How do you argue that you're not homophobic/racist/etc?

[Uriel_Hayabusa]

I don't argue whether or not I am racist/homophobic/etc as I find it a waste of time and effort. If someone I don't know has labelled me as homphobic/racist/whatever, I am not going to bend over backwards to change their mind, because more often than not, it is barely worth the time and the effort. I try and treat people how I would like to be treated myself.

That's pretty much my view on the matter as well. There are certain times and/or debates where choosing to criticize the actions of a minority will inevitably lead to people assuming that you're bigoted against said group.

A good example of this is the way Dan Savage attacked Rick Santorum by manipulating Google's search results in such a way that the word "Santorum" leads to a particular combination of fluids (Google it yourself if you want the proper definition) is also one of the search results. I argued that this was cyber bullying on Savage's part, and lo and behold, plenty of people accused me of being homophobic.

 

[Reaper195]

By not caring. I treat everyone the same, only different if they act like an asshole, which I will tell them so. "Oh, you don't like me because I'm black/gay/a woman?" "No, because you're acting like a fucking nob!"

To be racist/homophobic/sexist means you have to dislike that person because of said traits. I find it easier to simply not give a damn. I was watching The Descent and it took someone to point it out that there were no male characters the entire film (aside from a dude in the movie for a total of two minutes at the beginning). In District 9, aside from Wikus' wife, there are no female characters in the film. In the Lord of the Rings trilogy, there are no black people. In The Dark Knight, there were no gay characters (Aside from that tosser who kept saying gay lines while the Joker was being awesome and blowing stuff up).

 

[runic knight]

You can't really argue you are not. Lets be honest here, how many times is calling someone a racist or a homophobe ever the result of a well reasoned and adequately supported argument? Probably pretty rarely. Instead such claims tend to be flung a little further then they actually apply in order to shame or shut up opposition.

Now granted, you can try to explain why they are wrong, but generally once you are put on the defensive in that line of discussion, that is all the discussion is about from that point forward. When whatever topic that sparked the claim devolves into outright calls like that, you can be certain it is not going to be a civil exchange of ideas and instead nothing but emotional screaming matches. You time would be spent equally as "well" as trying to explain to a 5 year old why you aren't a doodoohead. Wait, scratch that, children are honest enough to learn they made a mistake and change opinions...

 

[hyperdrachen]

I don't. If you're truly free of bigotry, you don't need to waste your time with attention seeking brats masquerading as social justice warriors. The world is flooded with people, when you run into one of these ingenuine assholes you take that opportunity to weed another loser with a fake personality out of your life.

 

[Skull Bearer]

Oh, man I did the same thing once. Made a really racist joke to an Asian friend and got a strip torn off for it. I'm kinda embarrassed just to think about it.

My advice? Really consider how you looked from that person's pov, if possible apologise 'Oh wow, that came out wrong' or 'I'm sorry, that wasn't want I wanted it to sound like' and work not to do it again.

We all mess up. We're in a society which still has sexism, racism, homophobia etc deeply engrained in it. We're going to screw up. Just remember that there's eight billion people on this planet, and pretending none of them matter isn't a recipe for getting along.

 

[Flames66]

Spoiler: It might not sit here for long, so open the box while you can.

"That guy's wearing two layers of pink? He must be double gay!"

Lol. If somebody accused me of being homophobic for saying that I would have laughed in their face.

That seems like a good response actually. Laugh at them and carry on with what you are doing.

 

[beastro]

To those I know have already made up their mind, I don't bother. It doesn't do any good and often can make you look worse, regardless, it makes you look weak.

To those who I respect and are sensible, I tell them to pay attention to my actions. I my not like it and disagree with it on an intellectual level, but I'm right there for any friend who is in trouble like one who was suicidal that opened up to me first about being bi years ago. It took her a long while to stop hating herself for that swinging between both extremes, but it helped knowing I was consistently by her telling her she wasn't all these terrible things she kept calling herself.

As for the other side, the problem is them. I realized that long ago when I came to terms with typical your typical adolescent boys feelings on the issue and realized that I had no part in it so I should stop being disgusted, it's not my business.

 

[CaptainMarvelous]

I dunno, call them retarded and go for the trifecta?
It's kinda hard to counter-argue it, calling out hypocrisy is probably your best bet.
I guess if you think you aren't and someone says you are, get them to state their case and objectively hammer out why they'd think that and, importantly, if you might be. You may have a sub-conscious bias, although the type of person who throws the terms around is MORE likely to have one and some form of superiority complex but leave that where it is.

 

[Batou667]

You can't argue you're not homophobic or sexist.

You bring up "proof" in the form of gay or black friends? You're trying too hard.

Silence? See, he doesn't deny it!

The best you can do, I think, is to point out that "innocent until proven guilty" ought to apply.

 

[Trippy Turtle]

Doesn't really matter to me what people think I think.
Hell, [b/]I don't even think any of those are necessarily bad things until you act on them.[/b] I believe they can't help being weirded out by gay people any more than gay people can help liking dudes.

heh...I think this might be ironic...or something...

One of the dumbest, most deluded things I've ever read, alongside "I don't mind gay people, I just don't want MY kid to be one" and "I'm not racist, I just don't agree with inter-racial marriage". Woooow.

yeah I think if somone said that to me I would....not say very nice things to them in return, its like wanting to be anti-gay and also wanting a free pass for it

I would be appalled at them for saying something like that to their child/a gay person. But hey, its a valid opinion. I don't want my kid to be a smoker. I don't go out and insult smokers or even have something against them. I just don't want my child to smoke because, (ignoring the health issues) I personally don't think it looks good/is good for you. Same thing could go for being gay, but its just taboo to criticize them at all these days.
I'd be surprised to find someone that wants their kid to be gay. I'm sure many wouldn't care, but knowing they won't ever have children outside of adoption and will face the possible discrimination would certainly factor in to many peoples thoughts.

I'd like to be clear and say that I'm all for liking whatever gender you damn well want, but I also think having an opinion isn't a crime or a bad thing. If you treat everyone fairly regardless of what you think, you can have whatever opinion you want.

Good for you. However, how can you be against something that does not negatively effect you or anyone else in any way?

By that logic, you wouldn't mind me and a consenting dog to have sex? How about a few dead bodies, they won't mind?
Just because something seems fine to you, doesn't mean others don't see it as wrong.
I'm still with you about it not affecting them so it should be fine, but people can have opinions.

 

[Vault101]

I would be appalled at them for saying something like that to their child/a gay person. But hey, its a valid opinion. I don't want my kid to be a smoker. I don't go out and insult smokers or even have something against them. I just don't want my child to smoke because, (ignoring the health issues) I personally don't think it looks good/is good for you. Same thing could go for being gay,

no actually it couldn't because smoking is a habit one willfully picks up...

[quote/]
I'd be surprised to find someone that wants their kid to be gay. I'm sure many wouldn't care, but knowing they won't ever have children outside of adoption and will face the possible discrimination would certainly factor in to many peoples thoughts.[/quote]
1.not everyone wants children

2.discrimination is a thing, but its not something gay people can help...the discriminators however can

no parent "wants" their kid to be gay in that no parents probably "wants" their kid to practice BDSM because what parents care about their childs sex life?, but they SHOULD want their child to be happy, there are challenges yes but they don't constantly need to be told how miserable their existence apparently is (cause it aint)

[quote/]I'd like to be clear and say that I'm all for liking whatever gender you damn well want, but I also think having an opinion isn't a crime or a bad thing. If you treat everyone fairly regardless of what you think, you can have whatever opinion you want.[/quote]
yeah people can think what they want

I'm just saying the "love the person not the sin" thing doesn't get any "oh thankyou for being nice" cookies from the LGBT community...its disingenuous and quite frankly they don't want their half baked "love"

[quote/]
By that logic, you wouldn't mind me and a consenting dog to have sex? How about a few dead bodies, they won't mind?
Just because something seems fine to you, doesn't mean others don't see it as wrong.
I'm still with you about it not affecting them so it should be fine, but people can have opinions.[/quote]
a dog is a grey area since it can't really "consent" a dead body doesn't technically hurt anyone...its just disrespectful, that and how you ever manged to do that in the first place is cause for conern...unless it was stated in the persons will then...sure (not that that would ever be allowed IRL but you get my point)

people do all kinds of messed up (but consensual and non harmful) things to each other in the name of getting off, why we draw lines along gender really is the definition of arbitrary

 

[Avery]

If someone is calling you a bigot, the best thing to do is to continue not being a bigot. They don't have any actual ammunition. Your actions will prove them wrong in the end.

 

[sanquin]

What is it with America and the whole racism/sexism sensitivity? I've been in a gay relationship, and I make fun of painfully bright pink shirts as well. I joke about immigrants and black people. About women and men. Heck, about everything. I really don't get why Americans can't seem to take a joke when it comes to 'sensitive' topics. =/ Or at least, I say Americans because I've yet to encounter that problem here in Europe.

As for how to prove that you're not a racist, you can't really disprove a negative. -They- are the ones that should be proving you are one, since they're accusing you. So I usually go with "you don't know me" or "prove it". They sound douchy, but being called a racist for no good reason is worse, imo.

 

[Headsprouter]

What is it with America and the whole racism/sexism sensitivity? I've been in a gay relationship, and I make fun of painfully bright pink shirts as well. I joke about immigrants and black people. About women and men. Heck, about everything. I really don't get why Americans can't seem to take a joke when it comes to 'sensitive' topics. =/ Or at least, I say Americans because I've yet to encounter that problem here in Europe.

As for how to prove that you're not a racist, you can't really disprove a negative. -They- are the ones that should be proving you are one, since they're accusing you. So I usually go with "you don't know me" or "prove it". They sound douchy, but being called a racist for no good reason is worse, imo.

I was in NY, but the people I was with were from where I'm from, Northern Ireland. I dunno if we're more sensitive about that kind of thing, but I have heard of some really anti-gay older members of the community, but that would come from the religious background of the country.

As for my generation, my friends came out on the final year of school, and nobody batted an eye. I had known before that, though.

We're probably all a tad racist, but certainly not in a malicious sort of way. I'm not the most socially explorative person, though, not by a long shot, so I could hardly tell you for sure.

 

[KingsGambit_v1legacy]

Can you, even? This might be really simple to do, but I can't find any way to guard against being accused of being either of these things unless you're an ethnic minority or gay.

We've all heard that argument "My best friends are gay...", and we've all laughed at it, I've even tried using it after admitting it was cliche

Okay, so it's cliché, so what? Being a cliché makes it no less true (assuming it is true when spoken). What the phrase is saying, whether the friend(s) in question are gay, hindu, chinese, black, whatever, is that we have accepted a person of the given minority into our circle of friends. That we have demonstrated our ability to look past skin colour, faith, etc and are not therefore racist/homophobic as evidenced by being able to count minority members amongst our closest contemporaries and confidants.

I am in a minority of a sort and have great friends. I further have friends who too are part of one minority or another whom I cherish dearly. What it says about my friends is that they're cool folks who demonstrate no intolerance towards me. They can make jokes about my heritage all they like because I know it comes from friendship and not malice. I am lucky to have friends also who are hindu, who are gay, who are Irish, etc. and treasure them greatly. Does their heritage make any difference to our friendship? No.

Unless you're in a court of law to defend against a charge of discrimination, it doesn't matter what other people say or question you about. If they're your friends, they don't need any answers. If they aren't, give them the finger and move on. You don't have to explain yourself and you don't need wankers like that in your life. I know my friends are good people, I know they can be counted on and they know it too. If someone challenged them I would be right at their side because *I* know what's in their hearts and minds.

------------------

If you want an actual answer to how one can "prove" something, consider the fundamental lesson that writers learn for creating (good) characters. We learn about a person in three ways: what they say, what they do and what others say about them. Consider also the old adage "Actions speak louder than words". Thus we learn what a person is like based firstly on what they do, secondly (IMO) by what others say about them and lastly by what they say about themselves.

What would your friends say about you if I asked them whether you were a good man? Act as you are, speak honestly and other people will resolve themselves around it. To that person who "decided you were homophobic", f**k them. You owe them nothing and they aren't worth your time. You know you're a good person, your friends and family know it, your two friends who *are* gay know it and the tosser who doesn't is irrelevant.

 

[chinangel]

trying to argue anythign defensively or otherwise sort of suggests that you are what you claim not to be.

 

[Mikeyfell]

Well if I get called homophobic I can always say that most of my friends are gay.
and if I get called racist I can always say my best friend is Colombian.

But alternately I could always just stare at them like they're crazy because I never act homophobic or racist.

 

[Vigormortis]

You keep saying...

"[I'm] not racist or homophobic in a hateful sense..."

...and I'm left wondering what exactly you mean by this. Adding a qualifier like "in a hateful sense" gives the impression that you're saying you are racist or homophobic, just not in a way that implies you want to harm anyone.

I'm assuming this is not what you mean, and I'd like to think you aren't racist or homophobic in any way, but if that be the case why add that qualifier so often?

Just say, "I'm not a racist nor a homophobe." Done.

As to your question:
You shouldn't need to argue it. You either are racist/homophobic/etc or you aren't. If you aren't, and someone accuses you of being so, just laugh it off and ignore them.

In your particular case, all you need do is apologize.

Now sure, some might think that act is the equivalent of an admittance of guilt. And maybe it is. But at the same time you meant nothing hurtful or harmful by your comment. (I assume) You can just say, "I know, I know. That was a stupid joke. I'm sorry."

If they still hold a grudge against you there's nothing more you can do at that point. Just brush it off and leave it to them to get over it.

 

[Headsprouter]

You keep saying...

"[I'm] not racist or homophobic in a hateful sense..."

...and I'm left wondering what exactly you mean by this. Adding a qualifier like "in a hateful sense" gives the impression that you're saying you are racist or homophobic, just not in a way that implies you want to harm anyone.

I'm assuming this is not what you mean, and I'd like to think you aren't racist or homophobic in any way, but if that be the case why add that qualifier so often?

Pretty sure I never spoke about homophobia in that sense. I'd like to think that my current self isn't homophobic at all.

And for everything else, you say, I'm not egotistical enough to say I'm completely without prejudice. This comment:

I'm under no delusion that I harbor absolutely no racist or homophobic views. Everyone has prejudices against people who are not like them (yes, that includes black and homosexual people), but not everyone expresses them. I try not to express them either. Not out there to prove something that just isn't true.

People who say they truly aren't racist have never taken a proper look in the mirror.

We all know stereotypes, when black people, for example, aren't commonplace when I live, I'll only have my stereotypes to think about.

But I won't believe them, god I'm not that stupid.

 

[Vigormortis]

I'm not that stupid.

Oh, I never implied you were. I was just pointing out that, at least to me, that extra little qualifier you kept adding to your statement seemed odd. That's all.