I know
Seems to be used as a shorthand to randomly insult anyone who displays a strong interest in a topic, or can't seem to let an argument go...
Basically it seems to be a way of saying "Why are you obsessing over something so stupid and pointless, get a life."
So... Yeah... >_>
I know I've already commented about myself, but seeing what's been said... Eh.
I guess I can say some more.
I was only officially diagnosed very recently. (with Aspergers, not Autism. But thanks to the weird way they do things in those circles it's been merged with 'high functioning autism' as a specific sub-case somehow)
That aside, looking at what it means to my life... Well, obviously having been diagnosed so late in life (like, early 30's), I've been exposed to the expectation that I'm 'normal' (whatever that means) for a huge chunk of my life.
The thing about this is this kind of condition is very individual. There are varying broad groups of behaviour, (I was diagnosed as belonging to a group they call 'passive', which is the most common for girls with aspergers)
Obviously Aspergers and low-functioning autism have different implications.
One thing that stands out about my childhood (not having been diagnosed as a child), is that while they picked up on the fact that I behaved strangely, and started doing lots of tests on me...
The conclusion they reached was that I was some kind of genius...
Which... Because the school I was in had no idea what to do with, got me isolated from the other kids simply because I was doing different stuff, and was getting some kind of non-standard treatment.
Now, moving on, it's easy to assume that, well, if you treat someone 'normally' and expect that they can improve, they will, but it really isn't that simple. Being considered 'gifted' I had a huge pressure on me to be good at stuff, and when I couldn't live up to it, that didn't do me any favours. While not being too easygoing about people's limitations is one thing, not rewarding effort is another entirely. If I did my best, I got penalised (often for lack of enthusiasm of all things). If I didn't bother and made a half-assed effort, the result was often pretty similar anyway.
Not very encouraging.
Still, that doesn't really get into the whole Autism/aspergers thing. The older I got, the more I struggled. I wasn't violent, or aggressive (don't know why that's associated with things), but I did have issues, and because they were so confusing to people, they didn't get it.
Since I didn't understand it either, I just struggled on blindly. I'd watch everyone around me do routine things, and then not understand why I struggled so much with them. And if I asked for help with those struggles, I'd get blank stares as if I must be making up random nonsense to avoid doing them. I'd get stuck, and be unable to do it. People wouldn't understand why, and keep prodding me to do it anyway, but all that would happen is I'd get stressed out...
Now, this still happens. And while I was only diagnosed officially recently, the reason it first occurred that I could have aspergers isn't out of my own accord, but based on the judgement of family friends who have been working with people with that condition. They kept saying I showed traits of it.
For a long time I denied it, or ignored it...
But gradually I had to accept that it was probably true.
And this was not just for some random reason, but because I genuinely can't manage on my own.
To be fair, some of the issues may be indirect, insofar as I have panic attacks, social phobias, and some rather odd specific social-related phobias.
These may be the main direct cause of my problems, but they almost certainly resulted as a side effect of not understanding what was going on with my interactions with other people.
Now, this isn't like the 'low functioning' people. And it's not like I'm completely incapable, but it there ARE issues.
And without help, (help from people who understand what's going on, not just random useless 'help' that targets something completely different from the actual issues I'm having), I would not get by.
What I mean by that is I'm fine most of the time in a very broad sense, if nothing happens. But as soon as something that requires substantial social interaction happens, I get problems. (Issues with bills, utilities, moving into a new place. Government bureaucracy).
I get stressed out, confused, avoid or stall the issue, and generally it doesn't get done.
I also can't hold down a job. (or get one in the first place honestly). It's not that I can't interact with others in a mostly reasonable way, it's just very stressful. And when I get stressed, I get irritable, and start being blunt and rude, and um, as my supervisor at the one job I did have pointed out, I started acting as though I was her boss (or something to that effect), or at least, not showing proper respect or something.
Thing is, if you don't understand what you are doing, you also don't realise when you are being rude, mean, or insulting to someone.
My mother has repeatedly accused me of deliberately trying to hurt her feelings, when I personally wasn't even aware I'd said anything hurtful, and even when she took the time to explain it still had trouble understanding the issue.
One thing that I come across is, well, demonstrated here. I ramble. I know a lot of fancy words, and have decent grammar and spelling, but I have a real problem being concise, and coherent. (I wander from topic to topic in kind of random ways)
I also can't make decisions, explain my own feelings very well, or interpret subtle social cues sometimes. (Or sometimes I realise like several days after the fact what was actually going on.)
I don't have much of a sense of how to deal with 'emotional' conversations. (facts and rational argument are easier), and I get way too involved with random stuff. (Like, I'll have trouble ignoring a topic, or get scared of reading it for fear it might say something upsetting, or other random nonsense.)
Sometimes I say stuff out of context, or start something in what to me is the obvious place to start, but seems to confuse everyone else. Give too many obvious details (obvious to others), and miss out what is confusing them (obvious to me, but not to them). Meanwhile, I get the opposite too, where someone tells me something and seems to say lots and lots of blatantly obvious useless things, and never explains the parts I don't actually understand.
Anyway, In principle I should kind of be able to function as an independent adult, but practice says otherwise.
It's not that I can't come across as 'almost normal' - (Boring people with conversations and not knowing when to stop aside), but that this takes a huge mental effort to do.
Everything is fine while I'm calm, and there isn't too much going on. But throw something stressful at me, (or a huge number of people), and watch my social skills completely evaporate, and me turn into a nervous, irritable, confused wreck.
And because I'm so good at SEEMING to be normal, it confuses people all the more when I inevitably do something strange. And then I end up having to try and sort out their sudden odd reactions (because I don't actually understand what they're reacting to most of the time, I have to huge mental gymnastics to try and deduce what the issue may be. - And being scared of this stresses me out so much because I end up second-guessing every random person I need to talk to, where the conversation is headed, the appropriate response, etc...)
It's easy to say someone like me should learn to be more normal, but what gets glossed over is that 'learning' something which you don't have as an innate ability means it takes a lot of mental resources to deal with.
Which means I still will never actually be 'normal', in social situations because all of it takes a huge effort to do, meaning I basically can't think and do social interaction properly at the same time.
Sometimes you just have to be incredibly blunt and rude to people just to have the space to think.
I... Don't even know what I'm saying anymore.
Point is, if I did have to deal with adult life by myself unassisted, I know the result. I'd be a stressed out crazy homeless person, NOT a 'fully functioning member of society'.
I can be a 'mostly functioning member of society', but it requires some assistance and consideration from others to make that possible.
Unfortunately, the most common reaction to dealing with someone like me is either to yell me for not doing anything or 'not trying hard enough' (ugh. As if it's so easy to do what you people consider 'normal'), or give them some random stuff to get by, and then just hide them in a corner and try to ignore them.
Actually making the effort to help me function better (or putting me in a situation where my weaknesses are taken into consideration to some extent) seems to fall into the 'too hard' category.
But whatever. It makes me worried for the future, because I feel trapped by it, and the world seems to be becoming a harsher place again. (increasing the risk I'll lose even what little support I do have because... Something something 'look after yourself you lazy/weak/insert other insult person')
Yeah... I don't even know anymore. After More than a decade of trying to figure out how to do what everyone else seems to think is so easy, I'm fed up with it. The stress, the confusion. The pressure. The constant failure. (Because if there's one thing guaranteed to motivate someone, it's 'failing' at supposedly 'easy' things...)
I've heard it so many times. The biggest offender seems to be youtube comments in my experience.Happyninja42 said:Weird, 'cause I've never seen anyone use autism as a shorthand insult on the internet. They usually just stick with the classics of "idiot, moron, fucking imbacile, etc etc". Seriously I've never seen an example of this in my years of randomly reading stuff on the internet.Sung-Hwan said:On top of all this, "autism" is widely accepted as a derogatory term on the internet; as some form of calling someone stupid, it is fairly common.
Seems to be used as a shorthand to randomly insult anyone who displays a strong interest in a topic, or can't seem to let an argument go...
Basically it seems to be a way of saying "Why are you obsessing over something so stupid and pointless, get a life."
So... Yeah... >_>
I know I've already commented about myself, but seeing what's been said... Eh.
I guess I can say some more.
I was only officially diagnosed very recently. (with Aspergers, not Autism. But thanks to the weird way they do things in those circles it's been merged with 'high functioning autism' as a specific sub-case somehow)
That aside, looking at what it means to my life... Well, obviously having been diagnosed so late in life (like, early 30's), I've been exposed to the expectation that I'm 'normal' (whatever that means) for a huge chunk of my life.
The thing about this is this kind of condition is very individual. There are varying broad groups of behaviour, (I was diagnosed as belonging to a group they call 'passive', which is the most common for girls with aspergers)
Obviously Aspergers and low-functioning autism have different implications.
One thing that stands out about my childhood (not having been diagnosed as a child), is that while they picked up on the fact that I behaved strangely, and started doing lots of tests on me...
The conclusion they reached was that I was some kind of genius...
Which... Because the school I was in had no idea what to do with, got me isolated from the other kids simply because I was doing different stuff, and was getting some kind of non-standard treatment.
Now, moving on, it's easy to assume that, well, if you treat someone 'normally' and expect that they can improve, they will, but it really isn't that simple. Being considered 'gifted' I had a huge pressure on me to be good at stuff, and when I couldn't live up to it, that didn't do me any favours. While not being too easygoing about people's limitations is one thing, not rewarding effort is another entirely. If I did my best, I got penalised (often for lack of enthusiasm of all things). If I didn't bother and made a half-assed effort, the result was often pretty similar anyway.
Not very encouraging.
Still, that doesn't really get into the whole Autism/aspergers thing. The older I got, the more I struggled. I wasn't violent, or aggressive (don't know why that's associated with things), but I did have issues, and because they were so confusing to people, they didn't get it.
Since I didn't understand it either, I just struggled on blindly. I'd watch everyone around me do routine things, and then not understand why I struggled so much with them. And if I asked for help with those struggles, I'd get blank stares as if I must be making up random nonsense to avoid doing them. I'd get stuck, and be unable to do it. People wouldn't understand why, and keep prodding me to do it anyway, but all that would happen is I'd get stressed out...
Now, this still happens. And while I was only diagnosed officially recently, the reason it first occurred that I could have aspergers isn't out of my own accord, but based on the judgement of family friends who have been working with people with that condition. They kept saying I showed traits of it.
For a long time I denied it, or ignored it...
But gradually I had to accept that it was probably true.
And this was not just for some random reason, but because I genuinely can't manage on my own.
To be fair, some of the issues may be indirect, insofar as I have panic attacks, social phobias, and some rather odd specific social-related phobias.
These may be the main direct cause of my problems, but they almost certainly resulted as a side effect of not understanding what was going on with my interactions with other people.
Now, this isn't like the 'low functioning' people. And it's not like I'm completely incapable, but it there ARE issues.
And without help, (help from people who understand what's going on, not just random useless 'help' that targets something completely different from the actual issues I'm having), I would not get by.
What I mean by that is I'm fine most of the time in a very broad sense, if nothing happens. But as soon as something that requires substantial social interaction happens, I get problems. (Issues with bills, utilities, moving into a new place. Government bureaucracy).
I get stressed out, confused, avoid or stall the issue, and generally it doesn't get done.
I also can't hold down a job. (or get one in the first place honestly). It's not that I can't interact with others in a mostly reasonable way, it's just very stressful. And when I get stressed, I get irritable, and start being blunt and rude, and um, as my supervisor at the one job I did have pointed out, I started acting as though I was her boss (or something to that effect), or at least, not showing proper respect or something.
Thing is, if you don't understand what you are doing, you also don't realise when you are being rude, mean, or insulting to someone.
My mother has repeatedly accused me of deliberately trying to hurt her feelings, when I personally wasn't even aware I'd said anything hurtful, and even when she took the time to explain it still had trouble understanding the issue.
One thing that I come across is, well, demonstrated here. I ramble. I know a lot of fancy words, and have decent grammar and spelling, but I have a real problem being concise, and coherent. (I wander from topic to topic in kind of random ways)
I also can't make decisions, explain my own feelings very well, or interpret subtle social cues sometimes. (Or sometimes I realise like several days after the fact what was actually going on.)
I don't have much of a sense of how to deal with 'emotional' conversations. (facts and rational argument are easier), and I get way too involved with random stuff. (Like, I'll have trouble ignoring a topic, or get scared of reading it for fear it might say something upsetting, or other random nonsense.)
Sometimes I say stuff out of context, or start something in what to me is the obvious place to start, but seems to confuse everyone else. Give too many obvious details (obvious to others), and miss out what is confusing them (obvious to me, but not to them). Meanwhile, I get the opposite too, where someone tells me something and seems to say lots and lots of blatantly obvious useless things, and never explains the parts I don't actually understand.
Anyway, In principle I should kind of be able to function as an independent adult, but practice says otherwise.
It's not that I can't come across as 'almost normal' - (Boring people with conversations and not knowing when to stop aside), but that this takes a huge mental effort to do.
Everything is fine while I'm calm, and there isn't too much going on. But throw something stressful at me, (or a huge number of people), and watch my social skills completely evaporate, and me turn into a nervous, irritable, confused wreck.
And because I'm so good at SEEMING to be normal, it confuses people all the more when I inevitably do something strange. And then I end up having to try and sort out their sudden odd reactions (because I don't actually understand what they're reacting to most of the time, I have to huge mental gymnastics to try and deduce what the issue may be. - And being scared of this stresses me out so much because I end up second-guessing every random person I need to talk to, where the conversation is headed, the appropriate response, etc...)
It's easy to say someone like me should learn to be more normal, but what gets glossed over is that 'learning' something which you don't have as an innate ability means it takes a lot of mental resources to deal with.
Which means I still will never actually be 'normal', in social situations because all of it takes a huge effort to do, meaning I basically can't think and do social interaction properly at the same time.
Sometimes you just have to be incredibly blunt and rude to people just to have the space to think.
I... Don't even know what I'm saying anymore.
Point is, if I did have to deal with adult life by myself unassisted, I know the result. I'd be a stressed out crazy homeless person, NOT a 'fully functioning member of society'.
I can be a 'mostly functioning member of society', but it requires some assistance and consideration from others to make that possible.
Unfortunately, the most common reaction to dealing with someone like me is either to yell me for not doing anything or 'not trying hard enough' (ugh. As if it's so easy to do what you people consider 'normal'), or give them some random stuff to get by, and then just hide them in a corner and try to ignore them.
Actually making the effort to help me function better (or putting me in a situation where my weaknesses are taken into consideration to some extent) seems to fall into the 'too hard' category.
But whatever. It makes me worried for the future, because I feel trapped by it, and the world seems to be becoming a harsher place again. (increasing the risk I'll lose even what little support I do have because... Something something 'look after yourself you lazy/weak/insert other insult person')
Yeah... I don't even know anymore. After More than a decade of trying to figure out how to do what everyone else seems to think is so easy, I'm fed up with it. The stress, the confusion. The pressure. The constant failure. (Because if there's one thing guaranteed to motivate someone, it's 'failing' at supposedly 'easy' things...)