How the hell do you know when you're being flirted with?

[Doclector]

I would never know. It seems more likely that nobody would, but I know I'd never be able to tell. In all aspects of social interaction, it always annoyed me that everything is codes and symbols. Never straight forward, never simple, always confusing as they can possibly make it.

The worst thing is that people say "Just ask" like there's no consequences if she says no. She'll hate me for having feelings towards her that she doesn't share. My other female friends will hate me for being some kind of creep. My male friends will hate me for failing to do what they do so easily. There's always consequences.

 

[Cerebrawl]

I'm not referring to blatant hitting (eg. "nice legs, what time do they open?"), but to the subtler clues that occur on a more regular basis. Vocalisation, language, stance, gestures, facial expressions, nervous tics, etc.

I'm evidently missing some key factor that's obvious to almost everyone else. I'm absolutely useless at "hit detection" and reading "expert" advice hasn't helped. I'd rather ask regular people about their own experiences.

So how do you recognise that someone's interested? How do you yourself flirt? Have you ever been clueless yourself?

I recognize myself in this, but it's because I'm an aspie, you may be on the autism spectrum yourself, or just regularly clueless man, but this lack of being able to read people fits asperger's to a tee. Good news is that it's trainable, if you pay attention you'll eventually learn it intellectually.

 

[Seydaman]

I am fairly sure I have almost never been the target of anyone's affection, well, maybe one person, so I might not be much help

Maybe getting closer, wanting to do stuff alone, sharing more personal details, being suggestive in some way

 

[william12123]

Well, never been flirted with as far as I can tell. But I aint perceptive to those things. Though the "sexplanations" video mentionned higher is quite nice, discovered the channel a while ago.

 

[Yuno Gasai]

Which raises the obvious question: Why all the subterfuge and mind games? Why not just be upfront and straight with people?

If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say because it's too close to confrontation.

Admitting your feelings for someone outright is terrifying. It's better to test the waters before you actually take the plunge. Or at least, that's the way people seem to think. What they don't account for the other party being oblivious to their advances.

With me, it's not that I can't tell when people are flirting with me - it's more that I struggle to accept it. Self-esteem issues and a fear of rejection work in tandem to destroy my ability to act on the feeling that someone's interested in me.

I eventually get fed up and just brute force my way into an answer by confessing to them first (if I like them, that is). Dx

 

[Guffe]

The majority of people in thise thread are me ina nutschell.
To answer the question: No frickin' clue
I know I've been hit on a few times, I was very drunk, she was very drunk, we clung to eachother like... something thang clings very hard onto something...
Anything less subtle than that :/

 

[Weaver]

About the only time I get flirted with is from other guys while I'm out raving, which is a shame because I'm straight.

Drunk and/or people rolling aren't too subtle, one big fat guy even hugged me and said "I love you". I met him about 30 seconds prior. Another guy came up to me while I was dancing, stopped me, looked me in the eyes and when I thought he was going for a kiss (which I would have stopped) instead went to the whistle around my neck and blew it. Being a bit of a germophobe, I threw it out after.

The only time when I've noticed a female flirting with me is when she slapped me on the ass. That was many, many years ago.

 

[Barbas]

I have no idea whatsoever. I usually assume people are joking. Now that I think about it, I suppose it could have been happening for years.

Oh dear. I hope I haven't inadvertently been causing somebody a steadily mounting level of emotional distress all this time. :/

 

[Amethyst Wind]

I'm not referring to blatant hitting (eg. "nice legs, what time do they open?"), but to the subtler clues that occur on a more regular basis. Vocalisation, language, stance, gestures, facial expressions, nervous tics, etc.

I'm evidently missing some key factor that's obvious to almost everyone else. I'm absolutely useless at "hit detection" and reading "expert" advice hasn't helped. I'd rather ask regular people about their own experiences.

So how do you recognise that someone's interested? How do you yourself flirt? Have you ever been clueless yourself?

Damn it, Alex. Next time I you you've got nice legs, just take the damn compliment!


On topic: It's been a good while since I haven't been hit on by somebody who was utterly inebriated, so I had the problem of being VERY aware that I was being hit on, but not wanting anything to do with the whole situation.

 

[freakonaleash]

This is for a guy: if she is doing something to you that would be weird if a guy did it, it is most likely flirting. Also, if she bites her lips, touches her hair or touches you in ANY WAY...prob flirting.

 

[Asuka Soryu]

I wouldn't know anything about that. But at least it's mutual, right? You fail to pick up on their signal and both parties lose.

 

[HoneyVision]

I think the best answer to this question would be "Who cares?". If someone is interested they should just say it. Flirting is cute for about 7 seconds and then it becomes cowardly and quite boring.

 

[Riot3000]

I don't know anything about flirting so I either have been flirted with and never noticed it or I am just that dense. Its funny I remember this one forum was getting all pretentious about people not knowing when they are being flirted with I mean come "she smiles" I would be narcissist if I assume every women that smiled at me was flirting, "laughing at your jokes" so is everyone else at the table, "engaged in conversation with you" so women are only good conversationalist if they like the guy? LOL see where I am going with this.

Honestly I remember some made a good point about guys who are not good at the whole signal thing if given two options the guy who can't read signals or the "creep" that misinterprets them you rather be the first.

 

[inactive123]

I'm in the same boat as many other guys here. I wish girls were a little more outgoing with their feelings, especially towards us beta males. But I bet some girls think the same thing, so I can't really talk.

As a girl I can say that yes some of us do think the same thing. I think it can be a problem from both genders, not being open enough with our feelings. Guys can be subtle too sometimes.

The only reason I knew that my current partner was initially interested in me was because he literally drunk texted it to me. Before that I assumed he was just being friendly.

With me, it's not that I can't tell when people are flirting with me - it's more that I struggle to accept it. Self-esteem issues and a fear of rejection work in tandem to destroy my ability to act on the feeling that someone's interested in me.

I have this same issue. Even if I suspect that someone is interested I normally put it down to me over-thinking something they said or did and not believing it. I'll shoot down my suspicion by questioning why someone would ever be interested in me in the first place. Not exactly a healthy mind-set but one that is now thankfully irrelevant as I am in a happily committed relationship and even if someone was interested in me I would prefer not to know.