really matter to me what people think I think.
Hell, [b/]I don't even think any of those are necessarily bad things until you act on them.[/b] I believe they can't help being weirded out by gay people any more than gay people can help liking dudes.

heh...I think this might be ironic...or something...

One of the dumbest, most deluded things I've ever read, alongside "I don't mind gay people, I just don't want MY kid to be one" and "I'm not racist, I just don't agree with inter-racial marriage". Woooow.

yeah I think if somone said that to me I would....not say very nice things to them in return, its like wanting to be anti-gay and also wanting a free pass for it