How the hell do you know when you're being flirted with?

[FancyNick]

I wish I could help you but I am pretty bad at this myself. Look into their eyes, watch their facial movements, listen to how they steer the conversation. Normal social cues. Some people are better at it than others. I have missed plenty of these as well as gone on assumptions that weren't there (Woops). Sometimes you got to just take a guess and see where it goes. Could end up good or blow up spectacularly. Either way it should be a fun conversation

 

[Jacco]

I can't tell. At all.

The only girlfriend I ever had invited ME to our "first date", and I didn't even figure out that it was a first date until she outright said "our first date".

The way I'm going to deal with this is when I'm actually into the dating game, I'm going to just ask a pretty girl out. If she accepts, then yay. If she says no, then daww. If you can't handle the flirting, don't try.

I'm with you there. Fuck all this passive bullshit. If people would just say what they mean without implication or subtlety, the world would be a far better place.

I find that by being asininely forward, it repels a lot of girls because it surprises them. But I frankly don't have the time or patience to "talk" to a girl for a month trying to gauge her interest. I've gotten to the point where if I am interested, I will just tell them. Whatever they do with it is up to them.

 

[FPLOON]

"You know... when you know..."

OT: I don't, I still don't, and I would question why you're looking at me like as if we might go out in our future...

Then again, I think that last part might be the reason why I have been dateless since birth...

 

[wulfy42]

I was crazy stupid as a young man, never noticing girls flirting with me for years. I look back at the signs I missed now and can't believe I was such an idiot.

I have some excuse though, for the first 11 years of my life or so we constantly moved every 3 months, so I never really made friends or even communicated with other children (I just read books nonstop for years). By the time I hit middle school age, I started making friends but that was so new to me, that I focused on just the friend part for 3 years, and I graduated on my 16th birthday, basically missing all of high school where I might have actually started to date.

Meanwhile, I had a girl ask to sit on my lap (A friend in a group of friends I would hang out with), in a car, and was just proud she didn't feel heavy to me. I seriously had absolutely no clue at all that girls where flirting/hitting on me.

I didn't even kiss a girl till I was 19, and the first time I kissed a girl, I also slept with her (it was a random girl I met at a restraunt and I was so curious I just went up to her and told her I found her attractive lol....and she was interested!! It was not her first time at all, but I was seriously nervous.

Anyway, I never really got the dating thing down. Never mastered flirting etc. Eventually met my wife at 27 and we got married when I was 29...that is the only other girl I have been with. I guess I'm good looking (I look like my father and he was a male stripper when he was younger)....but I have never thought of myself that way..and I was pretty much clueless about sexual innuendo...or topics...or even song lyrics (I had no clue that so many songs where about sex...like Relax for instance...I didn't discover that until Zoolander and my wife told me about it lol.....it was actually the eye opening song for me that made me realize so many other songs had sexual lyrics in them.

So yeah, it's quite possible for guys to be totally clueless about sex...or at least it was for me. We (us men) are supposed to think about sex like every couple of seconds or something...but certainly was never the case for me. I do enjoy sex, and never had a problem performing...and I have always found women attractice...but I never once in my life looked at a woman and thought "Wow, I'd like to have sex with her". In fact, I've always found overtly sexy outfits a turn off...liking cute, intimate etc looks more.

Everyone is different..but sometimes I look back and am a bit sad about what I missed out on. My wife was very adventurous (with both men and women)....and much like my taste buds restricting me from so many types of foods I wish I could enjoy, my non-sexualize brain had me miss out on alot of fun as well. My wife even wanted us to experiment with other couples or another girl etc for awhile but I was not into casual encounters much and we never went there. Most guys would probably jump all over adding another girl....but I would only be ok with it if it was someone we already knew/where friends with etc..and I wouldn't be ok with bringing it up lol...so y eah....not going to happen.

 

[Fijiman]

For me it depends on how subtle the person flirting with me is being. If they're just staring at me from across the room I might not even notice, but if they're interacting with me then I'm far more likely to notice. Then again I've not hung out with with anyone in my age group since high school so what do I know.

 

[floppylobster]

If you feel safe enough to say anything, and not have it taken the wrong way, you're being flirted with.

 

[Britishfan]

I have absolutely no idea. I've been told that I'm really hard to flirt with, presumably because I very rarely pick up that it's happening.

 

[Loop Stricken]

As a man, I have absolutely no idea.
On the flip-side, I apparently flirt a lot. Constantly, I've been told. I think it's got something to do with my (I don't want to say compulsion, but) compulsion to turn everything I can into a double entendre. It hasn't gotten me anywhere to date, mind you.

 

[mecegirl]

It depends. Some folks are better at flirting that others. I've had guys flirt with me and I knew it and then I've had guys flirt with me and not know until someone else let me know. But it really helps when you are attracted to the person that is flirting with you. You tend to pay closer attention when you are interested in a person so you pic up on the small things that they do. On the flip side being attracted to a person can make you take any sign of interest/niceness from them as flirting.

 

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

I personally have no idea when or if women are flirting with me mainly because most of the women I interacted with during my teen years 'flirted for fun'. And I've noticed no difference between 'flirting for fun' and actual flirting. If a woman tells me that we are going to hook up after everyone leaves so we can have some alone time, and at the end of the night she says 'Yeah, that was a funny joke. See you later', you get mad for being played with.

That happens twice with a different woman, you get confused.

It happens multiple, numerous times over a few year span, you tend to filter out all come-ons and believe every time you hear something flirtatious, it's not true.

 

[persephone]

I generally can't tell if I'm being flirted with. Apparently I've been hit on quite a number of times and never noticed. I was once even hit on by a teacher in high school, and failed to notice! Apparently when someone tells you you're "every man's dream," they're not just paying a general compliment. Tells you how clueless I am, really. My friends gawked at me when I told them about it well after the fact, by which point fortunately I was no longer in his class ...

The one time I did notice, it was when the boy in question was constantly arranging to hang out with my brother, who was also my roommate, in hopes of running into me. It worked, mostly cause he was suddenly around my apartment all the time, and always trying to catch a glimpse of me. But apparently short of the one doing the flirting making every excuse to visit my place of residence, I have no clue whatsoever.

 

[M0rp43vs]

I find that a giant colourful banner helps, accompanied by confetti, fireworks and a gospel choir singing "this person thinks you're fine~!". but even then it's only 50-50.
If I have ever been flirted with, no ones come out and told me so their loss, I guess. Of course, I come from a place where flirting isn't very common so doesn't bother me.

I try to avoid flirting because I learned a long time ago that, even when smiling, I have a very terrifying face. So I'd rather avoid having the flirtee running and screaming while blowing a symphony on a rape whistle

 

[Goro]

My wife and I were good friends for about 6 months before she asked me out. She asked me if I'd picked up on how much she liked me due to her constant subtle flirting and I answered her that I was miserable because I'd resigned myself to only ever being friends. I don't get subtlety.

 

[Revnak_v1legacy]

When they grab your crotch and whisper intimately in your ear "tonight."

At least that's what I always do. It hasn't worked out too well so far. I'm still not allowed within 4 miles of any schoolzone in 15 countries. They do write me letters all the time. Restraining orders mostly, but occasionally they write death threats so at least I know that some of my crushes are thinking about me, which is a hell of a lot more than most people can say.


OT- Are they being extra friendly to you? Are they laughing at your jokes even when they suck? Do they keep trying to make sure that you are having a good time at social engagements? Have they ever given you their undergarments? Then they are probably flirting with you. Unless they're your mom. Then they're probably not, unless you have a very weird mom. In which case your chances of having a successful relationship are effectively nill anyway, so for the good of us all you should avoid responding to any pursuers. Especially your mom.

 

[Loop Stricken]

OT- Are they being extra friendly to you? Are they laughing at your jokes even when they suck? Do they keep trying to make sure that you are having a good time at social engagements? Have they ever given you their undergarments?

Ah, you say this, but aren't these just the hallmarks of someone just not being a massive arsehole? Well, the undergarments aside.

 

[Revnak_v1legacy]

OT- Are they being extra friendly to you? Are they laughing at your jokes even when they suck? Do they keep trying to make sure that you are having a good time at social engagements? Have they ever given you their undergarments?

Ah, you say this, but aren't these just the hallmarks of someone just not being a massive arsehole? Well, the undergarments aside.

Well, it if it's really purposeful then it's pretty obvious that they like you. Especially the undergarments. Though I understand just assuming that it's common courtesy if they don't seem to be really trying. Especially the undergarments.

 

[Zanderinfal]

Uhhh, I don't. Ever. I'm not even entirely sure how flirting works.
Seriously, if you're interested in me, say it. I'm not going to hold anything against you, and depending who you are I might be interested in you as well. But hey, maybe some people like the ambiguity of it all. I for one... less so. I've found out people I've had a thing for liked me back years after the fact because neither of us thought the other would be okay with it, so I've come to learn it's best to make it known or else you haven't a chance.

I try to avoid flirting because I learned a long time ago that, even when smiling, I have a very terrifying face. So I'd rather avoid having the flirtee running and screaming while blowing a symphony on a rape whistle

That's the funniest thing I've read all week, but I feel guilty for laughing. Should I mention I know a guy who carries a rape whistle with him at all times because his parents don't trust him enough to go to high school and not get gang-raped? 'Cos that's a thing. Well, I may be exaggerating (heh), but that's the gist of it.

 

[Kuilui]

I've never had a clue in my entire life. I find out way way way after that they were into me. I could've dated two cheerleaders, one in high school and one in college. I think that hurts the most lol. In all seriousness though I have had a lot of girls come onto me and I just never was aware of it until it was way to late. I really do not get subtlety at all. Hell I don't even get it when girls are being SEVERELY obvious about their feelings.

This one girl I barely knew just randomly gave me a hug and always tried to talk to me about anything she could think of. Turns out she was after a boyfriend. A girl I knew in college used to HUNT me down and make any kind of physical contact she could, chat me up, laugh at my stupid jokes. I walked away from her to. Really I could talk all day about my failings.

A lot of it was my total lack of self confidence. To my mind they were just being nice, to think anything further was so ludicrous my brain wouldn't even give it a single thought.

I never got flirting in any of its many forms and I probably never will.

 

[Elfgore]

According to people I know I apparently flirted a lot a couple years ago, so apparently just being a nice person sometimes is considered flirting.

Same thing happened to me. A girl accused a friend and I of flirting, just because we were talking to each other and laughing. Apparently a man and woman can't talk and laugh together without having feelings for one another.

But yeah, I can't help you. I'm a dense dude. Really dense. A girl skipped out on going to homecoming to go to a party I was going to. I didn't think anything of it until a mutual friend told me I was the reason she was going. Made me feel like an idiot. Of course I totally fucked up the eventual conflict and now she hates me.

I'm in the same boat as many other guys here. I wish girls were a little more outgoing with their feelings, especially towards us beta males. But I bet some girls think the same thing, so I can't really talk.

 

[Childe]

My approach is to assume there is no flirting directed at me at all and not waste any energy trying to interpret any vague and subtle signals there might or might not be, which seems to be serving me well enough thus far. If someone wants to express an interest they can say so directly. Not that it makes much difference to me either way, but the clarity would be nice so I can throw it back in their face and be done with it, should such a rare event occur in the first place.

This is me. I decided long ago that since I have no clue as to this flirting thing and I'm also really bad at reading body language, facial expressions etc that i would just assume at all times that no one is flirting with me. If they like me then they can flat out say it and if they don't want to because of some social rule then oh well I will move on until i find someone I want to embarrass myself for.