How the hell do you know when you're being flirted with?

Spoonius

New member
Jul 18, 2009
1,659
0
0
I'm not referring to blatant hitting (eg. "nice legs, what time do they open?"), but to the subtler clues that occur on a more regular basis. Vocalisation, language, stance, gestures, facial expressions, nervous tics, etc.

I'm evidently missing some key factor that's obvious to almost everyone else. I'm absolutely useless at "hit detection" and reading "expert" advice hasn't helped. I'd rather ask regular people about their own experiences.

So how do you recognise that someone's interested? How do you yourself flirt? Have you ever been clueless yourself?
 

Eamar

New member
Feb 22, 2012
1,317
0
0
When people start taking an unnecessary amount of interest in you/your hobbies/your situation without any other obvious reason to do so. Basically when they start making excuses to talk to you.
 

weirdsoup

New member
Jul 28, 2010
126
0
0
Observation of body language is also important in understanding when someone is flirting with you.

How close they are to you, if they touch their hair, these things can give you subtle clues.
 

Phasmal

Sailor Jupiter Woman
Jun 10, 2011
3,676
0
0
I don't know when I'm being flirted with.

I've always had guy-friends so guys acting affectionately towards me doesn't strike me as unusual. Not to mention I'm pretty socially awkward. Basically I just never think anyone is flirting with me.

I dunno. I could probably do with the answer to this question, too.
But having a boyfriend I don't really need to deal with it.
 

Scarim Coral

Jumped the ship
Legacy
Apr 30, 2020
18,157
1
3
Country
UK
The only time I was aware of it was a mate of my (she sometime has a flity like personality and it doesn't help that she did had a crush on me when we first met). We were just chatting on messager as usual until she pointed out I had a good smile in one of my Facebook photo. It seen random to me as she seen it ages ago and she picked now to compliment my smile?
 

theboombody

New member
Jan 2, 2014
128
0
0
If you're a man, you'll never know. If you're a woman, you'll know instantly. Women see everything and men see nothing. Women don't understand how men can miss so much and men can't understand why women want to be nosey enough to want to notice everything in the first place.
 

shootthebandit

New member
May 20, 2009
3,867
0
0
theboombody said:
If you're a man, you'll never know. If you're a woman, you'll know instantly. Women see everything and men see nothing. Women don't understand how men can miss so much and men can't understand why women want to be nosey enough to want to notice everything in the first place.
Its not even that its just that men arent really that subtle or passive. As a man I often find that if I want something I ask for it outright its really not a difficult concept. Naturally my idea of flirting probably just ends up being me saying "me like you, you very pretty" but then again im a bit of a caveman (like jeff from rules of engagement) when it comes to romance and feelings.

Woman on the other hand are a bit more subtle when they like someone. Us cavemen dont understand subtlety, we cant comprehend why you dont just ask us something rather than giving us loads of really passive hints

Theres 2 levels of flirting. Theres the playful friendly innocent flirt and theres the "I really want to bang you" flirt. Try not to get these confused
 

EeveeElectro

Cats.
Aug 3, 2008
7,055
0
0
I'm awkward as shit with flirting. If someone openly flirts, I just assume they're joking and play along.
Then they usually think I'm well interested when I'm not, I just find jokingly making sexual/flirty comments to be hilarious, the lewder the better!
I usually make them in a social place where everyone can join in. If a person flirts with me when it's just us two then I assume he's into me.
Keep an eye out for little things like touching you, maintaining eye contact, smiling while they look at you, looking at your lips, looking you up and down.
A guy I used to work with would (when the shop was empty) slide up next to me and poke me in the cheek or hold my face in his hands for a few seconds.
We've always had jokey flirty banter and there's nothing more behind it, if there was I'd be too oblvious to notice and just laugh it off anyway.
 

lacktheknack

Je suis joined jewels.
Jan 19, 2009
19,316
0
0
I can't tell. At all.

The only girlfriend I ever had invited ME to our "first date", and I didn't even figure out that it was a first date until she outright said "our first date". :p

The way I'm going to deal with this is when I'm actually into the dating game, I'm going to just ask a pretty girl out. If she accepts, then yay. If she says no, then daww. If you can't handle the flirting, don't try. :p
 

wakenbake

New member
Nov 11, 2009
19
0
0
I think that if you *hope* you are being flirted with, then *assume* you are being flirted with, and if so, dip a toe rather than take a running jump.

:)
 

KOMega

New member
Aug 30, 2010
641
0
0
I can't tell anymore. Or maybe I could never tell :p

According to people I know I apparently flirted a lot a couple years ago, so apparently just being a nice person sometimes is considered flirting.

I thought I was in the clear once I was out of highschool, but damn, people just don't like being nice to people unless they have some specific reason to do so sometimes.
 

Canadamus Prime

Robot in Disguise
Jun 17, 2009
14,334
0
0
Fucked if I know. You probably know more about this than I do. Although I can no doubt safely say that it hasn't happened to me very often.
 

Gordon_4_v1legacy

New member
Aug 22, 2010
2,577
0
0
Some people are better than picking up signals than others. When I first met my wife at a group thing that a mutual friend had invited us to, she apparently spent the whole night flirting with me. All I heard was the whooshing sound of it all flying over my head. Indeed the next day at work, the friend who organised the whole thing smacked upside the head and yelled at me "How the fuck did you not notice the flirting?"

Fun times :D
 

BarkBarker

New member
May 30, 2013
466
0
0
A few notes I read from a wee book called "why men don't listen and why women can't read maps" stated that subtle signs like pointing their genital area towards you and a raising of the pitch of the voice are a few women do, there were quite a few others but dammit I'M JUST A MAN!
 

Evil Moo

Always Watching...
Feb 26, 2011
392
0
0
My approach is to assume there is no flirting directed at me at all and not waste any energy trying to interpret any vague and subtle signals there might or might not be, which seems to be serving me well enough thus far. If someone wants to express an interest they can say so directly. Not that it makes much difference to me either way, but the clarity would be nice so I can throw it back in their face and be done with it, should such a rare event occur in the first place.
 

StriderShinryu

New member
Dec 8, 2009
4,987
0
0
One big thing is eye contact and smiling. Not creepy staring or big toothy grins, but the sort of infectious can't stop type of interaction that gives proof to the statement "can't take my eyes off of you." When you're into someone it's hard to not steal glances and smile at them. It's not really something you can control.
 
Sep 13, 2009
1,589
0
0
I'm generally not great at picking up on flirting (apparently my own included), but from what I have picked up, smiling a lot is always a good sign. Particularly if you don't know them that well. Another good sign is if you find them enjoying your company to the extent of kind of being oblivious of everything else around them. At the very least this is usually what I'm accused of alongside flirting accusations.