I Am Confused Edition: Sexist for calling someone "stunning"?

[Batou667]

The guy was inappropriate. LinkedIn is a professional network. I wouldn't use it for personal banter or flirting and he should know better too.

In his defence though, it is a nice photo - great lighting, artfully posed, obviously effort went into her hair and makeup - so I don't think his appreciative comment can be honestly compared to a crude catcall or sexual objectification. It's a headshot, not a full body shot, so he didn't have the opportunity to ogle her body even had he wanted to.

And even if Proudman does get a lot of inappropriate messages, her overreaction was almost equally as crass. It's hard to imagine her cramming any more feminist buzzwords into that flailing, wildly projecting paragraph if she tried.

Also, isn't the reference to his age just ageism? Why does it matter if she's "half his age", she's more than a grown woman at 27. Not very enlightened, Ms Proudman. Although undoubtedly good publicity for a barrister whose career could benefit from a reputation for being good on the counterattack, especially as the article suggests she has yet to get any job offers through Linkedin.

 

[Buckets]

I felt she had a point at first, but after reading what LinkedIn actually is I think she is being an asshole.
From the description it appears to be a facebook for elitist business people NOT an employment website, so I'm guessing they still have inane discussions about the X factor and how they are enjoying a coffee and a bagel whilst watching the plebs. If she was on some sort of Business website that offered jobs then a comment about how she has a nice smile would be largely inappropriate (unless it was a toothpaste manufacturer opportunity). I doubt anyone will be giving her any jobs now as she has shown her true colours.

 

[LetalisK]

Dude is a douchebag and dudette is a blowhard. They were made for each other.

 

[Bat Vader]

Both sides seem to be in the wrong on this one. The guy for sending a woman half his age a creepy comment about her appearance and the woman for flying off the handle and calling his comments sexist and misogynistic. I don't consider what he did sexist I do however consider what he did was stupid.

If he wanted to comment on someone's appearance he should have done it on FaceBook, not on a professional job site.

I can't take anyone seriously that wears those wigs. I get they they are more for ceremony and aren't required anymore but they still look fucking ridiculous. Especially those stupidly long ones.

 

[stormtrooper9091]

Similar thing happened at work a few months ago but thankfully, women in our company are alright and not knee jerking idiots so nothing came off it.

Social studies and similar fake "sciences" need to get out of this civilization, seriously

 

[Bat Vader]

Similar thing happened at work a few months ago but thankfully, women in our company are alright and not knee jerking idiots so nothing came off it.

Social studies and similar fake "sciences" need to get out of this civilization, seriously

While I agree her knee jerk reaction was stupid I wouldn't call her an idiot. Last I looked idiots don't become lawyers.

 

[likalaruku]

As I woman, I've gotta say that Charlotte Proudman has her head so far up her ass that she should be able to see that she is full of shit. Her note calls him sexist, which apparently to her means "any heterosexual man who dares point out that he finds women attractive." He didn't even actually make a comment about her physical appearance. Stunning doesn't even mean sexy. A picture of a sunset is stunning. A mallet with a nice knockback attribute is stunning.

::Looks at so called picture:: I think "adorkble" would have been more appropriate, maybe even "looks like Marcy from Married with Children. Wonder how she would have responded to that.

Ooh, & as a surprise to no one, this woman is apparently a hypocrite as well: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3229951/Ooh-la-la-hot-stuff-s-prim-barrister-centre-sexism-storm-said-men-ogled-web.html

 

[chikusho]

Her note calls him sexist, which apparently to her means "any heterosexual man who dares point out that he finds women attractive."

More like, he's sexist because he's acting without reflecting upon the context in which he's making these remarks. Because he doesn't question the societal structures that apparently make it OK for him to approach her in that way at that place. I.E. he's sexist because takes for granted that what he is doing an appropriate way to behave because he's never bothered to learn how such a remark would be received by the other persons (the woman's) perspective.
Oblivious sexism is still sexism.

 

[Ariseishirou]

Age differences aside (as some people are into that kind of thing), it's LinkedIn, not OKCupid. It was wholly in appropriate and unprofessional.

But sexist? Nah. It'd be equally skeezy for a 57-year-old woman to make the same kinds of comments about a 27-year-old man on LinkedIn whom she thought was a beefcake. That's not the forum for a cougar attack, either. Keep it in your pants, people.

 

[likalaruku]

Her note calls him sexist, which apparently to her means "any heterosexual man who dares point out that he finds women attractive."

More like, he's sexist because he's acting without reflecting upon the context in which he's making these remarks. Because he doesn't question the societal structures that apparently make it OK for him to approach her in that way at that place. I.E. he's sexist because takes for granted that what he is doing an appropriate way to behave because he's never bothered to learn how such a remark would be received by the other persons (the woman's) perspective.
Oblivious sexism is still sexism.

I still refuse to see it as such. Anyway, the woman is a hypocrite for posting things like "hot stuff" on other people's photos. Apparently in her world, it's only sexist if a man does it to a woman.

 

[chikusho]

Her note calls him sexist, which apparently to her means "any heterosexual man who dares point out that he finds women attractive."

More like, he's sexist because he's acting without reflecting upon the context in which he's making these remarks. Because he doesn't question the societal structures that apparently make it OK for him to approach her in that way at that place. I.E. he's sexist because takes for granted that what he is doing an appropriate way to behave because he's never bothered to learn how such a remark would be received by the other persons (the woman's) perspective.
Oblivious sexism is still sexism.

I still refuse to see it as such. Anyway, the woman is a hypocrite for posting things like "hot stuff" on other people's photos. Apparently in her world, it's only sexist if a man does it to a woman.

So basically what you're saying is that everything is binary and there's no such thing as context? Gotcha.

 

[Ariseishirou]

Her note calls him sexist, which apparently to her means "any heterosexual man who dares point out that he finds women attractive."

More like, he's sexist because he's acting without reflecting upon the context in which he's making these remarks. Because he doesn't question the societal structures that apparently make it OK for him to approach her in that way at that place. I.E. he's sexist because takes for granted that what he is doing an appropriate way to behave because he's never bothered to learn how such a remark would be received by the other persons (the woman's) perspective.
Oblivious sexism is still sexism.

I still refuse to see it as such. Anyway, the woman is a hypocrite for posting things like "hot stuff" on other people's photos. Apparently in her world, it's only sexist if a man does it to a woman.

Yes, someone commenting "hot stuff" on a personal or dating site to a friend or romantic partner is exactly the same as posting it on a website for the express purpose of creating and maintaining professional relationships like LinkedIn as a senior partner in a law firm.

Your "refusal to see it as such" doesn't make her wrong, nor is it a cogent or meaningful rebuttal.

 

[fix-the-spade]

I did say I understood both sides of the story. The creepy factor too. I didn't say I didn't understand her perspective, I'm just asking, does saying that word warrant the title of being called sexist?

Discuss the story if you must cause it's an open debate.

In of itself no, the word stunning is not particularly sexist.

First communication on a dating site? Well, she's half his age so it's a bit creepy, but not really sexist.

In the context of using it in your very first communication with a complete stranger who is half your age to hit on them through a professional networking site? Absolutely, sexist, creepy, completely unprofessional.

 

[mecegirl]

As I woman, I've gotta say that Charlotte Proudman has her head so far up her ass that she should be able to see that she is full of shit. Her note calls him sexist, which apparently to her means "any heterosexual man who dares point out that he finds women attractive." He didn't even actually make a comment about her physical appearance. Stunning doesn't even mean sexy. A picture of a sunset is stunning. A mallet with a nice knockback attribute is stunning.

::Looks at so called picture:: I think "adorkble" would have been more appropriate, maybe even "looks like Marcy from Married with Children. Wonder how she would have responded to that.

Ooh, & as a surprise to no one, this woman is apparently a hypocrite as well: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3229951/Ooh-la-la-hot-stuff-s-prim-barrister-centre-sexism-storm-said-men-ogled-web.html

As a woman, I gotta say that Charlotte Proudman's assessment of the situation is spot on. Context matters. And it is the context that makes the comments sexist. Our culture still has an issue with valuing a woman's appearance over her accomplishments. Who gives comments about woman's appearance on fucking Linkedin? She's saying that this has happened to her before, and other women are sending her messages congratulating her for speaking up because it's happened to them as well. On fucking Linkedin of all places.... This situation has a simple solution. Folks need to remember that there is a time for everything. Not all sexism is malicious and crude. Most times its a simple matter of treating one sex differently than another for arbitrary reasons. It is entirely possible for a man to look "stunning" in professional attire. Some would say that a well tailored suit on a man is the equivalent to lingerie on a woman. But what are the odds that someone would send a message on a man's Linkedin site to tell him how nice he looks? And how much farther would those odds fall if that compliment was sent from another man? I could see it happening a few times from a woman, and inappropriate behavior is inappropriate behavior. But if we want to say that he's just being nice about it why don't men compliment other men more? Men don't get compliments at random like that as often because men's appearance isn't valued like that. Even in situations where it would be appropriate to comment on someones appearance men don't often get compliments.


Calling her a hypocrite because she complimented men(we assume she knows cuz normally you can't just post comments on pictures of folks you aren't friends) on Facebook? I guess I should expect such things from Daily Mail. Facebook is not a website made strictly for advancing one's career. While it can be used for such things that is not its purpose.

 

[Frankster]

I feel the terms sexist and misogynistic are being stretched more with each of this ridiculous incidents xD

"Stunning"? Really? Holy moley I've been called "worst", also on professional sites when I was part of the NHS, by my female superiors more then TWICE my age D:
Same exact fucking situation only with gender flipped, can I name and shame them for sexism too?

I'm as shy and self conscious about my appearance as any girl out there I assure you, compliments make me feel very weird and awkward but no one ever seem to give a fuck about that even when I say as much.

 

[Wakey87]

Seriously, would any man find that offensive if the shoe was on the other foot?

Spoiler

Maybe she was just on the blob.

 

[Bat Vader]

Her note calls him sexist, which apparently to her means "any heterosexual man who dares point out that he finds women attractive."

More like, he's sexist because he's acting without reflecting upon the context in which he's making these remarks. Because he doesn't question the societal structures that apparently make it OK for him to approach her in that way at that place. I.E. he's sexist because takes for granted that what he is doing an appropriate way to behave because he's never bothered to learn how such a remark would be received by the other persons (the woman's) perspective.
Oblivious sexism is still sexism.

I still refuse to see it as such. Anyway, the woman is a hypocrite for posting things like "hot stuff" on other people's photos. Apparently in her world, it's only sexist if a man does it to a woman.

I don't see as sexist but I do see it as creepy. A guy messages a woman half his age on a professional job site and calls her stunning. That just seems creepy. It would be just as creepy if an older woman did it to a young guy. There is nothing stunning about those stupid wigs. They look ridiculous wearing them.

If people want to message others half their age about non-job related stuff they should do it on FaceBook, not on a professional job site. If I was looking to be hired and someone said I look stunning without giving me a job offer I would tell the person to fuck off.

 

[Drops a Sweet Katana]

I do agree that it was highly unprofessional (and more than a bit creepy) and the guy should have known better, and on that count I think she was perfectly within her rights to say give him a slap on the wrist.

I don't, however, think that the comment in and of itself was sexist (not that I can really make much of a judgement considering they didn't show it in its entirety). To me, it seemed like a simple, casual(Edit: admittedly, that bit was a bit poorly worded and kinda pointless) pretty innocuous remark, on its own. It didn't seem like he was belittling her or reducing her to just a pretty face, although I have no idea about the context. It might have been as a result of some form of sexism, but to say that with any sort of certainty would be highly presumptuous.